Moms of College Freshman Teenage Daughters? Anyone??
O. M. G.
Save me from my 18 year old.
Love her, love her, love her. My youngest, my sweetheart, my angel. BUT SHE IS MAKING ME CRAZY. I think we have made her life too easy. She's away at school an hour south of us and is MISERABLE living away from home.
Kid? Do you have ANY IDEA how fortunate you are to be going to school with no student loans to worry about? A warm and safe place to live? All the food you can possibly eat LOL
She is a whole 6 DAYS into her college career and ready to come home because of being homesick. UGH.
Okay, so that's my day! How 'bout you =P
Save me from my 18 year old.
Love her, love her, love her. My youngest, my sweetheart, my angel. BUT SHE IS MAKING ME CRAZY. I think we have made her life too easy. She's away at school an hour south of us and is MISERABLE living away from home.
Kid? Do you have ANY IDEA how fortunate you are to be going to school with no student loans to worry about? A warm and safe place to live? All the food you can possibly eat LOL
She is a whole 6 DAYS into her college career and ready to come home because of being homesick. UGH.
Okay, so that's my day! How 'bout you =P
1
Replies
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I don't have a daughter, but I remember the girls in our freshmen dorm were in tears for the first 2-4 weeks, the parents constantly over during the week, them going home on the weekends, etc. I remember thinking, what the freak is going on?1
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »What do you mean no student loans to worry about?? Does she have a trust fund? Please tell.
Possibly has a scholarship!0 -
I don't have any kids but I feel like commenting because your daughter is/was exactly me. I am in University right now in my last year and also have everything paid for and no loans and no worries. I also go to school an hour away. In first year, I lived in the dorms and came home every other weekend because I was lonely / homesick. And then after first year I moved back home and commute to school. I hope I'm not annoying my parents that much and hopefully I didn't make you lose hope in your sitation haha2
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I was just teasingFridayApril01st2016 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »What do you mean no student loans to worry about?? Does she have a trust fund? Please tell.
Possibly has a scholarship!
Of course, I know you; too well lol!0 -
O. M. G.
Save me from my 18 year old.
Love her, love her, love her. My youngest, my sweetheart, my angel. BUT SHE IS MAKING ME CRAZY. I think we have made her life too easy. She's away at school an hour south of us and is MISERABLE living away from home.
Kid? Do you have ANY IDEA how fortunate you are to be going to school with no student loans to worry about? A warm and safe place to live? All the food you can possibly eat LOL
She is a whole 6 DAYS into her college career and ready to come home because of being homesick. UGH.
Okay, so that's my day! How 'bout you =P
Tell her to go get drunk and find a man. Basically get started with college life. She will soon forget all about you.0 -
When I left for college I moved 3 hours away, the first 2 weeks I was a mess. I was so excited to leave, but then didnt think I'd make it being away from my parents once they were gone. After the first few weeks though I was totally fine, and then my mom was chasing me down trying to get a proper phone call out of me. It'll pass, she'll get her footing, it just means she misses you and loves you!4
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Don't think of it as you made life too easy, but that she grew up surrounded very loved. I'm almost 28, 5 kids. I kind of wish my mom lived with me because I miss her!1
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I agree, she's grown up with a lot of love. It's difficult to enjoy your new life when the one you've had has been pretty great. It is hard to appreciate what you have when you don't have what you want. Personally, I was thrilled to be away from home (eat/sleep/befriend like I wanted), but being two hours away, I knew I wasn't far if I wanted to be home. There were some girls who went home every weekend, they missed out on the college experience by not accepting it for what it was. Perhaps she would feel more comfortable going to county college for a couple of years and then transferring. Some are ready from the start, others need to ease into it slowly.2
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »What do you mean no student loans to worry about?? Does she have a trust fund? Please tell.
No trust fund, but a very wealthy dad. Whom I am very happily no longer married to
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pianoplaya94 wrote: »I don't have any kids but I feel like commenting because your daughter is/was exactly me. I am in University right now in my last year and also have everything paid for and no loans and no worries. I also go to school an hour away. In first year, I lived in the dorms and came home every other weekend because I was lonely / homesick. And then after first year I moved back home and commute to school. I hope I'm not annoying my parents that much and hopefully I didn't make you lose hope in your sitation haha
Thank you for responding! Can you tell me what it is about living in the dorms that was tough for you? Kara (my daughter) is having trouble with roommates. We've raised our kids to be able to have a glass of wine or a beer now and again, but she's really having trouble with her roommates drinking & hard partying EVERY NIGHT and it's just been a week. She's in a suite with 3 other girls and has her own room, but I think feels really isolated because the partying scene just isn't her thing.0 -
ncboiler89 wrote: »
Tell her to go get drunk and find a man. Basically get started with college life. She will soon forget all about you.
