Feeling Uncomfortable in the Gym
Replies
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Don't let yourself be intimidated by what other people look like. You are there for one reason that's to workout not socialize. Most people feel the same way about that. I've gone to the gym off and on for years. Sometimes my belly is flat some times it sticks out but I am busy working out and that's all I think about.2
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deluxmary2000 wrote: »Congratulations on your weight loss! That's awesome. I say give it another try. Those barely dressed women, if taking selfies, are really more worried about how they look than what you're doing. You can do it! I started at the gym at over 300lbs. I've lost 113 so far and I'm a very self-conscious person so it took courage to start on the cardio and in the past 5 months going into the weight room with the buff dudes.
I have a little something to tell you.....the other day this girl wearing the same shorty shorts you're talking about comes in the weight room. Picks up the 10lbs dumbbells, she's doing her thing...while I stand in the rack beside her doing a bentover barbell row of 100lbs! She may be pretty and skinny but I got some muscles under my skin! I felt awesome. You will too!!! Give it another shot!!
Wait, why were you doing rows in the rack?
I do rows in the rack, but only because I am literally the ONLY person who ever uses the rack for anything. It's weird (at least at the time of morning that I go).deluxmary2000 wrote: »Congratulations on your weight loss! That's awesome. I say give it another try. Those barely dressed women, if taking selfies, are really more worried about how they look than what you're doing. You can do it! I started at the gym at over 300lbs. I've lost 113 so far and I'm a very self-conscious person so it took courage to start on the cardio and in the past 5 months going into the weight room with the buff dudes.
I have a little something to tell you.....the other day this girl wearing the same shorty shorts you're talking about comes in the weight room. Picks up the 10lbs dumbbells, she's doing her thing...while I stand in the rack beside her doing a bentover barbell row of 100lbs! She may be pretty and skinny but I got some muscles under my skin! I felt awesome. You will too!!! Give it another shot!!
Wait, why were you doing rows in the rack?
I do rows in the rack, but only because I am literally the ONLY person who ever uses the rack for anything. It's weird (at least at the time of morning that I go).
I have seen many do them there and usually nobody is waiting. My gym is small and you can't do them out in empty floor space because there isn't much available.
ahhhh weird. I workout in my basement, didn't know if there was something I was missing - the gyms I've worked out at usually had popular racks. I would have imagined stares0 -
deluxmary2000 wrote: »Congratulations on your weight loss! That's awesome. I say give it another try. Those barely dressed women, if taking selfies, are really more worried about how they look than what you're doing. You can do it! I started at the gym at over 300lbs. I've lost 113 so far and I'm a very self-conscious person so it took courage to start on the cardio and in the past 5 months going into the weight room with the buff dudes.
I have a little something to tell you.....the other day this girl wearing the same shorty shorts you're talking about comes in the weight room. Picks up the 10lbs dumbbells, she's doing her thing...while I stand in the rack beside her doing a bentover barbell row of 100lbs! She may be pretty and skinny but I got some muscles under my skin! I felt awesome. You will too!!! Give it another shot!!
Wait, why were you doing rows in the rack?
I do rows in the rack, but only because I am literally the ONLY person who ever uses the rack for anything. It's weird (at least at the time of morning that I go).deluxmary2000 wrote: »Congratulations on your weight loss! That's awesome. I say give it another try. Those barely dressed women, if taking selfies, are really more worried about how they look than what you're doing. You can do it! I started at the gym at over 300lbs. I've lost 113 so far and I'm a very self-conscious person so it took courage to start on the cardio and in the past 5 months going into the weight room with the buff dudes.
I have a little something to tell you.....the other day this girl wearing the same shorty shorts you're talking about comes in the weight room. Picks up the 10lbs dumbbells, she's doing her thing...while I stand in the rack beside her doing a bentover barbell row of 100lbs! She may be pretty and skinny but I got some muscles under my skin! I felt awesome. You will too!!! Give it another shot!!
Wait, why were you doing rows in the rack?
