Would you date a woman who has kids and you do not?

quirkytizzy

I would not.

If you are aiming for a long term relationship, then you have to be willing to take on the responsibility of being a parental figure. That's essential. It's not fair to just date your partner and ignore their entire life that came before. They deserve better and the kids deserve better.

I am not up for being a parental figure. I would not handle that responsibility well. So I do not attempt to take it on.

Fiercely_Me

Yes, because I know she puts out.

LMAO..Beat me to it.

Do men really think that?

No, we don't. I pretty much expect that any woman I am dating is going to put out, regardless of her having children.

Really dislike the gender generaIizing. Do some men think that? Yes. Do some women think that too? Yes. It's the individual, not the gender.

Yes, it would depend on the individual. It was a light-hearted question, coming from a light-hearted person, but I forgot how serious and politically-correct mfp forums can be. My apologies.

PikaKnight

Yes, because I know she puts out.

LMAO..Beat me to it.

Do men really think that?

No, we don't. I pretty much expect that any woman I am dating is going to put out, regardless of her having children.

Really dislike the gender generaIizing. Do some men think that? Yes. Do some women think that too? Yes. It's the individual, not the gender.

Yes, it would depend on the individual. It was a light-hearted question, coming from a light-hearted person, but I forgot how serious and politically-correct mfp forums can be. My apologies.

Sorry. Sometimes my sarcasm/joke meter gets broken. *smh*

bregalad5

My son is 31 and he can't seem to find a women without kids, he likes kids but said he would prefer to make his own, but would consider a widow. That way he wouldn't have the baby daddy syndrome.

We're out there (single, with no kids), and also preferring those without, but yeah, it's tough! I would date a man with kids, depending on the situation.

Fiercely_Me

Yes, because I know she puts out.

LMAO..Beat me to it.

Do men really think that?

No, we don't. I pretty much expect that any woman I am dating is going to put out, regardless of her having children.

Haha! Good for you

Well, wouldn't you expect that of a man?

In some cases, yes.

glovepuppet

I've yet to have a guy be put off by finding out I have kids. And my ex isn't a problem because we both behave like adults.

Fiercely_Me

Yes, because I know she puts out.

LMAO..Beat me to it.

Do men really think that?

No, we don't. I pretty much expect that any woman I am dating is going to put out, regardless of her having children.

Really dislike the gender generaIizing. Do some men think that? Yes. Do some women think that too? Yes. It's the individual, not the gender.

Yes, it would depend on the individual. It was a light-hearted question, coming from a light-hearted person, but I forgot how serious and politically-correct mfp forums can be. My apologies.

Sorry. Sometimes my sarcasm/joke meter gets broken. *smh*

I wasn't being sarcastic at all. I apologized if you were offended.

FightingToLoseTheThighs

I wouldn't date a widow. The few widows I know (including my sister) all seem to put their dead spouse on a pedestal even if they were a complete loser. It's hard enough to deal with the insecurities an ex leaves behind then having to deal with been told the deceased was always perfect

I wouldn't date a man with kids that didn't support them both financially and emotionally. If he can't treat his kids right there is no way he will treat me right.

I don't think I could date a man with kids though. If my kids had a step mother I'd expect for her to love and care for my kids as if they were her own and to put their happiness above her own and I'm honest enough to admit that I don't for other people's children and would hate to always be second place to them.

glovepuppet

Also, no guy I'm just dating is going to meet my kids anyway. I see no reason to drag my love life into their home.

starlaca

Yes, because I know she puts out.

LMAO..Beat me to it.

Do men really think that?

No, we don't. I pretty much expect that any woman I am dating is going to put out, regardless of her having children.

:laugh:

_KrisMarie_

I'm a single mom with joint custody. Some guys will date you if you have kids, some guys won't. Frankly, the ones who won't, no hard feelings. I'm certainly not going to try to change their minds on that point. I was a step-parent at one point in my life; I helped raise two older kids before I ever had my own and it's no easy task (though parenting in general isn't easy, step-parenting just has it's own difficulties).

