Exercise as a date - how much to focus on the exercise side?
I met this girl (she's a friend of my frend's friend, newer knew her before) at my friends birthday party just now.
We were chatting and flirting, and I mentioned that I run and do orienteering. She started to tell that she also should exercise but she's too lazy to do it on her own and she doesn't have a company, and orienteering sounds fun, she'd like to try it too, and so one. From her body language and the whole context was clear that she's giving me a hint and opportunity to ask her out, if I want... for a running date.
I wanted it and invited her to join me one upcoming orienteering race. So we'll be doing about 4 miles orienteering run. It's verified that it'll be a date (really verified), actually our first date. But it also will be... the run.
Now when it's set up, she starts to justify herself that she hasn't been working out for some time, that she maybe isn't in the best shape, that I shouldn't make too high expectations on her fitness level and so on. Basically I reassured her that everything will be ok, no matter how fit she is. And i really think so.
Now I'm not sure how to handle during the run, if it turns out that running really is a bit hard for her. We'll be doing about 4 miles orienteering run, so it's the distance we have to manage anyway. Should I motivate her on the sporty side? I don't mean pushing or anything, but it's a difference if I say "let's just walk and enjoy the nature" or propose to run/jog for as long as she feels ok with it.
How would it be better, taking into account that it's both - date and run?
We were chatting and flirting, and I mentioned that I run and do orienteering. She started to tell that she also should exercise but she's too lazy to do it on her own and she doesn't have a company, and orienteering sounds fun, she'd like to try it too, and so one. From her body language and the whole context was clear that she's giving me a hint and opportunity to ask her out, if I want... for a running date.
I wanted it and invited her to join me one upcoming orienteering race. So we'll be doing about 4 miles orienteering run. It's verified that it'll be a date (really verified), actually our first date. But it also will be... the run.
Now when it's set up, she starts to justify herself that she hasn't been working out for some time, that she maybe isn't in the best shape, that I shouldn't make too high expectations on her fitness level and so on. Basically I reassured her that everything will be ok, no matter how fit she is. And i really think so.
Now I'm not sure how to handle during the run, if it turns out that running really is a bit hard for her. We'll be doing about 4 miles orienteering run, so it's the distance we have to manage anyway. Should I motivate her on the sporty side? I don't mean pushing or anything, but it's a difference if I say "let's just walk and enjoy the nature" or propose to run/jog for as long as she feels ok with it.
How would it be better, taking into account that it's both - date and run?
3
Replies
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Do NOT make her look or feel bad. Don't show off. Keep her level of fitness and especially her self esteem in mind. If you want a second date, remember that it is all about her. She does not sound like a competitive sports person to me.
Afterwards take her out for a meal. THAT can be your real date.
Just a suggestion.9 -
You sound like you're already considerate to how she feels and able to read the situation well. Trust your feelings and follow her lead. There's nothing wrong with gentle encouragement and I'm sure, if it was me, I'd appreciate the motivation to push myself a little and feel good about it afterwards. But if you notice she's struggling or losing enthusiasm then giving her the opportunity to slow it down and enjoy the nature would be perfect.
Good luck, I'm sure it'll be a great first date.2 -
She's a lucky lady because you're already showing great sportsmanship & that's what matters, beyond any fitness ability; you're considering her physical limitations & willing to sacrifice your wants, for her needs; therefore you'll do just fine!3
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She's a lucky girl to get a date with someone so considerate.
I hate running, I try to avoid it at all means and I'd be worried out of my mind going out on a date with a guy who runs for fun. That being said, I'd be really impressed if the guy would ask me to just walk and take it slow so you can enjoy nature and get to know each other better.
I don't think she want's to run, not if she's already making excuses. But if this turns into something, you can always teach her and help her improve her stamina and duration.1 -
Ok let's face it - the girl hasn't run in a long time and unless she's training for it... she won't be ready at all. She said herself that she hasn't exercised in ages, and 'should exercise' isn't the same as 'actually exercise'. I don't think she really wants to race either, but she's probably into you.. but probably worried about what's going to happen.