I do rows in the rack, but only because I am literally the ONLY person who ever uses the rack for anything. It's weird (at least at the time of morning that I go).
I have seen many do them there and usually nobody is waiting. My gym is small and you can't do them out in empty floor space because there isn't much available.
ahhhh weird. I workout in my basement, didn't know if there was something I was missing - the gyms I've worked out at usually had popular racks. I would have imagined stares
People do them in the rack and my gym, not all the time, but if the rack is open they do. I do mainly because that is where the barbells are, I mean I could move them, but then the rack is useless. We only have one extra barbell. My gym is rarely crowded though.1 -
I didn't worry too much at the regular gym, but I found this climbing gym so intimidating! There are great looking guys with no shirts on, and because there is so much waiting around people are for sure watching you and I have been the heaviest girl I've seen there so far (2 months of going) so I know how scary it can be. There is nothing quite as nerve wracking as having to climb something while these amazing, fit climbers all watch you, haha. however , eventually you have to decide you want to do it and ignore those things in your head that talk you out of it.4
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rynshermy, I think the best thing you could do would be to plan out and write down your routine for what you are going to do at the gym. That way when you show up you can get right to it and execute your plan. With a tangible goal in mind you should have less time to second guess or doubt your reasons for being there as you focus on getting it done.
As a first workout it could be using a cardio machine for a set amount of time and then some weighted carries around the track. Just make it simple and write it down, that way you can focus on your goals and not worry about the other people. Plus you will look like you are on a mission, know what you are doing, and belong there.2 -
My son is in similar situation. He goes to gym to help himself lose weight and get fit. He sees the same things, but whats worse is comments and looks from the "beautiful" people. He says screw them and I agree. Do it for you2
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You already accomplished the hardest step, getting started. You walked in. You got to the gym. Now keep going. I promise that you are not the only one feeling uncomfortable. I started off like that. I would go, run for 15-minutes and leave because every time I started to attempt a machine or step foot in the weight room, I would feel awkward and like everyone was watching me walk around cluelessly. As I've gotten more and more into fitness, I realized that all along I had nothing to worry about. Those people who are unintentionally making you feel "lesser than" are focusing on none other than their gym session. They are in the zone, getting their daily routine done as efficiently as possible. I always thought they were somehow judging me, felt as if they were side-eyeing the light weights that I started off with, but once you are able to look past that and get over that feeling you, too, will succeed. Focus on YOU. I know everyone is going to say it, but it's really important. Who cares about anyone else. Get a routine to follow, plug in the headphones and zone out. Think of the gym as a sort of therapy where nothing else matters.
As for the minimal clothes, I used to wonder that too, but then I realized it really is more comfortable (for me personally) to wear a tank and short-shorts. I like to see the muscles moving in whatever part I'm working, so that's what I opt to wear (although I never got enough confidence to wear a sports bra and shorts unless I'm doing at-home circuits). I still haven't been able to fathom how people keep their hair down though. I broke my pony-tie mid-work out once and got frustrated the remainder of the time keeping my hair out of my face or wiping it from my sweaty shoulders.2 -
I used to work out in a sports bra, I was the only one at my gym who ever did, but I didn't feel self-conscious about it.
When my abs get back to where they were before my baby you BET I'll be rocking the sports bra at all times! I worked hard for it and I will have earned the right to be proud of how my body looks. I'll happily show it off, so that other moms can know it's attainable, and know they can do it, too!4 -
heatherheyns wrote: »I didn't worry too much at the regular gym, but I found this climbing gym so intimidating! There are great looking guys with no shirts on, and because there is so much waiting around people are for sure watching you and I have been the heaviest girl I've seen there so far (2 months of going) so I know how scary it can be. There is nothing quite as nerve wracking as having to climb something while these amazing, fit climbers all watch you, haha. however , eventually you have to decide you want to do it and ignore those things in your head that talk you out of it.
How do you think they got that fit?
