What are friends for?
BigandFurious
Posts: 33 Member
I am quieter here lately, don't really know what to say. Lots' of news feeds from my friends are about wrong food choices. There is talk about burritos, donuts, and French fries and I don't know how to react. Am I supposed to "like" it when someone eats unhealthy? Am I suppose to laugh about it? Or should I say what I think? (Look at my picture, do you want to end up like me?)
I am a newbie here; I try to come to terms with my new lifestyle. I try to adjust our life to my need to lose weight, without starving ourselves and with an interesting meal plan.
There is lots to learn, lots to digest. Finding my way -a way that works for me- seems to be the key.
I have a hard time with the news feed. I expected "friends" to be tougher. "Hey, kick me in my behind when I think about French Fries and chocolate cake, don't applaud me for it." Is my expectation so off?
I find it very confusing and very irritating. In one or two years from now, I won't mind, because then I will have reached my goal weight, then I will have adapted to a balanced and healthy lifestyle, now, at the beginning of my journey, it's torture to read about all the things I used to eat.
I am here since eight days, have lost 7 lbs so far (probably the guilt that fell off my shoulders). Am I overly sensitive because I have 10 x 10 lbs to lose? Am I too harsh because I am really determined?
I am a newbie here; I try to come to terms with my new lifestyle. I try to adjust our life to my need to lose weight, without starving ourselves and with an interesting meal plan.
There is lots to learn, lots to digest. Finding my way -a way that works for me- seems to be the key.
I have a hard time with the news feed. I expected "friends" to be tougher. "Hey, kick me in my behind when I think about French Fries and chocolate cake, don't applaud me for it." Is my expectation so off?
I find it very confusing and very irritating. In one or two years from now, I won't mind, because then I will have reached my goal weight, then I will have adapted to a balanced and healthy lifestyle, now, at the beginning of my journey, it's torture to read about all the things I used to eat.
I am here since eight days, have lost 7 lbs so far (probably the guilt that fell off my shoulders). Am I overly sensitive because I have 10 x 10 lbs to lose? Am I too harsh because I am really determined?
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Replies
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You can eat all of those things and fit them in your goals if you really want to.1
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You can delete those friends that don't seem to be motivating and helpful. You can also search and add people who do seem to fit.
Add me! we are all on this journey together1 -
All of those things can be enjoyed in moderation in the context of a healthy and balanced diet. I'm going out for pizza tonight with my boys...not the most nutritionally awesome choice in the world, but it also doesn't magically undo the really awesome nutrition I'll be taking in throughout the day..and hell, we only do it once or twice per month...healthy living isn't an all or nothing thing...all or nothing mentalities generally lead to absolute failure.
Also, there's nothing inherently unhealthy about a burrito...I live in New Mexico...burritos are staple foods here...I had one the other night...chicken, pinto beans, green chiles and a little cheese...what's inherently unhealthy about that?6 -
Of course, I can eat all these things -but not on a daily base. There will be days when I will be over my calorie intake because a cookie or ten will have found it's way into my tummy, but when I do I won't brag about it in my news feed.1 -
Some people aren't looking for someone to critique their diaries. It's all in what kind of friends you are looking for. Maybe it might be time to clean up your friend's list.4
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BigandFurious wrote: »
Of course, I can eat all these things -but not on a daily base. There will be days when I will be over my calorie intake because a cookie or ten will have found it's way into my tummy, but when I do I won't brag about it in my news feed.
It's not bragging, it's being honest. And if you can't fit a cookie into your plan without going over then either your plan is too restrictive or that is a big *kitten* cookie. Some days will include treats that fit your calories, some days will include treats that put you over, and some days won't include any treats - it's all true. Birthdays and barbecues and holidays happen. Learn to make them work.3 -
I suggest finding like-minded friends who don't "brag" about eating "bad" "unhealthful" foods in their newsfeed. There are people on here who prefer "a kick in the *kitten*" for eating "bad" foods.1
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I used to have strong reactions to people here talking about food all the time. I had to learn that their journey is not mine. If they want to talk about chocolate cake, there is nothing I can do about that - nor does it affect my particular life in any way at all. People are always going to talk about food. If we couldn't talk about food, that would eliminate most polite conversation. That and the weather.
I was also angry with myself for allowing myself to get so big. I had a lot of anger in general, at life, and my significant other, at my job, etc. I had to learn to deal with my anger in a more peaceful way.
