Why am i weak / lazy?
incisron
Posts: 550 Member
I started this a year and a half ago. I was 19 and a kind mentor / friend introduced me to this site and kind of helped me be accountable with the way I ate. Once I started calorie counting, the first 20 lbs came off like a breeze. I made mistakes occasionally, like spending calories on junk every now and then instead of waiting till my weekly "splurge" day to eat at maintenance, but . . .that was rare, and I almost never went over on calories knowingly, though it was harder to track back then not knowing about weighing meat, fruit, cheese etc.
Then we lost our house and became less financially well off, and my "mentor" also mostly dropped out of contact with me around the same time. Dieting became harder, plus I didn't weigh food, ate meals my mom cooked and tried to guesstimate the calories because we couldn't afford for me to make myself separate dinners, and had really dumb ideas about the way I should eat, all contributing to leaving me hungry and frustrated. On my weekly "splurge" day I'd eat too much. That was more than a year ago, and my eating habits have gone through many changes, such as mom and I getting a little better off financially and recently getting a place of our own, my getting a food scale, realizing "splurge" days once a week and deprivation the rest of the week is a bad idea, realizing eating stuff like a cup of grapes or a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, two slices of bread with jelly and a carrot for lunch and a cup of frozen juice for lunch and a guesstimated dinner is also not a good idea, realizing eating all junk within my calories isn't a good idea either, briefly being able to make my own dinners and then, more recently, not being as free to do that, at least not if its something with meat or fish. But over the year that's passed, the one thing that's stayed constant is the fact that I've been doing terribly at this weight loss thing. I've lost a total of 40 lbs, but the last 20 were lost very slowly due to how horribly I've been doing and now I'm regaining some of the weight.
What is wrong with me? I know you cant always be hyped up and motivated about cutting calories, but where in the world is my sense of commitment? In the earlier days I'd never be content to do so horribly. Day after day I get up and try again to commit to working at weight loss. Evening after evening, I fail, succumbing to laziness or temptation.
Anyone else had this issue for a YEAR?! How did you fix it?
Thanks.
Then we lost our house and became less financially well off, and my "mentor" also mostly dropped out of contact with me around the same time. Dieting became harder, plus I didn't weigh food, ate meals my mom cooked and tried to guesstimate the calories because we couldn't afford for me to make myself separate dinners, and had really dumb ideas about the way I should eat, all contributing to leaving me hungry and frustrated. On my weekly "splurge" day I'd eat too much. That was more than a year ago, and my eating habits have gone through many changes, such as mom and I getting a little better off financially and recently getting a place of our own, my getting a food scale, realizing "splurge" days once a week and deprivation the rest of the week is a bad idea, realizing eating stuff like a cup of grapes or a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, two slices of bread with jelly and a carrot for lunch and a cup of frozen juice for lunch and a guesstimated dinner is also not a good idea, realizing eating all junk within my calories isn't a good idea either, briefly being able to make my own dinners and then, more recently, not being as free to do that, at least not if its something with meat or fish. But over the year that's passed, the one thing that's stayed constant is the fact that I've been doing terribly at this weight loss thing. I've lost a total of 40 lbs, but the last 20 were lost very slowly due to how horribly I've been doing and now I'm regaining some of the weight.
What is wrong with me? I know you cant always be hyped up and motivated about cutting calories, but where in the world is my sense of commitment? In the earlier days I'd never be content to do so horribly. Day after day I get up and try again to commit to working at weight loss. Evening after evening, I fail, succumbing to laziness or temptation.
Anyone else had this issue for a YEAR?! How did you fix it?
Thanks.
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Replies
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Do you know what your maintenance calories are? Sometimes we need a break from dieting. Just eat your maintenance calories for awhile, this may be refreshing for you.3
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You've lost 40 lbs in a year. That not terrible, that's great! The main thing is that you haven't quit, despite all of the difficulty you've encountered, when many people would have!
Having said that, sometimes just changing things up can help with motivation. Consider starting a new exercise routine, or look at other ways of eating that work for other people. Even the research and seeing other people's results can give motivation.
The main thing, really, is not giving up. After I lost an initial 50 lbs, I spun my wheels for probably almost 2 years before really buckling down again, and now I'm losing again.