Many of the fit people in gyms were also once that fat person walking in for the first time and being intimidated by all the fit people around them (who were also once the fat person walking in for the first time, and so on). People with that kind of body put in a lot of work to get there, and the vast majority of them understand where the newbies are at since they were there themselves at some point.
I see plenty of obese people in the gym. My usual thought isn't judging or mocking them, it's "Good for you, get some!". I have nothing but respect for anybody who's willing to put in the work to improve their body/health.6 -
chrisssiex23x wrote: »I was the same as you. Still not comfortable going into weights room... my sister came with me first few times but i had to go once my self last week. Only start last monday. Ive been twice on my own now. And at first its soo imtimating. But ive learnt its much quieter in morning and i feel better going then...
The more you push yourself the better youbwill feel about yourself doing it.
Think of it as a postive stel forward. You can do it hun. Xx
Keep at it, I guarantee one day you will look back and wonder why you were ever intimidated. I personally LOVE being the only girl in the big boys room. It kind of pumps me up to have a good session because you see the crazy weight they are pushing. And I used to train down in the quiet freestyle area because I was intimidated!
^^^^^^^^ EVERYTHING SHE SAID. Exactly. We all started out as newbies.1 -
Meh, all of those reasons are good ones that I use daily to avoid a gym. Not to mention most of the gyms around me suck. I bought a weight bench, a Bowflex M5, numerous dumbbells and free-weights, pull up bars, and resistance bands over the period of a year. I can now do anything I want pretty much at home comfortably. It wasn't all that expensive and I just bought one thing at a time using the money I would have spent at a gym.2
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Also, totally wasn't trying to re-iterate everything that everyone else said. I promise! I read through all the comments and just wanted to say I know exactly what you mean by being non-judgemental but still uncomfortable. Honestly, there's chicks at the gym who still make me feel sorta self-conscious. Fitness is more than just muscles and six-packs. It's a joruney of health and loving your body. I promise it gets easier. I used to get anxiety every time I walked in the gym. But I forced myself to keep going because I liked the way that running/stretching/yoga made me feel. And then, over time I eventually watched enough Instagram Fitspo videos, researched enough programs and talked to enough trainers that I felt comfortable being on my own in the weight section. And now? It's life. I thoroughly enjoy going to the gym (most days) and it's my getaway from all the stresses that life brings. But that doesn't come instantly. It's a process of getting to that point.
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Sometimes I feel the same way. I look around and I'm the oldest one there. Sometimes I'm the fattest. I am the most handsome, though, so there's that consolation. But the way I look at it, that's why we are all there: To get in shape and stay in shape! When I see older, out of shape people coming into the gym for the first time I'm thinking "good for her/him! Her/His journey has begun!"
Try other gyms and other times of day maybe. Set your goals and focus - nobody can stand in your way!
Good luck!10 -
I am the most handsome, though, so there's that consolation.
That's the stuff!!
Still, I have to think... if we ever went to the same gym, the time space continuum might explode.
Good stuff here, @rynshermy. We're looking forward to seeing you rock the socks off this thing.5 -
I am the most handsome, though, so there's that consolation.
That's the stuff!!
Still, I have to think... if we ever went to the same gym, the time space continuum might explode.
Good stuff here, @rynshermy. We're looking forward to seeing you rock the socks off this thing.
LOL! Yes, we should probably avoid the same gym at the same time.
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Congratulations on your weight loss! That's awesome. I say give it another try. Those barely dressed women, if taking selfies, are really more worried about how they look than what you're doing. You can do it! I started at the gym at over 300lbs. I've lost 113 so far and I'm a very self-conscious person so it took courage to start on the cardio and in the past 5 months going into the weight room with the buff dudes.
I have a little something to tell you.....the other day this girl wearing the same shorty shorts you're talking about comes in the weight room. Picks up the 10lbs dumbbells, she's doing her thing...while I stand in the rack beside her doing a bentover barbell row of 100lbs! She may be pretty and skinny but I got some muscles under my skin! I felt awesome. You will too!!! Give it another shot!!
