That's when the fight started...

shirleygirl910

Ever heard some of these, they made my hubby and I laugh. Hope you enjoy too.

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_____________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

_____________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me

for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets

and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that

I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.

________________________________

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.

iorahkwano

I enjoyed this.

43932452

Thank you .. I so needed those .. loved them too!

Elisabeth2016

This was hilarious!!!

K_Serz

And that's how the fight started.

:drinker: :flowerforyou:

ReinasWrath

:laugh: :drinker:

SoViLicious

Ctfu

crose0056

Thanks,I needed good chuckle.

EmilyEmpowered

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

TruckersWifeTruckersLife

OMG they were s funny i liked the one about flipping though the channels i am going to say that to the hubby when he asks me what is on tv lol

PikaKnight

auroranflash

I lol'd.

michael1976_ca

that was freaking funny thank you op

Factory_Reset

:drinker: :drinker: :drinker:

MyChocolateDiet

THANKS OP so haylarious.

Achrya

I lol'd

trodney1104

Still laughing! Thank you!:laugh:

RedHotHunter

Good stuff

Gr8ChangesAhead

Laughing my *kitten* off here, hubs and daughter looked at me like I am crazy so I read them to them now they are also laughing. Great way to end my night. Thanks

ProudMotherof4ProudWife2007

Laughing my *kitten* off here, hubs and daughter looked at me like I am crazy so I read them to them now they are also laughing. Great way to end my night. Thanks

lol same here kim

BinaryPulsar

:laugh:

Peachy1962

Hehehe!! :bigsmile:

Territravel

Thanks for the chuckle!

ZoeLifts

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

bernied262

hysterical, thank you!!

mickeyullrich

Those are great! :laugh:

BobMcCloskey

A wife was looking at her naked body in the mirror, and wistfully exclaimed to her husband, "I wish my breasts were bigger, don't you?" The husband answered, "They're just fine, I like them the way they are." The wife continued looking at herself in the mirror, first from one side, then the other, then straight on, and she said to her husband, "I really wish I had bigger breasts, I know you would enjoy them too. Maybe I will talk to a plastic surgeon." The husband replied, "Look, if you really want bigger breasts, I know a way that will make them bigger without all the pain expense of surgery." The wife said, "Really?" The husband said, "Yes, I do, but it is going to take a couple of years." The wife became animated and excited, and said, "Well tell me! What do I need to do?" The husband said, "Just take a wad of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts in your cleavage. Do this 2 or 3 times a day." The wife answered him skeptically, "Really? Just how will THAT make my breasts bigger?" To which the husband replied, "I'm really not sure, but it certainly worked for you butt!"

And that's when the fight started.

Monkey_Business

This is a guaranteed fight in my house:

Wife looking in the mirror as we are getting to go out " Honey, does this dress make me look fat?"
Me after a slight moment of mental relapse: "Baby, it’s not the dress".


That when the fight starts!

Greenrun99

I laughed... At all of them..

El_Cunado

Thx! :laugh: :drinker:

oldandhealthier

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: