Out of control.
alexanderislove
Posts: 17 Member
I need help. I am 25, a student, a new mom, and a fiancee. I am 5' and 260.8 lbs. I don't want to go into detail about my past in this post, and instead stick to my current issue(s). I feel like I am alone in doing this: If I don't get to eat, or don't eat enough I eventually get that omg-i-am-so-hungry-i-am-starving-and-i-am-going-to-die mode and I will just eat and eat and it's hard to stop. It's like that feeling is so uncomfortable that I need to eat anything and a lot of it to make sure that feeling is absolutely gone. It's like I get scared that I won't be able to eat again for awhile, or won't have access to food so I need to eat enough so it won't come back. I just don't understand. I feel so pathetic, and disgusting. I am so out of control. I want to be healthy for my son, and most importantly myself. 
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Replies
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Plan your meals to your actual situation, so that you are sure you will be fed properly, and hit your calorie goal every day.1
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What calorie goal are you trying to hit? What foods are you eating (in general) for meals?
On the surface it sounds like you're far over restricting yourself and setting yourself up to binge. For me, I need to physically feel FULL after dinner. Otherwise, my brain has me picking and grazing until bed. To make this work, I do a couple of things. I eat lighter breakfasts and lunches. I'm at work those hours with no binge or graze opportunity. And being busy keeps my mind off eating anyway. Then for dinner I make sure I have 5-8 oz of protein and plenty of veg for bulk. A big salad as a side helps me a lot, as does potatoes/sweet potatoes. Then I make sure I've got enough calories left for a fun snack later in the evening. Sometimes it's an 80 calorie fudge bar, sometimes it's yogurt and nuts, sometimes it's fruit and peanut butter. Just depends on mood and calories.
If you've set yourself to 2lbs per week loss, dial it back to 1.5 or even 1. That will give you an extra 250-500 calories per day to spend on snacks or treats. Really evaluate your activity as well. Even using your phone's step counter can help gauge your activity. Likely with classes and a baby and home life you're at least lightly active vs sedentary. We often figure that because we are fat we must be sedentary. Not always the case at all! I think 5000 steps per day hits lightly active. 10000 bumps you to active.3 -
Meal planning. Have a plan for what you're going to eat for the day so you don't get that "Oh my goodness I am so hungry I have to eat anything right now feeling." Have snacks on hand at all times so you can eat whenever you want. Use your Diary to log everything and do not over your allotted daily calories.0
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First breathe!! You can do this. Second what are you eating? I find that I have to eat a lot more food when following the plan. sounds like your skipping meals? When I skip breakfast (I hate breakfast - it is really hard for me to eat then) I get bingey later in the day. Eat good protein (or drink a smoothie) in the morning within 30 minutes of getting up. Try a big salad for lunch and then a well portioned dinner. snacks should be healthy and watch that sugar on protein bars and such. Tempting but read your labels. sometimes just planning the same breakfast and lunch during the week can take a lot of your stress away.
Remember we are here for you and read the other posts - lots of good advice there
You've got this alexanders Mom!!0 -
I feel your pain. I had a day like that yesterday, but all I keep on hand are pretty healthy snacks- cottage cheese, yogurt, popcorn, PB2, protein bars, nuts, etc. so while I went over by 1200 calories, at least there was some nutrition involved. Planning is key!0
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Can you try having snacks to take along wherever you go, within your calorie goals, so it doesn't get to that panic level?
That doesn't account for any psychology behind this as you hinted at, so if it sounds one-dimensional I apologize.0 -
It sounds like you have a ton of stress and anxiety going on, and it's going to be difficult to deal with any of the superficial eating issues without also taking care of the underlying stress. That's not to say that you need to share what's going on with strangers on the internet, but it is to say that it's going to be helpful for you to find ways to handle it.
