feeling guilty about working out because i have small children

jenlyons21

Hello! I was just wondering if anyone else feels the guilt of working out while they are married with small children? I am married and have a 1 year old and a 4 year old and I also work a full time job, so when i go to work out I feel so much guilt, it sometimes will stop me from going to the gym or for a run because I feel like I should be at home with my family.

NorthCascades

If the plane crashes, you're supposed to put your oxygen mask on before you attend to your children. If you put theirs on first, you might pass out before you finish, and then you're no good to anyone. So it goes with your health. You want to be there for your family in the long run, and you want to set a good example for them.

My mom used to take me for bike rides when I was a kid, she had this thing that trailed behind her bike that I'd sit in, and I loved it. Now I'm 38, ride a bike myself, it helps keep me fit, and long bike rides are a great way to deal with my stress - I could be an alcoholic instead. If your children see you running a lot, they're much more likely to value their fitness as adults, and will have better lives for it.

sunnybeaches105

Your kids will follow an example far easier than words. Be what you want your children to grow up to be. Set an example.

On another note, we are dropping our little darlings off at grandmama's and going bar hopping this weekend . . .

Balance helps too.

MJFSH

please tell me you are not serious!
you should feel like you are setting up a great example for your children! it's responsible parenting to teach them to look after themselves and their health from young age. Also, you are staying fit and healthy and have more energy for your family in the long run, what's to feel guilty about?

MonkeyMel21

I feel the same so I wake up at 4:30am to work out before work so it doesn't take time away from family during the week days. The weekends I don't feel as bad.

pomegranatecloud

Regular exercise is part of living a healthy lifestyle. As a parent you should be setting a good example for your children. My mom was always active when I was younger, and now it's something that we do together when we see each other.

jacksonpt

I do. My situation is a little different, though.

I'm divorced and have my kids part-time... custody is basically a 50/50 split. I feel bad when my workouts cut into family time, so I try to do most of my workouts when the kids are with their mother... but my goals require more workout time/volume than my custody arrangement allows for. So, like most, I do my best to schedule and prioritize.

cnbbnc

I have bouts of feeling guilty too, but...it's not like I'm sitting in bars while my kid is home being neglected. I do things to keep him healthy, and my eating right/exercising keeps ME healthy. That's very important too, yes?

CorneliusPhoton

You do need to take care of yourself. It's a hard balance.
Lots of people get up early on weekdays and get their workouts done before work.
You could try breaking up your exercise time into smaller chunks. Try getting in some exercise during your lunch break.
On weekends, I assume your family has you full time? You can certainly take an hour or two for yourself on weekends guilt-free.

WinoGelato

I can relate. Mine are 5 and 7 now but I started MFP about 3 years ago. When I used to go from working all day with them in day care, then pick them up and take them to the Y with me to put them in more daycare for an hour while I worked out I used to feel really guilty. They didn't seem to mind, but it bothered me. Plus trying to go straight from work to pick up to the Y then home to make dinner was always stressful and it was fairly easy for me to just say "aw forget it, I will go tomorrow".

So I started making myself get up earlier to work out in the morning before they wake up, as well as trying to squeeze in activity during the day at work. Park in back of the parking lot, eat lunch at my desk so I can go for a walk, take lap or two around the building in the afternoon. I also try to get the kids out for a walk in the evening so we are spending family time together. When mine were still stroller age that was a little easier because I set the pace.

I do think though that I'm a better mom for these efforts. I'm healthier for me, setting a good example for them, and exercise now is such a part of my daily routine that I get really stressed and crabby when I don't do it, and that's not good for anyone!

owen1826

Wow. Did I write this??? Exactly same with kids same age. So much guilt. But just think you can be a much better mom the more in shape you get!

Chef_Barbell

Nope!... Happy mom means happy family.

HamsterManV2

Take care of yourself so you can take care of others. You want to see your kids grow, marry, have kids of their own, babysit and spoil your grand kids, and when you get old you want to maximize the chances you still are able to walk and take care of yourself and wipe your own behind.

Be healthy for everything life throws at you.

tjones0411

MonkeyMel21 wrote: »

I feel the same so I wake up at 4:30am to work out before work so it doesn't take time away from family during the week days. The weekends I don't feel as bad.

Ditto!

rhtexasgal

I have to say that I personally never really felt this way and I have two kids. You are more than mom and wife and it is important for the kids and hubby to realize that early on. Taking time for yourself, especially when it is for your overall health, is important. That is what hubby is for ... being there for the kids when you are working out. Guess what the by-product will be? A healthier you and more stamina to chase after those kids and keep up your schedule BECAUSE you took time for yourself and went to the gym. If you have a supportive hubby, I am sure that he would tell you to dump the guilt too.

nordlead2005

My kids hang out in the garage with me while I lift (2, 4, 6) and the 4 year old loves to count the plates when I deadlift. No, I don't feel guilty. I don't particularly want to leave them though, so I do things that allow them to hang out with me. There are tons of ways to get in exercise/training while having your kids with you, for example I've run with the 2 year old in a stroller while the 4 and 6 year old bike.

