Just a vent about stupid comments

AnnPT77

I don't get that (at 5'5", around 120 pounds, literally no breasts (post-mastectomy)) - I'm more likely to get "skin & bones" kinds of things, or hints that I look older (no one's come right out and said it, though). Maybe when one is 60 rather than 45 . . . ? (Just kidding!) Regardless . . .

I. Do. Not. Care.

For me, this is all about my health & how I feel. I don't give a rat's patootie about my appearance. I'm happy & confident. What's relevant for me:

• The lighter I am, the less my messed-up knees hurt (torn meniscus, arthritis) - dramatically less, in fact.
• The American Cancer Society says "Be as lean as possible throughout life without being underweight." As a survivor of stage III breast cancer, I care about their recommendations.
• Blood pressure and cholesterol/triglycerides, formerly unhealthily high, are now solidly in the normal range.
• I've consulted my doctor about my weight goals, and we concur that things are fine.
• I'm much more active, physically stronger, on fewer meds, and generally healthier than anyone who's said anything remotely like this to me.

So, nanny-nanny-boo-boo, critics: Thanks for your concern, but I think I'll just keep on being me.

OP, you may be unusual for your age group . . . but sometimes that's a good thing.

(An aside: Appearance critiques seem to be the way to make digs at women in our culture, regardless of whether appearance is relevant to the topic at hand. SMH.)

AmberSpamber

I find that when people say stupid stuff, it is because they are insecure with themselves and try to bring you down to feel better. What they probably meant, was "wow, she looks so good for her age. She takes care of herself, and it reminds me that I am not taking care of myself, so I will say something to shoot her down and help take the focus off of how I really feel about myself. " I try not to let peoples opinions get to me. It is only a reflection of how they feel inside, and it makes me work harder on myself. Keep up the awesome work!!! You look great.

BikeTourer

CindyFooWho wrote: »

I'm really trying to take some of the comments I've been receiving in the spirit with which they were (I hope) intended, but sometimes it's hard. I've received the usual, "geez, eat a donut or something" but the most recent one really kind of bothered me. It was "you look like a 12 year old." I'm sorry, was that at all supposed to be flattering? I look like a CHILD?

Just to paint a picture, I'm 125 lbs at 5' 4". Slightly muscular. Seems perfectly normal to me and I feel fantastic. I feel normal and strong. I'm not dieting and am upping my calories weekly to find maintenance. Anyway, the critiques get hard to listen to sometimes.

I think the problem is that I'm FAR from 12. I'm 45, in fact, and many women in my circle of friends are a bit heavier. And that's FINE, I think they're beautiful. But perhaps they think that's the way I should also appear? As if, I'm freakish for my age group? (I'm not) Maybe? I don't know.

Anyway, no real question here, just getting it off my chest. Frustrated & trying to ignore it.

You look great. Let the stupidity fall into the garbage where they belong.

batoolnabulsi

People are stupid =_= I'm 19 and I get bad comments, I lost 4 pound unintentionally, I'm 5'3 and 116 lbs now,I still have a curvy figure(hourglass) and a round face, people be like "eww I can't imagine myself in your body, you're bony"
And when you're heavier they'll still make comments about you, welcome to the screwed up society where body shaming is the norm =_= ignore them, being fit is awesome, I hope we see more people like you, people who take care of themselves rather than sitting all day and stuffing themselves junks then complain about having health issues.

So keep up the great work!

mom23mangos

robininfl wrote: »

People do seem to think it's OK to make rude comments about women being thin, probably they don't think you are sensitive about it, since there are enough examples of skinny beauty in the media they think you are confident and happy with your size and are teasing. They don't know that guys have made comments about "not womanly enough" or that people mock those with small breasts and slim hips, it's not on their radar that you might be hurt by hurtful comments, basically.

Just point out that it's mean and let it go.

Also, aren't you happier now that you are older? The body type I have, it was less than satisfactory when I was young because guys all wanted the T&A and I never felt sexy. But I'll be d-word-ed, it held up so well through 4 pregnancies and nearly 50 years, there is less to sag because everything is built so close to the body, and though it won't ever be va va voom, it's still holding up so nicely.

So true! I wouldn't let it bother you. I honestly describe my physical appearance as that of a 12yr old, because it is true. My youngest kids are 12. We are the same height and weight. Most of their friends are larger. I have a very youthful face (even with wrinkles at 41). I have no boobs. I wear size 12 girls jeans. Most people think I am my kids sibling and not their mother. It comes with the territory of being petite, slim and young looking.

markrgeary1

Some folks are just poor communicators. There are folks on here from all over the world too(pretty cool) and sometimes the language might make clear communication difficult. Perhaps the offense comment was an attempt to compliment you on a perceived youthful appearance.

fitgirldc

I agree with the other comments. OP you don't look like you have a 12 yr old body. People transfer their insecurities into the form of negative comments. Being a 45 yr old black female in Atlanta, my body type is not the average! Most admire my muscular stomach (can't see it in my profile pic) but they quickly combat a positive with a negative. It's like they can be sensitive about being overweight but we are not supposed to be sensitive about our bodies?

jennifer_417

Groups tend to develop certain dynamics over time, and people tend to come to be expected to fit certain roles. So, when a person does something to change themselves and their role within the group changes somehow, it can be uncomfortable for the other group members, and an adjustment will need to take place, that can take some time. In the meantime, it can be uncomfortable.
I'm not trying to excuse people's bad behavior (12, really?!), but maybe understanding the reasons behind people actions can help you deal with it a little better.