I do think that it's going to be important for you not to feel deprived and for you to learn how to monitor your hunger signals so you never get to "omg I have to eat NOW!" on the scale. Since you do have a lot of other things going on (school, your little one, just life in general), it's easy to go too long without eating, but it sounds like that's a great way to kick yourself into a binge. Starting off at a small deficit, like setting MFP to lose 0.5 pounds per week, and planning out your day so you're never at "emergency" on the hunger scale could really help.
Given your current weight, it can be tempting to tell MFP that you want to lose 2 pounds per week, but I'm going to recommend that you start off much more slowly than that. If I were you, my goal would be to ease into logging and losing weight in a way that was as low-stress as possible. Goal #1 would be not triggering a binge. Once you are in the swing of things, it will be easy for you to increase your deficit and lose more per week if you want to.
Edit: this is a good outline of the concept of the hunger scale: http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/the-simple-tool-that-can-help-prevent-overeating/2 -
I would highly recommend some counseling to deal with any underlying emotional issues that you feel might be present. I also like the book The Beck Diet Solution. It is a book on cognitive behavioral therapy that really walks you through how to change the habits (emotional or otherwise) that create the situations where you want to overeat. It's really helpful for emotional issues that are connected to food.1
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alexanderislove wrote: »I need help. I am 25, a student, a new mom, and a fiancee. I am 5' and 260.8 lbs. I don't want to go into detail about my past in this post, and instead stick to my current issue(s). I feel like I am alone in doing this: If I don't get to eat, or don't eat enough I eventually get that omg-i-am-so-hungry-i-am-starving-and-i-am-going-to-die mode and I will just eat and eat and it's hard to stop. It's like that feeling is so uncomfortable that I need to eat anything and a lot of it to make sure that feeling is absolutely gone. It's like I get scared that I won't be able to eat again for awhile, or won't have access to food so I need to eat enough so it won't come back. I just don't understand. I feel so pathetic, and disgusting. I am so out of control. I want to be healthy for my son, and most importantly myself.
@alexanderislove there are millions of us that understand that pathetic and disgusting feeling.
At 63 with my health crashing for perhaps the last time I finally cut out all simple carbs and limited total carbs to 50 grams daily. The first two weeks were hellish without the sugar and all grains but with no calorie restrictions being required I did not go hungry. While I lost some inches I did not lose a pound for the first six weeks but I eat 2500 daily and have since Oct 2014. I eat this way to manage my joint and muscle pain. Reducing weight and the risks of Alzheimer's, cancer and type 2 diabetes are positive side effects of eating this way in my case.
Once I got where I can eat all I wanted and still lose weight life stresses dropped like a rock. I think in my case cutting out the sugar and all grains my yeast infection cleared up. 40 years of life defining IBS totally resolved after six months of eating no simple carbs and limiting complex carbs to 50 grams daily and has not returned for even one day since then.
Welcome to MFP forum and the best of success to you and your new family.4 -
Buy snacks that you enjoy that are satisfying and are easy to grab that you can have with you all the time... Maybe some kind of granola bar or nuts or peanut butter crackers.... maybe even something fun like M&Ms with nuts... and have them with you in your purse, diaper bag, and around the house, so that whenever you start to feel hungry, you can easily grab a nice snack. With calorie counting with Myfitnesspal, you don't have to feel like you are depriving yourself. Go ahead and eat a snack that you enjoy, and make sure that while you are eating it, you understand that it's OK for you to be eating it! Enjoy it! Notice how it makes you feel full. Then record the calories into your diary and see if you can meet your goal every day. What I have found is that my calorie allotment for losing weight is enough food... we don't have to go hungry to lose weight.1
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I totally get that " I need to eat now or I'm going to die" feeling...it actually annoys my family and friends cause I'll be at functions or get together and get the jitters cause I'm STARVING and food isn't being served for another hour!!!And I start to panic...so, to kick this I never deny my hunger, you may think at a point during the day that you just ate a few hours ago you don't want to have a snack so you will wait till the next planned meal..truth is you can't... Eat when your hungry, that being said if it's all crap food that doesn't help your weight loss..plan your meals and snacks and allow for a yummy cheat once in a while as long as it fits into your calories.. I've been able to keep my weight under control this way..and oh drink lots of water..sometimes you feel hungry when you are just thirsty.0
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I used to get that feeling but don't anymore, and I weigh a lot less. My theory is that it was a blood glucose thing, and the reason I don't get it now is that I eat plenty of slow digesting protein, which is helping keep my blood glucose levels stable, and avoiding big sugary treats (that might trigger overproduction of insulin). It's just a made up theory, but I throw it out there on the chance it might work for you too.1
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What kind of slow digesting proteins are you using? I could use some tips for food planning as I am having this problem... running to snacks and the wrong types of snacks...0
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seeing1111 wrote: »What kind of slow digesting proteins are you using? I could use some tips for food planning as I am having this problem... running to snacks and the wrong types of snacks...
