Exercise as a date - how much to focus on the exercise side?
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I wouldn't do the run with her, if you have to say you pulled a muscle or something, that would be a good out for her to save face and a chance to watch a movie or something. I'm guessing she was really into you and was showing you she was interested in what you are too. She's probably at home panicking about running a 4 mile race, orienteering is usually in the woods and hills too.
People that don't exercise, can't do 4 miles in a week. No matter how interested in you she is, she will be miserable. Not a good first date if you like her.
If I where you, I wouldn't do the race if I wanted to see that girl again.
I like her, and I want to see her again. But I guess if she really would get out of the running than she'd say something about pulling a muscle or so on...
I'm pretty sure that she's a bit concerned, but not sure if she's panicking. I still hope that the overall event will be fun.
She's not going to back out. She thinks she'll look bad if she makes an excuse to not run. And she's freaking out a lot more than you think she is. Tell her today that it's totally ok to walk and focus on the orienteering part (which is the fun stuff anyway, and that's a learning curve for her too). Or make a date to teach her orienteering (while walking!!!!) and do the race on your own if running it is important to you. Or make a date that's not fitness-related at all so y'all can just hang out in a no-pressure environment and figure out if you actually like each other. (But personally I think a date focused around orienteering sounds like a lot of fun. Just not the running part.)0 -
You could always try the direct approach... tell her something like this: "I like you, I think you like me, do you want to postpone the race and go on a different date? I want to spend my time focused on you and not the race."
Is that too cheesy? Anyway you get the point. Good luck.6 -
AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »
Sounds like you really want to do this event with her, but at least try to give her an out. Maybe say something like "omg I pulled a muscle in my leg at the gym last night
I hope we can still run at this event, but if I can't would you like to come up with a plan B just in case?" feel her out...see what she says.
I totally disagree. Don't start with being dishonest. The goal on a date is just to be yourself and see if you are compatible with the other person.
Filmis, you asked her if she wanted to go on a date that was a run and she said yes. So go on the run and have a good time with her. If you are worried that it might be too much for her, just ask her directly if she still wants to do the run or if she'd rather cheer you on and go out afterwards. Either way, enjoy your run.
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AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »You should be chasing her not her chasing you. On a serious note she was likely just breaking the ice in her own weird way. If she looks to not be in shape than take it easy on her if you do the run.
Years ago I met a cute guy at a Halloween party and he told me how much he liked hiking and I was like "oh yeah! I'd love to get into hiking!!" So our first date was a hike. A 9 mile hike. 9 miles. I haven't really hiked since I was in the Girl Scouts. I wanted to jump off the cliff into the Hudson River. It was a bad time. He said to me "well you LOOK like you're in shape..."
Some girls (like myself) say weird things like that to keep a conversation going with a guy we like.
Earlier on, I took my girlfriend on a 19 mile hike. We got dropped off at a small dock in the Chelan Sawtooth Wilderness, and followed the trail in to Stehekin where the boat would pick us up a few days later. Her reaction toward the end of the first day and through most of the second were pretty much like yours. In fact I don't think she smiled again until we got to Stehekin and went out on kayaks. But, looking back years later, she's glad we shared the adventure, and happy that she got to see all the beauty along the way.0 -
Just ask her if she really wants to do it. If yes then just go easy on her go her pace but don't baby her either. Don't constantly ask if she's ok or wants to walk. If you can tell she's struggling just say hey lets walk for a bit. Relax, have fun, don't worry too much. If she's really into you she won't scare off too easy.
I went on a few horrible running/hiking dates with the man I've now been dating for 3 years.0 -
You sound like a nice guy. So just be honest - ask her if she still wants to do the race, and tell her that it's totally fine if she doesn't want to but that you want to go out with her anyway. Or yeah, just go and walk and tell her to set the pace (tell her you're just happy to get to know her, and you don't care if you're running or not).
I mean, races are kinda awkward anyway. Even when I could run (I can't do impact anymore) and did 5 miles relatively easily, I was slow, and running with someone more experienced would have probably sucked for both of us... completely different pace and whatnot. Plus after you're all gross and sweaty and just want to go home to take a shower so it kinda prevents the real 'getting to know each other' part.2 -
I'd keep things pretty recreational if she's not trained up.
Hell, my wife and I go on "exercise dates" all the time...and even though we're both very fit, we keep it recreational and fun...we're not out there really training together...just spending some time together on our bikes because it's something we enjoy...we'll go "train" later on our own.0 -
Im you better run your *kitten* off, lol, what if she is fitter than you are. and beats the crap out of you... ?0
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Okay I'm invested here I'm saving this thread I want a full report on the day on Sunday.2
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Yeah - I'm very invested on the outcome of this date! Probably because most of my dates suck.1
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No. No. NO! A race?
Take her out yourself. The two of you. Low key and easy.
But a race? When she says she is out of shape?
I hear everyone saying she won't back out. But, if it was me, I would. A race is a sure recipe for embarrassment.0 -
Heck, I exercise, and running 4 miles sounds awful... when she shows up you might just be like "wow you look too cute to run and get all sweaty - I'd love to to take you somewhere for coffee to show you off"...and skip the run... But that's just me... It's great she's willing to do it, and it means she wants to hang with you...but 4 miles? Bleh.
Are 4 miles really so much for women?
And why don't you like to get sweaty? It's attractive!
Sweaty on a first date? No Thanks
4 miles, for a non runner? Um just break my legs off now...
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Heck, I exercise, and running 4 miles sounds awful... when she shows up you might just be like "wow you look too cute to run and get all sweaty - I'd love to to take you somewhere for coffee to show you off"...and skip the run... But that's just me... It's great she's willing to do it, and it means she wants to hang with you...but 4 miles? Bleh.
