how do I separate my diet from my husbands?
Replies
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I don't think this will help except as sympathy, but I do sympathize with you, OP. It was incredibly hard for me to really get and stay on the wagon until my husband stopped bringing home his giant greasy lunch leftovers and heating them up with delicious smells every night, followed by eating Doritos straight out of the bag while lying on the couch and topped off with a candy bar or big bowl of ice cream (sometimes, both).
It was very, very, very hard to see and smell all that going on and stay on track.
I know, I know...it's up to you what you put into your mouth, etc., etc. Yeah, I get that and then again...I get restricting, already feeling that loss doing that, then on top of that, having someone eat whatever, whenever directly in front of your face, every single day.
I don't know what the answer is for you. I do know before my husband officially started dieting I put my foot down and asked him to keep his extras in some other place in the house and not literally lie on the couch for two full hours every single night balancing a giant buffet on his stomach enjoying himself and crunching noisily in front of me. Come on, I don't care how mature one is, that's cruel and is a diet-buster. I was literally spending my life in my bedroom reading so I didn't have to see, hear and smell it for hours every night. So at that point he started munching at the very least in the kitchen and sometimes in the garage and then later on he got sick of his own weight and got on the wagon with me (I didn't ask him to)...he has now lost 100 llbs.2 -
When I decided to lose weight for ME not my husband/family/friends not an event i.e. anniversary, holiday, vacation etc, I started not caring what anyone else ate.
I can't explain it but it clicked into place in my mind. I was no longer resentful of what others ate. Along with that I began to realize from the very smart folks here on mfp that I didn't have to demonize food nor cut out the things I like to eat. So I eat what I what, when I want just not AS MUCH as I used to. I maybe add a big salad with a slice or 2 of pizza. Fast food sure but I made small changes cut out the Dr. Pepper got small french fries etc.
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I do all the cooking at my house, so if hubby doesn't eat what I cook then he has to figure it out on his own. Thankfully, I'm a pretty good cook and he's lazy so that works for us.3
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SuzySunshine99 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Eat less of it. Problem solved.
Actually, I think that may cause a big problem, not solve it. A lot of people are suggesting that the OP eat the same food as her husband (fast food, fried, etc) but just have smaller portions. In theory, yes, of course that would work. But in practice, because those foods are so calorie dense, she would probably have to eat a very small portion to stay within her calories for the day. I'm guessing she would probably not feel satisfied eating half a hamburger, one slice of pizza, etc. I know I wouldn't and would probably end up overeating. OP, I would encourage you to eat more satisfying foods that you can eat a hearty portion of, even if it is different from what you husband wants to eat. Lean grilled meats and veggies can fill you up without the calorie bomb.
There is no reason to eat half a hamburger or 1 slice of pizza... A whole hamburger with smart toppings, and thin crust pizzas, both with massive side salads allow us to eat more.2 -
Similar to others, I basically eat the same as the family (and I am the cook) but make slight variations to mine to make them healthier. For example, if we are having spaghetti, I will make a spaghetti squash for my noodles, while everyone else gets regular. If we are having tacos, I will make mine into a taco salad. For higher calorie foods (ie cassaroles) I take a smaller portion but then bulk it up with a side salad or steamed or roasted veggies.1
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MelanieCN77 wrote: »
Why is it miserable?
It works for my family to basically eat the same foods just different amounts. I put more vegetables on my plate. They have more rice. Not cooking 3 seperate meals for 3 people. It is very sustainable not miserable at all dieting for me to reduce portion sizes and watch my calorie intake.
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cerise_noir wrote: »SuzySunshine99 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Eat less of it. Problem solved.
Actually, I think that may cause a big problem, not solve it. A lot of people are suggesting that the OP eat the same food as her husband (fast food, fried, etc) but just have smaller portions. In theory, yes, of course that would work. But in practice, because those foods are so calorie dense, she would probably have to eat a very small portion to stay within her calories for the day. I'm guessing she would probably not feel satisfied eating half a hamburger, one slice of pizza, etc. I know I wouldn't and would probably end up overeating. OP, I would encourage you to eat more satisfying foods that you can eat a hearty portion of, even if it is different from what you husband wants to eat. Lean grilled meats and veggies can fill you up without the calorie bomb.
There is no reason to eat half a hamburger or 1 slice of pizza... A whole hamburger with smart toppings, and thin crust pizzas, both with massive side salads allow us to eat more.