Have you ever tried meditation? That and exercise have been really helpful for me to slow my mind down and let things go.6 -
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Yeah it's not about whether your friends are right or wrong. It's about whether they're the right friends for you. Maybe find friends with similar ideals to yours.2
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Not a nice friend to talk about them on the forums. They have their journey and you have yours. You can eat those types of foods even every day and still be under goal.2
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There are a lot of people who simply keep within their calorie targets and don't pay much attention and don't really care about eating well, etc...they're still going to lose weight...weight loss isn't about eating a particular food or not eating a particular food, it's about consuming energy (calories) within the limits of what your body is utilizing.
I don't particularly prescribe to the eat whatever all of the time philosophy, but a lot of people do...people have all kinds of ways of going about things...maybe find more like minded friends.3 -
You still have a short term mindset on this. Think marathon over sprint. You are just becoming aware of the behaviors that caused you to become overweight and building new behaviors to correct this. I would avoid implementing changes that you don't see yourself maintaining years from now. This leads to the yo-yo effect as eventually you are going to have a burrito, donut, or french fries. This is why elimination diets ultimately fail.
As many others have stated. If it fits in your caloric intake goals - go for it, but budget accordingly.2 -
Yeah I think you just need friends who don't make you uncomfortable. If it bothers you, delete and move on. Personally, I can't stay friends with people who regularly eat below 1200 and beat themselves up for going over once in a while. I worry about them but I don't know any of them IRL so it seems innaporopriate for me to say "whoa why so little?!"2
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Got it...take it slow, eat what you want and stay in your daily goal while eating what I want...when I want it. No more fruits and vegetables, no more starving. Chocolate cake and french fries on a regular basis not to exceed 1500 calories (until later on when I will be able to exercise more, then I need to eat all my allowed calories and I will lose weight in my sleep.) Also, be a good friend, don't say what you think just nod politely.
That of course, was ironic.
I think dieting -for me- as to come in different phases (with doctors approval).
Now I am in the beginner phase, trying to break bad habits. Trying to find the right foods that fill me up and are healthy. I am experimenting with meals, try new things. No fast food and no sugar in this phase until I am no longer pre-diabetic.
Then, maybe in 6 months -after a decent weight loss, maybe down to 230 lbs- I should be able to exercise more and will be able to add more "old" food back into my diet.
Then, maybe in 1 year, when I will be closer to my goal, then it will be about maintaining and staying healthy.
Is what I am thinking really so wrong?
I do agree with some of you, it's about finding the right friends and not just a number of friends. That makes so much sense. Maybe later on I will be able to focus on the social aspect here, right now I am just reading and learning.
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I don't think there is anything wrong with your plan...for you. It's not going to work for everyone. If your friends on here are doing things that bother you, you're welcome to say you don't approve. But their goals don't have to align directly with yours to be valid.4
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Maybe you should just delete your whole friend list and focus only on yourself.7
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You were complaining about what other people talked about (food) on a weightloss (food) website with multiple subforums about nutrition and recipes (food).
Food is the bottom line on this site. People will talk about food, not only on your newsfeed, but in about half the forum threads, too.
What you're experiencing is being triggered toward your preferred method of thinking and you will have to learn to accept that type of discussion both here and in real life without getting upset about it, that's all. I mean, I get it. I used to get p!ssy and triggered and log off angry because, "Why don't people see that talking about food makes me want food!?!?!?!?!?!!!!11eleven?!!!"
It was all in how I was viewing it...no one does anything to get to me. They're just going about their day and I'm getting all flustered.
I'm only hurting myself.3 -
I dunno. I'd probably just live and let live. You are *literally* on a forum where food is *literally* the point of the forum! I eat chocolate sometimes and I feel proud that I've managed to a) plan it into my daily calorie allowance and b) am able to stop at a small portion that can fit into my calorie allowance. You sound kind of mean, to be honest. So do you really feel like this about others or are you looking for an excuse to delete your account because MFP is full of arses?3
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I get it. I too don't like all the junk food talk. I'm here to be healthier and eliminate junk food/poison/sugar from my life and to be more active. I just find friends on here with the common goal. Not ones that can see how much crap they can eat that still fits in their plan while still being muscular and fit. Usually, you can't do both--just my opinion.
Maybe time for some new friends.2 -
FitTonedTee wrote: »I get it. I too don't like all the junk food talk. I'm here to be healthier and eliminate junk food/poison/sugar from my life and to be more active. I just find friends on here with the common goal. Not ones that can see how much crap they can eat that still fits in their plan while still being muscular and fit. Usually, you can't do both--just my opinion.