Even so, I'd still personally prefer to date a guy who had one or two kids because he knows what it's like to be a parent and have that responsibility. Of course, I'm talking about someone I consider a good and responsible parent. However, I wouldn't date someone who had more than the occasional disagreement with the ex. My ex-husband and I were terrible spouses, but we're good business partners when it comes to raising our kiddo. No drama between us, so I expect the same from someone I'm dating.

I'd date a guy who had no kids, as long as he was understanding of the fact that I am a parent, and that title carries with it a lot of responsibility. And like another poster said, I don't let many people I date meet my kiddo anyway. We'd have to be really serious before that happened. No reason to have your child meeting people that aren't sticking around for much more than dinner and a movie once or twice.

Oishii

I dated a guy when I was just out of uni who had a child. It wasn't a big deal, he just needed time with the baby every now and again. He hadn't even been dating the mother, so I guess that changes the dynamics.

Now I'm married with kid (soon to be kids :happy:). If I was ever single again, we'd come as a package and any man/woman who was interested in me would have to accept that.

megabyt23

Yes, because I know she puts out.

:noway::noway: :noway:

csuhar

Possibly. (I'm defining "date" here as meaning pursuing a serious relationship, not just going to a party together or keeping each other company for an evening.)

For me, the big question is how she came to have kids. It isn't kids I have concerns about as much as the behavior or issues I can expect from the mother. As someone who is saving sex for marriage, I would be curious as to what the presence of the children, a 99% sure sign she has previously had sex, can indicate about her approach to the interplay between sex and relationships.

If the kids came from a previous marriage and she's a widow, I have no problem. If she's divorced, I still don't really have a problem, but at some point I'd want to know about custody issues because my job can send me around the world.

If she's never been married, or the kids are otherwise from her bachelorette days, then I'd have more questions. For instance, if I'm treating sex as something special I want to reserve for my spouse while she has not, is that going to be a relationship issue for us? (There are people who view sex as an important part of a pre-marriage / pre-commitment relationship. That's fine for them, but it's not for me. After already going through periods where I was geographically or medically incapable of having sex with any hypothetical partners, I want to be sure the relationship is built solidly on aspects that don't require my constant presence or perfect health.).

Of course, none of this is a matter of absolutes. The fact the kids she has were conceived during a previous marriage does not mean she saved sex for marriage. Conversely, if having a kid outside of marriage convinced her to wait for marriage from that point on, my concerns about how she connects sex and relationships are reduced.



The one thing, however, that sends me going the other way is the phrase "my children will always come first". Don't get me wrong, I would not even want to be in a relationship with a woman who did not love her children as much as my mother loved and devoted herself to my brother and I. Even if I've set up a big, fancy, expensive date and it has to be cancelled because the child gets sick or otherwise needs their mother's attention, I'm not going to be upset. I understand that the commitments and limitations inherent to parenthood are already present in the situation. But that phrase (particularly the "always part") leaves me with the heavy concern that all I could ever be is an accessory to her "Mother and child(ren)" group. Call me selfish, but I don't want to be an accessory to, or an "also present" facet of, that relationship. I want to be a full-fledged, equal member of that family group.

ellew70

Depends. .. How tall are they, and do they eat clean?

and lift heavy?

LiftBigtoGetFit

yes, if they have kids it means they put out...










....totally j/k

littlebuddy84

I'm not very fond of kids so I definitely wouldn't date a man with kids.

Joehenny

Yea, it's no big deal to me. I tell them upfront I don't like children.

I have only ran into a few where it really became a problem. I don't expect a woman to put me ahead or on par with her child, but it's pretty frustrating when they use the child as an excuse for everything.

Minerva624

No.

pattya925

Also, no guy I'm just dating is going to meet my kids anyway. I see no reason to drag my love life into their home.

Agreed. In the eight years since since my separation/divorce, my son has met ONE person after six months of dating. We ultimately were engaged.

I would prefer a man with a child - and he must be actively involved in his children's lives. Parenting requires a certain type of flexibility and sacrifice and it would ease my mind to know that I am dating someone that gets that.