My mom is acting weird about my weightloss

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  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,958 Member
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    LenGray wrote: »
    JSaus13 wrote: »
    I'm curious if you're mom too, is overweight. I have a mother that is very clingy, odd, jealous and competitive on certain things (i.e. she knows something before I do, I put on a sweater and she puts on a sweater, I order a meal and she orders the same). I'm just wondering if maybe she is noticing that things are working for you and she's having her own issues because you're doing it on your own. She's not helping and not an influence in your journey and that might bother her. Plus, "if" she is overweight, she's jealous because of your weight loss.

    Yeah, she's overweight, as well. She's always been pretty competitive as to which one of us is prettier, which I don't really get, but I always wrote that off because she's a certified narcissist. It was getting so bad that she even got a tummy tuck+ boob job because I had a 'better' figure than she did. It's gotten better in the past few years, so I'd hoped we'd moved past this by now.

    I'm still bigger than her so I guess the main thing I'm wondering is why would she be concerned enough to react negatively at this point?

    ...answered your own question, there.

    That's a pretty unhealthy relationship. My mother was pretty bad, too. I put lots of distance between us and learned to not react to her particular brand of crazy, because it always ended badly. Just don't engage.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    Well, your mom seems to have issues.
    Maybe she is a controlling/toxic person, she has issues with her own weight/food/parenting and feels threatened/judged somehow or she just doesn't understand weight loss at all.
    Sounds like you know what to do and are doing great.
  • goldthistime
    goldthistime Posts: 3,214 Member
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    My grown daughters pointed out to me each and every time I made a comment that I thought was funny teasing or helpful advice, that it was actually hurtful and unhelpful. I'm embarrassed how long it took me to really get it, but I did. Can you try to gently retrain your mom? Make it lighthearted like "H & U again Mom!".
  • ouryve
    ouryve Posts: 572 Member
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    I'd put money on a big part of her problem with your weight loss being the fact that you're achieving all of this without her. She's probably quite put out by this and trying to find ways of reasserting control.

    Keep on doing what you're doing and nod and smile, nod and smile.

    The only indication in my diary that I'm "on a diet" is the overall calories in vs calories out. Even a lot of women my age (OK, probably not that much younger than your mum) have yet to get their heads around that concept and the food industry isn't going to let us give up too quickly on the notion of steamed fish & salad for dinner and diet chocolate mousse or similar junk crammed into every snack break.
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
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    honestly if it were me I would just tell her " loo.Im going to do this MY way and do whats best for me,if it doesnt work so be it ,but otherwise if you cant support me then I dont want to hear any of your rude remarks about how /what I eat. my mother is the same way but not about weight(she is smaller than I am too). she would tell me how to raise my kids,and I told her they are my kids and I will not raise them how you raised us(another story for another time). Im in my own home and will do what I want and if she doesnt like it oh well.

    I had to cut mine out of my life for always putting me down,and treating my kids bad. what I am saying is you do you, you've come this far and you can keep going. prove to her she is wrong and you can do this,she may still have snide remarks even once you prove her wrong,but at least you will feel good and will have accomplished your goals.
  • JSaus13
    JSaus13 Posts: 124 Member
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    LenGray wrote: »
    JSaus13 wrote: »
    I'm curious if you're mom too, is overweight. I have a mother that is very clingy, odd, jealous and competitive on certain things (i.e. she knows something before I do, I put on a sweater and she puts on a sweater, I order a meal and she orders the same). I'm just wondering if maybe she is noticing that things are working for you and she's having her own issues because you're doing it on your own. She's not helping and not an influence in your journey and that might bother her. Plus, "if" she is overweight, she's jealous because of your weight loss.

    Yeah, she's overweight, as well. She's always been pretty competitive as to which one of us is prettier, which I don't really get, but I always wrote that off because she's a certified narcissist. It was getting so bad that she even got a tummy tuck+ boob job because I had a 'better' figure than she did. It's gotten better in the past few years, so I'd hoped we'd moved past this by now.

    I'm still bigger than her so I guess the main thing I'm wondering is why would she be concerned enough to react negatively at this point?

    The only thing I can say to you is that some people are just wired to be negative. The sky is never blue, the weather is never perfect, the leaves are never beautiful.....

    I totally empathize what you're going through. As hard as it may be, just close your ears when the negativity spews!
  • tinamarie6624
    tinamarie6624 Posts: 182 Member
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    I'm very lucky, my mom has been very supportive. That being said, when I started this journey I made sure to tell her not to make disparaging comments about what I was doing or what I was eating. I told her that was not going to help me or my motivation as those are my choices to make. It hasn't been an issue thankfully but we all need the space to make our decisions for our own weight loss. I've only had a few lapses in judgement and those were minor but I keep the option of eating something that is not particularly good for me if the need arises to keep my sanity.