Wait, why were you doing rows in the rack?
it's an acceptable place to do them as long as you aren't bogardting it from someone trying to squat.
Same with OHP.
it's one of the better places.
I don't side eye anyone there.
OP- no one cares- I promise you. Keep doing you.
If they are taking selfies- guess what- they aren't looking at you.
You got this.3 -
I recently moved to a big city from a small town. I decided to go to a gym for the first time in my life yesterday. As soon as I walk in, I see lots of men with huge muscles. Then I see a couple of girls wearing almost nothing taking selfies in a mirror. There were so many females wearing only a sports bra and short shorts. Some of them had their bum hanging out of the bottom...
I have a sister who is skinny and fit, and she never wears clothes like that to the gym. She usually wears a t-shirt and leggings. Why do some women feel the need to show so much skin? Is it for attention or does less clothing actually help them exercise?
To be honest, I've never felt so uncomfortable and out of place in my life. I stayed there for probably less than five minutes. I just couldn't handle it. My self-esteem kind of went down the drain the second I walked into that place.
I've been overweight all my life. I've tried losing weight so many times.. I finally found some things that worked for me and I stuck to it (most of the time). I was able to lose 110lbs just in the last 16 months. I have a lot more weight to lose, so I thought I'd try something different and go to a gym.
It just wasn't for me. Most of the people in the gym were half naked and completely fit. I felt like everyone was looking at me, even though they probably weren't. I just felt so out of place, like I didn't belong.
I've seen so many people online that are my size and they go to the gym regularly. I want to be able to do that, but this experience has kind of scared me away from gyms. I know I shouldn't let what other people think of me get in the way of my goals (i feel like someone's gonna tell me that), I don't think that's my problem. I don't care what they think of me. I just don't want to go somewhere and feel bad about how I look. Does anyone else have problems with this? Am I the only one??
I'm a 21 year old female. I should be okay with going to a gym! This is bothering me.
I think you just need to find a different gym. That's the nice thing about big cities, is there should be a lot of different options. I just go to my local YMCA and I have some friends that go to some smaller gyms that don't experience what you experienced. I would just tour a few different gyms in your area. Most will give you anywhere from a 1-3 day pass to try it out to see if you like it. Anyway, at the Y, it seems to be more family oriented so even the fit girls aren't wearing sports bras with booty shorts. I'm fit now, but I wouldn't want to go to a gym like that either. I think you just need to look around for a different gym.3 -
I haven't read all of the responses, but I would tend to agree with the ones I did. Ignore everyone else, every gym has some of those, prime times are the worst, you just need to focus on yourself, etc. I know I sound pandering; not my intent. I've been around gyms for a long time, and I still can't stand those people who are using it as a facebook status while others are working their *kitten* off. It takes away my enjoyment.
The main thing I would say is shop around for other gyms and find one that makes you feel comfortable. A good gym will be a place you want to spend time, not a place that becomes another chore. Make sure the staff is friendly and that there's a variety of well-maintained equipment.
I will say too that my current gym has a women's-only area. It is a smaller room away from the main gym floor. It doesn't have everything, but it gives some of the women there a sense of security either from the ogling pervs or the ones they might perceive as judgemental. Maybe something like that would be more comfortable to you (even though I know you said that some of the women there made you just as uncomfortable as the men).
Just a few thoughts2 -
I started at a gym doing a spinning class and it motivated me so much to do more cardio and lifting. The class really established my endurance. It also helped at first that the lights were low and I felt no one was looking at me. The people were so nice and it was great to meet a few new people before delving into a workout in the actual gym.
It's always so hard to be the new person in a new atmosphere and this made it much easier for me!
