Feeling Uncomfortable in the Gym

rynshermy

I recently moved to a big city from a small town. I decided to go to a gym for the first time in my life yesterday. As soon as I walk in, I see lots of men with huge muscles. Then I see a couple of girls wearing almost nothing taking selfies in a mirror. There were so many females wearing only a sports bra and short shorts. Some of them had their bum hanging out of the bottom...
I have a sister who is skinny and fit, and she never wears clothes like that to the gym. She usually wears a t-shirt and leggings. Why do some women feel the need to show so much skin? Is it for attention or does less clothing actually help them exercise?
To be honest, I've never felt so uncomfortable and out of place in my life. I stayed there for probably less than five minutes. I just couldn't handle it. My self-esteem kind of went down the drain the second I walked into that place.
I've been overweight all my life. I've tried losing weight so many times.. I finally found some things that worked for me and I stuck to it (most of the time). I was able to lose 110lbs just in the last 16 months. I have a lot more weight to lose, so I thought I'd try something different and go to a gym.
It just wasn't for me. Most of the people in the gym were half naked and completely fit. I felt like everyone was looking at me, even though they probably weren't. I just felt so out of place, like I didn't belong.
I've seen so many people online that are my size and they go to the gym regularly. I want to be able to do that, but this experience has kind of scared me away from gyms. I know I shouldn't let what other people think of me get in the way of my goals (i feel like someone's gonna tell me that), I don't think that's my problem. I don't care what they think of me. I just don't want to go somewhere and feel bad about how I look. Does anyone else have problems with this? Am I the only one??

I'm a 21 year old female. I should be okay with going to a gym! This is bothering me.

tomorrowistoday0000

First, don't compare yourself to others because that is a losing battle. It's common for first timers to feel intimidated by the gym but you shouldn't let that discourage you from going. When I see an overweight person at the gym, I do stare for a few seconds but not for the reasons you're thinking. I'm actually very proud of the person for making the effort, even if it's just walking. I also love witnessing the progress so yes, I slightly stare but for good reasons and I ALWAYS give them a smile if they happen to catch my eye. People wear fitted or revealing clothes because yes, they do want to show off their progress. It's really personal preference, and I don't think it's fair to judge them. Just keep in mind, everyone started from the bottom and worked their way up, the only difference is they have a headstart on you. Don't be discourage and please don't give up. Just focus on you and your ultimate goal, the rest don't matter. ☺

Dano74

This is a tough one. There's a a lot of moving parts here orbiting self perception and projection and I want to be sensitive to your position while at the same time putting some perspective on it.

Let me just say this:

First... CONGRATS on getting to a gym. CONGRATS on making the effort and being motivated to step foot into a gym. That's phenomenal!

Second... I get it.

I do.

Your discomfort is common-- many of us felt the same when we first began. My gut hanging out while I'm doing curls while when these dudes are popping veins and muscles all over the place with the ladies wearing stuff that makes them feel sexy and confident.

But (and here's where your prediction comes true) that doesn't mean it's OK if that's going to be your reason (excuse?) roadblocking some worthy goals that will change your life for the better.

This next sentence is cliche and trite but... they're doing them. You do you. And if those people make you feel uncomfortable from a moral standpoint... I'm not sure where to direct you as EVERY gym has huge muscle guys, preening men and women and booty short/sports bra wearing ladies. Ultimately, you have to be comfortable. But honestly, you're creating your own discomfort. The way people look and dress don't define you as you allowed it to in those brief 5 minutes.

In my experience, this discomfort boils down to, and goes away, when your mental game is in order. No where in your post did you indicate anyone did anything mean, shaming or judgemental- opposite even. Those gym goers don't have anything to do with you- you don't have to conform to them and they don't have to conform to you. Boiled down, their fitness/choice of dress is shouldn't be a reason for your feeling uncomfortable.

Maybe easier said than done at the outset but DO keep this fact mind:

You're in a place that's AWESOME. You're journeying. You're doing EXACTLY what they're doing- just happens they're closer to the maintenance line you may be aiming for. Same path. Same destination. But I'd say your place is all the more worthy of respect. Don't stop your progress because of... this. You're worth way more.

*Another point of note... evenings and early mornings tend to be prime time. If you can swing a mid morning or early afternoon gym time, you may find a little more comfort.

jolive7

Some want attention... Others have just worked their damn assess off and deserve to show it off! It should not make you feel uncomfortable, it should hopefully inspire you.