I guess it just depends on your calorie goal...not knowing the OPs goals, I was just using myself as an example. I am a very short female, so MFPs calorie goal for me was 1200. It is of course not impossible, but in my opinion, more difficult to be satisfied on that if you are eating small portions of calorie-dense foods. But, everyone is different, and if you have a higher calorie allotment, it certainly is much more do-able.2 -
You're going to get a lot of advice, most of it differing. I would start by asking yourself what do you like to eat. And then go from there. If it's fast food, meat & potatoes, etc, same as your husband, think about how you can make some lower-calorie choices maybe. If you prefer other types of food, that's a different question and you'll need to figure out how to do that, either by making separate meals or by trying to integrate those other options onto the table.
Are your goals just to lose weight? Or do you want to opt for more in the way of fruits and vegetables?
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It's pretty simple actually. If he doesn't want what you fix him, and he's incapable of fixing his own, then you'll need to fix 2 meals. Your personal goals are worth the extra effort. I fix my wife different meals all the time (she gets tired of chicken/turkey/fish/low fat meats). She also can cook but if I'm already cooking for myself I see no problems making hers along side mine. She also doesn't have an issue fixing me something different along side her meals.2
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shirleydegrave wrote: »I love my husband, but he is Mr. fastfood, carbs, meat & potatoes, fried,...everything that puts on weight..I know I need to eat much different, but how?
If you don't want fast food, don't get fast food. Just fix yourself whatever you want when he gets it. If you want less carbs prepare meals that offer carb options for him (side of potatoes, rice, pasta, etc.) and just skip that option for yourself or only take a small portion.0 -
I cook healthy food for everyone. Sometimes my husband or daughter want something else (or I'm not in the mood for whatever). We all need vegetables, and tend to eat some kind of protein.
We all tweak depending on what we like. For example, I'll say we're having zucchini/turkey meatballs with homemade marinara from the freezer. I'll have the meatballs and sauce, daughter will have the meatballs and sauce with some pasta, and husband will make a meatball sub with sauce. We'll all have our own variation of salad along with it.4 -
I am the cook in my house, but would get zero support for losing weight if I didn't cook the good stuff for dinner. I eat a reasonable portion of the same thing my husband is eating. This does often come out to over half my daily calories. Then I eat light the rest of the day. When we eat other meals together on weekends I'll make us a hearty, but low-calorie, soup for lunch. For breakfast I'll make things like bacon and eggs. I'll make him a larger portion and toast, while I'll have fruit or yogurt on the side.
When we eat out I really have the freedom to eat healthier. Most fast food restaurants have salads and grilled chicken sandwiches that aren't too bad. I am also completely unashamed about ordering kids' meals when I want the chicken fingers and fries.0 -
shirleydegrave wrote: »I love my husband, but he is Mr. fastfood, carbs, meat & potatoes, fried,...everything that puts on weight..I know I need to eat much different, but how?
I like meat and potatoes...meat and potatoes is perfectly healthy and they don't put on weight when eaten in appropriate amounts for YOU. My wife and I eat the same stuff...she eats less, I eat more. That said, neither of us are into fast food...but yeah, some nice roasted chicken and roasted potatoes or a nice sirloin with mashed potatoes, etc...that's good stuff right there.2 -
SuzySunshine99 wrote: »cerise_noir wrote: »SuzySunshine99 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Eat less of it. Problem solved.
Actually, I think that may cause a big problem, not solve it. A lot of people are suggesting that the OP eat the same food as her husband (fast food, fried, etc) but just have smaller portions. In theory, yes, of course that would work. But in practice, because those foods are so calorie dense, she would probably have to eat a very small portion to stay within her calories for the day. I'm guessing she would probably not feel satisfied eating half a hamburger, one slice of pizza, etc. I know I wouldn't and would probably end up overeating. OP, I would encourage you to eat more satisfying foods that you can eat a hearty portion of, even if it is different from what you husband wants to eat. Lean grilled meats and veggies can fill you up without the calorie bomb.
There is no reason to eat half a hamburger or 1 slice of pizza... A whole hamburger with smart toppings, and thin crust pizzas, both with massive side salads allow us to eat more.
I guess it just depends on your calorie goal...not knowing the OPs goals, I was just using myself as an example. I am a very short female, so MFPs calorie goal for me was 1200. It is of course not impossible, but in my opinion, more difficult to be satisfied on that if you are eating small portions of calorie-dense foods. But, everyone is different, and if you have a higher calorie allotment, it certainly is much more do-able.
There's about 170 calories in a four oz 93% burger...the buns I use are about 130...I would think anyone could fit that in. Besides, 1200 is for a sedentary...like sit around and basically do nothing person...move more, you can eat more....