220Dani

Understand completely. What works for me is getting up earlier like someone else said and getting in a few minutes. Then in the afternoon, I get my boys involved with me. We go on nature hunts with them having a checklist of things we need to find on our walk. Sometimes mom vs boys sprint races where we have to run and grab a ping pong ball then race back to a bucket. They alternate but I do the whole thing myself. They love that one because sometimes they get to beat me.

The biggest thing is to just get creative. It might not be a normal exercise but you can definitely get in a few thousand steps that way. Check out activities for kids if you're stumped on ideas.

jenlyons21

thanks everyone! i know being healthy is a very important part of being a good mommy, if anything to set a good example for them. i just work alot and they are in daycare pretty much all day until my husband and I get off and I miss them and want to be with them but I need to be healthy. i just gotta keep that in mind, if im not healthy im not happy and not being the best mommy i can be! thanks for the support guys!

cdahl383

My wife and I used to workout together all the time prior to having kids. Once we had kids, it totally threw off our routine. It took some time but we got back to a routine working out separately so one could stay home with the kids. I typically workout at night once the kids are asleep. My wife will go to the gym during the day a few times a week and during that time I hang out with the kids and we play outside, go get ice cream, etc.

The reality is, you need to take care of yourself just as much as you need to be with your kids. A few hours away from them per week won't cause any harm but will do a lot of positive things for you. Well worth it.

Wolfena

you could always incorporate them into your exercise - take them for walks, hikes, bike rides, swimming, teach them to dance... If going to the gym makes you feel guilty, just find alternatives!

But there is also nothing wrong with "getting away" and taking some "me time" - even if that time is spent at the gym, if you love it - indulge!

briscogun

MonkeyMel21 wrote: »

I feel the same so I wake up at 4:30am to work out before work so it doesn't take time away from family during the week days. The weekends I don't feel as bad.

This is how I handle it, or I used to before my job changed. But I would wake up at 5:00, go into the basement for an hour or fun, then get upstairs and clean up so I could start getting the kids up around 6:30 for school.

If its a priority, you'll find a way to do it. There are always a 100 reasons you can find for reasons to NOT workout, but there's always one good reason why you should...

Willbenchforcupcakes

A healthy happy you gets to spend more quality time with your kids. I get it. Single mom with 50% custody. I've worked my schedule so most of my training happens while they are with their dad, or coming in September, school.

RoxieDawn

Yep I did not get healthy until the last one was off to college. I really regret waiting and used this as a big whammy excuse.

But this does not have to be you. You can put everyone and everything ahead of your needs if you choose to, but with proper planning you can work in some time to exercise or just "you" time. You will do what you deem important enough to make small changes to find a happy medium that works for everyone. Find 15 increments or find one 30-45 minutes slot a couple of time a week, you can do that for yourself.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

tiptoethruthetulips

I am sure your spouse enjoys the opportunity to spend quality time with the children, no need to feel guilty at all.

ninerbuff

jenlyons21 wrote: »

Hello! I was just wondering if anyone else feels the guilt of working out while they are married with small children? I am married and have a 1 year old and a 4 year old and I also work a full time job, so when i go to work out I feel so much guilt, it sometimes will stop me from going to the gym or for a run because I feel like I should be at home with my family.

I took my daughter to the gym child care at 3 months old. She still goes today for 2 hour shots (2x a day right now because it's summer) at 12 years old.
You're only speaking of an hour on average. That's nothing to a kid who's having fun with other kids in a child care. In fact many don't want to leave because they don't play the same at home.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

BeverlyMarsh1986

Maybe every now and then you could exercise with your children? Go to the pool together or on a hike. I don't have children, but I used to be a nanny. The 3-year-old and I would go on bike rides together and we went "jogging", which meant we raced each other from mailbox to mailbox in the neighborhood and then walked to the next one before racing again. She learned numbers by reading the mailboxes along the way. You could do that while pushing a stroller. It might not be the best exercise every time, but it can be fun!

allaboutthecake

That's tough, your situation. Some kids are in daycare from 6am-6pm., see their parents 1 or 2 hrs a day if lucky. The 1y/o baby probably just really wants his mommy or daddy. Some kids are in daycare 6-7 hrs. so an hour isn't as hard. I would trade off with the husband. (Even exercise after kids go to bed at a reasonable time.) At least then one of the parents are there with the kids. Or get double jogging strollers & jog with them around the neighborhood. Or bring a quick dinner to the park, let the 4y/o play on the kid toy with mommy right there, put the baby on a blanket, and crank up the volume off your boom box and do "aerobics" right there on the grass. Shoot, you could do that outside your house! But, its more fun at the park :-)

LannyMixon

I feel ya, we have small kids and live about 35 min from the nearest gym. We invested in a pretty decent recumbent bike. It's not perfect exercise and we only got middle of the road one about $500 but we can both get in a good workout while not losing focus on the kids.

caradack1985

The way I see it, fat me doesn't have the energy to play with my son, she can't run around the garden, is too ashamed to put on a swimsuit and splash in the sea. She can't go for bike rides. Working out means I can do those things with him, we can enjoy time together other than being sat in front of the TV. Also he's learning to work out too, between yoga and some basic strength training, so it's another activity we can do together.

cwolfman13

Why would I feel guilty for taking care of myself so that I can be around and healthy to take care of them? I'm not really of much use to them if I'm unhealthy or dead.