I'm so horribly upset right now!
MyLadybug2012
Posts: 6 Member
in Chit-Chat
Today is my 29th birthday and for once it was going really good. Only plans I have going is catching up on some video games, seeing a friend and going out to eat with my husband. Diet wise I have not been doing good but have been walking every night for the past few weeks so at least I'm working out.
I was all excited for my guy friend of 14 years to come over and introduce me to his girlfriend. I was wearing leggings (which I thought flattered me) and a normal shirt. He walks in and 30 seconds later says "I know it is your birthday but I have to say" I thought he was going to make fun of something I was doing or something he saw in my house "You've gotten really fat" I almost burst into tears. His girlfriend was like omg that is so mean and the whole thing got awkward. Now, not being mean at all because I thought she looked great, she is 20-30lbs heavier than me. How did that comment make her feel? Like when people are 100lbs and call themselves disgusting or fat and you're like omg I just want to get down to 130lbs.
I was like we need to change the subject and he tries to back track saying "I'm just saying you haven't been this big.... I mean this size.... in a long time" He saw me a few months ago and I was 5lbs lighter. Why didn't he make that comment then.
Since we have known each other for so long he knows I have body dysmorphic disorder, depression, anxiety and ocd (which is associated to my binge eating). Why the hell would he say these things. His *kitten* isn't built like Batman or anything special. It's not like I'm happy with my size and I plan to stay this size then I would have snapped back with "I love how I look, you can suck it" but I want to lose weight and I've been having such a hard time so it just threw me to rock bottom.
I will have some words for him once I get my thoughts in order and not become so upset but that hurt me so much. I've had strangers call me fat, say I got bigger, or ask if I'm pregnant but hearing it from someone I love really hurt me.
My husband wants to take me out to eat tonight and I don't even want to go I feel like total *kitten*....
I don't like to vent like this on sites but I had to get the rage out.....
Has this happened to you and what have you said?
I was all excited for my guy friend of 14 years to come over and introduce me to his girlfriend. I was wearing leggings (which I thought flattered me) and a normal shirt. He walks in and 30 seconds later says "I know it is your birthday but I have to say" I thought he was going to make fun of something I was doing or something he saw in my house "You've gotten really fat" I almost burst into tears. His girlfriend was like omg that is so mean and the whole thing got awkward. Now, not being mean at all because I thought she looked great, she is 20-30lbs heavier than me. How did that comment make her feel? Like when people are 100lbs and call themselves disgusting or fat and you're like omg I just want to get down to 130lbs.
I was like we need to change the subject and he tries to back track saying "I'm just saying you haven't been this big.... I mean this size.... in a long time" He saw me a few months ago and I was 5lbs lighter. Why didn't he make that comment then.
Since we have known each other for so long he knows I have body dysmorphic disorder, depression, anxiety and ocd (which is associated to my binge eating). Why the hell would he say these things. His *kitten* isn't built like Batman or anything special. It's not like I'm happy with my size and I plan to stay this size then I would have snapped back with "I love how I look, you can suck it" but I want to lose weight and I've been having such a hard time so it just threw me to rock bottom.
I will have some words for him once I get my thoughts in order and not become so upset but that hurt me so much. I've had strangers call me fat, say I got bigger, or ask if I'm pregnant but hearing it from someone I love really hurt me.
My husband wants to take me out to eat tonight and I don't even want to go I feel like total *kitten*....
I don't like to vent like this on sites but I had to get the rage out.....
Has this happened to you and what have you said?
2
Replies
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He sounds like a pretty shiitty friend.