Dude, I wish it were that easy. She has a boyfriend at home (probably part of the issue) and she's not a big partier. But, thanks
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saragreen012 wrote: »When I left for college I moved 3 hours away, the first 2 weeks I was a mess. I was so excited to leave, but then didnt think I'd make it being away from my parents once they were gone. After the first few weeks though I was totally fine, and then my mom was chasing me down trying to get a proper phone call out of me. It'll pass, she'll get her footing, it just means she misses you and loves you!
Super encouraging
Thank you! 0 -
MsAmandaNJ wrote: »I agree, she's grown up with a lot of love. It's difficult to enjoy your new life when the one you've had has been pretty great. It is hard to appreciate what you have when you don't have what you want. Personally, I was thrilled to be away from home (eat/sleep/befriend like I wanted), but being two hours away, I knew I wasn't far if I wanted to be home. There were some girls who went home every weekend, they missed out on the college experience by not accepting it for what it was. Perhaps she would feel more comfortable going to county college for a couple of years and then transferring. Some are ready from the start, others need to ease into it slowly.
Thank you to you, and to @ellebreedlove42 for your kind words My older daughter had similar issues and came home after one semester, to attend a local university. She's done very well with that, but I had kinda hoped that Kara would be the one to actually fly the coop, as she is my more confident/social child. And I feel like she's missing out on the college experience, too - one of my big issues with this! Gaaaaaah.
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Is he into adopting a son to promote diversity and interracial adoption?!?Cutaway_Collar wrote: »What do you mean no student loans to worry about?? Does she have a trust fund? Please tell.
No trust fund, but a very wealthy dad. Whom I am very happily no longer married to
Hahahahaaaaa!! We actually also have a son - he's 25, happily graduated from college and working. FINALLY!0 -
Ohhheemmmgeeeeeeeeee!
I feel your pain and I'm not quite there but almost. I have a 16 y/o daughter (soon to be 17) and in her senior year. I guess I'm guilty of ruining her maybe early on and spoiling her as she was my little princess and I just adored her. We all did. She now has this very sickening attitude of entitlement. The upside, if we don't kill each other before grad date she will probably do her best to get far far far away from me lol lol. Ohhh teenage girls. The joy!
But I think your daughter is just going through that adjustment that happens when you leave home and realize all of what you took for granted is not there. No matter how close or how far you are. Some parents get the "empty nest" and I'm sure some kids who've left the nest go through something on their own. Hopefully she connects soon with someone who is feeling like her and they can relate. I personally loved college, loved living in the dorms and being away from home. But that isn't the case as we know for all. Wishing her well!0 -
Let's loop her in and see what she has to say.0
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I am told that many kids go a little wild when they first get away from home. But they learn their lessons and settle down a bit pretty quickly.
That said, there is a real problem with the culture of drinking and college-aged females. And, my younger son went to UC Santa Barbara for two years and then transferred to a smaller school, in part because the party-scene at the school got to be too much for him.
Good luck with this. I am sure she will work it out. If you care enough about her to fret about the situation on here, that gets communicated to her, one way or another, and that makes all the difference in the world! She'll make it.1 -
My daughter recently confessed that she cried every day for the first week at school. And like your daughter she was only about 2 hours south of home. And her dumbass boyfriend was there (thankfully he is now an ex). She flat out told me not to call for the first week because just the sound of my voice would make her want to come home.
She toughed it and and it got better. She still has her "I need my mom" days, and cries on the phone, not to come home, but somedays being an adult just sucks. . . and I'm sure we all can relate to that.2 -
Is there any chance she could change to a single room? If not, encourage her to seek out her own kind - they're probably just a club away in the form of maybe a gaming club or some sort of intramural sport team, frisbee golf perhaps? There is usually free counseling available on campus and I always highly encourage anyone and everyone to take full advantage of THAT! There is no stigma, it's practically a perk of being a college student! She may be feeling frustrated that the onus is completely on her without the help of older siblings and parents to get situated - and may be floundering. Encourage her to go out, sans roommates, and see what the college has to offer. And she is only an hour away, let her be a suitcase student for a while in weekends if she wants to come home for a break from the drunkards. 2
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Ipianoplaya94 wrote: »I don't have any kids but I feel like commenting because your daughter is/was exactly me. I am in University right now in my last year and also have everything paid for and no loans and no worries. I also go to school an hour away. In first year, I lived in the dorms and came home every other weekend because I was lonely / homesick. And then after first year I moved back home and commute to school. I hope I'm not annoying my parents that much and hopefully I didn't make you lose hope in your sitation haha
Thank you for responding! Can you tell me what it is about living in the dorms that was tough for you? Kara (my daughter) is having trouble with roommates. We've raised our kids to be able to have a glass of wine or a beer now and again, but she's really having trouble with her roommates drinking & hard partying EVERY NIGHT and it's just been a week. She's in a suite with 3 other girls and has her own room, but I think feels really isolated because the partying scene just isn't her thing.