    I panicked myself early on in this process by looking at my 2 year journey and telling myself I wasn't going to be able to eat my favorite foods for at least 2 years. I quickly realized how damaging that was to my motivation and made a deal with myself that I could eat anything I want if the need arises and will then take care of the issues without beating myself up or going to the "what the heck" place. I have lost 124 lbs in just over 9 months. I think my mental attitude has attributed to feeling good about myself and to keep myself motivated.

    If you have the kind of relationship with your mother that you can discuss the situation calmly, it may be beneficial for her to understand how to better help you to help yourself.

    I hope this helps and I applaud your commitment and I think you are doing wonderful. Don't let anyone derail your progress.
  • kgirlhart
    kgirlhart Posts: 4,977 Member
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    LenGray wrote: »
    JSaus13 wrote: »
    I'm curious if you're mom too, is overweight. I have a mother that is very clingy, odd, jealous and competitive on certain things (i.e. she knows something before I do, I put on a sweater and she puts on a sweater, I order a meal and she orders the same). I'm just wondering if maybe she is noticing that things are working for you and she's having her own issues because you're doing it on your own. She's not helping and not an influence in your journey and that might bother her. Plus, "if" she is overweight, she's jealous because of your weight loss.

    Yeah, she's overweight, as well. She's always been pretty competitive as to which one of us is prettier, which I don't really get, but I always wrote that off because she's a certified narcissist. It was getting so bad that she even got a tummy tuck+ boob job because I had a 'better' figure than she did. It's gotten better in the past few years, so I'd hoped we'd moved past this by now.

    I'm still bigger than her so I guess the main thing I'm wondering is why would she be concerned enough to react negatively at this point?

    She just wants to make sure you stay bigger than you. You are doing great and you will get there. Just try to ignore her negativity (I know easier said than done) MFP is a great place for support.
  • jvanessa89
    jvanessa89 Posts: 332 Member
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    That's too bad she can't be supportive of you. Just ignore it, keep doing your thing, and prove her wrong :)
  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
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    Ignore her.
    She is just John Snow.
  • Golbat
    Golbat Posts: 276 Member
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    Wow, that is horrible. I'm a mom and I'm trying to figure out how she can do this to her own child. :( Be strong! You're awesome! Ignore your mom and her toxicity!!
  • bblue656
    bblue656 Posts: 159 Member
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    My friend was like that before...We are not friends anymore. I dont see a point in being friends with someone who is not on board with what im doing to better myself. You will get past it, and she will get used to the new you :)
  • Wickedfaery73
    Wickedfaery73 Posts: 184 Member
    edited October 2016
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    Oh man... I'd tell her if she cannot be supportive, then dont say anything at all about what you eat or anything about weight loss. Yes, I have said this to my own mother. It was after she ignored the hints like "well that wasnt very nice."

    You are doing great, dont let her or anyones negativity make you stop!!
  • aliem
    aliem Posts: 326 Member
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    Do not engage and try to ignore it. All throughout my life, my mom always called me fat and would call out all of the food I ate. I never weighed more than 115 pounds living under her roof and I am very curvy! I have a big booty, so there really is only so low I can go! I always thought I was fat and it led to eating disorders galore! I would be eating 500 calories a day and drop 10 pounds and guess what, I was still fat in her eyes. It took me a really long time to get over it, even after leaving the house. Looking back on the relationship, the bullying probably had nothing to do with my weight, but several other things going on in her life. You are doing a great job! You have already lost 18 pounds! Who cares what your mom says. Find the happiness within yourself. Learn to please yourself and not try to please your mom. Some people won't change, but you have the ability to change yourself. Stick with it. You are awesome! We believe in you!
  • leajas1
    leajas1 Posts: 823 Member
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    I'm making a ton of assumptions based on very little information, but reading between the lines I'm sensing that you have tremendous inner strength (whether you know it or not) that you had to build, grow, and call upon constantly growing up with a mother who has several challenges of her own (maybe due to her childhood?). I'm not worried about you. You'll use that strength to reach your goal (whatever it may be). You may stumble along the way, but isn't that the best way to learn? You're going to be a success.

    I don't think you'll be able to move to a healthier relationship with your mom unless she gets her own help first, and only she can make that decision. Then you two can work on your relationship stuff together. It doesn't work when just one of you wants to change. You do you - you're amazing!
  • CipherZero
    CipherZero Posts: 1,418 Member
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    Tell her to got screw herself.

    Alternatively, look her up and down and comment, "Yes, it's clearly a demonstrable you have a healthier lifestyle than I do."
  • Chadxx
    Chadxx Posts: 1,199 Member
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    Fortunately, I haven't had to deal with this just the misguided trying to open the door to cheating by offering excuses.

    I did however, have a coworker argue about how many calories were in my meal. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that low calorie doesn't have to equal tiny portions if you eat the right foods fixed the right way. After I explained to him exactly what was on my plate, he was stumped and trying to think of an argument. That is when another coworker spoke up and said "and obviously it works and yes, he eats like that every meal." Game, set, match, lol.

    Just keep doing what you are doing because it is working and those 18 pounds and counting are the trump card to prove it.

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