Would you date a woman who has kids and you do not?

Iam918

Yeah I would as at my age it's getting harder to find 'em w/o kids. Although, if it was to be a serious long term type relationship, they'd need to be down for at least one more. *I want one of my own*

JayVarys

I would date a women who has a kid, why not? once in awhile I might wanna release my inner child and play with action figures or board games.

Trace66xx

I dated a man with 4 kids, I have one myself, ages when we met 10 - My daughter, 8 - his daughter, then he has 3 boys 18 months, 5 and 7, we're now 10 yrs on, its been a hard struggle but I wouldn't have it any other way, we married 3 yrs ago wanting to be sure. Ye the children have really tested us, but life is good, so yep I would do it all again even though my friends & family thought I was MAD! (I'm actually known to not like kids too much, I don't know how we did it but we did and its been a rollercoaster but great to see them all grow too.

thewisette

Yes! Kids are just an added bonus in my opinion (coming from me who has a child). Plus, it takes a strong man/woman to pick up where the other left off. My dad took me and my brother in when we were just infants and he to this day has no kids of his own. In me eyes, he is such a badass!!! But those who don't want kids or who couldn't date someone with kids, I respect your choice as well.

Koldnomore

From a female perspective:

I like children but decided a very long time ago that I never wanted to have any for many reasons including various medical issues which may have affected my abilities to carry a child to term and complete the birthing process successfully. Before I met my boyfriend I never thought I could date someone with kids and I didn't want to go through all the BS with the 'crazy x' that most men I had been around had.

Funny how life changes you. My boyfriend came into my life while still living in the same house as his x-wife and their 16 month old baby due to financial constraints. He moved out shortly after we met when his financial situation improved. Since they were both responsible (and not crazy) adults they were able to put aside any issues resulting from being married to one another and focus on the child. This made my integration into my boyfriends life and (by the very nature of the circumstances into his x-wife's life as well) very interesting to say the least.

As someone said before:

If the mother and father have a good relationship, it can work out very well. Especially if the father plays an active role. If he does, then I would expect to fill more of a role model position for the children involved rather than a parent and would want the mother and father to make the parental decisions. If the father isn't actively involved, then I would expect to take a limited parental role with deference to the mother.

4 1/2 years later, they still communicate daily regarding their son. I have the best father/partner in the world, an amazing friend who has graciously allowed me to share in the life of her child and a 5yr old little boy who is the most intelligent & happy child I have ever seen to help guide through life. Not all 'baby daddies/mommies' are crazy. It is totally possible, with some work (on all parts) to have a successful relationship with someone who has children from a previous marriage.

loopylin32

I have 4 kids, a crazy ex and Im happily single, but by no means "broken". As far as dating someone with kids is concerned a lot depends on the circs. You shouldnt involve yourself in kids lives unless youre fully prepared to stay there. Far better to just avoid relationships with women/men with kids than to start something then walk away.

jjscholar

I would say no because a parent's first responsibility is to take care of the children... That is it is never a good idea to come between a man or woman and his or her children...

Besides, so called blended families I do not believe work out very well at all...

Or put it another way: romantic relationships come and go but, children are forever...

loopylin32

I would say no because a parent's first responsibility is to take care of the children... That is it is never a good idea to come between a man or woman and his or her children...

Besides, so called blended families I do not believe work out very well at all...

Or put it another way: romantic relationships come and go but, children are forever...

this is wrong on so many levels! You can totally be a responsible parent and still have a relationship provided you tread carefully and choose wisely. If that werent the case once your relationship with your childrens mum/dad was over then you would essentially be completely celibate until they leave home.Not a good option. Blended families are just like any ANY other kind of family. There are awesome, happy , nurturing ones , and terrible ones and every grade in between.

glovepuppet

Besides, so called blended families I do not believe work out very well at all...

your belief ≠ reality.
my stepdad is the best.

WalkingMermaid_

I'm 30, I would not want to date someone with young kids, just because I'm generally not fond of small kids and babies. I have a 13 year old son, who is simply awesome and always has been, but anyone else's child, I just can't deal with (sounds mean I know)

Now that my son is older, I have HEAPS of free time to pursue my hobbies etc, I have a nice little cosy routine going on, and I wouldn't want anything to ruin that. So therefore I would not chose to date someone with young children. Neither would I date someone who wanted kids.

Just personal preference :happy:

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rml_16

These threads are funny.

I had my daughter when I was 17, so my entire adult dating life I have been a single mom. I have never lacked for attention from men. Every man I dated knew before the first date that I had a child and I never ask a man out. I like being pursued and no man is worth it if he doesn't.

More than one of those men had a "strict policy" not to date a woman with kids. What that really means is "unless I really, really like her."

Heck, the guy I'm with now felt that way, then married a woman with a kud, got divorced, decided he'd never do that again and then met me. That was eight years ago.

Cp731

there is usually a back story and drama associated w/parents, ex's.
at least one of the parents seem to be more immature or skeptical about someone new coming into the scene
someone always seems to have hurt feelings
the children get emotionally bounced around trying to choose a side, which is so unfair.

going into the dating scene w/kids should be left to parents who are going to keep that aspect of their lives private until its a sure thing, in a perfect world of course

I would consider dating someone w/a child, and I would not meet their kid till I was sure there was a future and I would have already made an assessment of his relationship w/the ex and that part of the family.
I have a child, I am widowed, his entire family is deceased as well, so there is no drama.