This is part of the college experience. My parents are European and we were allowed to drink growing up as long as we didn't drive anywhere. When I got to school,some girls went crazy with their new found freedom. Living with other girls isn't easy but it WILL get better. Once classes really get going she'll meet other friends outside of those living with her or next door.
I recall being somewhat homesick the first couple of weeks too. It's like moving to a new city where you know no one. It takes a bit to establish relationships.
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Intrinsicat wrote: »Is there any chance she could change to a single room?
Yes - her dad has agreed to let her switch to a single/private room when she is able to request that. And, she's welcome to come home on the weekends, I just wish that she would stay there and get to know people, you know? There is a group called Cru that she's going to check out on Thursday night. Crossing my fingers and praying for a connection there.1 -
meredithgir199 wrote: »
This is part of the college experience. My parents are European and we were allowed to drink growing up as long as we didn't drive anywhere. When I got to school,some girls went crazy with their new found freedom.
Thanks! One of the reasons we've allowed our kids to have beer/wine as they hit 15/16 is because we didn't want them to go all crazy when they went to college, thinking that it was some rare, exotic treat. And we wanted to teach them responsible drinking, and I think we did a pretty good job.
Our 25 year old son rarely drinks and typically declines an offer of a beer or a glass of wine or even a cocktail. The 22 year old girl likes beer and will drink it when offered, but doesn't go all nuts. And Kara (my 18 year old "baby") has pretty good self control as well. I mean - I would be completely okay if she did choose to drink at college - absolutely fine. For the moment, it just really seems to bug her.
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pianoplaya94 wrote: »I don't have any kids but I feel like commenting because your daughter is/was exactly me. I am in University right now in my last year and also have everything paid for and no loans and no worries. I also go to school an hour away. In first year, I lived in the dorms and came home every other weekend because I was lonely / homesick. And then after first year I moved back home and commute to school. I hope I'm not annoying my parents that much and hopefully I didn't make you lose hope in your sitation haha
Thank you for responding! Can you tell me what it is about living in the dorms that was tough for you? Kara (my daughter) is having trouble with roommates. We've raised our kids to be able to have a glass of wine or a beer now and again, but she's really having trouble with her roommates drinking & hard partying EVERY NIGHT and it's just been a week. She's in a suite with 3 other girls and has her own room, but I think feels really isolated because the partying scene just isn't her thing.
Hi! There is not much partying that goes on at my school and the partying that does happen is just some small dorm parties. But I think living in a dorm just made me feel really isolated as well. I'm shy and have a hard time making friends and although I did have some friends in my dorm area, we weren't super close and didn't really have much in common. So all that just made me feel really isolated and lonely. It made me miss everything at home: my family and my high school friends (which are still my best friends even though many of them live at their schools). Maybe your daughter misses her "old" life ?0 -
I am happy to say that both my kids decided not to go away to college - my daughter goes to a local private college about 20 min away and she is so happy she did that- she wasn't comfortable with the whole dorm thing and being with someone she didn't know etc- plus she is a neat freak and controlling and likes things her way so it was a good decision - and my son is going to a local community college about 25 min away but in 2 years will have to dorm a little bit further away at another college - going away isn't for everyone ... As a parent I know they are home... not far away i know what they are doing -( sort of lol) but now I worry about the driving there so it's always something -0
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[quote="pianoplaya94;37465031I'm shy and have a hard time making friends and although I did have some friends in my dorm area, we weren't super close and didn't really have much in common. So all that just made me feel really isolated and lonely. It made me miss everything at home: my family and my high school friends (which are still my best friends even though many of them live at their schools). Maybe your daughter misses her "old" life ? [/quote]
Thanks again for responding She's not super shy, but she is not an extrovert, either. Have you head of the term "introverted extrovert"? That is Kara. She does miss her old life - but it's not we're far away. A quick 60 minute drive up the highway! Today she completely advocated for herself and I am VERY PROUD OF HER. She convinced housing to allow her to move into a 2 person suite, the girls share the bathroom. There is no common "gathering area" that could be used for parties, just 2 rooms, a small hallway and the bathroom. *knock wood* she will be better with this change.
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My daughter, our oldest is 20...she had many friends go away for college. From an hour away to 8 hours away. My daughter went across town for college. She lived at home. She really felt that she was missing out. She would visit them some and thought they had it great....we one by one, her friends made their way back to home, going to school right here in town!! ....so, really, it is a huge adjustment, and some just are ready for life right after high school!! Lol0
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