Does group support work and is it necessary?

txfyreflye

Machka9 wrote: »

txfyreflye wrote: »

Machka9 wrote: »

txfyreflye wrote: »

I've been told that getting support for weight loss from a group of people isn't essential and that you don't need to verbalize your feelings in public and probably shouldn't.

What do you think?

You've been told correctly. It is not not necessary.

For me, personally ...

The last thing on earth I wanted to do when I was losing weight was to let anyone (in person) know about it. I did not want to talk about it and I did not want any (in person) comments.

Forums are a little different. I tend to talk more in forums, but even so I don't ask a whole lot of questions or reveal a whole lot of feelings and things.

And people's responses ... mostly good. Probably 99% good.

I see your points. Good thoughts.
One thing for me is the need to have others involved. I wish I had the strength you and some others do. I simply do not. When I could afford WW, I went there. Now I cannot afford it so I have to find an alternative.

Anyway thanks for the thoughts.

For me, it's all about numbers. CI<CO. This is what worked:

• Enter your information into MFP
• Select sedentary as your activity level
• MFP will give you a maximum number of calories to work with
• Eat that amount or slightly less (weigh your food to ensure you are consuming the correct number of calories)
• Stick with it
• If you exercise, log it, but under-estimate the time and intensity for a more accurate number of calories burned.
• Eat about half the exercise calories back
• Stick with it
• Go to your grocery store and browse the aisles reading labels and carefully considering all the options ... there are a lot of options available
• Experiment with foods to discover which foods have staying power and keep you full longer ... and which don't
• Stick with it
• But only stick with it for 3 or 4 months ... this is not a forever thing ... at the end of 3 or 4 months you can reassess the situation and decide if you want a short diet break or if you want to keep going for another 3 or 4 months
• Focus on other things ... start training to run a marathon or cycling event or kayaking race or something ... take night classes ... volunteer ... clean your house from top to bottom ... take up a hobby ... make your life about something other than food

The only person who could help me with any of that is my husband. He cooks dinner and in order to help me, he let me choose what I wanted to eat and weighed it out.

While it's nice to have some friends telling me "well done" and stuff like that, and I appreciate that, there is really nothing they could or can DO. It's all up to me. It's me making the choices, me logging my food, me getting out there and exercising.

Absolutely! Very good points.
One thing I found before was that I shouldn't count my exercise time. Reason being: MFP gives you extra calories and I know me- I'll eat them! lol

And my exercise plan isn't so much for weight loss as strengthening my heart. A few years back I was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation (a-fib) and they saw what they thought was a small weakening in the heart wall. So I was put on cardiac rehab. I still do it. And its been 2 years now without an attack (thank God!)

Can I borrow your husband? LOL Just kidding but it sounds like you have a real gem!!

My husband is a gem too, but not in the kitchen. He's an old traditionalist: woman cook, man mow lawn. But he is supportive in other ways, so I can't complain.

I find I do better, not so much with pats on the back, as just knowing someone may see the progress and especially knowing I'm not alone in this.

Your ideas are great! And I will be you're really achieving good goals! Keep goin! Thank you!

txfyreflye

Cahgetsfit wrote: »

I think that on forums like this it's not a good idea. It's too easy to get slammed by a lot of people who know EVERYTHING about dieting - be it the "CICO is the only way" crowd or the "you must do stronglifts 5x5" people or the "everything is science-based evidence and that's the only way" people or what have you.

So whatever question you ask the chances are someone will say something in a not very nice way as a response.

HOWEVER - I have found that having my close group of friends is really helpful - I post a LOT on my wall and get a lot of feedback from everyone and we have conversations and so on. We also started a FB group which has been really good too where we do stuff like photo of the day and just talk not only weight loss and exercise but you know - friends stuff. Oh and recipes.

So I think that having that sort of support (to ME anyway) has been extremely helpful. But, each to their own

This is the conclusion I think we can all draw: it's a variable. Some people need lots of help; others not so much; and then others? Well, they have the will of iron!

You're right, people in forums are often knowing it all. That's true in all of life though. I like what my doctor says: "medicine is called a practice because we never get it totally right". That could be true with weight loss, too. There's some basic principles, but how one achieves the goal may vary from person to person.

Maybe that's why there's so many kinds of diets out there? Somebody tried something- it worked for them and they marketed it?

amusedmonkey

The answer to this question depends highly on the personality of the person. Some people do better with support, and you appear to be one. There is nothing wrong with that. You should seek support if it helps you. Be careful, though. The kind of support you will find on this forum is a bit different. Many people will want to help you more than they will want to validate your feelings. I would look into groups if I were you. The discussions in many groups are way more tame and more likely to provide the kind of support you are looking for. Just find an active group and pour your heart out.

Personally, I actually do WORSE with support. I'm a very procedure-based person. Talking about and issue "just to let it out" or sharing just for the sake of sharing without exploring ways to solve it only shines a spotlight on it and makes it appear bigger and more important than it really is, to the point where it could become crippling. I do occasionally share stuff, but it's often to help someone else, where my own issue is not the focus.

I do better experimenting with solutions on my own and at my own pace sorting them out and picking what works and discarding what doesn't. Being in the spotlight makes me anxious because it creates pressure to overcome my problem as soon as possible not to disappoint or bore people who put effort into supporting me. I also don't do well with accountability partners and the like because my priorities shift constantly and so do my approach and results. I also absolutely love helping people, but when it becomes and implied mandatory thing expected from me like it is in case of group support and accountability buddies it becomes emotionally draining. I'd rather do it on my own terms. I'm kind of an "extroverted loner", if you will. It has nothing to do with will and all things to do with personality.

txfyreflye

amusedmonkey wrote: »

The answer to this question depends highly on the personality of the person. Some people do better with support, and you appear to be one. There is nothing wrong with that. You should seek support if it helps you. Be careful, though. The kind of support you will find on this forum is a bit different. Many people will want to help you more than they will want to validate your feelings. I would look into groups if I were you. The discussions in many groups are way more tame and more likely to provide the kind of support you are looking for. Just find an active group and pour your heart out.

Personally, I actually do WORSE with support. I'm a very procedure-based person. Talking about and issue "just to let it out" or sharing just for the sake of sharing without exploring ways to solve it only shines a spotlight on it and makes it appear bigger and more important than it really is, to the point where it could become crippling. I do occasionally share stuff, but it's often to help someone else, where my own issue is not the focus.

I do better experimenting with solutions on my own and at my own pace sorting them out and picking what works and discarding what doesn't. Being in the spotlight makes me anxious because it creates pressure to overcome my problem as soon as possible not to disappoint or bore people who put effort into supporting me. I also don't do well with accountability partners and the like because my priorities shift constantly and so do my approach and results. I also absolutely love helping people, but when it becomes and implied mandatory thing expected from me like it is in case of group support and accountability buddies it becomes emotionally draining. I'd rather do it on my own terms. I'm kind of an "extroverted loner", if you will. It has nothing to do with will and all things to do with personality.

Oh thank you so much for your insightful comment!

You know best what works for you is a great motto. But what I like most is that you (unlike so many people) knows what works for you and realize that it may not be the case with others. That kind of extension is great!

There's a side of me thats a loner in the sense that I really hide problems. Have for years. And for me, well, I did find if I open up it helps. But not everyone feels that way. All my life I was a total introvert who "tried everything" t get out of the shell I was in. I finally found two things I was good at: music and graphics/illustration. But even with those it was easy to just play flute alone (or guitar) or only to a select group and of course, graphics is a loner occupation.

Keep on keepin on! And thanks for the advice about groups. I'll look into it!