I meant that proteins in general digest much more slowly than simple carbs, but it may be true that some protein sources may digest more slowly than others. I had been eating next to no meat in the years prior, without adding in enough other protein. Just adding meat back to my diet (mostly chicken) and aiming for 20% daily did the trick for me.
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Slow down..being a fiancé-being a mother -being a student are all high stress situations. Make out a simple weekly meal plan, rest up and most importantly try to rest when you can. You have about 60 more years to accomplish your goals. Take it a day at a time and lower your expectations and you can do it. Do what you can and forget about doing it perfectly. It will work out. I did it and so can you. I wish I could send you a nap.1
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P.s. Going for walks with your partner and precious baby count as exercise and it's a good time to visit, make plans, and spend time together plus it's free. Best wishes!2
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I think you have a great deal more control than you are giving yourself credit for, actually.
Think about it: You are managing a newborn infant, a budding relationship and taking on lifestyle changes all at the same time. If you were losing control, you could not do any of these things. So maybe start by being a little fairer - and justifiably kinder - with yourself.
As to anxiety about food, many of us experienced it. Truth is, once I faced my fear, and put down the food until the times when I had the calories for them, the fears evaporated.
The tools on MFP such as planning a day's meals out can be a great help too.
If you have access to a counselor or therapist, especially one that understands Cognitive Behavior Therapy - e.g., training yourself to think differently and more positively about situations - by all means avail yourself of this resource.
If you have some time for reading, I really benefited from Dr. Burns' "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapies" - basically some thoughts and exercises to get you going along the route of thinking and feeling less stressed and more positive about yourself. I found this book really helpful. And I think it sells for maybe $5 on Amazon.
Best wishes!
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Sounds like a form of anxiety. anxiety is linked to something physical, so it isn't you...there is some logical reason you feel like you need to eat to feel in control. You've gotten a lot of good advice here.. but if you can figure out what is causing the anxiety... So know it can be fixed.. you just have to work with someone to figure it out.
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alexanderislove wrote: »I need help. I am 25, a student, a new mom, and a fiancee. I am 5' and 260.8 lbs. I don't want to go into detail about my past in this post, and instead stick to my current issue(s). I feel like I am alone in doing this: If I don't get to eat, or don't eat enough I eventually get that omg-i-am-so-hungry-i-am-starving-and-i-am-going-to-die mode and I will just eat and eat and it's hard to stop. It's like that feeling is so uncomfortable that I need to eat anything and a lot of it to make sure that feeling is absolutely gone. It's like I get scared that I won't be able to eat again for awhile, or won't have access to food so I need to eat enough so it won't come back. I just don't understand. I feel so pathetic, and disgusting. I am so out of control. I want to be healthy for my son, and most importantly myself.
