How do you politley say "No" to family and friends?

shortmomma81

I have friends that LOVE to cook a lot of unhealthy food, all my family and friends are overweight and like themselves that way. They are always inviting me over and feed me until I am completely stuffed. They'll get offended if you don't eat their food. Everytime my mom comes over she takes us out to eat. My neighbor is always coming over with fresh made cookies and waits for us to eat them in front of her. I lied to one that was not getting the point about having diabetes and by doctors request not allowed to eat certain foods anymore but now she cooks what she considers "healthy" (not) foods in super big portions and stuffs my mouth with them, so that lie completely backfired on me. My daughter wants to be a chef and I've asked her to come up with healthy recipes and offered to make them together, but always ends up cooking sweets and I eat them because I want to be supportive. Sometimes I'm doing great with my goals and becuse I don't want to hurt their feelings end up wasting all my hard work. What do you tell your loved ones? I'm also new to the message boards and I'd like some friends. Thanks! *Sorry, I meant POLITELY.

mrskoopy

I'm thinking there really is no polite way to go about it... Just tell them you want to lose weight and live healthier, and then when you stop eating before your stuffed, or you decline those sweets, it will eventually sink in that you're serious, and you may even unwillingly get them motivated, especially when they start seeing your results.

I_Will_End_You

Maybe just eat a little in moderation, and then be honest when you don't go back for more. Just say that you're trying to live a more healthy lifestyle, which includes not eating when you're already full, regardless of how delicious something is.

PunkinSpice79

I'm having the same issue with clients. My work brings me into different homes and people will make me pies and stuff. Friday I arrived to a client's home and they had already cut me a slice of cheesecake, put it on a plate, and handed it to me with a fork and napkin!!! I didn't know what to do!!!

garber6th

Just say no. Seriously. You have to own your health and sometimes not pleasing people is part of that. By pleasing them and eating what they have made for you, has that served you well? Put yourself first. I usually tell people, "Thanks, it looks delicious, but that's not part of my eating plan right now". It's hard to stand your ground with people you care about sometimes, but the more you do it the easier it gets, and if they care about you they will eventually "get it."

IsisCrisis

Why lie? Why not just be honest and say, "thank you, that looks delicious. Unfortunately I'm dieting right now and have to say no." That should be enough for your neighbor. As for your family, I had to had a frank conversation with one of my relatives and explain that I'm trying to lose weight and have to plan my meals carefully. When I explained what was going on and how important it was to me, they were happy to back off and try to be more supportive.

kbmnurse

NO!

JayVarys

Sometimes I'm doing great with my goals and becuse I don't want to hurt their feelings end up wasting all my hard work. What do you tell your loved ones? I'm also new to the message boards and I'd like some friends. Thanks! *Sorry, I meant POLITELY.

I know it's hard, I'm sure everyone on this fourm has been in that situation. I heard the best way is to say "Sorry, I already ate"
On the subject, I need some fitness/healthy food eating friends, mind if I add you?:happy:

Ogress_2_Prncess

Learning to say no is most ideal but some people take it so personally.
For them, I say you need to learn to talk A LOT more. Less time to stuff food into your mouth & then you can say "Wow, I got full fast. Think I'll just take the rest home with me, if you don't mind." (You really don't have to eat the stuff at home.)

ostrichagain

No Thanks! *grin* <

---

Like a boss. If they get hurt feelings, there isn't a whole lot you can do about that.

Or have a little, a few bites. Enjoy every second of it. There is absolutely no rule anywhere that requires you to eat everything you are served.

They can support you or get the in the backseat while you rock your weightloss.

A_Fit_Mom

Just tell them about your new lifestyle beforehand. Then when they see you eat little of their food, they will understand and not be offended by it.

I say eat in moderation and plan on it before you go.

martialartist77

skoopy is right. If you are in a gym or doing any regular working out they will eventually see for themselves. I also would have plan B AND C already in my head so I never get pushed into eating too much garbage again.

B might be where as soon as you come in you say to them, guys, I love your company and I love all of you but my nutritionist says that part of my new program of healthy eating is that if I am pushed to eat what is not on "his" recommended list I have to leave and go home. I hope you can all respect that. Now you put the blame on a non existant person.

PLAN C- As soon as you've had enough, you push yourself away from the table and pretend there is something you have to do that lasts until dinner is over such as answer "emergency" emails on your blackberry or whatever. Or

Calmly tell then every time they invite you over that youve made other dinner plans because your friends all eat the way you enjoy eating and to be honest, you enjoy eating that way as "its more fun>" (your crown seems to focus only on FUN.)

