Marital bliss: What makes a good marriage?

jgnatca

Sift out the cruel and careless. They are one date wonders.

As you build a relationship, maintain also your mutual independence. Enjoy each other's company. You don't have to be blissful all the time but you had better at least like each other.

If the guy is noticing you and not your weight, that is a very, very good thing.

Cbestinme

snowflake954 wrote: »

Married 30 yrs, and you've gotten alot of good responses--I agree with most. I guess that I'd just add that marriage takes work--nurturing if you will. Many people get married or are looking for someone "to make them happy", you have to be prepared to put in if you want to get out. Also, I think you need flexibility. Things change as the years go by. A marriage goes through phases and you have to be prepared to give in sometimes--and that's hard for alot of people. Good luck if you take the plunge. The rewards can be great.

Many thanks guess will have to reflect more on this issue of change and phases

Cbestinme

carolinafirefly wrote: »

Deep mutual respect and admiration. Not sure how or if it's any different for men, but with most women, love tends to follow respect. Lose respect for your partner, romantic love and sexual attraction are out the door, too, no matter how much you fight to hold onto them. Choose someone with values you admire even if they're not 100% your own, but it makes it easier when they're similar.

Keeping a relationship going long term is a lot like slow and steady weight loss. You don't always feel "in love" anymore than you feel super inspired and motivated to stick to your calorie goal or exercise every day, but you do it anyway. Both require dedication and self-discipline to get through the days (weeks, months) when you're just not feeling it.

I also fully believe in the tent test. Go camping and try to put a tent up together. Make sure it's one of those giant ones with lots of telescoping poles and all, totally new to both of you. Throw away the directions, make sure the sun is setting in about an hour, and then go at it. If you work well together, test passed. Now that most tents are so easy to put together, you might have to pick some other test, though. How you work together is very important. Marriage is as much about working together towards mutual goals and a shared vision of the future as it is about romance.

Great tips thanks! tent or other test sounds like a perfect way to stress test the relationship, makes lots of sense!

Cbestinme

lauracups wrote: »

I'll keep it simple. Marry someone who you actually like as a person flaws and all vs just someone you have hot pants for hoping you can "change " them.

Lol, true, hot pants was funny

pneschich

Cbestinme wrote: »

lauracups wrote: »

I'll keep it simple. Marry someone who you actually like as a person flaws and all vs just someone you have hot pants for hoping you can "change " them.

Lol, true, hot pants was funny

True, "hot pants" only gets you so far. A great sex life is good but it won't get you through the horrible things that happen to all of us. A loss of a job, an accident, a screaming child at 3 am , being the caregiver or patient for your spouse for a week and month- longer. You need a committed partner for that. The good times in a marriage mostly take care of themselves.
I loved the tent test one. Working together is so important for a marriage, or understanding and communicating the division of labor. You might be better at something than your spouse but you hate it and they don't. Let them do it, but be satisfied with the results. Find someone who looks at what you do and not what you haven't done and is grateful.