I'm relatively fit.. I'm 22% body fat but I choose to leave my clothes on at the gym, but I am not hating on the girls who want to flash their abs and wear a crop - good on them. Same goes to the bigger girls I see do it from time to time, hey if they are comfortable go for it.

If you are uncomfortable/intimidated perhaps you could go to a ladies only gym? The gym is the place where many go to build huge muscles so you can't really avoid that I am guilty of hanging out with that crowd - we are in the big racks grunting and lifting heavy things and probably filming ourselves doing so on occasion and I honestly wouldn't even think it would make people uncomfortable. I think YOU are being a little more judgmental than they are to you!

The experienced gym goers can also help you, sometimes I have seen a newbie not quite knowing what to do and helped them out, more than happy to take 5 min out of my set to show someone some tips

jolive7

BTW congratulations on making it to the gym - don't mean for the above to sound harsh at all. I think you should give it another go

Machka9

Maybe try a different gym ... you've got to kind of shop around.

Before I sign up, I take a tour of a gym and maybe pay the drop-in fee for a time or two, to get a feel for the place. If it doesn't feel right, I move on.

One place we checked out in my city sounded good on paper, but when we toured it, it was a dark, drab rabbit warren of a place which wasn't inspiring at all. Plus they wanted everyone to follow their program and not do their own thing.

Another place just didn't give me a feeling of comfort or security at all, nor did I feel like the staff cared one way or the other as long as they sold memberships. It was like dealing with the stereotypical "used car salesperson". Plus it was located in a shopping centre in such a way that everyone going by could see in and watch people exercising, and personally I don't like being on display like that.

But the two places we have gone to here have been good ... one is a city-run centre with swimming, weights, classes, etc. and people of all ages and shapes and sizes ... the other is the university gym (I'm a student, but it is also open to the public) and again, there are all sorts of people there. Plus both have friendly staff and are bright and cheerful.

chrisssiex23x

I was the same as you. Still not comfortable going into weights room... my sister came with me first few times but i had to go once my self last week. Only start last monday. Ive been twice on my own now. And at first its soo imtimating. But ive learnt its much quieter in morning and i feel better going then...

The more you push yourself the better youbwill feel about yourself doing it.

Think of it as a postive stel forward. You can do it hun. Xx

jolive7

chrisssiex23x wrote: »

I was the same as you. Still not comfortable going into weights room... my sister came with me first few times but i had to go once my self last week. Only start last monday. Ive been twice on my own now. And at first its soo imtimating. But ive learnt its much quieter in morning and i feel better going then...

The more you push yourself the better youbwill feel about yourself doing it.

Think of it as a postive stel forward. You can do it hun. Xx

Keep at it, I guarantee one day you will look back and wonder why you were ever intimidated. I personally LOVE being the only girl in the big boys room. It kind of pumps me up to have a good session because you see the crazy weight they are pushing. And I used to train down in the quiet freestyle area because I was intimidated!

rynshermy

You all are so helpful, thank you so much. I will definitely try again soon.
Two of you said that I'm being a bit judgmental to the gym-goers. I don't think that's the case at all. I never judged them. If anything, I'm judging myself. That's my problem. And I don't think this is an excuse. My mind just wasn't ready for all of that. I didn't feel like I belonged there or was good enough to be there. I know that sounds crazy, but that's what was going through my mind. I don't get out much at all and I was basically in the house for two years. I'm finally trying to get out and experience other things. I just don't know how to get out of my mind, if I'm making any sense. I overthink things like crazy. You guys really helped me see things from a different view though. Thanks so much for your replies. I really appreciate it.

jolive7

Don't feel like you don't belong - any one belongs in the gym! Be proud of yourself girl it could end up being somewhere you look forward to going every day! You can do it

feisty_bucket

rynshermy wrote: »

Is it for attention or does less clothing actually help them exercise?

Eh -I try not to think too much about the motivations of others, but no... it doesn't help with the exercise. I've done 15 years at commercial gyms in cargo or basketball shorts and t-shirts just fine.

I was able to lose 110lbs just in the last 16 months

Super! Very impressive.

I felt like everyone was looking at me, even though they probably weren't.

I know I shouldn't let what other people think of me get in the way of my goals (i feel like someone's gonna tell me that)

Bingo. You know what to do, now go back and do your stuff.