PLAN E-the direct appraoch. Tell them as soon as oyu walk in with a sweet voice that you are "hoping" you wont feel like anyone here is going to sabotage my food plan as it is now a way of life for me, not a temporary "thing' or diet, and if you guys cant, I have to take off. AND REALLY DO IT. FAST! I guarantee you this wont have to happen more than once. Thats the approach I would directly go to. Unless you really want to be brutally honest and ask them right at dinner, "I'm feeling uncomfortable whenever I eat here because it feels like my food wishes which are very important to me are not being respected." This way you arent blaming you are just saying how you feel. If they dont care how you feel, I have bad news. They aren't worth spending a minute with anyway....family or no!

HollisGrant

Short, firm and friendly is better than a big explanation. Tell them you have health issues, you're working on getting your weight under control, and you're not eating those foods. You can tell them to please go ahead and enjoy themselves. End of story.

The more you explain, the more unsure you will sound.

Also, I eat before I take part in social events so I'm not hungry at all, I just have something tiny to be polite and try to eat it as slowly as possible.

BobbiG35

I always just ask to a piece of cake, cookies ot whatever home with me to enjoy later! Let them know you are full and you will enjoy it later! It is a bit of a white lie but it works everytime!

OtakuMusician

I know this feeling. Just yesterday my friend and I were planning a movie outing, and she suggested Carl's Jr. after dinner. In a trying-to-be-fun way, I said that I was counting calories and that I wouldn't eat, but she could. And she acted like I was making a big deal out of it.

anniegail1961

Hi There: Talk about sabbataging your efforts to change.
You already answered your own question.
You said they were all over weight and they liked themselves that way. Obviously you don't.
Get Honest!
First with yourself: Are you happy being a doormat?
With them-No Thank you I'm working at losing weight and getting in shapeand I can no longer I can't accept them.
If they are offended-Too bad! This is your health and happiness you are talking about.
What if it was a needle of heroin? Would you keep accepting that?
Get a backbone or keep being a door mat!
Ouch! You'll never change until you get honest.

Shari325

I am the only one responsible for my health and what I put in my mouth. No one can force me to eat.
If my friends and family do not accept a simple "No, Thank you" that speaks more to my ability to maintain personal boundaries, than their desire to sabotage my eating plan.

pollypocket3

You can be supportive and not stuff yourself to the max, keep that in mind. And your friend or neighbor that brings cookies over and watches you eat them, you don't have to eat them.. it's not being forced. I understand what you mean with not having a good support system in your immediate grasp but stand your ground and don't let it get the best of you.

P.S. Feel free to add me.

martialartist77

How about a plan E: Hence my user name. Tell everyone when you arrive that you are now taking martial arts lessons and then let them imagine visually this-Say "Guys you really dont want me to be competing with people who are living on chicken breasts and salads and fresh fruit all day while I am eating.........THIS!!!! You do want me to survive, don't you?" If they cant look out for your survival, as I said before, they dont deserve a minute more of your time. People can divorce their family you know. I have a sister I dont speak with anymore because although she has no medical training, she insists on what my body "needs" to start functioning again and that includes going cold turkey from all caffeine products, pain killers ,sleep meds and a couple of other doctor prescribed things, and when I actually listened to her, I became so depressed I didn't leave my house for 2 weeks. "Dont worry, it will pass. Just man up to it." I NEED A SISTER LIKE THAT THE WAY ALL OF YOU GUYS OUT THERE NEED A 3RD TESTICLE.

Do not let anyone run(ruin) your life. Then you give away your free will and become either a slave or an animal. You are neither. As a life coach whose passion is martial arts, you cant believe how many people just "FIND' new passions seemingly out of thin air, the moment they start moving away little by little(or all at once) from family members and friends and co-workers who are toxic and draining to your energy. I don't just give advice, I live it. Yes it hurts that I may never speak to my sister again. It would hurt a lot more if I died following her suggestions!!!

erikmsp72

"Sorry, I've had my calories for today."

Then don't eat what they offer.

It is *their* choice to offer.

It is *your* choice to politely decline, if you are at or over your calories for the day. Or it may be your choice to have a small portion within your allotted calories and then stop.