Dove0804

clh72569 wrote: »

People make comments because they are not used to seeing you at this size. They will get used to it. If not my strategy is to say (In a really nice tone), " Wow, that was a really mean thing to say; and you hurt my feelings". That usually sets them straight.

I think this is the PERFECT response.

I think a lot of us naturally try to go for the passive aggressive (or even just aggressive) response, but I honestly believe that being sincere and straightforward is a better way to get it to actually stop- especially if the person/people are friends. The chances are probably slim that your friends are actually trying to hurt you.

HealthierRayne

my mother in law has lost about 40lbs in the last 5 months, one of her good friends asked her "what are you trying to do?" as though she was showing up her friends or being ridiculous in her attempts to get healthy (which she is not, she is just putting in the work needed to get her health back).

My advice to her and to you is the same, don't let other peoples insecurities, lack of progress or willpower steal your achievements.

You sound like you are healthy and thriving, unfortunately women tend to attack or belittle their peers instead of holding them up and empowering them. Stay strong and stay true to you. Hugs!

blc1971

I've gotten similar comments for the past 18+ months I've been in maintenance, although less the more time passes. I'm 5'6", about 140lbs, with a very slim/not curvey figure. Most recently, my mother in law (who is 89 years old and who I absolutely love!!) said that I don't need to work out because I'll blow away. She doesn't realize that working out is what keeps me slim and healthy...I'm not trying to lose more weight. Often things are said out of ignorance, but sometimes they are said out of jealousy because you are where they want to be. The rude and jealous stuff used to really tick me off, but I've started to consider the source and let things roll off. It's about them, not me. I think you look amazing, and as another commented, I'd love to go on vacation and have a beer with you!!

vixtris

I'm sorry you're being treated that way Is it your friends that are saying these things to you, or strangers? If its your friends, then they don't seem much like friends to me. If its strangers, have you noticed their appearance? Almost any time someone makes a comment to me about my weight, they're twice my size - and that only means they are jealous. Hell, I admit I get a little jealous when I see more fit women than me lol. I'm the same height as you and weigh 20 lbs less, I have yet to receive a comment that mean - and I would say I look more like a 12-year-old than you do (lets just say I have no curves on top). By looking at your picture, you absolutely do not look like you are 12. You look very fit and strong, and I admire that, and I know there are others out there who do, too.

I'd also like to add that America has the highest rate of obesity than anywhere else in the world. Thin people are the minority, so we will be made fun of for it. But, us more fit folks will have the last laugh as those who make fun of you die from obesity related illnesses.

Dove0804

vixtris wrote: »

I'm sorry you're being treated that way Is it your friends that are saying these things to you, or strangers? If its your friends, then they don't seem much like friends to me. If its strangers, have you noticed their appearance? Almost any time someone makes a comment to me about my weight, they're twice my size - and that only means they are jealous. Hell, I admit I get a little jealous when I see more fit women than me lol. I'm the same height as you and weigh 20 lbs less, I have yet to receive a comment that mean - and I would say I look more like a 12-year-old than you do (lets just say I have no curves on top). By looking at your picture, you absolutely do not look like you are 12. You look very fit and strong, and I admire that, and I know there are others out there who do, too.

I'd also like to add that America has the highest rate of obesity than anywhere else in the world. Thin people are the minority, so we will be made fun of for it. But, us more fit folks will have the last laugh as those who make fun of you die from obesity related illnesses.

See, I kind of think it's a problem when people say things like this. Please be careful about becoming the bully, because your words sound pretty darn judgemental.
It sounds more like YOU'RE the one making fun of people here. It's kind of sick to joke about laughing at others dying from obesity-related illnesses. I think you need to check yourself and where you came from and what got you there, and stop acting "holier-than-thou". You are NOT suddenly worth more because you lost weight.

I still stand by my thought that OP's friends likely didn't mean harm, and a simple, honest, straightforward "it hurts my feelings when you say things like that" is bound to go a long way. Better than having others ridicule them on the internet.

wi_maint_man

As they say on the internet " Haters gonna hate"

jeanlake

Any wonder why the world is in the mess it is? People can be heartless and mean. Especially if they hide behind a keyboard. Good news -- more good people than bad in the world. Give better than you get and you'll be alright. Have a great week.

RaeBeeBaby

Who ARE these people who say such unkind things in the guise of a joke or back-handed compliment?

I spent the first half of my life trying to please other people and worrying about their opinions of me. For the second half I will choose better friends and just do me, as I please!

CindyFooWho

jenj1313 wrote: »

You look fit and active to me, and given the setting and giant beer in your profile pic, I'd love to go on vacation with you! I understand that it can be hard to ignore stupid comments, but seriously... you look great! Don't let the haters get to you!

That really was a giant beer, in Grand Cayman. Pretty heavy, too. Pic shows off my "beer lifting muscles."

ninerbuff

There will ALWAYS be comments you probably won't care for. How you let it AFFECT YOU, is your choice.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

sllm1

People do not walk up to other people and exclaim that they are overweight or that they need to lose some weight, but somehow they think it's okay to make "skinny" comments or tell us that we need to eat more. Strange, isn't it?

I think it's all rooted in jealousy.

I just take any and all ridiculous comments about my size to be compliments.

SingRunTing

clh72569 wrote: »

People make comments because they are not used to seeing you at this size. They will get used to it. If not my strategy is to say (In a really nice tone), " Wow, that was a really mean thing to say; and you hurt my feelings". That usually sets them straight.

This. You teach people how to treat you. If you let them insult you and don't say anything, you're telling them that it's ok to do so. If you find a comment inappropriate, you need to say something. That doesn't mean that you have to be rude or yell, but something like the above is completely appropriate.