Trust--am I the only one seriously

kganc001

I have a lot of trust issues...A LOT

When I quit drinking almost 100 days ago, I learned that most friends only cared about me when I was drinking, or having them over to drink. When I quit, I quit hearing from there.

This is why I have internet friends, and I am loner.

This happened to me. o.O

Grlnxtdr0721

I am a very trusting person...As much as I know I don't need to give it out as soon as I meet people, I do. However, in our to get my loyalty, you have to prove yourself to me.

No, you aren't the only one who has. I have been a number of times. I think it comes with the territory and is a rite of passage so to speak.

ldrosophila

You can't trust anyone. That's not a bad thing it's just reality they are all human and will f-ck up sometime. I had a very smart woman (who was pregnant at 12 been abused had her parents abandon her...tough life) say to me expect to be let down by everyone and you'll never be hurt. She said it matter of factly without emotion. I thought it was a good perspective. Friends dont need to know everything in your life. When you tell someone something expect it to get out. That's why you have to be careful what you say.

You can still have friends and enjoy their company and laugh, but dont be too heart broken when it dissolves or they take your trust away. It's called being an adult it's harder to maintain friendships as you get older, and you have less access to develop friendships mostly you are limited to the adults you work with.

People get busy or are bored with their own lives. Just enjoy your friends but know you can't bleed too much of your life to them.

KANGOOJUMPS

that's what life is,, people that stab you in the back.
best to trust no one,

ldrosophila

Oh and happy 100 thats a huge deal! May you have another 100.

lizzzylou

"a secret is only a secret until you tell someone."

This is an excellent quote. If there's something personal you don't want anybody to know, then don't tell anybody. There are many people who can't help but having things slip out. Also, in my opinion, there are different types of trust. For example a secret, if it is truely a secret the only person I would MAYBE tell would be my mom. Another type would be ff you ask somebody to commit to giving you a ride to work, and you trust that person to actually give you a ride and not flake on you. Or another type would be a person that is willing to just listen to you if you've had a bad and not turn it around and only talk about themselves. I have many friends and they're all slightly different with what level of trust I instill in them.

Best of luck!

lizzzylou

Ok so it has come to light recently that it seems like I just cant trust a single person in this world, am I the only person that is having this issue. Should I be trying to find new friends that don't seem to think it ok to not care about how you treat other people. Please tell me I am not the only one that has been screwed over by pretty much all of my close friends.

You can trust me, why don't you hop in my van?

only if you have toys or candy

ive got puppies

I LOVE puppies! I'll hope in your van!!

happywithme12

Ok so it has come to light recently that it seems like I just cant trust a single person in this world, am I the only person that is having this issue. Should I be trying to find new friends that don't seem to think it ok to not care about how you treat other people. Please tell me I am not the only one that has been screwed over by pretty much all of my close friends.

You can trust me, why don't you hop in my van?

only if you have toys or candy

ive got puppies

OMG i love puppies

singlefemalelawyer

You are def. not the only one. I have been abandoned, hurt, and used by a lot of people I trusted and it makes it hard to open up to people again after being withdrawn for so long. I have always felt like I don't belong anywhere - until I joined MFP and have met amazing people who understand what I've gone through and genuinely care about me.

KateCon912

Never trust anyone! Everyone is only looking out for themselves.

happywithme12

I appreciate all of your input and agree with all of you, and I am glad to have people like you guys to chat with i appreciate all of your input on any situation so from the bottom of my heart I thank all of you.

pdj1220

I have a lot of trust issues...A LOT

When I quit drinking almost 100 days ago, I learned that most friends only cared about me when I was drinking, or having them over to drink. When I quit, I quit hearing from there.

This is why I have internet friends, and I am loner.

Ty, I don't know if it's necessarily that they only cared about you when you were drinking. I felt that way when I quit too. Years later, looking back on it, I think that it may have just been awkward for them. They just don't know how to relate when the alcohol was a major part of the equation, and then it is off the table.

BTW, Congrats on sticking with it so long.

I agree with this. I quit about 5 and a half years ago, and noticed the same thing. They would stop including me not because they didn't care, but because in their eyes they were supporting me by not putting temptation out there.

thesupremeforce

I don't share things that I wouldn't want to be public knowledge. That may be a trust issue, but I don't really think about it.

Ophidion

OK there is obviously truth to the above pic but there is also a flip side as well...

happywithme12

OK there is obviously truth to the above pic but there is also a flip side as well...

LOL yes i agree

Timshel_

Ok so it has come to light recently that it seems like I just cant trust a single person in this world, am I the only person that is having this issue. Should I be trying to find new friends that don't seem to think it ok to not care about how you treat other people. Please tell me I am not the only one that has been screwed over by pretty much all of my close friends.

Trust cannot be about your expectation that everyone will always make the perfect decsion that you will approve of. No one will EVER live up to the expactation and you will ALWAYS be disappointed.

That said, if people are always breaking your trust in the same ways you may also look at yourself to see if you might be enabling it somehow by your choices or actions.

Good luck.

