My fiancé said ...

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TryingToBePerfect
TryingToBePerfect Posts: 10
in Motivation and Support
My fiancé told me today that he thinks i'm fat. My family disagree and think I dont need to lose any weight.
I've just managed to over come my eating disorder. I developed bulimia and I had malnutrition because of not eating for days/weeks.

I'm 5'2 and 114-115lbs (52-53kg). I know I have a couple of pounds to lose and i'm not far from my goal weight.

I don't know what to do. I just want to be perfect in his eyes

EDIT: i'm going to get this thread deleted.
I do agree with all of you who say dump him but I do over exaggerate things at times (its a women thing)

I have no reason to troll and to those who can't support then don't reply at all. And the profile picture is from a website when I was googling wedding dress ideas
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Replies

  • tekwriter
    tekwriter Posts: 923 Member
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    you are far from fat. You are at the lower range of your weight already. You should rethink your fiancee, he may not be such a bargain.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Your fiance is an idiot. He obviously doesn't know you. Great way to destroy a woman with an eating disorders psyche. Imagine being married to the man and 10 or 20 years from now he'll still be calling you fat.

    Oh and you will never be perfect in his eyes, not that you arent perfect just the way you are, but because he obviously has issues and hurts you by going for the jugular and bringing to surface old psychological issues that almost destroyed you before.
  • born2drum
    born2drum Posts: 731 Member
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    I'd punch your fiance in the balls.
  • My0WNinspiration
    My0WNinspiration Posts: 1,146 Member
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    Considering your condition...bulimia....your fiance seems detrimental to your health. He should be encouraging you to better yourself in a healthy manner.

    I'd think twice about marrying him if I were you.
  • dedicationandcommitment
    dedicationandcommitment Posts: 222 Member
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    Yeah I pretty much agree with the post above...because you'll never be perfect in man's eyes. As long as your happy the way you are then drop your fiancé and find another!!
  • terrieleeb
    terrieleeb Posts: 13
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    I'm sorry but if a man said that to me I'd walk away even if I am fat. If you aren't already beautiful in his eyes he is not the one! You are beautiful already and you should never change yourself for someone else. Even if you do it won't last because it would be for the wrong reason. Love yourself and never allow someone else to choose how you should look!
  • larsensue
    larsensue Posts: 461 Member
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    Perfect is an illusion. you can never be good for anyone else if you are not good for yourself! trying to be something for someone else is not doing it for you and it wil fail and make you feel worse than you do now. be good for you! if you are comfortable with you F&*%what anyone else thinks and if your fiancee cannot support you at the healthy weight you are now what will he be like once you gain weight if you get pregnant. something to talk bout and think about. talk to him and try to do good for you. you are the only one who will make you happy, no one else. you are worth loving the way you are (so love yourself first!!)
  • amy3cc
    amy3cc Posts: 16 Member
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    :explode: Grrrr. I second that punch in the balls.
    I'd punch your fiance in the balls.
  • BluejayNY
    BluejayNY Posts: 301 Member
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    Especially, assuming he knows your past issues, I would not marry a man who said that. Period. That is if he said it the way you suggest. And it makes me sad all you can focus on is being perfect for him.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,783 Member
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    F the punching him in the balls, I'd punch him in the nose break it and then tell him he's freaking ugly and needs to go get it fixed so you can love him cause you can't be seen with an ugly man...grrrrrrrr
  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
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    I'd punch your fiance in the balls.

    This. You may want to reconsider marrying the guy.. If he had the nerve to say that then I'm sure there are other things he has yet to tell you..
  • Gsdmom2
    Gsdmom2 Posts: 20 Member
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    Bless you. Your height/weight range seems within the normal range. What does the BMI say?
    When it comes to your body and your weight, the only person whose opinion really matters is you. If you have struggled with anorexia, it must be very hurtful to have someone tell you a healthy weight is "fat". Do you know why he says that? I used to struggle with that as well, and had a fiancé who constantly told me he was worried that I would get Fat. His mother was obese and he was afraid I'd turn out like her. Fortunately, I wised up and am pleased to say is he is an "ex fiancé".
  • poohpoohpeapod
    poohpoohpeapod Posts: 776 Member
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    are you trolling?
  • MissJacquelineN
    MissJacquelineN Posts: 175 Member
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    Are you sure he should be your fiance?....
  • prettysenshi
    prettysenshi Posts: 36 Member
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    :explode: Grrrr. I second that punch in the balls.
    I'd punch your fiance in the balls.

    I third?

    I've been abused emotionally and mentally by a guy before and thought I had to change to the way he wanted, but the reality of the situation is, if he can't respect you for who you are now, at what is supposed to be the height of your life, what makes you think he will show any respect for you at the lowest point? NEVER change yourself for anyone else, only change yourself for you, to feel better about yourself, to FEEL better. I would highly recommend seeking a therapist in a matter like this as someone who is well educated and well versed may be able to pose some difficult questions and decisions that may or may not need to be made.
  • lyndausvi
    lyndausvi Posts: 156 Member
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    I think it's time to rethink the fiance. 5'2" - 114 is not fat. What will he say when you are pregnant? FI's are to be there to support you not bring you down.

    May I suggest counseling? It sounds like you have self-esteem problems if you are believing him.
  • Lrdoflamancha
    Lrdoflamancha Posts: 1,280 Member
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    Just dump him...
  • BarbellApprentice
    BarbellApprentice Posts: 486 Member
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    Troll radar is beeping...
  • gonnamakeanewaccount
    gonnamakeanewaccount Posts: 642 Member
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    Just break up.
  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
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    Agree with everyone else, get away from your fiance and do it NOW. He is clearly detrimental to your health and there will be major issues down the road if you stay with him.

    Anyway, you're not fat at all. You can always work out (strength training) to shape your body differently, but tread carefully since you are recovering from a disorder. Exercise can often become obsessive. For now, just focus on being fully recovered and staying healthy. Good luck.

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