You didn't mention when the race is, but maybe you could offer to help her train for it? Go for a small run beforehand or something to see how she does, then go from there. I mean, going straight to a 4k for someone who admits that she doesn't exercise is a big leap.3 -
When a girl who doesn't exercise agrees to run four miles (!), it's clear that she does it predominantly to spend time together. It's my main aim also. But still I can't get out of my mind that little particular thought that it would be attractive to see her sweaty and a bit out of breath... On the other hand, I don't want to scare her away.0
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it doesn't sound like she really wants to run, but was using it as an excuse to get in good with you. If you're interested in her (and it sounds like you are) maybe you can offer her an alternative? Like a small hike (if you want to stick with the whole fitness thing) or a legit dinner date.5
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AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »it doesn't sound like she really wants to run, but was using it as an excuse to get in good with you.
Does those two things really exclude each other?
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AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »it doesn't sound like she really wants to run, but was using it as an excuse to get in good with you.
Does those two things really exclude each other?
She doesn't want to embarrass herself in front of you, but she clearly wants to spend time with you. She may be interested in running, but since she says she out of shape right now maybe it would be better to suggest something a little more relaxed. I bet any amount of money she's really anxious about this run.2 -
You should be chasing her not her chasing you. On a serious note she was likely just breaking the ice in her own weird way. If she looks to not be in shape than take it easy on her if you do the run.1
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You should be chasing her not her chasing you. On a serious note she was likely just breaking the ice in her own weird way. If she looks to not be in shape than take it easy on her if you do the run.
Years ago I met a cute guy at a Halloween party and he told me how much he liked hiking and I was like "oh yeah! I'd love to get into hiking!!" So our first date was a hike. A 9 mile hike. 9 miles. I haven't really hiked since I was in the Girl Scouts. I wanted to jump off the cliff into the Hudson River. It was a bad time. He said to me "well you LOOK like you're in shape..."
Some girls (like myself) say weird things like that to keep a conversation going with a guy we like.5 -
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AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »it doesn't sound like she really wants to run, but was using it as an excuse to get in good with you.
Does those two things really exclude each other?
She doesn't want to embarrass herself in front of you, but she clearly wants to spend time with you. She may be interested in running, but since she says she out of shape right now maybe it would be better to suggest something a little more relaxed. I bet any amount of money she's really anxious about this run.
From my point of wiew she can't embarrass herself. What embarrassing can be here? Being a bit sweaty? That's sexy in fact. Not being able to run 4 miles? So what? There's nothing she can do or be that would put me away.1 -
Black_LabeI wrote: »Ok let's face it - the girl hasn't run in a long time and unless she's training for it... she won't be ready at all. She said herself that she hasn't exercised in ages, and 'should exercise' isn't the same as 'actually exercise'. I don't think she really wants to race either, but she's probably into you.. but probably worried about what's going to happen.
You didn't mention when the race is, but maybe you could offer to help her train for it? Go for a small run beforehand or something to see how she does, then go from there. I mean, going straight to a 4k for someone who admits that she doesn't exercise is a big leap.
Yup. Get with her and maybe look at how she eats and definitely start getting her ready for the event, if that is truely what she wants to do. Take her to a park and start with a little bit of running there. Then work your way up in distance as you get closer to the event. If you do this she will feel much better about how things went after the event and thank you for what you have done.
The event is Saturday. But maybe we could go for a little run before...0 -
You should be chasing her not her chasing you. On a serious note she was likely just breaking the ice in her own weird way. If she looks to not be in shape than take it easy on her if you do the run.
I think we'll do. She's not looking for a way out, just being a bit worried about how easy/hard it'll be for her to manage.0 -
AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »You should be chasing her not her chasing you. On a serious note she was likely just breaking the ice in her own weird way. If she looks to not be in shape than take it easy on her if you do the run.
Years ago I met a cute guy at a Halloween party and he told me how much he liked hiking and I was like "oh yeah! I'd love to get into hiking!!" So our first date was a hike. A 9 mile hike. 9 miles. I haven't really hiked since I was in the Girl Scouts. I wanted to jump off the cliff into the Hudson River. It was a bad time. He said to me "well you LOOK like you're in shape..."