Congrats on your progress!2 -
Not sure if this helps but using headphones and starting on a cardio machine may put you into your own world for the first part of your workout. Having a plan and writing it down has helped me. That way I feel like I am on a mission and I have less social anxiety. I just started with weights and my list keeps me focused day to day. I hired a trainer for three sessions to show me how to begin lifting. It was really affordable. Now I know where to begin without hurting myself since I'm getting over an injury. Everyone has been really nice to me even tho I am beginning with literally no weight at times. It took several tries but I'm feeling more comfortable now, and getting slowly stronger!1
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I agree with some of the previous posters...you just gotta do you. We have all sorts @ my gym...all shapes & sizes, loads of different clothing, from the sports bra & tight shorts to the super baggy t shirt & jogger bottoms. Are there a few in there judging others? Yeah, probably...but that type of person is @ the supermarket, on the bus, everywhere. Try not to let it get to you.
You have a lot to be proud of...you lost a real load of weight, & that takes hard work, courage, & commitment. Pat yourself on the back, & think about that whenever you start feeling a bit nervous or self-conscious @ the gym. Maybe empower yourself with a bright coloured shirt to wear @ the gym; personally, my "signature" gym look is neon-coloured gym socks! If I feel a bit down, I look @ my feet & I grin @ those socks every time. I also have music or audiobook or podcast on to listen to the entire time I'm working out...it helps.
Hope you get back to the gym. Think positive!3 -
I haven't read all of the responses, but I would tend to agree with the ones I did. Ignore everyone else, every gym has some of those, prime times are the worst, you just need to focus on yourself, etc. I know I sound pandering; not my intent. I've been around gyms for a long time, and I still can't stand those people who are using it as a facebook status while others are working their *kitten* off. It takes away my enjoyment.
The main thing I would say is shop around for other gyms and find one that makes you feel comfortable. A good gym will be a place you want to spend time, not a place that becomes another chore. Make sure the staff is friendly and that there's a variety of well-maintained equipment.
I will say too that my current gym has a women's-only area. It is a smaller room away from the main gym floor. It doesn't have everything, but it gives some of the women there a sense of security either from the ogling pervs or the ones they might perceive as judgemental. Maybe something like that would be more comfortable to you (even though I know you said that some of the women there made you just as uncomfortable as the men).
Just a few thoughts
My gym had a woman's-only area but a couple guys sued the gym. Now it's a "private center" but at least it's still a smaller area away from everything else where people can get in a good workout with less people around. So there might be areas like that too.0 -
I haven't read all of the responses, but I would tend to agree with the ones I did. Ignore everyone else, every gym has some of those, prime times are the worst, you just need to focus on yourself, etc. I know I sound pandering; not my intent. I've been around gyms for a long time, and I still can't stand those people who are using it as a facebook status while others are working their *kitten* off. It takes away my enjoyment.
The main thing I would say is shop around for other gyms and find one that makes you feel comfortable. A good gym will be a place you want to spend time, not a place that becomes another chore. Make sure the staff is friendly and that there's a variety of well-maintained equipment.
I will say too that my current gym has a women's-only area. It is a smaller room away from the main gym floor. It doesn't have everything, but it gives some of the women there a sense of security either from the ogling pervs or the ones they might perceive as judgemental. Maybe something like that would be more comfortable to you (even though I know you said that some of the women there made you just as uncomfortable as the men).
Just a few thoughts
how pink are the weights I wonder?
And what weight do they stop at?I haven't read all of the responses, but I would tend to agree with the ones I did. Ignore everyone else, every gym has some of those, prime times are the worst, you just need to focus on yourself, etc. I know I sound pandering; not my intent. I've been around gyms for a long time, and I still can't stand those people who are using it as a facebook status while others are working their *kitten* off. It takes away my enjoyment.
The main thing I would say is shop around for other gyms and find one that makes you feel comfortable. A good gym will be a place you want to spend time, not a place that becomes another chore. Make sure the staff is friendly and that there's a variety of well-maintained equipment.
I will say too that my current gym has a women's-only area. It is a smaller room away from the main gym floor. It doesn't have everything, but it gives some of the women there a sense of security either from the ogling pervs or the ones they might perceive as judgemental. Maybe something like that would be more comfortable to you (even though I know you said that some of the women there made you just as uncomfortable as the men).
