Help! How to deal with people trying to sabotage your weightloss journey

beccapineapple8756

Thanks for the help everyone. I'm not usually one to put my foot down and argue with someone. But I do really want this change I guess I need to learn to stand up for myself and look after myself. I need to say goodbye to the shy chick I've been and become more confident.

kgeyser

All,

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Thanks,

kgeyser

snickerscharlie

beccapineapple8756 wrote: »

Thanks for the help everyone. I'm not usually one to put my foot down and argue with someone. But I do really want this change I guess I need to learn to stand up for myself and look after myself. I need to say goodbye to the shy chick I've been and become more confident.

And what will help you stick up for yourself in this instance is the fact that what you are proposing is completely reasonable and equitable.

Let us know how it goes.

kshama2001

ItsyBitsy246 wrote: »

Screw him. Each of you buy your own food. I had a variety of housemates off and on for about twenty years. We never split food, and each had our own space in the cupboards.

Ya, I never split food expenses with housemates either.

ninerbuff

It's NOT sabotage. It's disagreement on what you guys eat. So buy what you need to buy and let him buy what he wants.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

sara_b0702

When I lived with roommates in college, we all bought our own food but would share the costs of communal goods like flour, baking soda, milk (if we all drank the same kind - rarely happened), and that sort of thing. Everyone's food preferences are just way too different, in my opinion, to successfully do what you were doing in the past; I've only ever had it work with my fiance because we actually share a household.

It sounds like he might feel that you're trying to tell him what to do with "his" money since shopping is done with both his and your money; it's an understandable frustration but not so understandable that him blowing up at you isn't weird. So take his money out of the equation and do the food shopping separately. I'd also sit down and talk to him when you're both away from the issue (like not right after food shopping but maybe when you're both just relaxing after work) and tell him how you've been feeling, without placing blame on him: "I feel upset when you tell me that 'I shouldn't have let my weight get this bad' and then get angry when I'm trying to change my diet. I value our friendship too much to let the arguments over food shopping ruin it, so I am going to start doing my own food shopping."

aliciamariaq

beccapineapple8756 wrote: »

Thanks for the help everyone. I'm not usually one to put my foot down and argue with someone. But I do really want this change I guess I need to learn to stand up for myself and look after myself. I need to say goodbye to the shy chick I've been and become more confident.

I totally get that you don't feel comfortable with this because you were always the shy one and not used to putting your foot down. But on the other hand you are making a perfectly reasonable request and his reaction was not. In fact his comments were pretty hurtful.

After things settle down you do need to talk to him about it and let him know that you still value his friendship and shouldn't let arguments over food ruin it, as the person above suggested.

esjones12

beccapineapple8756 wrote: »

Thanks for the help everyone. I'm not usually one to put my foot down and argue with someone. But I do really want this change I guess I need to learn to stand up for myself and look after myself. I need to say goodbye to the shy chick I've been and become more confident.

This is the attitude you need to hold fast to! It is beautiful. Your friend will understand eventually. He may be upset over something else, or just doesn't like the change in food arrangements. If he is really your friend he will get over it and you guys will move past it. Any relationship has bumps like this. But what you need to do is look after yourself first. Make healthy changes that need to be made...not all of them will be easy. For instance, I had to cut a lot of people out of my life because all they did was go out and drink and party - which were not good for me nutritionally or emotionally. It was hard at first, but I am better off now. No judgement to those who do that - it just isn't right for the lifestyle I choose to live now.

Best of luck girl!

PennWalker

beccapineapple8756 wrote: »

Thanks for the help everyone. I just spoke to him and he isn't very happy about it. I said that being this big isn't good for me and I need to look after myself. Doctor said that I need to loose more weight. He kinda just blew up than stormed out the door. I'm a bit confused to his reaction. But now I know I'll be able to get the food I need. And thanks for that suggestion I'll go see the grocery store manager in the morning

He sounds immature. Basically, he had a temper tantrum. That was not kind to you at all. Also, maybe he has been buying pizza etc. partly as treats for the both of you?

I would pool some money for mutual items and then buy my own food. Good luck.

Sabine_Stroehm

If you're an adult, shop for your own food. You shouldn't be tied to what someone else thinks you should eat.

That said: it doesn't sound like "sabotage" (which is typically ON PURPOSE) just self-centeredness.

nickisa28

I agree that you should just buy your own foods. Also ignore his stupid comments! My husband isn't the most supportive of my weight loss. He kept buying junk food for the house or trying to get me to eat out at unhealthy places. After weeks of not touching the junk food and me keep saying no, he saw I was serious and wasn't going to be derailed so stopped. He's now decided to join me stick guns and see it as a challenge that you CAN overcome X

Juliapadg

He's been happy with the way things were and he doesn't like change. Lots of people don't like change, but in your case, it's necessary. He doesn't have to change his diet. Everyone who has said you shop for your own food is right. You can budget for dish detergent and toilet paper, and do that together, but otherwise you do your own thing. Tell him like this, "I have to make these changes, but I would never want to try to force you to do what I want, so in the future we are going to need to shop separately. This is nothing against our friendship and nothing against you. It's simple logistics."

cwolfman13

When I lived with roommates I shopped for my own food for the most part and they shopped for their own food...EZPZ

tksmith82

He doesn't sound like a very good friend, I must say. In this case you've really got to "do you" as they say. Buy your own food and take care of yourself as *you* said. I personally would also consider stepping back from a friendship with this person, because for some reason he's very invested in you staying the same - but you don't have an obligation to do this in any way, I don't just mean eating or weight or exercise. Perhaps secretly he would like to make some changes and hasn't been and is angry because you are. Or maybe he sees these changes in you as a rejection of your life and therefore him? Anyway, this is about you and your health. Good luck and forge ahead.

toe1226

it sounds like not only should you * definitely * be doing your own grocery shopping, but also, maybe it is time to set some boundaries with this friend/housemate of yours. Setting those boundaries may empower you even more to take charge of your own health!