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I'm literally heartbroken for you. I could cry for you. This guy was obviously trying to be ugly to you to make himself look better. He was probably doing it in front of his girlfriend. Someone like this is not worth being your friend. You are much better and much more beautiful than that. You keep doing what you're doing. You keep up the good work. And do not let anybody hold you back and keep you down. Your friends here on the MFP will lift you up and carry you the way.9
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Ooooh, I know, he was being mean so his new girlfriend knew he didn't like you like that....6
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what a barf bag of a friend
go out and have a great dinner with your husband enjoy yourself and eat all the cake you want do your best to not let that crap ruin your day
seriously what a shiit friend he is
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I appreciate that! A lot I started crying again but not in a bad way lol..... I'm guessing it was because his girlfriend was there but if she is a good person she will be like WTF to him (and she was really nice) I've been there for him every step of the way and always had a shoulder for him to cry on and listen to his drama. Literally felt like a bullet to my heart.... I need to just take this rage and work on myself
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I hope he rots in it with a Brokeback0
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MyLadybug2012 wrote: »I appreciate that! A lot I started crying again but not in a bad way lol..... I'm guessing it was because his girlfriend was there but if she is a good person she will be like WTF to him (and she was really nice) I've been there for him every step of the way and always had a shoulder for him to cry on and listen to his drama. Literally felt like a bullet to my heart.... I need to just take this rage and work on myself
also get a new friend2 -
That is a ahole thing to say.
Are you guys the type of friends that have discussed personal things before?
I have some friends that are tough love kind of people. They don't say it to be jerks, they say things because no one else has the courage to tell me. Or people think it's too inappropriate to bring up. There are times I need someone to tell me like it is. I'm not saying this was your situation and if the person said it the way you described they could have used more tact.2 -
NOT a friend I would keep in my circle MyLadybug. that is just cruel for anyone to do.
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AND go have that dinner -- you are a beautiful girl!!! 29 is a wonderful age to celebrate!!!!0
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Dude.......
I feel for you.
Just remember if you're feeling down, we're here to feel you up.....
.... wait that didn't come out right....
We're here for you. But if I were in your shoes I would cool down over the next day or so and confront him on it and ask why he said that and let him know you're hurting. He cannot fix what he doesn't know is broken. If you've been friends for that long don't risk the friendship. But don't go silent either.
We're here for you.2 -
hm0
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I understand what you are saying and ya we talk about deep stuff but he always knows if I said "hey am I getting fat?" He would tell me the truth but I didn't ask for it and he knows I'm so damn sensitive. I was 200lbs once (I'm 160 now) and he NEVER once said anything.... trying to impress his girlfriend in a stupid waykevinf2380 wrote: »That is a ahole thing to say.
Are you guys the type of friends that have discussed personal things before?
I have some friends that are tough love kind of people. They don't say it to be jerks, they say things because no one else has the courage to tell me. Or people think it's too inappropriate to bring up. There are times I need someone to tell me like it is. I'm not saying this was your situation and if the person said it the way you described they could have used more tact.
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After I wrote this and I thought of that. She was not impressed and was uncomfortable for a little bit after the comment. But ya he was being a total jerk and he has never talked to me in such a way EVER in our friendship If I asked his opinion then that is my fault lol but he knows better and he screwed upSugar_Pill wrote: »Do you think that maybe his gf was nervous about meeting you? Maybe insecure that he has a friend of the female variety he's been so close to for so long- and he is ignorant enough that he thought insulting you would appease her?
As dumb as it sounds- you have to think like a dude.
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oh lord you're funny! but ya I appreciate the kind words and that's why I love this site because you guys understandDude....... I feel for you.
Just remember if you're feeling down, we're here to feel you up.....
.... wait that didn't come out right....
We're here for you. But if I were in your shoes I would cool down over the next day or so and confront him on it and ask why he said that and let him know you're hurting. He cannot fix what he doesn't know is broken. If you've been friends for that long don't risk the friendship. But don't go silent either.
We're here for you.
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I'm speechless. Well almost.
I've got old friends. (Yup. I'm old.). But we never EVER comment on each others' size. None of us are perfect. That's a subject best left unsaid. There are SO many reasons for a person to be larger and NONE of them are our business unless we are a medical professional who is in charge of someone's health!
I'm sure his girlfriend's eyes were opened by that display of rudeness.0 -
Maybe he just *kitten* up and acted like an *kitten*. If you otherwise value his friendship you might want to talk to him and see what he says, maybe he will admit it and apologize and try to be a better supporting friend. Totally up to you but sometimes we all screw up and you have to decide if it is worth giving him a chance. You might be in his shoes one day.0
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I would have invited any "friend" saying that to me to exit the building immediately.