Just a few thoughts
My gym had a woman's-only area but a couple guys sued the gym. Now it's a "private center" but at least it's still a smaller area away from everything else where people can get in a good workout with less people around. So there might be areas like that too.
good for them. personally I find women's only sections of gyms kind of insulting IMHO0 -
I haven't read all of the responses, but I would tend to agree with the ones I did. Ignore everyone else, every gym has some of those, prime times are the worst, you just need to focus on yourself, etc. I know I sound pandering; not my intent. I've been around gyms for a long time, and I still can't stand those people who are using it as a facebook status while others are working their *kitten* off. It takes away my enjoyment.
The main thing I would say is shop around for other gyms and find one that makes you feel comfortable. A good gym will be a place you want to spend time, not a place that becomes another chore. Make sure the staff is friendly and that there's a variety of well-maintained equipment.
I will say too that my current gym has a women's-only area. It is a smaller room away from the main gym floor. It doesn't have everything, but it gives some of the women there a sense of security either from the ogling pervs or the ones they might perceive as judgemental. Maybe something like that would be more comfortable to you (even though I know you said that some of the women there made you just as uncomfortable as the men).
Just a few thoughts
My gym had a woman's-only area but a couple guys sued the gym. Now it's a "private center" but at least it's still a smaller area away from everything else where people can get in a good workout with less people around. So there might be areas like that too.
good for them. personally I find women's only sections of gyms kind of insulting IMHO
I made a joke about it when I joined wondering why they didn't have a men's private section too - equality and all that... LOL! But I really didn't care. I didn't join a gym until my mid-30s and I always regretted I didn't start sooner. Just because of being shy or embarrassed or something... I don't know. Plus I smoked 2 packs a day so that's another regret. I understand how some feel but it keeps them out of the gym and if there's any kind of help or cure for that I'm all for it. Eventually they will find their way out of the private area and explore... then start posing in the mirror for selfies! LOL!
BTW, the private center in my gym has nice chrome dumbells with black trim and handles. Very comfortable. And some nice leg cable machines I use on occasion. 1 -
This post reminded me of my daughters first visit to the gym with me. I noticed she was very quiet on the way home so I asked and she turned to me with watery eyes and poured her heart with basically the same thing you wrote. I'll tell you what I told her...."I am so very proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone, but I don't want you to allow fear to stand in your way. You may feel self conscious about yourself, but trust me, that skinny perfect seeming person working out beside you has something they are self conscious about as well! So please don't allow your fear of what "you" think other people are thinking, because only you and your goals matter!" She now proudly goes to the gym to get her workout on! You've done an awesome job on getting yourself healthy and I hope you are able to find a gym that you're comfortable and can focus on getting a great work out in! 5
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What type of man would be offended by a women's only section of the gym? Unbelievable.2
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What type of man would be offended by a women's only section of the gym? Unbelievable.
I get men being off put by it "double standards at all"- but truly offended? lol- it's comical.
THAT being said- I find women's only sections offensive- but it's mostly because I take it in context of me rather than as someone else who might be shy or insecure.
To me the weights are smaller and inadequate and feed into the misnomer that women train less hard- need less weigh and are more into cardio and like pink things.
I hate pink- and I need 45's to bench.
but- that's MY perception- rather than as someone insecure- I can get why someone would be more comfortable there- but at some point- you gotta realize the gym is full of narcissistic people looking at themselves. (not saying everyone is- but- %'s are high).
I think people don't realize to- especially coming off of a heavy cardio style workout- when you're lifting- there is way more lull.
People watching is part of lifting- you people watch between sets- and it makes people uncomfortable and you think you're being judged- you aren't- they are just watching- they don't care- merely occupying time till the next lift.
#nobigdeal.7 -
OP, I totally understand you. It's nerve-wrecking to start something new. But you've already lost 110 pounds and that is phenomenal. If you can do that, you can definitely join a gym.
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