There are times when the best thing is to thank them for their kindness and then remove yourself from the situation. "Thank you so much for your wonderful hospitality. I have an early morning tomorrow and I need to head home. Thanks again! Bye!" . . . and leave without taking food (leftovers or whatever).

Be proud of your discipline in taking control of your own decisions and calories! It's a great thing! And you do get to actually *make choices* and own the credit for that. There is no shame in saying no to someone's food IF you simply say, "I can't tonight; I'm counting calories." Because, well -- you're counting calories in order to make your life and your health better and to look fantastic. Be proud of that!

LosingMyMarbles

Everyone has great advice, so I really can't add anything there.

When I stopped drinking pop, every time I visited my grandma's, she'd put a glass of coke in front of me and then try to make me feel guilty when I wouldn't drink it. After all, she opened a bottle, added ice, etc. Would not take no for an answer, but I wouldn't drink it. She just didn't get it.

dakitten2

I am so thankful for all of my family and friends that understand the lifestyle journey and are always there to offer me positive reinforcements. But if I was having a problem with anyone, I would simply say, No Thanks, I'm trying to reach a certain weight goal this week.

scarrie2

I get sick of people who have unhealthy habits always downing you for declining. "Always on a diet" my FIL always says. Maybe I don't want to be unhealthy, and that is a choice - is that ok with you???? It pisses me off. We don't pawn our stuff on them, why can't they just let it go?

3foldchord

there have been times I just take one bite, exclaim how delicious it and want to enjoy it later, for dessert.. wrap it up- then later tell my 3 teenage boys where the goodies are that so-n-so brought over.

<-- see those cheeseburger cupcakes there.. My son made those today and brought me one. I will eat it tomorrow, I already my sweet treat today. He is always making yummy treats, wants to be chef when he grows up. I have to find a balance between being supportive of my son"s passions ams careers... And my calorie limit...LOL.
For my son, I will go for an extra bike ride so I can enjoy scones and tea with him. For neighbors, well, smile and say thanks, then pass it off to my 19 yr old bottomless pit.

ziggiezambi

I always just say I'm full. xD

martialartist77

Great idea. Or.......if they are really dense......just say "I FEEL REALLY SICK. I better sit down in the living room." And after 2 or 3 times they will catch on and if they try to blame you, kind of admit...."yeah, the smell of all that food always does that to me. Even if its a 5 star restaurant." so they dont get offended. If they do get offended, I'm sorry to say...they are more toxic to you than the food they serve.

HollisGrant

I have friends that LOVE to cook a lot of unhealthy food, all my family and friends are overweight and like themselves that way. They are always inviting me over and feed me until I am completely stuffed. They'll get offended if you don't eat their food. Everytime my mom comes over she takes us out to eat. My neighbor is always coming over with fresh made cookies and waits for us to eat them in front of her. I lied to one that was not getting the point about having diabetes and by doctors request not allowed to eat certain foods anymore but now she cooks what she considers "healthy" (not) foods in super big portions and stuffs my mouth with them, so that lie completely backfired on me. My daughter wants to be a chef and I've asked her to come up with healthy recipes and offered to make them together, but always ends up cooking sweets and I eat them because I want to be supportive. Sometimes I'm doing great with my goals and becuse I don't want to hurt their feelings end up wasting all my hard work. What do you tell your loved ones? I'm also new to the message boards and I'd like some friends. Thanks! *Sorry, I meant POLITELY.

Second comment. You have to go ahead and "hurt" their feelings. I would say I am not eating out with other people right now and not sharing food or taking food gifts, although I appreciate their hospitality.

mehs04

Don't lie. Just say, "No thank you" or eat smaller portions.

EmilyJackCO

I'm having trouble with this too. I literally have friends bringing me food. *SIGH* And I get the constant - you're gonna get hurt. You're taking things too far. You're anorexic again. Etc etc etc. Mind you - the people all saying this are frustrated with where they are and ask me how I do it, but when I tell them, they don't want to hear it. Let alone put the 8-10 hours a week into the workouts. I know they don't have to do anywhere near as much as I choose to, but... you gotta do something besides grump at me.

So. I just eat the things I know that are good for me and choose one indulgence. Unless I have worked my *kitten* off that day and then I'll eat all the foods.

keith_w61

Perhaps you should point out to your FIL that everyone is always on a diet - some for putting weight on, some for taking it off.

SmartAlec03211988

I just say no. I don't care whether they get offended or not.