I HATE victims

amusedmonkey

I'm of two minds about this. Where I get conflicted is that I have never been one to seek support and I'm actually uncomfortable with it and very rarely share my feelings in an emotional way, so some posts make me roll my eyes. I'm more likely to state my feelings as facts and parts of a puzzle I'm trying to solve than something I'm wallowing in. I've actually avoided support groups like the plague in times when many would need one because they do nothing for me and in fear of bursting in laughter in the most inappropriate times. If I can reply to a post with tips and tricks or some useful info I do, but if the tone of the thread gets too touchy feely and it starts sounding more and more like a whine I withdraw. I'm not patient enough to deal with emotional vampirism, and I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.

Overplayed outrage over the simplest things, over analyzing words, drama, overly emotional use of words, exaggerated public display of feelings, high horses, overinflated self righteousness...etc are things that make my eyes glaze over in apathy, so I just avoid these conversations. Again, not sure if that's a good thing. There is a fine line between being my laid back thick skinned solution oriented self and being plain rude. There needs to be at least some level of empathy and kindness. I don't want to be rigid because different people respond to different approaches and I'm no better than anyone else just because I'm wired differently. I guess both me and the people who like victimizing themselves have things to work on.

TechOutside

ambalam wrote: »

Hey TechOutside. Just being honest. You don't have to like it. But I think it's arrogant to assume everyone feels the same way you do. Not saying everyone has to agree w me either, just don't censor me. It's a basic human right to speak one's mind. I don't mind if your opinion differs, that's on you. You do you. Sorry not sorry i guess. Hope it gets better for you.

Censoring.. Is that the newest of newspeak? If you want to talk about politics, you can start a different thread instead of interjecting into a completely non related post. Hey, lets talk about BLM in someone else's post about making rye bread... no, it just isn't cool to do because it creates these kinds of posts. Think about it.

dahliacats

I have known a number of women (it seems much less common in men) who actually seem to want to be victims. They often search for a medical diagnosis to explain their aches and pains, obesity, headaches, fatigue, etc. and sit passively and helplessly at home, "unable" to do anything about their problems. Often they are reluctant to understand the connection between their psyche and their physical symptoms. I have no doubt that these women feel a great deal of stress, anxiety, and fear, feel overwhelmed, and perhaps have no models in their lives of active, empowered women who felt enabled to tackle their problems. Or they are terrified at failing at something, or letting people down, while being ill would be an acceptable way to back out of an intimidating situation (I'm thinking of the woman who left her family to go to college and developed "chronic fatigue;" or the woman whose husband dies or leaves and she develops "fibromyalgia.") I feel sorry for these women, yet am frustrated at the same time, as there are very clear treatments for their problems which this kind of victim typically refuses. They will not exercise ("It hurts too much") or change their stressful jobs, or commit to therapy. I suppose the responsibility involved with being healthy feels more overwhelming than being a victim does. Kicking their butts doesn't tend to work. Usually they will shop to find someone to reinforce their victimhood rather than stick with someone who's recommendations could make a difference. Sometimes I meet someone who is so tired of feeling ill that they get mad enough to do something about it; one lady was so mad at me for prescribing exercise, she followed my recommendations just to prove me wrong. After a month of exercising, and a lot of initial pain, her fibromyalgia was completely gone. She hated exercising so much that ultimately she was willing to put up with some pain so she didn't have to exercise as much. But in the end, she was the one in control of her life and her choices; she stopped being a victim.

upoffthemat

Sued0nim wrote: »

Everybody dislikes the victim mentality in others

Very few recognise it in themselves

Everyone has it to some degree

I'm fairly straight forward and don't take and try not to make excuses, I think that's due to my inate personality and my professional career. I am not touchy-feely (well I am physically but not emotionally) and would rather pointedly joke or snipe someone out of self obsession than over sympathise in that sycophantic disneyfied way ..I am now officially too old to care

You'd have liked it round here a few years back there were a lot of intelligent straight shooters...they were the people who made a difference to my psyche and made me actually succeed at this cos they made me think, self analyse and pull my bloody socks up and get over myself. They have disappeared, or been disappeared, unfortunately and we appear to be left with rising derp. If I came on board now I wouldn't find it as useful as I did and may not have changed enough to be successful

Lots of truth there

KevinPsalm23v4

The ONLY freedom we truly have is how we respond to any given scenario. No doubt bad things happen to good people, but in that moment when something happens, ONLY can decide how to react and what do to next.

I gained way too much weight going through my divorce, I blame no one except me. I expect I will only loose weight when I re-learn how to count calories, eat healthy, engage in aerobic activity and incorporate weight training back into my daily/weekly routine.

I am only a victim if I want to be.

Sarc_Warrior

Maybe people should focus on their own *kitten* and less on other peoples. Just saying...

ninerbuff

My first "real" talk with clients (usually after a couple of sessions and we get to know each other) is when I usually tell them, "You are where you are now because the lifestyle you lead brought you there. Now we just gotta figure out for you, how to get you to where you really want to be. It ain't gonna be easy and you'll run into deterrences once in awhile, but if we are consistent with your plan, you'll achieve your goal. So ready to suck it up?"

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

ambalam

TechOutside yeah. Don't tell me what I shouldn't say. You have no right to tell me what I cannot talk about. You made it political. I made a joke. You ever make people laugh? You know, with like words? Those are jokes. If you actually read what I said, I addressed the main idea, then added my own ideas. But you're gonna argue this Bc blah blah blah. F--k it. I'm done. Don't like opinions? Stay off message boards where ppl post opinions lol.

strebor337

LazSommer wrote: »

Hatred burns more calories.

Bwahaha!

TechOutside

ambalam wrote: »

TechOutside yeah. Don't tell me what I shouldn't say. You have no right to tell me what I cannot talk about. You made it political. I made a joke. You ever make people laugh? You know, with like words? Those are jokes. If you actually read what I said, I addressed the main idea, then added my own ideas. But you're gonna argue this Bc blah blah blah. F--k it. I'm done. Don't like opinions? Stay off message boards where ppl post opinions lol.

Oh boy, don't blow a gasket, cupcake... There used to be a thing called board etiquette, it was maybe before your time, or the idea and concept simply misses the mark in your world. Are you sure you are done? I mean we could go all day destroying this post, want to talk about Iran next? No wait before you go, lets go to the recipes section and post political crap there too! I'm done, you've proven my point.

LAMCDylan

The problem is so many people come here that are emotionally wounded. They all have this idea that they are NOT OK just the way they are. So they think all their problems will be solved if they lose weight. Some people truly have some bad trauma in their past and some not so much (but whine the most). It really depends on the person.