Some girls (like myself) say weird things like that to keep a conversation going with a guy we like.
Sounds familiar! How was your date/after date?0 -
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AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »You should be chasing her not her chasing you. On a serious note she was likely just breaking the ice in her own weird way. If she looks to not be in shape than take it easy on her if you do the run.
Years ago I met a cute guy at a Halloween party and he told me how much he liked hiking and I was like "oh yeah! I'd love to get into hiking!!" So our first date was a hike. A 9 mile hike. 9 miles. I haven't really hiked since I was in the Girl Scouts. I wanted to jump off the cliff into the Hudson River. It was a bad time. He said to me "well you LOOK like you're in shape..."
Some girls (like myself) say weird things like that to keep a conversation going with a guy we like.
Sounds familiar! How was your date/after date?
It didn't lololol I didn't see him again after that.0 -
Heck, I exercise, and running 4 miles sounds awful... when she shows up you might just be like "wow you look too cute to run and get all sweaty - I'd love to to take you somewhere for coffee to show you off"...and skip the run... But that's just me... It's great she's willing to do it, and it means she wants to hang with you...but 4 miles? Bleh.1
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AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »You should be chasing her not her chasing you. On a serious note she was likely just breaking the ice in her own weird way. If she looks to not be in shape than take it easy on her if you do the run.
Years ago I met a cute guy at a Halloween party and he told me how much he liked hiking and I was like "oh yeah! I'd love to get into hiking!!" So our first date was a hike. A 9 mile hike. 9 miles. I haven't really hiked since I was in the Girl Scouts. I wanted to jump off the cliff into the Hudson River. It was a bad time. He said to me "well you LOOK like you're in shape..."
Some girls (like myself) say weird things like that to keep a conversation going with a guy we like.
Sounds familiar! How was your date/after date?
It didn't lololol I didn't see him again after that.
Why?? It was your or his idea?0 -
Heck, I exercise, and running 4 miles sounds awful... when she shows up you might just be like "wow you look too cute to run and get all sweaty - I'd love to to take you somewhere for coffee to show you off"...and skip the run... But that's just me... It's great she's willing to do it, and it means she wants to hang with you...but 4 miles? Bleh.
Are 4 miles really so much for women?
And why don't you like to get sweaty? It's attractive!0 -
Heck, I exercise, and running 4 miles sounds awful... when she shows up you might just be like "wow you look too cute to run and get all sweaty - I'd love to to take you somewhere for coffee to show you off"...and skip the run... But that's just me... It's great she's willing to do it, and it means she wants to hang with you...but 4 miles? Bleh.
Are 4 miles really so much for women?
And why don't you like to get sweaty? It's attractive!
woah...I don't even know where to start with that sexist statement.
No, but 4 miles is a lot for anyone who's out of shape and doesn't run on a regular basis.
And we don't feel attractive when we're sweaty. We just don't.6 -
I wouldn't do the run with her, if you have to say you pulled a muscle or something, that would be a good out for her to save face and a chance to watch a movie or something. I'm guessing she was really into you and was showing you she was interested in what you are too. She's probably at home panicking about running a 4 mile race, (just like a bad sitcom where someone promises to do something they have never done before to impress that person) orienteering is usually in the woods and hills too.
People that don't exercise, can't do 4 miles in a week. No matter how interested in you she is, she will be miserable. Not a good first date if you like her.
If I where you, I wouldn't do the race if I wanted to see that girl again.3 -
I wouldn't do the run with her, if you have to say you pulled a muscle or something, that would be a good out for her to save face and a chance to watch a movie or something. I'm guessing she was really into you and was showing you she was interested in what you are too. She's probably at home panicking about running a 4 mile race, orienteering is usually in the woods and hills too.
People that don't exercise, can't do 4 miles in a week. No matter how interested in you she is, she will be miserable. Not a good first date if you like her.
If I where you, I wouldn't do the race if I wanted to see that girl again.
I was thinking the same thing
She's probably panicking right now about committing herself to this run, and doesn't want to back out because she likes you.