Hang in there!5 -
My question is how much do you value yourself? Do you have respect for yourself? And how serious are you to commit to your goals. From What I'm reading between the lines is there is no accountability on your behalf and an uncanny ability to pass blame onto very other situation and person around you for your failures. Not weighing food, reliance on 'mentor' to be in life. Living with mom, eating mums food, guessing calories, not weighing food.... So my next question since you seem to have listed the reasons you're NOT losing weight, is what step are you going to do to get you to your goals?
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I saw something yesterday that literally shocked me to the core. I've been through a rough time recently. I was laid off - in the most awful and embarrassing way possible. I could pay bills - my eating and exercise that I had been religious with went out the window. I was demolishing blocks of chocolate at a time. Things have done a 180 now. And guess what i got for essentially capitalizing on that hard time. I gained 10 hard earned pounds back. I also tend to be able to control my eating based on circumstances but this is something you must learn to control. The eating must become a non-negotiable because for people who succeed at weight loss and or fitness that's what it is. In spite of my circumstance or situation this is in my control and control it I damn well will. As lots of people on here have said. Set a reasonable weight loss goal 1/1.5 pounds a week and stick to it. Try and include some exercise - I exercise not for the physical benefits but for the emotional benefits (no need for anti depressants when you have endorphins.) The difficult thing here and I still struggle with it is you get into a thought pattern that derails you and allows the behaviour. "i deserve to be fat", I'm going to fail anyway, I've always been this way. Stop those thoughts and you have your answer. Things go in your mouth that hinder your progress based on a though. You can do this.3
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Eh, you are under a lot of stress, and you HAVE lost a lot of weight?
I think you are having very unrealistic expectations towards results and set very high standards for yourself. Relax. Settle in where you are living now. Eat food with your family/mother. You don't have to eat special food. Just log the food you are eating. If you feel surrounded by temptation, remove yourself from it, or better still, remove it from your surroundings. Eat until full, not stuffed. When you feel energized, move.4 -
Neanbean13 wrote: »My question is how much do you value yourself? Do you have respect for yourself? And how serious are you to commit to your goals. From What I'm reading between the lines is there is no accountability on your behalf and an uncanny ability to pass blame onto very other situation and person around you for your failures. Not weighing food, reliance on 'mentor' to be in life. Living with mom, eating mums food, guessing calories, not weighing food.... So my next question since you seem to have listed the reasons you're NOT losing weight, is what step are you going to do to get you to your goals?
did you read the whole post?2 -
OP you have lost 40 pounds which is great. If you want to lose more you know what to do.
Maybe set yourself mini goals. Every once in awhile if you get fed up just eat at maintenance and start again when ready. Do this and then at least you wont have gained weight
If you are not good at guessing, just weight it all and stick to your weekly target.
Incorporate treats in your target so you do not feel like you are depriving yourself.1 -
sounds to me your life was out of control there for that year. When finances fall apart, the feeling of being out of control can spread to eating and exercise habits. You always had it in you to lose the weight.. you didn't need your mentor.. you did it on your own.m Life is filled with challenges …give yourself a break and also give yourself more credit. You know what to do and you're really doing great.
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You've lost 40lbs and think your weak? Your doing great, don't be so hard on yourself 3
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I've been through the same thing. Lost weight, then got stressed with work, life, fatigue etc and just couldn't bring myself to track food, or stick to a healthy diet. I took a few months off, and gained some of the weight back. Then, came back to it and got back on track. Not the end of the world. When you're ready, you'll dig back in. You know how to do it, and you've been successful. Don't beat yourself up. Many of us have been through it. Each time, we garner more skills.1
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And I would disregard this. You obviously value yourself, because you're reaching out. That takes courage.Neanbean13 wrote: »My question is how much do you value yourself? Do you have respect for yourself? And how serious are you to commit to your goals. From What I'm reading between the lines is there is no accountability on your behalf and an uncanny ability to pass blame onto very other situation and person around you for your failures. Not weighing food, reliance on 'mentor' to be in life. Living with mom, eating mums food, guessing calories, not weighing food.... So my next question since you seem to have listed the reasons you're NOT losing weight, is what step are you going to do to get you to your goals?