If you feel out of control, then you might need some help in dealing with these issues. I would ask your doctor for a referral to a specialist who deals with eating disorders.1 -
You have a lot on your plate...all stress inducing by themselves, and piled together whew....it triggers you to find a way to comfort yourself. I've been there, single mom of a now freshman in college. Between her sports, girl scouts, school events and my own stress inducing job, it was none ending stress, cause I never took time for myself to do things for my well being...even taking a bath! We would come home and I would eat anything and everything...anything to quell the anxious spirit. That's why I was until recently 250 lbs instead of my BMI weight of 165. ( I did Weight Watchers at 45 and lost 40 lbs...she was like 8 years old...but day one of maintenance became day one of adding on the lost 40 + 50 more). Depriving myself was my MO. So it was easy to lose weight then. But I did not learn how to manage my life events and moderate my eating, maintenance style. I got to goal, and said I got this but I didn't...I did not manage my life where I could not eat food to quell the anxiousness within.
YOU MATTER...I forgot to remember that for myself. Mediation is a way to calm yourself without food. But we'll get to that later....
Keep on hand some protein bars that you can binge on so that you don't run home hungry. You will need to change what's in your home...and with the cost of food, I'm sure you are on a budget. Take it one meal at a time. Breakfast food is usually cheaper to buy and eat enough to keep you from getting hungry before lunch time. Eggs, veggies scramble, whole wheat (not white bread), butter (good fat is necessary to feel satiated). Then when you get breakfast in a routine, tackle lunch, then dinner.
You have a lot on your plate...don't add additional stress by trying to eat perfectly or within even MFP guidelines in the beginning. You need to change your routine a meal at a time. Otherwise, you will drop MFP like a bad habit cause it's adding more to your plate.
Feel free to add me, inbox me...I'm here for you.1 -
My daughter just had a baby six weeks ago so I feel for you... and totally get your chaos.
This is what I would say if you were my daughter:
1. reach out for help... from a friend, a relative, a mother's helper, anyone who can be there with you and your baby, at least part of each day. If they can't be there in person, face time with them.
2. make a protein drink first thing in the morning with at least 50 grams of protein in it (i use protein powder and egg whites) and drink it throughout the morning. you will be amazed how this fills you up and ends those blood sugar crashes you get from trying to "diet" at this vulnerable time.
3. breastfeed! the more you can do this the more calories you will burn, the more antibodies you will provide your infant, and the more bonding time you will have with your little one.
4. give yourself permission to not think about weight for at least three months. focus instead on eating lots of protein and gently recovering from birth. Use the macronutrients measure on this website, and focus on making yourself eat enough protein every day rather than worrying about cutting back on something else. you will be shocked how just that attitude adjustment turns your head around ... my trainer had me change my percentages to 40 % protein, 40 % (good) fats and 20% carbs to build muscle and reduce body fat. It's working.
5. get a basic baby bjorn carrier, put your adorable child on your chest and take long walks, in the morning, the afternoon, the evening. breathe, breathe, breathe.
oxox1 -
Many schools offer their students nutrition support and counseling. You may want to look into that. They can help you build a plan to manage your busy life and offer support to help you get back in control.1
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It sounds like you have a ton of stress and anxiety going on, and it's going to be difficult to deal with any of the superficial eating issues without also taking care of the underlying stress. That's not to say that you need to share what's going on with strangers on the internet, but it is to say that it's going to be helpful for you to find ways to handle it.
This was my thought too.
Some things that might also be helpful:
Make sure your calorie goal is not too low. If that means starting at maintenance and moving down, until you feel in control, that's totally okay. Don't jump into 2 lb/week or some really low goal. Also, if you are breastfeeding remember you need to include those calories, and it might be a good reason to talk to a dietitian if you can get a referral.
Plan meals and have food available. Make sure you are eating plenty of food (having a plate loaded with vegetables so it looks like I am eating even more than I ever did helped me when I started). If it comforts you, having raw veg or some berries for between planned meals can help.
Decide how many times and when you enjoy eating. Try to stick to a consistent schedule. If your schedule means you may miss meals (I had this issue when I started), then plan and bring along food.
