Your S/O said what?!

cupcakes_and_cardio · July 2013

Ladies...gentlemen... if your significant other tells you that you need to lose weight, put their *kitten* to the curb! I see so many people on here, especially women, saying how their fiancé (the "man" they're going to marry!) basically belittles them on a day-to-day basis. Ladies, don't settle!! No one should settle! If my fiancé were to tell me to lose weight, he'd better run faster than my bullet! Really, you are beautiful inside and out, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, especially someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally. Especially someone who knows you're trying - if they can't support you and if all they have left to say is something bad about you, ditch their *kitten*!!

tinylightsbelow · July 2013

This is definitely true in the case of men who are basically verbally abusive but there is some middle ground here. For example, my husband told me that he prefers how I look when I am more slender but he loves me no matter what. He basically nicely asked for me to lose weight, but said that it was my choice and he would support me as long as I was happy and healthy.

I don't think guys should be penalized for having a preference, just like the guys who prefer more curves, but of course if preference takes precedence over supportiveness and gentleness, some curb-kicking may be necessary. >=D

deeds2785 · July 2013

Amen!

Achrya · July 2013

I once asked my husband if my *kitten* was fat. He said yes. I was outraged! He turned around from his engrossing game of LoL, looked me dead in the eye and said.

"Any other time I lied to you you'd get mad, so why should I lie about this? Either don't ask or accept it."

And then he turned back around.

I shuffled to the mirror, looked myself up and down and had a sudden revelation. I'd put on almost 40 pounds in 3 and a half years. My *kitten* was fat. He wasn't wrong for being honest with me, I was wrong for putting him in a lose-lose situation when I knew for a fact I was getting heavy and shouldn't have done that to him.

TL;DR: If your S/O tells you you're getting fat maybe you'e getting fat?

rkoontz902 · July 2013

My husband tries to be supportive when he asks things like "are you sure it's okay to eat that?" He means well and he married me at my heaviest weight. It's a funny question but still makes me want to smack him for it. At the end of the day, if you aren't losing weight for yourself then you are only going to misplace it for awhile.

cupcakes_and_cardio · July 2013

I understand if they want to talk to you about it, in a polite manner of course, so as to not offend you, but when you're 100lbs and do not need to lose weight, saying "You need to lose" is unnecessary.

@rkoontz, my fiancé asks the same thing, most times I want to smack him, too

krisjohnson121 · July 2013

I had been steadily gaining weight. One day in the car my husband suggested that I start working out again.

I was appalled! His rationale - he loves me no matter what however it was really clear I did not love myself - I started to dress sloppily (none of my clothes fit), I refused to be in pictures and I was basically miserable.

His suggestion - to either embrace how i look and get out of my funk or go back to the gym. How can I expect him to love and support me when I hated me??

I think that there are right and wrong ways to bring this up to your spouse, but when it starts to affect the relationship you gotta do it.

victoriavoodoo · July 2013

I think are cases where it needs to be said. I know a girl from high school who has recently acquired diabetes and heart meds(I know because she complains constantly on facebook about it) after gaining over 100 pounds right after her wedding, and she was most likely over 300 to begin with. Her husband just gave her the ultimatum of "lose weight or lose me i love you and can't stand to see you do this" and she kicked him out. She's 22 and her health sucks. I can't help but see his side of things.

If someone has put on a few but is still healthy, it's less understandable. If someone is TRYING to change, their SO should shut up. People like my acquaintance who say things like "I'm big and beautiful and a REAL woman and I'll never change" need a wakeup call, and their loved ones are the best people to give it to them.
EDIT: the people who I think need a wakeup call are the ones with that attitude despite deteriorating health. If you're healthy and happy with your size, do your thang.

hayleems · July 2013

Truer words, have never been spoken.:noway:

_SABOTEUR_ · July 2013

Men of the world, learn this lesson:

You can never satisfy a woman. She asks you a question, you lie and you're a liar and untrustworthy (what else might he lie about!?!?!?!?)

Tell the truth and you're being mean and crushing their feelings/self-esteem.

My advice is to go gay. Come sign up today at: www.limpwrists4all.com

gmallan · July 2013

I agree with this to a certain extent. If it is coming from a place where there is genuine concern for you health than it's okay. It obviously has to be broached in an incredibly tactful way. I couldn't sit there and watch my partner slowly eat themselves to death without saying something. Sometimes you need someone close to you to be brutally honest to spurr you into action.

Having said that, there is an obvious difference between genuine concern and belittling and hurful comments and if they fall into the latter catagory then you probably shouldn't stay with someone

SideSteel · July 2013

My god you are reasonable. :flowerforyou:

airforcewife1007 · July 2013

My hubby has never come right out and called me fat or belittled me because of my weight. However, he does push me to to be healthier and exercise, especially since we had our son. Sometimes I take it the wrong way and it hurts my feelings, but he's right. I needed to change, and he's very supportive of it.