Jerrypeoples

im single. of course i have trust issues.

with my group of friends i dont believe anything is said behind anyones back that isnt said in their presence.


there is one and for the life of me i dont understand this that reports anything about one gal to the gals ex husband.

as in the next day. the guys ex doesnt even go out with us, doesnt respond to much on facebook and purposely distances herself from this particular gal. the frustrating thing is he is her ex because of physical abuse and the gal that does the reporting saw the aftermath and the ex even admitted to her he did that.

yet she hangs on his every word and reports anything about his ex back to him.

while generally i treat people based on how they treat me i have made an exception of his case and am thinking about distancing myself from the amature lois lane

happywithme12

Ok so it has come to light recently that it seems like I just cant trust a single person in this world, am I the only person that is having this issue. Should I be trying to find new friends that don't seem to think it ok to not care about how you treat other people. Please tell me I am not the only one that has been screwed over by pretty much all of my close friends.

Trust cannot be about your expectation that everyone will always make the perfect decsion that you will approve of. No one will EVER live up to the expactation and you will ALWAYS be disappointed.

That said, if people are always breaking your trust in the same ways you may also look at yourself to see if you might be enabling it somehow by your choices or actions.

Good luck.

thank you very good sound advice

happywithme12

im single. of course i have trust issues.

with my group of friends i dont believe anything is said behind anyones back that isnt said in their presence.


there is one and for the life of me i dont understand this that reports anything about one gal to the gals ex husband.

as in the next day. the guys ex doesnt even go out with us, doesnt respond to much on facebook and purposely distances herself from this particular gal. the frustrating thing is he is her ex because of physical abuse and the gal that does the reporting saw the aftermath and the ex even admitted to her he did that.

yet she hangs on his every word and reports anything about his ex back to him.

while generally i treat people based on how they treat me i have made an exception of his case and am thinking about distancing myself from the amature lois lane

thats horrible and i wouldn't blame you for doing that because that sounds horrible that she would do something like that even knowing what she knows. I think with some people its all about attention for themselves or possibly jealosy and people shouldn't be that way

lostdogg

Trust has to be earned. If you're hanging out with people who have failed at every opportunity to earn your trust, then find new people to hang out with. Life is too awesome to waste it on lousy friends.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ There are too many ppl who feel the are "entitled" to being trusted. Stay away. Trust is something that is earned. If you lay faith in those who haven't earned and deserve your trust you are setting yourself up for failure. I don't keep many friends for just that reason. Acquaintances, buddies, yes actual friends, no. You will get burned if you continue to give ppl chance after chance to hurt you. I'm not saying be a recluse, just keep your guard up and let ppl in a little at a time until they prove their trustworthiness. Then, if they fail you, it's not as painful or detrimental.

FitnessGirlD

I have trust issues but believe me I am working on them. I recently was getting to know someone and totally screwed everything up by letting my trust issues take over. I regret not trusting him and now have to deal with it. I believe trust comes in time with most people anyways. Sometimes there is such a thing as being TOO TRUSTING. =/

Legs_McGee

I'm a pretty trusting person and tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. And I'm open with my feelings. I've been burned before and probably will be again, but overall I think I'm a pretty good judge of character.

arsonsmom

I have a lot of trust issues...A LOT

When I quit drinking almost 100 days ago, I learned that most friends only cared about me when I was drinking, or having them over to drink. When I quit, I quit hearing from there.

This is why I have internet friends, and I am loner.

Happy 100!!

jnite

Just because you call someone friend doesn't mean that they need to know everything about you. I think as a whole we share way too much information with people and expect them to keep it confidential. We set them and ourselves up for failure.

There's an old expression, "a secret is only a secret until you tell someone." I have found that a circle of friends will typically include only one or two people (if even that) that you can trust with everything. I have a lot of friends, but there are different levels at which I trust them. I have one that I would feel comfortable and safe sharing anything with, probably 3-4 that I would share personal things but nothing overly sensitive, and the rest are just fun people to hang out with.

Some people might see this as not trusting people, or even that some of these people aren't 'true friends,' but the truth is many people can't be trusted. I guess it's more important to me to have people that I like to share my time with, but not so important to have people to share information with.

^^^^^^THIS is exactly how I feel. There are some people who are still friends, just not someone you would share your innermost feelings with.

britttttx3

I trust my parents.

merryberry99

Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean that everyone isn't out to get you.

I am not paranoid, I only have a few close friends and those few what i thought were close friends apparently are not and its upsetting to know if i can't trust a few close friends who can i trust

I found this out the hard way myself. It's sad, but there are plenty of people in the world who have the ability to appear trustworthy when they really aren't. You're right. It is upsetting to find out that someone you thought cared about you isn't that person at all. I'm really sorry that you're experiencing this. I had to go through something similar with a co-worker a few months ago.

michellemybelll

You can't trust anyone. That's not a bad thing it's just reality they are all human and will f-ck up sometime. I had a very smart woman (who was pregnant at 12 been abused had her parents abandon her...tough life) say to me expect to be let down by everyone and you'll never be hurt. She said it matter of factly without emotion. I thought it was a good perspective. Friends dont need to know everything in your life. When you tell someone something expect it to get out. That's why you have to be careful what you say.

You can still have friends and enjoy their company and laugh, but dont be too heart broken when it dissolves or they take your trust away. It's called being an adult it's harder to maintain friendships as you get older, and you have less access to develop friendships mostly you are limited to the adults you work with.

People get busy or are bored with their own lives. Just enjoy your friends but know you can't bleed too much of your life to them.

this sums it up fantastically.