One hint: you might wanna figure out what to do at the gym for the first few sessions with fewer people around, so you could avoid "prime times" (~6-9pm on weekdays). Other times will likely be a lot less crowded.

rynshermy

Thank you jolive!

rynshermy

Feisty, thank you!!

canadianlbs

there's nothing wrong with having spaces and places that don't feel like the right place for you, imo. but that's the point: it's not that you 'don't belong'. it's just a mismatch. i feel mismatched with any environment where every woman is wearing a dress.

Machka9 wrote: »

one is a city-run centre with swimming, weights, classes, etc. and people of all ages and shapes and sizes ...

i second this idea, which seems like it gets kind of overlooked sometimes. i used to be so terrified of weight rooms that just walking past the entrance to one spiked my heart rate. but there's so much diversity in my city's rec centres, now being in there makes me proud because i'm part of it. i'm just as 'unlikely' a lifter as the little chinese grandma doing curls in her slippers or the drag-queen couple or the hipster techies.

rynshermy

Ahh, canadianlbs... Mismatched is the perfect word for the feeling I had. Thank you! And thanks for the suggestion

canadianlbs

rynshermy wrote: »

Ahh, canadianlbs... Mismatched is the perfect word for the feeling I had. Thank you! And thanks for the suggestion

lifting is so cool, i really hope you find a place where you feel comfortable. and remember that the wonder of a big city is you're anonymous. in a good way, i mean. these people will not and do not go home and spend time asking themselves what you were doing there. they've also seen far more 'strange' sights than you :tongue.

and yet, if you become a regular it becomes a community. you should see me and the super-giant rugby kid nod to each other; we have zero from zero in common in any respect. but we're still members of the same environment. so give it a chance. most places make space for you if you show up enough to make space for yourself.

to answer at least one of your questions: close-fitting clothes can be helpful with seeing what your body is actually doing, sometimes. it's hard for me to deadlift in baggy pants for instance - i can't properly see how far the bar is from my shins as i set up. but idk if skin is technically necessary.

trigden1991

Other people are proud of the hard work they put into their bodies. Some people show off in a vulgar way. You shouldn't judge them!

In my personal experience, I couldn't tell you who came into the gym whilst I'm doing a session as I am focussing on what I am doing.

Chef_Barbell

If you focus more on yourself instead of others who probably put in the work to look like that, you will have a better time. Nothing wrong with wearing clothes to the gym that show off their hard work.

rynshermy

Thanks for the replies. Once again, I was not judging the people in the gym. They can wear whatever they want. They looked amazing to me. I just felt uncomfortable. Not judging them at all.

Chef, I put in work to look like this also. Just like them. I'm just not at the point they're at yet. But thanks for your reply..

KDar1988

Congratulations on your weight loss! That's awesome. I say give it another try. Those barely dressed women, if taking selfies, are really more worried about how they look than what you're doing. You can do it! I started at the gym at over 300lbs. I've lost 113 so far and I'm a very self-conscious person so it took courage to start on the cardio and in the past 5 months going into the weight room with the buff dudes.

I have a little something to tell you.....the other day this girl wearing the same shorty shorts you're talking about comes in the weight room. Picks up the 10lbs dumbbells, she's doing her thing...while I stand in the rack beside her doing a bentover barbell row of 100lbs! She may be pretty and skinny but I got some muscles under my skin! I felt awesome. You will too!!! Give it another shot!!

rynshermy

Thank you KDar! That helps me so much. I'll be giving it another try soon
Congratulations on your weight loss also!

LazSommer

KDar1988 wrote: »

Congratulations on your weight loss! That's awesome. I say give it another try. Those barely dressed women, if taking selfies, are really more worried about how they look than what you're doing. You can do it! I started at the gym at over 300lbs. I've lost 113 so far and I'm a very self-conscious person so it took courage to start on the cardio and in the past 5 months going into the weight room with the buff dudes.

I have a little something to tell you.....the other day this girl wearing the same shorty shorts you're talking about comes in the weight room. Picks up the 10lbs dumbbells, she's doing her thing...while I stand in the rack beside her doing a bentover barbell row of 100lbs! She may be pretty and skinny but I got some muscles under my skin! I felt awesome. You will too!!! Give it another shot!!

