Just a vent about stupid comments

CindyFooWho

I'm really trying to take some of the comments I've been receiving in the spirit with which they were (I hope) intended, but sometimes it's hard. I've received the usual, "geez, eat a donut or something" but the most recent one really kind of bothered me. It was "you look like a 12 year old." I'm sorry, was that at all supposed to be flattering? I look like a CHILD?

Just to paint a picture, I'm 125 lbs at 5' 4". Slightly muscular. Seems perfectly normal to me and I feel fantastic. I feel normal and strong. I'm not dieting and am upping my calories weekly to find maintenance. Anyway, the critiques get hard to listen to sometimes.

I think the problem is that I'm FAR from 12. I'm 45, in fact, and many women in my circle of friends are a bit heavier. And that's FINE, I think they're beautiful. But perhaps they think that's the way I should also appear? As if, I'm freakish for my age group? (I'm not) Maybe? I don't know.

Anyway, no real question here, just getting it off my chest. Frustrated & trying to ignore it.

kommodevaran

People can be stupid, or jealous, or impulsive, or all of them.

faramelee

Ah, let it slide. I'm 40 and when I popped into work on my day off wearing skinny jeans one of my colleagues made a very similar comment to yours. People feel like they can say anything to you when you're slimmer!

oocdc2

Screw 'em. Don't let the *kitten* get you down.

MonkeyMel21

Sometimes thin on an aging person isn't as flattering as it used to be when younger, mainly in the face from what I've experienced. Maybe that's what's happening to you. Either way, it's all about YOU, as you already know. It's about how you feel about yourself and how you want to present yourself. If you like it, screw them. They shouldn't be saying that type of stuff anyway.


disclaimer: I'm not in any way saying you're old, just that everyone gets older and what worked at 20 isn't always going to work the same at 40, etc.

CindyFooWho

MonkeyMel21 wrote: »

Sometimes thin on an aging person isn't as flattering as it used to be when younger, mainly in the face from what I've experienced. Maybe that's what's happening to you. Either way, it's all about YOU, as you already know. It's about how you feel about yourself and how you want to present yourself. If you like it, screw them. They shouldn't be saying that type of stuff anyway.


disclaimer: I'm not in any way saying you're old, just that everyone gets older and what worked at 20 isn't always going to work the same at 40, etc.

I hear ya and that thought is exactly what her comment triggered in my mind. I'm going for "fit" not "skinny" here. I'm naturally petite - really small ring size, no boobs (unfortunately), etc., so this is where my body naturally goes. But you're not wrong. Thanks for the kind words.

RoxieDawn

Why let this bother you in the least?? Can't fix stupid.. Because what people say and do is just that.. stupid stuff.

You are around my age, we are the exact same height, I weigh less than you though and I never get stuff like this and even if I did, its their problem not mine how they feel or what they say. With age for me comes, "I do not give a rip what people say"...

RainaProske

We're not doing this for them or to be seen by them. What they say is far less significant than they assume.

NewSouthernBelle

I completely understand why you would feel strange and offended by such a comment. However, seeing it from the sideline to me it is obvious that such a comment is NOT about you or your appearence - at all. My mom has a habit of making very inappropriate comments, which has taught me to breathe deep and remind myself, that those comments are about her insecurities - not me. You feel great and it probably shows. That can trigger insecurity in other people, over which we have no control.

TavistockToad

CindyFooWho wrote: »

I'm really trying to take some of the comments I've been receiving in the spirit with which they were (I hope) intended, but sometimes it's hard. I've received the usual, "geez, eat a donut or something" but the most recent one really kind of bothered me. It was "you look like a 12 year old." I'm sorry, was that at all supposed to be flattering? I look like a CHILD?

Just to paint a picture, I'm 125 lbs at 5' 4". Slightly muscular. Seems perfectly normal to me and I feel fantastic. I feel normal and strong. I'm not dieting and am upping my calories weekly to find maintenance. Anyway, the critiques get hard to listen to sometimes.

I think the problem is that I'm FAR from 12. I'm 45, in fact, and many women in my circle of friends are a bit heavier. And that's FINE, I think they're beautiful. But perhaps they think that's the way I should also appear? As if, I'm freakish for my age group? (I'm not) Maybe? I don't know.

Anyway, no real question here, just getting it off my chest. Frustrated & trying to ignore it.

I don't think it was meant as a complement, so just ignore it!

clh72569

People make comments because they are not used to seeing you at this size. They will get used to it. If not my strategy is to say (In a really nice tone), " Wow, that was a really mean thing to say; and you hurt my feelings". That usually sets them straight.

robininfl

People do seem to think it's OK to make rude comments about women being thin, probably they don't think you are sensitive about it, since there are enough examples of skinny beauty in the media they think you are confident and happy with your size and are teasing. They don't know that guys have made comments about "not womanly enough" or that people mock those with small breasts and slim hips, it's not on their radar that you might be hurt by hurtful comments, basically.

Just point out that it's mean and let it go.

Also, aren't you happier now that you are older? The body type I have, it was less than satisfactory when I was young because guys all wanted the T&A and I never felt sexy. But I'll be d-word-ed, it held up so well through 4 pregnancies and nearly 50 years, there is less to sag because everything is built so close to the body, and though it won't ever be va va voom, it's still holding up so nicely.

ARGriffy

@CindyFooWho just so you know, im also 5"4 and 122-125 lbs slightly muscular so I'm just gunna say you rock

CindyFooWho

You are all full of wise words, thanks so much. I never did this for appearances. I just like to feel light and strong.

VeryKatie

If this happened on MFP, it's an attack and against the rules. Report the post and hope the Mods do something about it

You don't look like a child to me AT ALL.

jenj1313

You look fit and active to me, and given the setting and giant beer in your profile pic, I'd love to go on vacation with you! I understand that it can be hard to ignore stupid comments, but seriously... you look great! Don't let the haters get to you!

sunnybeaches105

The words "thank you" can be used sincerely or as a great way to make the person who uses a false compliment feel like crap. At least with the right wry smile.

leejoyce31

faramelee wrote: »

Ah, let it slide. I'm 40 and when I popped into work on my day off wearing skinny jeans one of my colleagues made a very similar comment to yours. People feel like they can say anything to you when you're slimmer!

I completely agree that people feel they can say anything when you're slim. I tell people that all the time. The skinny comments can be insulting just like fat comments.

arditarose

I'm 5'4" too. I started hearing things like that around 127lbs as well (I actually decided to gain some weight back, because I wanted to though). You're happy, you look great. F em'.

bdawes60

I think we come here for support not matter what nobody to criticize anyone for trying to make themselves better, BTW eating a doughnut is no answer you need healthy foods. So please stay strong in your journey to good healthy and ignore all nay sayers

CindyFooWho

Oh just to clarify, this was a real life "friend," nobody here! That would truly shock me, we are cool people!

Again, thank you all for your wise and kind words. It was just such an odd comment.