Mother_Superior · July 2013

Between this and your other forum work today, I'm fairly certain that you should win the whole damned internet. :drinker:

LoraF83 · July 2013

My husband told me that I could stand to lose some weight. I asked for his honest opinion. Did I think he loved me any less? Nope. Was I tempted to leave because that was akin to abuse? Hardly.

If someone is abusive, truly abusive......then yes, a woman should absolutely seek help and leave him. I've lived through domestic abuse, controlling situations, etc. It ain't pretty. And my job gives me a view into the lives of abuse victims on a regular basis.

A spouse telling his/her significant other they are overweight is not abuse. It might be rude or not very thoughtful, but it's hardly abuse. And I also would caution anyone calling it abuse to hold up a mirror to their own actions. We all say and do things that aren't so wonderful. Ask yourself if you've ever said anything to your spouse that was mean or uncalled for before you go saying that "he said I'm overweight" is really abusive.

LoraF83 · July 2013

Isn't she great?

Crochetluvr · July 2013

Unfortunately, there are a lot of women with self esteem issues that still equate their worth to being able to get a guy to marry them. Then they end up with a controlling jerk and think its THEIR fault, they must be doing something wrong.....sigh....

michellemybelll · July 2013

agreed! with both of the above!

thanhdle · July 2013

lean = sexy!

Barbellerella · July 2013

Unknown · July 2013

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AlsDonkBoxSquat · July 2013

There's a context for everything, and an appropriate way to have a discussion about health and well being. I know my husband doesn't expect me to be the 12 year old he met, or the 16 year old he fell in love with, or the 24 year old he reconnected with, or the 29 year old he married, or the 31 year old who had his son . . . he also doesn't expect me to stop caring about my health and becoming twice the woman any of those women were (and trust me, all of those people looked very different naked). We discuss weight in terms of health, self awareness, and self confidence, and our sex life. So, yes, my husband and I can talk about weight, but we do not walk around insulting each other . . . there's a big difference between saying "honey, what's wrong, you really aren't staying healthy" and saying "dude, you're a *kitten* fat *kitten*."

simplyciera · July 2013

OMG yes. You can never please most women because we're soooo emotional & read into everything. If my man says I have a fat *kitten*, I go buy clothes because I feel AMAZING. A big butt is a win. If he says that I need to lose a little weight, I'm just glad that he NOTICED! So many men just act like women are objects to have sex with & don't realize or notice the things in her life that are making her gain/lose weight.

In no way am I condoning men that are abusive or belittling, but a lot of time, women are way too sensitive/emotional. We post "my man said I'm fat and looked at me like he was disgusted" and everyone on the internet starts posting man-bashing posts, but what her husband really said was "hey baby, are you okay? I noticed you're gaining a bit." in his mind, he's just trying to be sweet & wants to help her through it. It's a shame how we misconstrue simple conversations.

My advice: develop a thicker skin & stop thinking that your man is against you. He loves you. And guaranteed that he wants to hit it more than he wants to belittle you.

BeachIron · July 2013

^ This. My wife still teases me for how delusional I got when I was fat. I'm quite thankful she was honest enough to point out that I was fat. You shouldn't have to lie to your spouse.

cupcakes_and_cardio · July 2013

My fiancé supports me as well, which I love! But, if he were to tell me, "You need to lose weight" with no regard to my feelings on what he just said, there'd be a problem. Obviously, if you're fat, you're fat and it shows they care if they do bring it up, but if they're emotionally and mentally abusive about it, they need to be gone! I read a post of woman who is around 100lbs, about 5'2" and her fiancé told her she needed to lose - really?!

BeachIron · July 2013

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

keem88 · July 2013

if i were obese/overweight i would hope my so cares enough about my health and our future together to say something to me, as long as it isn't rude or offensive then what the hell is the problem. i think those who are overweight do need a wakeup call and need to start caring more about themselves and their health, because it doesn't only affect them. it affect their loved ones as well.

ohpretty · July 2013

I think I'm one of the lucky ones. My boyfriend is actually really supportive of me and I believe he'd love every bit of me, even if I weighed twice the amount I do now. This morning I was feeling pretty discouraged about my plateau and he knows how frustrated I was. I told him I didn't even feel like working out because I didn't have the energy. The conversation went as follows:

Me: I feel like *kitten*.
Him: You look like sexy.

taunto · July 2013

All men are Satans minions and all women are Mother Theresa

Sarauk2sf · July 2013

Yep.

OP: I know the thread you are referring to. Context is very very relevant.

Sarauk2sf · July 2013

Methinks someone has an ulterior motive!

Your S/O said what?!

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