How long did it take you to fully get over your first heartbreak?
bemyyfriend0918
Posts: 241 Member
in Chit-Chat
I got my heart broken three years ago, and I still am not over it. He made me so happy, and I have never met anyone I thought was more perfect for me. I still cry regularly about it, and although I've dated others, no one can compare. At this point, do you think it is worth even dating? Do you think that although I think he is perfect for me, I can find someone else someday who I think is equally as perfect (or more)? Should I just accept that he was my true love and try and have a happy life of being single?
What would you guys do, and how long did it take to get over your first love? Did you feel the same way I did, that you would never find anyone as amazing? Getting back together or reaching out to him is not an option, he hates me.
Thanks for your input!
What would you guys do, and how long did it take to get over your first love? Did you feel the same way I did, that you would never find anyone as amazing? Getting back together or reaching out to him is not an option, he hates me.
Thanks for your input!
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Replies
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How long were you together and why did you break up?0
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AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »How long were you together and why did you break up?
We were together about a year, which is interesting because I dated people for much longer than that (three years) and do not feel that way about the other guy.
He broke up with me because I am not what he wants...he seeks perfection that I was unable to meet.
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Ugh...I am so sorry to hear. I think it probably took me quite some time to get over my first. BUT....Man am I glad I did, because I ended up doing way better. If it didn't work out between the two of you...then he ISNT perfect for you, and there definitely is someone who is.
In the meantime, take care of yourself, and keep an open mind. Things will change...promise3 -
bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »How long were you together and why did you break up?
We were together about a year, which is interesting because I dated people for much longer than that (three years) and do not feel that way about the other guy.
He broke up with me because I am not what he wants...he seeks perfection that I was unable to meet.
I'm sorry but he sounds like an *kitten*, and he shouldn't live rent-free in your head or heart anymore.
Did you ever consider going to counseling? It sounds like you may have some attachment issues to someone who certainly doesn't deserve it.
You're still very young and have plenty of time to meet someone who is right for you. Don't waste another minute of your life thinking about someone who doesn't deserve you
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I'm sorry. But he wasn't your true love if he let you go and hates you now.
You'll get over it though, I promise. You just haven't found the right person yet.1 -
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Why does he hate you????0
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The first time, it took about a year.
The second time about half a year.
The third and worst time- with a guy who was awful to me (yet i stupidly stuck around)- kept leaving me and taking me back so it was on and off heartbreak.... The very last time he done this something clicked and I just didn't care anymore. Soon after, I was lucky enough to find the one with someone who treats me right and I have never been happier!0 -
AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »Why does he hate you????
When he left me, it was the first time I truly got my heartbroken. I reacted by calling him constantly, texting him all the time for probably a month until finally I just pushed him to the edge to the point where he never wanted to talk to me again. Last time reached out, he confirmed he wants nothing to do with me because I am too dramatic.
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amylouisechambers wrote: »The first time, it took about a year.
The second time about half a year.
The third and worst time- with a guy who was awful to me (yet i stupidly stuck around)- kept leaving me and taking me back so it was on and off heartbreak.... The very last time he done this something clicked and I just didn't care anymore. Soon after, I was lucky enough to find the one with someone who treats me right and I have never been happier!
When you were getting over the first two guys, did you feel as though you would never get over them?0 -
bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »Why does he hate you????
When he left me, it was the first time I truly got my heartbroken. I reacted by calling him constantly, texting him all the time for probably a month until finally I just pushed him to the edge to the point where he never wanted to talk to me again. Last time reached out, he confirmed he wants nothing to do with me because I am too dramatic.
Wow...ok so you kinda turned into one of those stalker-girls, and that's SOOOO not good. I really think you should get some counseling and try to work on your self esteem, because behavior like that isn't normal (sorry if that sounded harsh - I don't mean it to be).
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You'll meet someone who knocks your heart right out of the park, and then everything that happened before won't matter. I know that sounds like a cliche-- but it's true. I didn't think I'd ever get over some of the people I'd dated, and then I met my current partner and, all of a sudden, all those b/s relationships just didn't even matter. Nothing really mattered except for how he made me feel! The right person ignites a fire right in your soul that burns you pure again.1
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bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »amylouisechambers wrote: »The first time, it took about a year.
The second time about half a year.
The third and worst time- with a guy who was awful to me (yet i stupidly stuck around)- kept leaving me and taking me back so it was on and off heartbreak.... The very last time he done this something clicked and I just didn't care anymore. Soon after, I was lucky enough to find the one with someone who treats me right and I have never been happier!
When you were getting over the first two guys, did you feel as though you would never get over them?