Maybe time for some new friends.
Um people generally don't eat poison. You have a very black amd white view of food. You can fit in things in moderation. Most people don't "see how much crap they can eat".1 -
singingflutelady wrote: »FitTonedTee wrote: »I get it. I too don't like all the junk food talk. I'm here to be healthier and eliminate junk food/poison/sugar from my life and to be more active. I just find friends on here with the common goal. Not ones that can see how much crap they can eat that still fits in their plan while still being muscular and fit. Usually, you can't do both--just my opinion.
Maybe time for some new friends.
Um people generally don't eat poison. You have a very black amd white view of food. You can fit in things in moderation. Most people don't "see how much crap they can eat".
I agree. The black and white, poison vs clean just screams warning signs about a really unhealthy relationship with food...0 -
Keep a lighthearted outlook when you scroll through your feed. Think about these people, their feelings, why they might be sharing these things. Many could have come from a background where diet meant deprivation and rabbit food. Being able to eat burritos is exciting to these people! They may be feeling a mini victory when they are able to eat a doughnut without going over their calorie limit. They're not bragging, they're likely happy and want to share that childlike excitement about losing weight without having to restrict. They share because it's working, not because they're gaining unwanted weight.
When I first started needing to lose 170 lbs, learning that I could eat fries was one of the best things that happened to me. I would talk and talk and talk about all the high calorie foods I like endlessly with my family to the point where it started to annoy them. I was THAT excited. After a few years and 100 lbs later, all food is normalized to me now. I don't even talk about it anymore because eating fries is just like eating salad. It's just another dish I like and make work.
You are probably feeling like there is this club that you don't belong to where people are doing things in ways that are too different from yours. It can be irritating. You have one of two choice: learn to accept all foods as acceptable on a diet (trust me, if you spend enough time on here you will gradually come to not perceive this as odd), or clean up your friends list and look for new friends whose diet is more in line with yours. Make a post asking for friends and explain what you expect in a friend and what you expect to provide in return.
Either way, don't let small things and silly personal differences get to you. Live and let live.2 -
BigandFurious wrote: »I have a hard time with the news feed. I expected "friends" to be tougher. "Hey, kick me in my behind when I think about French Fries and chocolate cake, don't applaud me for it." Is my expectation so off?Steph38878 wrote: »Some people aren't looking for someone to critique their diaries.
Right ... the last thing I'd want is people critiquing my diary. I eat what I want, when I want and I'm old enough to make my own decisions.
Nor will I comment on other people's food ... unless it looks really good.
But if your friends aren't what you want, simply find new ones.
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I think different people need different things from their support system (maybe different things from different parts of their support system). I also think that not everyone is ready to do what they need to reach their goals. Note, I do say "they need" and "their goals". I have come to realize that I sabotage meeting my goals sometimes. I, personally, am not at a place right now where I make good choices when faced with tempting fast foods and desserts. Yes, for an outside observer it is easy to say that just one won't hurt. For people with a healthy relationship with food that is probably true. I'm just not there yet. Someday I will be able to have a small piece of cake and maybe not want more, but for now I avoid it. On the other hand, I don't want someone to tell me how badly I did when I messed up, I'm well aware and probably beating myself up about it. I CAN use someone who recognizes my victories and has faith in my ability to figure out how to improve in the future.3
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I read all the replies that were visible for me.
"Different strokes, for different folks," I guess that's what it comes down to.
I put a copy of my post in my news feed the same day and by now, the friends who liked to brag about their bad food choices have moved on to calmer waters. :-)
I am left with a solid group of friends, who are also determined (and stubborn enough) to change their eating habits. There is lots of talk about healthy food choices, not much whining and complaining and that was what I was looking for.
We all will have days when we will eat way over our limit and that's alright. I just didn't want friends who were doing it on a daily base. "LOL I just ate a dozen donuts -again " didn't seem the right mindset to help me in my start phase. I expected something like "Darn, I just blew it again."
I love food, but what I ate in the past hasn't worked for me. It left me massively overweight with over 100 lbs to lose. Fast food is not an option any longer. Today I will try homemade baked sweet potato fries for the first time, and I am looking forward to it. There will be a veggie tray served during football, instead of chips and dips. I am excited about trying new things now, and I don't see the need to go back to my old fast food habits.
Yes, there will be a chocolate cake in the future, but it will be on rare occasions, and it won't be an everyday thing.
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