Are 4 miles really so much for women?
And why don't you like to get sweaty? It's attractive!
Four miles would be a challenge for anyone who hadn't been training or even exercising regularly regardless of sex.0 -
I would back out too. Just ask and make sure she's comfortable with it and offer an alternative. Let us know how it goes and keep us updated.0
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Heck, I exercise, and running 4 miles sounds awful... when she shows up you might just be like "wow you look too cute to run and get all sweaty - I'd love to to take you somewhere for coffee to show you off"...and skip the run... But that's just me... It's great she's willing to do it, and it means she wants to hang with you...but 4 miles? Bleh.
Yes, I exercise, but I do not run, and would very much appreciate an out.0 -
Sorry, but 'first date and run' goes together like 'Trump and feminism'. Tell her you want to get to know her and can't do it when you run then whisk her away somewhere that doesn't smell of armpits.1
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AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »Heck, I exercise, and running 4 miles sounds awful... when she shows up you might just be like "wow you look too cute to run and get all sweaty - I'd love to to take you somewhere for coffee to show you off"...and skip the run... But that's just me... It's great she's willing to do it, and it means she wants to hang with you...but 4 miles? Bleh.
Are 4 miles really so much for women?
And why don't you like to get sweaty? It's attractive!
woah...I don't even know where to start with that sexist statement.
No, but 4 miles is a lot for anyone who's out of shape and doesn't run on a regular basis.
And we don't feel attractive when we're sweaty. We just don't.
Under boob/crotch sweat is not first date sexy whatsoever. There's a difference between sexytime sweaty, and running 4 miles when you're out of shape and feel like you're going to die sweaty.
I'm in for an update on this. Someone please tag me when OP gives us all the sweaty details.2 -
Run Her Into The Ground.
j/k (really)
I like the advice of taking her out on a more traditional date; have some fun.
.... there will be plenty of time for sweat, humiliation, envy and angst as your relationship grows over time.0 -
just no. this is a horrible idea.0
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[/quote] I'm in for an update on this. Someone please tag me when OP gives us all the sweaty details.[/quote]
Ok, be sure I'll report all the sweaty details!
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I would back out - 4 miles for someone who doesn't exercise?
I'd offer an alternative.0 -
I'm in for an update on this. Someone please tag me when OP gives us all the sweaty details.[/quote]
Ok, be sure I'll report all the sweaty details! [/quote]
have a feeling there won't be any details. no sane girl is gonna wanna go running for their first date when they don't even run!0 -
toned_thugs_n_harmony wrote: »
Ok, be sure I'll report all the sweaty details! [/quote]
have a feeling there won't be any details. no sane girl is gonna wanna go running for their first date when they don't even run! [/quote]
Ok, we talked just now. She used to run back in high school. Hasn't run for about 2 years and has got her "freashman 15". She wants to get rid of it and needs a good push and company to overcome lazyness. So she's positive about that running thing.
She admits that she has lost her shape and probably can't run 4 miles and is a bit affraid about her performance, but she's not backing up. I reassured that we will run as much as she can and than just walk.2 -
have a feeling there won't be any details. no sane girl is gonna wanna go running for their first date when they don't even run! [/quote]
Ok, we talked just now. She used to run back in high school. Hasn't run for about 2 years and has got her "freashman 15". She wants to get rid of it and needs a good push and company to overcome lazyness. So she's positive about that running thing.
She admits that she has lost her shape and probably can't run 4 miles and is a bit affraid about her performance, but she's not backing up. I reassured that we will run as much as she can and than just walk.[/quote]
why don't you just offer up a different date plan?
nothing like making a girl feel *kitten* about herself because she's out of shape on a date...0 -
have a feeling there won't be any details. no sane girl is gonna wanna go running for their first date when they don't even run! [/quote]
Ok, we talked just now. She used to run back in high school. Hasn't run for about 2 years and has got her "freashman 15". She wants to get rid of it and needs a good push and company to overcome lazyness. So she's positive about that running thing.
She admits that she has lost her shape and probably can't run 4 miles and is a bit affraid about her performance, but she's not backing up. I reassured that we will run as much as she can and than just walk.[/quote]
Kudos to you for being a gentleman and talking to her about it
And bonus points for taking our advice
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toned_thugs_n_harmony wrote: »why don't you just offer up a different date plan?
nothing like making a girl feel *kitten* about herself because she's out of shape on a date...
You know how you said you used to run, and you want to get back into it, and even that you like me because I'll inspire you to run more? Well, I just don't trust you to be able to do it. So I asked the internet if you're up to the task, and they said no. How about we go to Walmart and get you one of those golf cart things, and I'll wheel you into a buffet instead?3 -
NorthCascades wrote: »toned_thugs_n_harmony wrote: »why don't you just offer up a different date plan?
nothing like making a girl feel *kitten* about herself because she's out of shape on a date...
You know how you said you used to run, and you want to get back into it, and even that you like me because I'll inspire you to run more? Well, I just don't trust you to be able to do it. So I asked the internet if you're up to the task, and they said no. How about we go to Walmart and get you one of those golf cart things, and I'll wheel you into a buffet instead?
if that's the route you wanna take, sure.
i was more thinking, "i'd be glad to help support/motivated you in your running endeavors, but how about dinner for our first date?"0 -
I think there's enough risk the lady would take "How about a dinner date" as "I thought it over and don't want you hurting my time." He could try lying ("I broke my femur and I'm at the hospital but don't visit me because I'm radioactive") but that's probably not a good idea either.
He asked her out on a running date, and she said yes, knowing full well what she was getting herself into. (She said yes in part because it's a running date.) Don't second guess her.2 -
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This reminds me of that movie Jerry McGuire. You know how that one girl, the one with the diary, does something stupid because she likes the guy.0
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