Completely. I didn't think it would ever end. And I felt like you did that I didnt want anyone else and that maybe I should just be single and hope he changed his mind. But you WILL get over it. How long were you with this guy for? It takes everyone different amounts of time to get over things but I promise you you will find someone even better and you won't even see your ex in that way anymore. You'll even wonder what you saw in him in the first place. Chin up, you will get there.
Can I ask- do you still keep in contact with him? I just know that it prolongs the heartbreak and it does yourself no favours. Cutting contact completely is the best thing to do always.0 -
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Sometimes we hold onto the thoughts of what we hoped things could be, rather than what really was. Obviously things weren't perfect in his eyes; there had to be signs of it that maybe you ignored because you wanted it to be perfect so much.
You do need to let this go, some therapy might be a good idea. You'll never be able to love someone else until you get this guy out of your head.1 -
GnothiSeauton23 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »Why does he hate you????
When he left me, it was the first time I truly got my heartbroken. I reacted by calling him constantly, texting him all the time for probably a month until finally I just pushed him to the edge to the point where he never wanted to talk to me again. Last time reached out, he confirmed he wants nothing to do with me because I am too dramatic.
Wow...ok so you kinda turned into one of those stalker-girls, and that's SOOOO not good. I really think you should get some counseling and try to work on your self esteem, because behavior like that isn't normal (sorry if that sounded harsh - I don't mean it to be).
^^ Also this
yeah- it's normal to be really upset after a break-up, and it takes time to heal. But turning into a Stage 5 Clinger is a real bad time. Don't be that girl
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PlaydohPants wrote: »I don't believe there is one true love for everyone. I think you can have multiple loves and soulmates in a lifetime.
You may still be hung up on him because he rejected you based on your perceived "imperfections". I can't imagine living my life striving to be perfect for someone else. You can be single if you want but don't pine over him. Someone else will come along. There are tons of men out there.
Whatever his reasons were, just accept that he's not available anymore.
This. Take him off the pedestal girl. No one will ever measure up to how you've idolized this guy in your head.
I also don't believe in "one true love." I think that is setting yourself up for heartbreak. I've been married 8 years and adore my husband. But, I could have had a happy life even if we'd never met. For me personally, I knew we could be together long term because the whole relationship was effortless. I never had to try less in my life. I think that is because I think of him as my best friend that I have awesome sex with rather than my soulmate. You can have lots of loves in your life but compatibility and happiness aren't defined by love, but friendship first. Was dude your friend?
Oh, and I wanted to add...don't try to be friends with him now. Seriously, when you break up with someone no one really "wants to be just friends."3 -
AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »GnothiSeauton23 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »Why does he hate you????
When he left me, it was the first time I truly got my heartbroken. I reacted by calling him constantly, texting him all the time for probably a month until finally I just pushed him to the edge to the point where he never wanted to talk to me again. Last time reached out, he confirmed he wants nothing to do with me because I am too dramatic.
Wow...ok so you kinda turned into one of those stalker-girls, and that's SOOOO not good. I really think you should get some counseling and try to work on your self esteem, because behavior like that isn't normal (sorry if that sounded harsh - I don't mean it to be).
^^ Also this
yeah- it's normal to be really upset after a break-up, and it takes time to heal. But turning into a Stage 5 Clinger is a real bad time. Don't be that girl
Haha, this is true.0 -
I have had my heart broke a few times but the last time was the absolute worst.
After I was done being angry and then feeling sorry for myself I thought maybe I would try dating. It has been years since I put myself out there. That was a mistake.. I just wasn't ready and didn't want to try to fill a void using someone else. I thought I was going to be so so lonely.
I decided to say *kitten* people who want to walk away from me. I started devoting my extra time to people who had never left my side. My family and close friends. The people who DO think I'm enough. I have never been happier. Of course there are things I miss... But that's so fleeting.
I'm fully confident that someday I will stumble across someone who thinks I am great and maybe by then I will know my worth and can try again.
Keep your head up and delete that number out of your phone in the future.
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2-3 weeks.
But i know that with who i am with now, that wouldn't be something easy to get over with.0 -
enterdanger wrote: »PlaydohPants wrote: »I don't believe there is one true love for everyone. I think you can have multiple loves and soulmates in a lifetime.
You may still be hung up on him because he rejected you based on your perceived "imperfections". I can't imagine living my life striving to be perfect for someone else. You can be single if you want but don't pine over him. Someone else will come along. There are tons of men out there.
Whatever his reasons were, just accept that he's not available anymore.
This. Take him off the pedestal girl. No one will ever measure up to how you've idolized this guy in your head.
I also don't believe in "one true love." I think that is setting yourself up for heartbreak. I've been married 8 years and adore my husband. But, I could have had a happy life even if we'd never met. For me personally, I knew we could be together long term because the whole relationship was effortless. I never had to try less in my life. I think that is because I think of him as my best friend that I have awesome sex with rather than my soulmate. You can have lots of loves in your life but compatibility and happiness aren't defined by love, but friendship first. Was dude your friend?