If you start feeling worried about hunger, remind yourself that it's only X until the next meal, think about how it will be enjoyable, and that you really can't be bothered by waiting just that amount of time. Have raw veg or water or coffee or something if you want.
Try to walk if you start feeling antsy (I realize that depending on what you are doing it might not be possible, but it can help with stress). Other options are listening to music, journaling (journaling actually really helped me when I started), and just forcing yourself to stay in the moment and feel the feelings -- not as scary as it may seem. Prayer/mediation or just deep breaths can help if you do that.
One thing that makes it harder can be a lack of sleep and you probably can't do anything about that now, so just knowing that your body sometimes craves food as a way to get energy/wake up can be helpful to understand -- it's being tired, not real hunger. This is one way I used journaling -- writing about it when I felt a desire to eat and understanding what was going on.
Good luck, and I am sure you will figure this out, and absolutely don't feel like you can't ask for help.1 -
@alexanderislove I infer from your opening post that you are trying to lose weight with a very low calorie diet.
Am I correct in this?0 -
Intermittent fasting helped me get over my fear of hunger, and got me in touch with true hunger. I learned that my hunger is not an emergency, and learned to resist that constant voice in my head telling me to EAT EVERYTHING. It ultimately wasn't a good long term fit for me, but it was a very valuable step in my process. You have to be careful with it to make sure it's not triggering binges for you, but it's something I highly recommend exploring when practiced with a lot of self - love and compassion.3
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From mom to mom.
I know you probabaly want to rush losing weight, but it wasn't until my son was over the 6 month mark that I was finally able to get my hunger under control. Having a baby takes a lot out of your body and most of us don't have chefs and trainers to help whip us back into shape after having a baby.
I nurse, so I still get that feeling of NEEDING to eat after feeding my guy, but maybe take this time to simply track your habits and, if it's not too stressful, when you're eating and level of hunger. I did that for about a month before actively trying to lose weight. That helped me to see where I could "easily" cut back or make lower calorie substitutions that wouldn't take any more time or effort to make/get/eat. You'll also get more into the habit of just tracking and not stressing if you go a bit over. Even if you lose .25lbs a week instead of half a pound or 2, you'll still be making your way to a healthier you and I bet just feeling successful in this regard (since it seems you've been successful in a lot of other ways) will make it feel good to keep plugging away at it.
Sorry about the super wordy response.
Stay hydrated. Rest. And good luck!1 -
I think your head is telling you lies, and you have to learn to recognize them!
How likely is it that you are going to die if you dont eat RIGHT NOW?
How likely is it that you are going to die if you dont eat in the next hour? Two hours? 12 hours?
My guess is pretty darn slim to nil - what you are facing is really bad habits, but even those can be adjusted.
If I can be excused the analogy, its like being an alcoholic - you wont die (but you will feel like it) if you dont get a drink in the next few moments, or hours. People can overcome this addiction, and you can overcome this habit too.
Previous posters have given great advice - planplanplan your meals, so you KNOW that there is another meal or snack coming up in whatever time you decide. Have healthy snacks for those moments when the urges get the better of you. Use the resources of MFP to ensure that you are eating appropriately for your goals, and not depriving yourself when you dont need to - this can be a lengthy process and you need to pace yourself. But mostly, I really want to emphasize how important it is to get feedback from someone you trust, so speaking to a professional through student services sounds like a terrific idea, if only for a couple of sessions to reassure you that you will get through this and come out the other side as the person you want to be, both for you and for your son.
Come back and tell us how you are making out, as we all wish you the bet.
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Make sure your calories arent set too low. Graze through the day.
Also, I had fertility problems and through those found out I have a genetic mutation that prevents me from absorbing certain vitamins. Once I started taking proper vitamins that allowed me to absorb what I couldn't before, my hunger levels went WAY down. Are you taking good vitamins? You should still take prenatals while nursing.
Take it easy on yourself, love yourself and enjoy your time with your new sweetie!
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