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Personally I think you are doing great, and you are learning from every mistake. Learning to live with our flawed, weak selves is one of life's big lessons.
I am glad you and your mom are in a better situation now.
Here's some reading material.
http://www.happinesshypothesis.com/happiness-hypothesis-ch1.pdf0 -
I started this a year and a half ago. I was 19 and a kind mentor / friend introduced me to this site and kind of helped me be accountable with the way I ate. Once I started calorie counting, the first 20 lbs came off like a breeze. I made mistakes occasionally, like spending calories on junk every now and then instead of waiting till my weekly "splurge" day to eat at maintenance, but . . .that was rare, and I almost never went over on calories knowingly, though it was harder to track back then not knowing about weighing meat, fruit, cheese etc.
Then we lost our house and became less financially well off, and my "mentor" also mostly dropped out of contact with me around the same time. Dieting became harder, plus I didn't weigh food, ate meals my mom cooked and tried to guesstimate the calories because we couldn't afford for me to make myself separate dinners, and had really dumb ideas about the way I should eat, all contributing to leaving me hungry and frustrated. On my weekly "splurge" day I'd eat too much. That was more than a year ago, and my eating habits have gone through many changes, such as mom and I getting a little better off financially and recently getting a place of our own, my getting a food scale, realizing "splurge" days once a week and deprivation the rest of the week is a bad idea, realizing eating stuff like a cup of grapes or a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, two slices of bread with jelly and a carrot for lunch and a cup of frozen juice for lunch and a guesstimated dinner is also not a good idea, realizing eating all junk within my calories isn't a good idea either, briefly being able to make my own dinners and then, more recently, not being as free to do that, at least not if its something with meat or fish. But over the year that's passed, the one thing that's stayed constant is the fact that I've been doing terribly at this weight loss thing. I've lost a total of 40 lbs, but the last 20 were lost very slowly due to how horribly I've been doing and now I'm regaining some of the weight.
What is wrong with me? I know you cant always be hyped up and motivated about cutting calories, but where in the world is my sense of commitment? In the earlier days I'd never be content to do so horribly. Day after day I get up and try again to commit to working at weight loss. Evening after evening, I fail, succumbing to laziness or temptation.
Anyone else had this issue for a YEAR?! How did you fix it?
Thanks.
Your sense of commitment was in those last 20 lbs of the 40 lbs you've lost. I understand that losing slowly isn't given as much respect in this world, but facts still remain, you lost that weight, victory. You're regaining some of the weight back? This really does happen to the best of them, and doesn't mean failure. There is people here on their 5th-15th or so go, and are finally successfully maintaining their weight. This, for many, is a life long journey of self discovery.1 -
Thanks so much, everybody I've thought over every piece of advice I've received and I'm trying again. Its cool to see I'm not the only one who's had a really crappy spell. I was scared I'd be fat forever and even get bigger. I know it sounds dumb since only I can control the movements of my body, but I really do fear that sometimes. 2
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And I would disregard this. You obviously value yourself, because you're reaching out. That takes courage.Neanbean13 wrote: »My question is how much do you value yourself? Do you have respect for yourself? And how serious are you to commit to your goals. From What I'm reading between the lines is there is no accountability on your behalf and an uncanny ability to pass blame onto very other situation and person around you for your failures. Not weighing food, reliance on 'mentor' to be in life. Living with mom, eating mums food, guessing calories, not weighing food.... So my next question since you seem to have listed the reasons you're NOT losing weight, is what step are you going to do to get you to your goals?
I agree. That was a harsh and demeaning post. Please ignore it. Wow, some people make me shake my head.3 -
leejoyce31 wrote: »
And I would disregard this. You obviously value yourself, because you're reaching out. That takes courage.Neanbean13 wrote: »My question is how much do you value yourself? Do you have respect for yourself? And how serious are you to commit to your goals. From What I'm reading between the lines is there is no accountability on your behalf and an uncanny ability to pass blame onto very other situation and person around you for your failures. Not weighing food, reliance on 'mentor' to be in life. Living with mom, eating mums food, guessing calories, not weighing food.... So my next question since you seem to have listed the reasons you're NOT losing weight, is what step are you going to do to get you to your goals?