Oh, and I wanted to add...don't try to be friends with him now. Seriously, when you break up with someone no one really "wants to be just friends."
What she said.0 -
first love ...like 2 minutes
but that probably was not a real first love was it0 -
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enterdanger wrote: »PlaydohPants wrote: »I don't believe there is one true love for everyone. I think you can have multiple loves and soulmates in a lifetime.
You may still be hung up on him because he rejected you based on your perceived "imperfections". I can't imagine living my life striving to be perfect for someone else. You can be single if you want but don't pine over him. Someone else will come along. There are tons of men out there.
Whatever his reasons were, just accept that he's not available anymore.
This. Take him off the pedestal girl. No one will ever measure up to how you've idolized this guy in your head.
I also don't believe in "one true love." I think that is setting yourself up for heartbreak. I've been married 8 years and adore my husband. But, I could have had a happy life even if we'd never met. For me personally, I knew we could be together long term because the whole relationship was effortless. I never had to try less in my life. I think that is because I think of him as my best friend that I have awesome sex with rather than my soulmate. You can have lots of loves in your life but compatibility and happiness aren't defined by love, but friendship first. Was dude your friend?
Oh, and I wanted to add...don't try to be friends with him now. Seriously, when you break up with someone no one really "wants to be just friends."
Thanks, the part about the pedestal made me laugh. I am trying...it just feels so impossible right now. Don't worry about us being friends, he doesn't even want that0 -
GnothiSeauton23 wrote: »Heartbreak is one of the worst feelings ever and I've been on the receiving end multiple times. There isn't a timeframe of getting over someone. Sometimes the pain lasts for a long time, others, as someone else mentioned, it just sort of clicks and you realize that person isn't right for you. Unfortunately when you are on the receiving end, it's the rejection of not thinking you are good enough, or that you did something wrong, or just the feeling of loneliness that causes the most pain. But someone who doesn't want you in their life isn't worth trying to keep.
The truth of the matter is that he wasn't perfect for you. He was perfect in your eyes because you built him up that way. He was perfect in your eyes because he made you feel that you weren't good enough for him. Relationships are about reciprocity and he isn't willing to give that to you. Sometimes it is hardest to let go of the things we can't have. This is a tough lesson to learn and I've carried pain for a long time because I refused to accept it.
But you will never be ready for a healthy relationship until you learn to let go. Once you do, when you least expect it, you will forget the pain and move on and allow someone better to come into your life. Love is a cruel game but there is no better feeling in the world than to love and to be loved by someone. Trust me there are plenty of men out there who you will come across who will want to love you, even more so than your last. Do yourself a favor by letting go of him so you can open yourself up to the better possibilities.
I do hope you are correct about this
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amylouisechambers wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »amylouisechambers wrote: »The first time, it took about a year.
The second time about half a year.
The third and worst time- with a guy who was awful to me (yet i stupidly stuck around)- kept leaving me and taking me back so it was on and off heartbreak.... The very last time he done this something clicked and I just didn't care anymore. Soon after, I was lucky enough to find the one with someone who treats me right and I have never been happier!
When you were getting over the first two guys, did you feel as though you would never get over them?
Completely. I didn't think it would ever end. And I felt like you did that I didnt want anyone else and that maybe I should just be single and hope he changed his mind. But you WILL get over it. How long were you with this guy for? It takes everyone different amounts of time to get over things but I promise you you will find someone even better and you won't even see your ex in that way anymore. You'll even wonder what you saw in him in the first place. Chin up, you will get there.
Can I ask- do you still keep in contact with him? I just know that it prolongs the heartbreak and it does yourself no favours. Cutting contact completely is the best thing to do always.
we do not keep in contact. If I were to send him a message, he would not respond to it lol0 -
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My first real heartbreak, I was 14 years old (almost 35 years ago!!)...John So$#a, I remember that time clear as day. He was my crush for a year before he noticed me, as he was much older (16)....we danced to "Up where we belong" by Joe Cocker...lol, it was the last song of the night, and of the school year. During the summer I had to go away for two weeks, but while I was gone, he was SUPER busy...with my BEST friend! They did wayyyyy more than I was ever willing to do (and I don't mean listening to tunes and chatting!), so he dumped me when I got back!!!
I'd say it took well over a year to get over him, but then I dated him again about 10 years later, duhhhhhh....he was just as reliable as an adult as he had been as a teen!! Recently he found me on social media, and his first comment upon seeing my picture was "I liked the younger Tracy better". No shite? He was NOT well raised, that's for sure.
Haven't thought about him since I blocked him....2
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