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Yep, give her an out.AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »I wouldn't do the run with her, if you have to say you pulled a muscle or something, that would be a good out for her to save face and a chance to watch a movie or something. I'm guessing she was really into you and was showing you she was interested in what you are too. She's probably at home panicking about running a 4 mile race, orienteering is usually in the woods and hills too.
People that don't exercise, can't do 4 miles in a week. No matter how interested in you she is, she will be miserable. Not a good first date if you like her.
If I where you, I wouldn't do the race if I wanted to see that girl again.
I was thinking the same thing She's probably panicking right now about committing herself to this run, and doesn't want to back out because she likes you.
How about this: Ask her out for a date night, and then see if she wants to go hiking (3 miles or less) the next week or something. That way you set up 2 dates and still incorporate the fitness thing.0 -
Heck, I exercise, and running 4 miles sounds awful... when she shows up you might just be like "wow you look too cute to run and get all sweaty - I'd love to to take you somewhere for coffee to show you off"...and skip the run... But that's just me... It's great she's willing to do it, and it means she wants to hang with you...but 4 miles? Bleh.
Are 4 miles really so much for women?
And why don't you like to get sweaty? It's attractive!
This isn't a man/woman thing, this is a conditioning thing. There's very, very, very few people who could just get out there and run that distance if they haven't been exercising.
As someone who frequently ran 5K distances and had worked my way up to 10K distances for a while, then had to stop running due to an injury and am just now getting back into it, my cardio is currently at a level where I can do 2 miles before I have to walk, and it's HARD. I get really red, my hair gets frizzy, my eyeliner starts to run a bit from sweat... I would be so embarrassed to be seen like that on a first date. Also, some people sweat so they glow a bit, kind of like they're a VSX model who's been spritzed with water for a photoshoot - sexy! - and others look like they've walked through a carwash - not so sexy. There will hopefully be a change of clothes before any post-race activities, because I would also be mortified to be walking around with underboob sweat stains on my shirt.
You may think she looks super cute as a hot mess, but it's more than likely she won't feel that way. This isn't just about her performance (which, yeah, she'll be able to run like 1/2 a mile before she wears out, and it would be really kind of you to offer to walk the whole thing and let her initiate any running), it's also about how she's going to look in front of a guy she barely knows. Be kind and put her feelings first. Just forget it's a race and go spend time with her.5 -
I wouldn't do the run with her, if you have to say you pulled a muscle or something, that would be a good out for her to save face and a chance to watch a movie or something. I'm guessing she was really into you and was showing you she was interested in what you are too. She's probably at home panicking about running a 4 mile race, orienteering is usually in the woods and hills too.
People that don't exercise, can't do 4 miles in a week. No matter how interested in you she is, she will be miserable. Not a good first date if you like her.
If I where you, I wouldn't do the race if I wanted to see that girl again.
I like her, and I want to see her again. But I guess if she really would get out of the running than she'd say something about pulling a muscle or so on...
I'm pretty sure that she's a bit concerned, but not sure if she's panicking. I still hope that the overall event will be fun.0 -
I wouldn't do the run with her, if you have to say you pulled a muscle or something, that would be a good out for her to save face and a chance to watch a movie or something. I'm guessing she was really into you and was showing you she was interested in what you are too. She's probably at home panicking about running a 4 mile race, orienteering is usually in the woods and hills too.
People that don't exercise, can't do 4 miles in a week. No matter how interested in you she is, she will be miserable. Not a good first date if you like her.
If I where you, I wouldn't do the race if I wanted to see that girl again.
I like her, and I want to see her again. But I guess if she really would get out of the running than she'd say something about pulling a muscle or so on...
I'm pretty sure that she's a bit concerned, but not sure if she's panicking. I still hope that the overall event will be fun.
No, she won't say anything because she likes you and doesn't want to blow it by bailing on the run.
I wouldn't be surprised if she's out there right now on a forum or texting her friends like "I don't know what to do! I like this guy and said I'd go on this 4 mile run event with him but I'm out of shape and can't run! Help!"
Sounds like you really want to do this event with her, but at least try to give her an out. Maybe say something like "omg I pulled a muscle in my leg at the gym last night
I hope we can still run at this event, but if I can't would you like to come up with a plan B just in case?" feel her out...see what she says. 5
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