My wife is 5'2" on a good day...she exercises regularly and maintains on around 2300 calories or so...she can easily lose weight eating more than 1200 calories, and I'd say most other woman can as well...2 -
SuzySunshine99 wrote: »cerise_noir wrote: »SuzySunshine99 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Eat less of it. Problem solved.
Actually, I think that may cause a big problem, not solve it. A lot of people are suggesting that the OP eat the same food as her husband (fast food, fried, etc) but just have smaller portions. In theory, yes, of course that would work. But in practice, because those foods are so calorie dense, she would probably have to eat a very small portion to stay within her calories for the day. I'm guessing she would probably not feel satisfied eating half a hamburger, one slice of pizza, etc. I know I wouldn't and would probably end up overeating. OP, I would encourage you to eat more satisfying foods that you can eat a hearty portion of, even if it is different from what you husband wants to eat. Lean grilled meats and veggies can fill you up without the calorie bomb.
There is no reason to eat half a hamburger or 1 slice of pizza... A whole hamburger with smart toppings, and thin crust pizzas, both with massive side salads allow us to eat more.
I guess it just depends on your calorie goal...not knowing the OPs goals, I was just using myself as an example. I am a very short female, so MFPs calorie goal for me was 1200. It is of course not impossible, but in my opinion, more difficult to be satisfied on that if you are eating small portions of calorie-dense foods. But, everyone is different, and if you have a higher calorie allotment, it certainly is much more do-able.
My calorie goal when sedentary (TDEE-500) to lose 1lb per week is 1200. I usually do IF which helps a bunch.1 -
SuzySunshine99 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Eat less of it. Problem solved.
Actually, I think that may cause a big problem, not solve it. A lot of people are suggesting that the OP eat the same food as her husband (fast food, fried, etc) but just have smaller portions. In theory, yes, of course that would work. But in practice, because those foods are so calorie dense, she would probably have to eat a very small portion to stay within her calories for the day. I'm guessing she would probably not feel satisfied eating half a hamburger, one slice of pizza, etc. I know I wouldn't and would probably end up overeating. OP, I would encourage you to eat more satisfying foods that you can eat a hearty portion of, even if it is different from what you husband wants to eat. Lean grilled meats and veggies can fill you up without the calorie bomb.
This absolutely!! For 35 years I've been cooking one meal for my husband and another for myself.
He eats meat. I don't. He eats fried. I don't.(ok, I have mcD fries about once a year or so).
I start both our dinners with a side salad and a healthy vege dish. Then the entree is totally different. His was pork ribs tonight. Mine was Gardein Faux chicken strips. LOL!
We're having a sweet treat now. His is Ben & jerrys New York super chunk ice cream right out of the container. Mine is healthy choice fudge pop 100 calories.
I could eat what he eats, but I feel better eating lighter, plus feel I look better when I do. Plus, to maintain my weight I'd be eating a morsel of his calorie dense greasy food.
It just is what it is.
If you want it bad enough, you'll find a way to make it work.
That said, I still struggle with the last 10 lbs....sigh...0 -
He's not force feeding you. YOU control what crosses your lips. Buy you own food. Prep you own meals. Eat smaller portions. you can do this.0
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vikinglander wrote: »How many husbands do you have?
Does it matter? Either you are making fun of the OPs grammar, or you are insinuating there is something wrong with more than one partner, both are inappropriate.
OP-there are no foods that put on weight, excess calories put on weight. You can still eat those foods, just have them in smaller portions.
Or three, I was just trying to be funny, and meant no harm to anyone.3 -
vikinglander wrote: »vikinglander wrote: »How many husbands do you have?
Does it matter? Either you are making fun of the OPs grammar, or you are insinuating there is something wrong with more than one partner, both are inappropriate.
OP-there are no foods that put on weight, excess calories put on weight. You can still eat those foods, just have them in smaller portions.
Or three, I was just trying to be funny, and meant no harm to anyone.
As someone who has two significant others (we all live together), it's kind of an offensive joke.
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I know what you mean. I have two fit toddlers and a lower calorie diet wouldn't work for them. Unfortunately, that means more work for us! I just cook a few different items. They might have chicken and a baked potato with a veggie but I'll have chicken and just the veggie. In a perfect situation he would respect your desire to live healthier and maybe don't give up convincing him to do it for his health. But for now, cook your meals and have him concentrate on his own.2
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Who does the cooking mostly? If it's you, cook what you want for all of you, he'll thank you. ..eventually
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