Wait, why were you doing rows in the rack?

gojaqs

A) I wonder if you took a tour of the gym before you joined to see if it was a place you'd be comfortable in.
No one is paying attention to you

rynshermy

@gojaqs That was the "tour." I didn't join the gym yet. Just wanted to check it out.

rynshermy

And I get that no one was paying attention to me. They were all focused on their workout I'm sure. The problem was that I was paying too much attention to myself. I wasn't comfortable with MYSELF. Thanks for the reply.

trigden1991

rynshermy wrote: »

And I get that no one was paying attention to me. They were all focused on their workout I'm sure. The problem was that I was paying too much attention to myself. I wasn't comfortable with MYSELF. Thanks for the reply.

I think I misinterpreted your original post slightly. Just do whatever you are comfortable with. Self confidence takes time and effort to build up but you'll achieve your goals if you stick with it

KDar1988

LazSommer wrote: »

KDar1988 wrote: »

Congratulations on your weight loss! That's awesome. I say give it another try. Those barely dressed women, if taking selfies, are really more worried about how they look than what you're doing. You can do it! I started at the gym at over 300lbs. I've lost 113 so far and I'm a very self-conscious person so it took courage to start on the cardio and in the past 5 months going into the weight room with the buff dudes.

I have a little something to tell you.....the other day this girl wearing the same shorty shorts you're talking about comes in the weight room. Picks up the 10lbs dumbbells, she's doing her thing...while I stand in the rack beside her doing a bentover barbell row of 100lbs! She may be pretty and skinny but I got some muscles under my skin! I felt awesome. You will too!!! Give it another shot!!

Wait, why were you doing rows in the rack?

oh no! Is that against the rules too?

deluxmary2000

LazSommer wrote: »

KDar1988 wrote: »

Congratulations on your weight loss! That's awesome. I say give it another try. Those barely dressed women, if taking selfies, are really more worried about how they look than what you're doing. You can do it! I started at the gym at over 300lbs. I've lost 113 so far and I'm a very self-conscious person so it took courage to start on the cardio and in the past 5 months going into the weight room with the buff dudes.

I have a little something to tell you.....the other day this girl wearing the same shorty shorts you're talking about comes in the weight room. Picks up the 10lbs dumbbells, she's doing her thing...while I stand in the rack beside her doing a bentover barbell row of 100lbs! She may be pretty and skinny but I got some muscles under my skin! I felt awesome. You will too!!! Give it another shot!!

Wait, why were you doing rows in the rack?

I do rows in the rack, but only because I am literally the ONLY person who ever uses the rack for anything. It's weird (at least at the time of morning that I go).

divcara

Congrats on losing 110 pounds, that's amazing!! You should be very proud. Try not to be so hard on yourself... you absolutely do belong in a gym. The thing is, those girls taking selfies aren't always so secure either. Sometimes they look at each other the same way you describe, wishing they could be fitter, flatter stomach, whatever. (And then some of them still go photo edit their own pics before they throw them on social media!!) Everyone's journey is so different and it's hard, but you just have to focus on your own and do your thing. You are a beautiful girl. I do find some gyms to be friendlier than others. I love studio classes where it is a bit of a community feel and a social aspect. You meet new people and have others supporting each other's goals. I feel like the focus is less on appearance and more on performance. Hang in there and be proud of what you have accomplished, not down about where you are at. We are all a work in progress.

rynshermy

@trigden1991 Thank you so much. I'm working on my self confidence daily. Trying to learn how to look at myself and see my progress instead of how far I have to go.
Again, thank you!

KDar1988

deluxmary2000 wrote: »

LazSommer wrote: »

KDar1988 wrote: »

Congratulations on your weight loss! That's awesome. I say give it another try. Those barely dressed women, if taking selfies, are really more worried about how they look than what you're doing. You can do it! I started at the gym at over 300lbs. I've lost 113 so far and I'm a very self-conscious person so it took courage to start on the cardio and in the past 5 months going into the weight room with the buff dudes.

I have a little something to tell you.....the other day this girl wearing the same shorty shorts you're talking about comes in the weight room. Picks up the 10lbs dumbbells, she's doing her thing...while I stand in the rack beside her doing a bentover barbell row of 100lbs! She may be pretty and skinny but I got some muscles under my skin! I felt awesome. You will too!!! Give it another shot!!

Wait, why were you doing rows in the rack?

I do rows in the rack, but only because I am literally the ONLY person who ever uses the rack for anything. It's weird (at least at the time of morning that I go).

I have seen many do them there and usually nobody is waiting. My gym is small and you can't do them out in empty floor space because there isn't much available.