I am one of those ppl who is leary about dating someone w/a kid

mustang289

Would you date a woman who has kids and you do not?

No, my wife wouldn't be happy with me if I did.

As a side note, when I married her 28 years ago she had 3 kids and I had none.

Alatariel75

I just married a guy who has a kid and I don't and never will.

My step daughter is great, and we get along wonderfully.
However, he is the non-custodial parent, we have her weekends. I think it would have been different if he had been the custodial parent (which the majority of single mums are), because, as it was, he kept me separate from that part of his life until we were fairly serious (to avoid any upset on his daughter's behalf) and so we got to know each other without that element and then I got to know her slowly. I don't know if I'd have been as interested if they had come as a unit from the start, as I'm not really a kid person unless its a kid I have some emotional investment in.

bellygoaway

I would not not date someone just because they had kids. It would totally depend on the person, so to answer your question Yes I would.

sissiluv

Nuh uh, I'm too young for babies yet I think.

MelsAuntie

I very much doubt I'll ever date again, but my answer when I was dating age, would have been...no, absolutely not..

CaliforniaSweetheart

Some of my friends have children and have no problem getting dates. I also wouldn't refuse someone just because they have kids and I don't. I kind of prefer it actually.

Will_Thrust_For_Candy

Also, no guy I'm just dating is going to meet my kids anyway. I see no reason to drag my love life into their home.

Agreed. In the eight years since since my separation/divorce, my son has met ONE person after six months of dating. We ultimately were engaged.

I would prefer a man with a child - and he must be actively involved in his children's lives. Parenting requires a certain type of flexibility and sacrifice and it would ease my mind to know that I am dating someone that gets that.

I agree with both of the above comments.

I will not, however, date a deadbeat dad. If you don't see your kids or don't support them, take a hike.

NormInv

yes i would, IF she does not have ex drama, and if she doesnt come to the dating table as a mom. Need to be able to court her as a woman first, then meet the kids down the road.

michael1976_ca

i have in the past she had two kids. the meet ex hubby is soooo unconfortable but he insisted on meeting me since i was going to be around his kids. but if the chace open up again i would take my time and not rush into it. the break up was not good for any one except her she got a new guy and replaced me fast.

TheEffort

Yes...next question.

ibtiamat

No. Cause I'm married. And generally don't date women And I don't like kids, generally.

I also wouldn't date a dude with kids cause again: Married and generally don't like kids

well this is for men but if women want to give input so be it

yeah....that will definitely happen, being a public forum and all. Don't see why this should be limited to one sex anyways...or sexual preference either.

Regardless of who has the kids (female or male), it is all about personal preference and making a decision by the other party in regards to feeling ready to accept a certain level of responsibility that will happen if the relationship progresses far enough.

Comes down to the other party wanting and being ready to have a family....as well as being prepared for the difficulties that they will face in regards to "becoming" a part of a ready made family.

Amen.

Amazonbella

NOPE! Only if the kids were old enough to be doing their own thing. I have tried dating men with young children and as it should be their time is consumed by them, I find that hard on a relationship, or when a guy is looking at you to be "mommy"--I never wanted children, I took precautions not to have them and I don't want them in my almost 40's....so if they are under 14 years old I won't get seriously involved with them. That isn't being selfish either, if you know what you want and don't want do it for you, no one else's opinion really matters to your quest for happiness!

MelsAuntie

NOPE! Only if the kids were old enough to be doing their own thing. I have tried dating men with young children and as it should be their time is consumed by them, I find that hard on a relationship, or when a guy is looking at you to be "mommy"--I never wanted children, I took precautions not to have them and I don't want them in my almost 40's....so if they are under 14 years old I won't get seriously involved with them. That isn't being selfish either, if you know what you want and don't want do it for you, no one else's opinion really matters to your quest for happiness!

Agreed 100%. Not every woman wants kids, and especially not to be saddled with another woman's kids. I also made sure I would never be pregnant.

justicer68

I am to old to deal with little ones (young kids) unless they are nephews or friends kids so I can give them back. If they are older kids and there is no drama between the exes i have no problem. It would depend in the person. I don't want to be raising little children in my 40's-50's. when I was younger maybe but now? Nada. I've even taken precautions with myself to ensure that's not happening. It's enough that I will have to be dealing with menopause in the near future (which I hope is way way off).

T0FatToB3S1ck

No. I'm terrible when it comes to the double standard on this topic. If I wanted an actual relationship with somebody, they would have to be kid free. If I was interested in just hooking up, it really wouldn't matter. I guess it's a good thing I'm not single.

RenCara

During my divorce, my ex kept telling me, " You're 40 years old with three kids. No one will want you. You'll be alone for the rest of your life." That didn't stop me from not wanting to be married to him. (Can you guess why I wanted to leave?) Thankfully, I found a wonderful man who was open to dating me, even with my 3 teen-aged daughters and crazy ex. As a matter of fact, I was the one reluctant to date him because he was 6 years younger than me, with no children and I didn't want to go down that road again. However, we took a chance on each other. We fell in love and eloped 6 months later. My life has never been happier.

Given my story... I would never say never because you could be shutting the wrong door!

m76b

Given my story... I would never say never because you could be shutting the wrong door!
[/quote]

^^^this!