How long did it take you to fully get over your first heartbreak?
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My first true heartbreak was with a guy I dated through high school and beginning of college, so about 6 years. We were even engaged and it was just assumed by everyone that we would last. However, I was dealing with depression and he was overall immature. Eventually he decided we were going on two different paths. He wanted to party, and I took school seriously. However, I went off the deep end. I was a clinger with texts and calls, and we decided to try the friend thing, but I walked out on it. I ended up on a bender of binge drinking, which almost cost me my life when I went into respiratory failure. I dated other guys after that, but I always felt that I wasn't good enough.
About 2 years later, along with some counseling, I met my current husband. We actually met through an ex, who I had been dating at the time (he got arrested for robbing a bar, I kid you not). Even to this day, I do miss the companionship of my first love because we basically grew up together. But I realize how immature he is. He is literally a hobo that bounces around states all the time and does hard drugs. So you might now realize it now, but it probably is for the better if this guy has unrealistic expectations. I do recommend, as others have said, to seek counseling for moving on. Sometimes it's hard to do it alone, especially if it hasn't been something you truly dealt with before. The heartbreak does go away if you let it, but I'm not sure missing old times does.. For the nostalgia factor.0 -
bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Explain?!bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »
He broke up with me because I am not what he wants...he seeks perfection that I was unable to meet.AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »How long were you together and why did you break up?
He just has very high standards and a very set idea of what he wants, and will settle for nothing less
Yes I was going to ask how he ended up dating you if these standards are as set as you make it sound. I mean I kind of have a list I can check off before I get myself involved as I'm sure most people do.0 -
In my opinion, if he were perfect for you, you guys wouldn't have broken up. You'll find someone who you're perfect for as much as they're perfect for you. Don't give up.
My first heart break was with my first boyfriend. I got over him pretty quickly...dated a new guy a few weeks later (however I have anxiety and depression and lost it when it first happened - spent a week in the hospital). I still miss him though, it's like a mourning process with breakups - you will always kind of miss them.0 -
Oooooh, 30 years later, and I'm still not over it. I am however, very happily married with 3 great kids - it still galls me from time to time. I hate that!!0
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3 months, a lot of jack n cokes, and a very very loving group of friends who pretty much are my family.
I still think about it sometimes, but my take on it was she wasnt good enough for me, and i realized exactly what im looking for.1 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Is it like he wanted a stick figure like a victoria secret model?bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Explain?!bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »
He broke up with me because I am not what he wants...he seeks perfection that I was unable to meet.AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »How long were you together and why did you break up?
He just has very high standards and a very set idea of what he wants, and will settle for nothing less
If yes, how did you two date in the first place???
Or is the standard related to something like made in china and marketed in mexico and shipped from Buenos Aires?!?!JessicaJS23 wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Explain?!bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »
He broke up with me because I am not what he wants...he seeks perfection that I was unable to meet.AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »How long were you together and why did you break up?
He just has very high standards and a very set idea of what he wants, and will settle for nothing less
Yes I was going to ask how he ended up dating you if these standards are as set as you make it sound. I mean I kind of have a list I can check off before I get myself involved as I'm sure most people do.
Well, I don't believe his standards are necessarily physical, although he had mentioned that he likes girls who are tan and thin the most (neither of which I am). He is more speaking from a personality perspective. In his head he has a certain way he feels she should act, speak, and carry herself. He likes women who dress very professionally but are also fun and laid back. I tried my best, but in the end I just couldn't live up to his fantasy.
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bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Is it like he wanted a stick figure like a victoria secret model?bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Explain?!bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »
He broke up with me because I am not what he wants...he seeks perfection that I was unable to meet.AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »How long were you together and why did you break up?
He just has very high standards and a very set idea of what he wants, and will settle for nothing less
If yes, how did you two date in the first place???
Or is the standard related to something like made in china and marketed in mexico and shipped from Buenos Aires?!?!JessicaJS23 wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Explain?!bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »
He broke up with me because I am not what he wants...he seeks perfection that I was unable to meet.AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »How long were you together and why did you break up?
He just has very high standards and a very set idea of what he wants, and will settle for nothing less
Yes I was going to ask how he ended up dating you if these standards are as set as you make it sound. I mean I kind of have a list I can check off before I get myself involved as I'm sure most people do.
Well, I don't believe his standards are necessarily physical, although he had mentioned that he likes girls who are tan and thin the most (neither of which I am). He is more speaking from a personality perspective. In his head he has a certain way he feels she should act, speak, and carry herself. He likes women who dress very professionally but are also fun and laid back. I tried my best, but in the end I just couldn't live up to his fantasy.
Sounds like you deserved someone a lot more fun and laid back! You will find it!0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Ok, jokes aside. Here's my take on this. Why are you hung up on someone who has rejected you? You should go after someone who loves you or cares for you.bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Is it like he wanted a stick figure like a victoria secret model?bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Explain?!bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »
He broke up with me because I am not what he wants...he seeks perfection that I was unable to meet.AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »How long were you together and why did you break up?