Probably why I don't have a lot of friends, but I really don't have time for people like that in my life.0 -
What I always tell my kids - Your friends should make you feel good about yourself. If they don't, it's time to make new friends. This person is not your friend. Please don't waste your time and emotional energy on him!0
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Your friend needs a swift kick to his ovaries.2
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I'm so sorry. I've had my heart broken by friends... I'd probably never contact him again after that (and hope his girlfriend dumps him for being an *kitten*!).0
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Sugar_Pill wrote: »Do you think that maybe his gf was nervous about meeting you? Maybe insecure that he has a friend of the female variety he's been so close to for so long- and he is ignorant enough that he thought insulting you would appease her?
As dumb as it sounds- you have to think like a dude.
I 2nd this thought!0 -
kevinf2380 wrote: »That is a ahole thing to say.
Are you guys the type of friends that have discussed personal things before?
I have some friends that are tough love kind of people. They don't say it to be jerks, they say things because no one else has the courage to tell me. Or people think it's too inappropriate to bring up. There are times I need someone to tell me like it is. I'm not saying this was your situation and if the person said it the way you described they could have used more tact.
Tough love, is a private event; no audience!1 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I think he is indirectly letting his girlfriend know she needs to lose the poundage since you mention she is heavier than you.
I agree!0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Wait, are you making this up to generate sympathy?? Or are you jealous his girlfriend is prettier but heavier?? Or do you just want a round of happy birthday greetings?!
If the other girl is heavier, why would he say this stuff and also why would he risk your husband kicking his *kitten*??
@rainbowbow
Your cross-sectional analytical skills are needed please. Asap.
< Note to self: Never ever vent here because it's suspicious!0 -
Sugar_Pill wrote: »Do you think that maybe his gf was nervous about meeting you? Maybe insecure that he has a friend of the female variety he's been so close to for so long- and he is ignorant enough that he thought insulting you would appease her?
As dumb as it sounds- you have to think like a dude.
"Think Like a Dude" ?
As a guy, I am deeply offended by this stateme....
wait.
errrr, what are you wearing?0 -
Sugar_Pill wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »Sugar_Pill wrote: »Do you think that maybe his gf was nervous about meeting you? Maybe insecure that he has a friend of the female variety he's been so close to for so long- and he is ignorant enough that he thought insulting you would appease her?
As dumb as it sounds- you have to think like a dude.
"Think Like a Dude" ?
As a guy, I am deeply offended by this stateme....
wait.
errrr, what are you wearing?
Your skin as a suit
Not the reply I was expecting.... but I think I can work with it.0 -
It was a douchy thing to say and do. My instinct is to say *kitten* him but if he has never been a douche before and if he has been supportive for 14 years, I might give him a chance. I'd tell him directly just how hurt I was and why. His he reacts and if he does something similar again would determine if the friendship could last.0
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This content has been removed.
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
You really think you can go to a house and call the host fat? If the OP and Co were Chinese or Indian, I will believe for it is cultural. The story script is not very coherent. It's like John Wayne playing Ghenghis Khan or Tom Cruise playing a Samurai and both movies were box office hits.FridayApril01st2016 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Wait, are you making this up to generate sympathy?? Or are you jealous his girlfriend is prettier but heavier?? Or do you just want a round of happy birthday greetings?!
If the other girl is heavier, why would he say this stuff and also why would he risk your husband kicking his *kitten*??
@rainbowbow
Your cross-sectional analytical skills are needed please. Asap.
< Note to self: Never ever vent here because it's suspicious!
If I had the money, I'll cast Leslie Chow from the hangover (what's his name?!) as Abraham Lincoln. I'll make him the best beard. Because I will definitely have some form of audience. This thread is encouraging.
Lies derive from truth! Ed Gein: Fact (truth). Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Fictional (lie) based upon his actions. Sometimes you can't make stuff "entirely" up!0
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