Relationship Advice?

AskTracyAnnK28

dianaH1986 wrote: »

sunnybeaches105 wrote: »

You owe it to your son to leave. Get out ASAP and get counseling. You need to heal yourself so that you don't repeat the cycle with your son. Do not jump from one relationship to another. There are organizations out there that can help. Two critical pieces of advice:

(1) delete your face picture or any picture with identifying characteristics,
(2) let us know what state and city you are in so we can send you phone numbers of shelters and other organizations who can help,
(3) flag this thread after you get the information you need so it's no longer out in the public domain, and
(4) delete everything once you have what you need (browser history, messages here, etc.) so your boyfriend doesn't find it. I don't want you getting hurt because of this thread. Do not tell anyone of your intentions except the organization who is helping you. The fewer IRL who know the better.

Do you think it can really go that far? My mother has told me to leave while he's at work and get a PFA and emergency custody. But Im pretty nervous about it.

My ex was a *kitten* like your bf (although THANK GOD we didn't have a child together). I left him when he went out one night. He came home to find the house without me, my son, our dog and whatever I was able to fit into my 2007 Chevy Cobalt. He didn't take it well and eventually I had to go to the police. But I never went back to him. And 8 years later I'm so much better off without him.

Francl27

dianaH1986 wrote: »

Thank you all for your advice. I have every intention of doing what is best for my child more than myself because I think any parent could agree they want whats best for their child or children. I just didnt want to feel like such a failure. I appreciate the input.

Staying with an abusive husband is NEVER 'best' for a child.

I agree with everyone else. Get out. Now. Don't even consider anything with your other friend for now... just put your life in order for you and your son.

IslaTiempo

You need to leave both, and start a new life... You don't need any of that in your life. This is the life you know and you don't know any better, but let yourself go beyond your comfort zone and KNOW that there is a lot better out there for you instead of staying inside that circle.

That's all I have to say.

sunnybeaches105

What I hate about these threads:

(1) woman is guilted into staying for her son.
(2) son grows up in abusive household, sees nothing but abuse his entire life and when he cries, dad calls him a girl and hits him. Worse, mom agrees and supports or contributes to abuse (and in many cases she's the main perpetrator).
(3) son grows up and becomes abusive because that's all he knows. No counseling and no support.
(4) son either gets arrested (again, no counseling and no support) or the cycle continues.

Good times! Are you listening, OP?

ninerbuff

At 50, I've had a few friends and clients that went through something similar. And staying NEVER works out because one of you will always be unhappy.
As for you old flame, remember that people change over the years and he may not be that same guy when you were in your teens. So caution above all else because you have a son that you have to care for regardless of whom you're with.
And as mentioned, your son is already "learning" from your relationship how a relationship might likely be for him when he's ready. And I'm sure you don't want him to turn out the same as his father.

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Katiebear_81

You need a social worker. They will help you leave with your son, ensure that he's cared for during his visitation/custody with his father (especially if he abuses alcohol), and they will help you with the legal issues (if things get rough).

DO NOT rekindle stuff with your ex. Tell him that you're in a bad place, but that you can't be with him right now. maybe in a while, when things calm down. But if your ex is as much of a loose cannon as you say, you could be putting you, your ex, and both of your kids in danger by associating with him.

I also agree with scrubbing yourself/anything about your relationship off the internet as best as you can. Nothing ever "goes away" from the internet, but make that *kitten* work for the info he wants.

jgnatca

Hi, I left my abusive ex to raise my two children on my own. Being in a safe place is absolutely not a sign of failure.

Do plan to leave but do it quickly and thoroughly. Be in a place he can't find you.

Ask yourself this. For a man this controlling, is there anything he wouldn't do to get you back? It is freaking scary to imagine what he might be capable of. He could also try tears and promises. Don't believe any of it. The only reason it hasn't gotten worse is because you have been going along with him.

I think you need a women's shelter, a halfway house with experience with this sort of abuse.

Take your mom's advice.

CharlieBeansmomTracey

I agree with everyone else,get out and do it now dont wait. as for the ex? it seems that you are his backup chick when his other relationships go sour,he runs to you. he doesnt love you he just knows that you are a sucker(sorry I know its harsh) that will take him back.if he cared about you he would never have left the first time and wouldnt keep calling you when he has no one else. do whats best for your son. put him first before any other. and yes your hubby can get worse. if you cannot be trusted to even use the bathroom or shower with the door closed it means he has issues,if there is no trust there is no relationship.this is just usually the first stages of an abuser.sometimes it takes years before they start getting physical,some dont but most do. you are only failing your son and yourself if you stay.

lexi3500

Girl everyone in here telling u a good advise listen to them ok I've been threw that what u going threw ok. Forget him & the ex I don't need none of them. Trust me girl. Take care of your son , your son is important in your life . Leave the house u should before he come home from work just pack your clothes & your son's clothes ..

Cowenlaw1

You need to take care of yourself and your son. Get out and get a life again. Until you learn to love yourself you will end up with more worthless men who will use and control you.

lexi3500

It's truth .

Peregrymj

Geeze, how beaten down you must be if he's like "Imma take the door off the bathroom to make sure you aren't texting other men in the shower."
And you respond "Sounds legit."

Therapy, for both you and the kid.