I agree. That was a harsh and demeaning post. Please ignore it. Wow, some people make me shake my head.
Yes, it was a bit hurtful. The question of how much I value myself did open my eyes a little to why I should commit myself to making an effort, but the rest of the comment made me feel a bit bad for asking for advice. I was kind of expecting a comment or two lime that, though; comes with being on the internet.
Thanks to everybody for being supportive!3 -
leejoyce31 wrote: »
And I would disregard this. You obviously value yourself, because you're reaching out. That takes courage.Neanbean13 wrote: »My question is how much do you value yourself? Do you have respect for yourself? And how serious are you to commit to your goals. From What I'm reading between the lines is there is no accountability on your behalf and an uncanny ability to pass blame onto very other situation and person around you for your failures. Not weighing food, reliance on 'mentor' to be in life. Living with mom, eating mums food, guessing calories, not weighing food.... So my next question since you seem to have listed the reasons you're NOT losing weight, is what step are you going to do to get you to your goals?
I agree. That was a harsh and demeaning post. Please ignore it. Wow, some people make me shake my head.
Yes, it was a bit hurtful. The question of how much I value myself did open my eyes a little to why I should commit myself to making an effort, but the rest of the comment made me feel a bit bad for asking for advice. I was kind of expecting a comment or two lime that, though; comes with being on the internet.
Thanks to everybody for being supportive!
Yeah. Don't let some stranger who adds no value to your life cause you to feel bad. It's easy for people to hide behind the Internet and say nasty things. You have had a hard time. Not offering any excuses for you, but I am offering a reason. Heck if I had gone through something similar I would be struggling too because I'm an emotional eater and that has zero to do with how much I value myself. The person who said that to you may have no self value in other areas. Food isn't the only struggle a person can have. We are all imperfect beings trying to live out best lives.3 -
You can do it! Everything was pretty easy when I started at 262lbs until I got down to around 190lbs. It became harder to control my emotional eating, I wasn't getting help for my mental challenges (borderline personality disorder) and so I have hung around 190 for the last year, doing well and then falling off just as easily.
Then my mom died this year, a week after mother's day. I went on a two month binge. Gained 10lbs (mostly water, as I was/am back to eating low-carb, high-fat) Soooo much stress with money, and mom dying, and her husband and trying to keep going for my family.
I now have medication to help with my emotional control, which calms the urge to binge. I am very externally motivated, I take pictures of my food to share on all social media and I told my doctor I do well when she sets a weight goal for me. I joined a 90-day challenge.
Now, in my mind, I cannot afford to lose control of myself. Too many people to "disappoint", so many people that I feel accountable to. This time around it is SO. MUCH. EASIER. I am on day 17 of the challenge and I've got through the last two weeks like a breeze!
It's hard to find your motivation but once you find it again, let it take you!4 -
Another person with mental health issues. What helps me is knowing that diet and exercise are two things i can have absolute control over. I feel powerless to my wonky brain a lot of the time but keeping a tight grip on logging religiously and getting my exercise in is massively helpful in not spiralling out of control in other aspects of my life. It's not always easy and this year has been more challenging than last year (10lbs lost vs 40lbs last year, though the year isn't over yet) but the fact is, I'm still losing just slower, my lifestyle is still a world away from what it was over a year ago and for that, there is a lot to be proud of.
You'll get there and being self critical is helpful as long as it doesn't become self hate. Just keep going, keep picking yourself back up and keep dusting yourself off, that's what matters.1 -
You have received the best advice ever.. I love the people on here and am constantly reading/searching. I, too, went through a really bad crap spell for about 2 years which is why I am here (again lol). You can read more on my profile but in short, I had a ruptured brain aneurysm WHILE I was working out.. After I recovered, I could NOT bring myself past the mental block that It could happen again exercising.
I am now facing that mental block and trying to barrell through it as you will too. I have limitations like I can't pick up heavy weights again (sad sad sad) until my blood pressure decreases. So to combat that restriction, I decided on bodyweight training until I get myself healthier.
You can do it and do amazing things!!! Never give up no matter how long it takes!!0
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