He just has very high standards and a very set idea of what he wants, and will settle for nothing less
If yes, how did you two date in the first place???
Or is the standard related to something like made in china and marketed in mexico and shipped from Buenos Aires?!?!JessicaJS23 wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Explain?!bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »
He broke up with me because I am not what he wants...he seeks perfection that I was unable to meet.AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »How long were you together and why did you break up?
He just has very high standards and a very set idea of what he wants, and will settle for nothing less
Yes I was going to ask how he ended up dating you if these standards are as set as you make it sound. I mean I kind of have a list I can check off before I get myself involved as I'm sure most people do.
Well, I don't believe his standards are necessarily physical, although he had mentioned that he likes girls who are tan and thin the most (neither of which I am). He is more speaking from a personality perspective. In his head he has a certain way he feels she should act, speak, and carry herself. He likes women who dress very professionally but are also fun and laid back. I tried my best, but in the end I just couldn't live up to his fantasy.
You are clinging on to him because it is your nature and it may not be your fault. Every person is different and their mannerism is in-born. You have to concentrate on the rejection part and move on.
Such people should inspire for getting better and revenge. Why not become that professional woman and live well. The best form of giving it back is living well and one day making the other person regret.
Hope you are dating and meeting other men. Good luck, kiddo. You are too young to be hung up on this *kitten*. 50 to 70 years of life ahead. Do not waste your 20s hung up on a person who rejected you. You won't get these years back.
Haha well thanks. I can't help but feel like my twenties are being wasted because I'm not with him! But I'm tired of whining and sounding stupid about it so I'm just going to keep moving forward and try and not get upset about him anymore. I am dating and meeting other people, no one so far has compared but hopefully someday someone will
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About a year. He will still cross my
Mind now and then but I def don't cry over him anymore0 -
Goodness, after reading about all the descriptions of the emotions and feelings y'all have felt for another person, I've come to the conclusion that I have never experienced that. I've never had a first love.....I suppose it would be my husband, but you all describe it like you had this "first love" while in high school or early 20's. I married my husband at 29.
Like many others have stated, @bemyyfriend0918 , it is probably that you are perceiving the feel of rejection as a loss of control regarding the relationship and by him telling you that you did not exceed his expectations causes you to linger on those words of narcissism. Perhaps it is not love but merely you trying to gain his approval of you, but then again, what do I know.....I've never had a "first heartbreak" before.0 -
Still in progress on this topic sadly0
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MicahPsencik wrote: »Still in progress on this topic sadly
Ditto. Although it's been 6 years and I've been with my current BF for 3 years.0 -
bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »I got my heart broken three years ago, and I still am not over it. He made me so happy, and I have never met anyone I thought was more perfect for me. I still cry regularly about it, and although I've dated others, no one can compare. At this point, do you think it is worth even dating? Do you think that although I think he is perfect for me, I can find someone else someday who I think is equally as perfect (or more)? Should I just accept that he was my true love and try and have a happy life of being single?
What would you guys do, and how long did it take to get over your first love? Did you feel the same way I did, that you would never find anyone as amazing? Getting back together or reaching out to him is not an option, he hates me.
Thanks for your input!
I'm a 49 year old male but with that said. Check your self-esteem it's your life you can move on.0 -
denise123177 wrote: »MicahPsencik wrote: »Still in progress on this topic sadly
Ditto. Although it's been 6 years and I've been with my current BF for 3 years.
I noticed on my other post about astrology that you are a Capricorn. Maybe we just take forever getting over people...0 -
bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »denise123177 wrote: »MicahPsencik wrote: »Still in progress on this topic sadly
Ditto. Although it's been 6 years and I've been with my current BF for 3 years.
I noticed on my other post about astrology that you are a Capricorn. Maybe we just take forever getting over people...
Lol. Maybe. But my ex is a complete *kitten* and does not deserve my thoughts. Unfortunately, my heart doesn't understand that. It's nice to know that he's still in love with me and miserable though ☺️
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< a week. I'm a dude and honestly speaking a first "true" love isn't really love it's just what you think love is supposed to be at that time.0
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bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »I got my heart broken three years ago, and I still am not over it. He made me so happy, and I have never met anyone I thought was more perfect for me. I still cry regularly about it, and although I've dated others, no one can compare. At this point, do you think it is worth even dating? Do you think that although I think he is perfect for me, I can find someone else someday who I think is equally as perfect (or more)? Should I just accept that he was my true love and try and have a happy life of being single?
What would you guys do, and how long did it take to get over your first love? Did you feel the same way I did, that you would never find anyone as amazing? Getting back together or reaching out to him is not an option, he hates me.
Thanks for your input!
Classic case of holding onto the emotional attachment you have towards him .
You got to fully let go or you will never create the space in your life for someone new .
Moving on to something better requires letting go of the past and embracing the future 100%1 -
While you are sitting around pining for something or someone that is out of reach, there is SOMEONE out there who is looking for exactly what you have to offer. Dont make them wait - they are probably just as anxious to meet their soulmate as you are. Get out and look for him!!4
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