Should I wait until I've lost weight to tell him how I feel?

JBApplebee

Life is short, don't wait. What if you wait 7 months & lose the weight, but he's not available? If he rejects you because of your weight, he's not worthy.

MaybeLed

rbcarving wrote: »

As you get older, you will regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did. Also remember, rejecting you as a "girlfriend" doesn't at all mean he rejects your weight. Could be that he just doesn't feel that way about you. If he is a great guy and truly interested in the dating possibility, your weight wont matter. Be confident in yourself and don't make one event the controlling factor of your happiness. ;-)

So I was friends with this guy for 2 years, and he was the most adorable, kind and wonderful man. After being fantastic friends and choosing to spend most of our free time together I eventually had to go 'Look are you going to ask me out or what?'

and he did, (coincidentally 8 years ago today) he didn't know I liked him, and didn't want to ruin our friendship even though he liked me
TL;DR We've been married 2 years

We met when I was overweight, we married when I was obese because he is a great guy it doesn’t matter.

So just a couple of points,
• You don’t know what will happen until you do it.
• If he rejects you your weight will probably be irrelevant to that if he really is a good guy.
• Grand romantic gestures are best saved for movies, so a gentle ‘hey would you like to go for dinner, just us?’

ETA: spelling damn it, and I'm not suggesting you tell him to ask you out, that's just how we were with each other.

msf74

You've known him for over a year and a half and he hasn't made a move yet? What does that tell you?

I'd forget about letting him know, lose the weight while keeping on the prowl for someone else and if he makes a move at you at some point in the future then happy days. Otherwise why spoil a beautiful friendship for a moment of self indulgence?

Rinde99

Excellent advice about ditching a pronouncement of feelings. That's making it all about you as is believing there's a magical weight for you to be good enough versus caring what's between the 2 of you or about his thoughts and feelings. Assuming you're already friends or at a minimum, acquaintances, then deepening the existing relationship is a better way to go. As previously mentioned, adding a flirtatious element is fun and also a way to gauge his interest without creating any awkward moments for either of you. Additionally, feeling a potential partner to be your superior is not the best way to start off any romantic relationship. Most emotionally mature individuals don't want to be placed on a pedestal. They want strong, self-assured partners. Perhaps, this is an area of growth for you? Whatever your decision, I wish you you well with your weightloss as well as your romantic life.

ronjsteele1

Another one here for not being direct with him. Men just don't do real well with those kind of talks (21 yrs of marriage speaking here. LOL). If you want someone that will workout with you, ask him if he wants to go for a hike and coffee and just be friendly with him. Let things build naturally. But definitely have the confidence to ask him if he wants to do something. Hiking, walking, coffee, a movie, whatever. If you think he might feel more comfortable in a group setting, then set up some sort of activity with friends and invite him. If he's interested, he'll show up. I'm pretty much in the "be a good old fashioned flirt" group. But definitely don't wait.