Need advice: How do I take weight loss one day at a time? Please Respond/Friend me

Papa_Swearingen

Hi MFPers,

I am in need of some advice or good tips on how to remember- and be comfortable with taking things one day at a time.

My story: In July of 2015 I took a new job three hours across the state - it was the job I always dreamed of having and what I had been working towards my whole life. So far it has turned out to be a ENORMOUS stressor; downright crippling for me and my wife. First off, the move was very last minute, and it required that my family cut our income by 50% since my wife would be out of work after the move. We did not make the decision in haste though, we did put a lot of thought into it. Anyway, since we've moved we've had to deal with some huge issues, mainly linked to finances - - renting our house in our former city, lack of sufficient income/needing to use credit, moving expenses not covered by my new employer, adding a newborn 8 months later (this was an awesome part - albeit stressful LOL) etc etc. You name it, and it happened. In addition, my new job had an enormous workload that I could have never anticipated - working constantly throughout the first four months ~70-80 hours/week. I never saw my family. I never had any play time. I never had any gym time. My diet was garbage and overloaded; I didn't say no to myself. The new area we moved to is economically distressed lacking childcare options, sufficient recreational facilities and all the other perks that go along with a big city (where we used to live). It's just downright hard to live here, especially with two young kids. The move created a de facto perfect storm. I spun out of control into depression and mania, my marriage was on the fritz, and to make matters worse we were/are totally broke and suffocating. During this time, I have packed on ~ 40 lbs - - before the 40 lbs I already was unhappy with my weight. I am devastated at this point. None of my clothes fit and my body is literally falling apart - I developed severe depression, gout, and some other issues with the constant stress and weight gain. I think you get the idea...

Now, things have lightened up. My job workload has lightened substantially. My wife and I were able to work through some of our issues or at least adjust to our situation (work in progress). My wife is still without a full time job, but is still searching very hard. I have found myself at a time and place where I can finally work on my weight. However, I constantly feel overwhelmed with how far I have to go before I get back to my previous weight - I am really having trouble taking things one day at a time. I am wondering what advice or tips folks might have so that I can get through this. Anyone else out there reading ever faced what seems to be an insurmountable task such as losing 40 - 60 lbs??


Thanks,

Matt

jennifer_417

If you can pardon me for referencing a religious figure, I've heard Joyce Meyer say something like: You don't have to dwell on every though that drops into your head.

In other words, you have control over what you choose to think about.
With this in mind: choose to think about today, and don't let yourself dwell on the big picture.
Celebrate small victories. What did you do today to meet your goal? Did you lose weight this week? If not, why not?

Think of the process as a series of small steps that you simply keep repeating.

JeromeBarry1

Oh, I dunno. I've lost 85 lb this year and all I did was have breakfast (big, focusing on protein and fiber), lunch (small), and dinner (big, more focus on protein and fiber). I exercise some, but not every day like a gym rat.

PennWalker

Matt, I'm sorry you and your family have had to go through some rough waters this year (but congrats on the birth of your child! That's wonderful.). It sounds like things are starting to level out. I agree with jennifer_417 -- put your thoughts on today. Find an exercise and food you can enjoy looking forward to and that will help your stress. 40-60 pounds is not insurmountable. Take it in "decades," 10 pounds at a time. Good luck!

rebelicious73

Set small attainable goals for yourself. try starting with 10 pounds . A short walk during your lunch break and take the stairs instead of the elevator when possible. You can do this.

penguinattackstudios

I have two full time jobs and to say finding time for my general health is hard - is an understatement. I've just got back to MFP maybe a week or 2 so far, but I think the biggest thing is to log what you're eating and don't hate yourself if you go over your calories. Small steps, baaaaby steps.

I've started with logging my food, now i'm very slowly incorporating exercises in (one 15lb dumbbell lifts while at work on break). My biggest thing is diet first exercise second and start with realistic goals. So far *knock on wood* it's been working well!

zyxst

I'd work on getting the family situation settled first as that will likely reduce stress, thus reduce your bad eating. If not, just get into the habit of logging what you eat.

laur357

I agree. Focus on ten pounds at a time and build new habits slowly. For the first ten, you can just focus on reducing your calories. Make a meal plan (as detailed or as loose as you like) and just work on hitting your calorie goal each day.
For the next ten, add some exercise that you like. You don't have to exercise to lose weight, but being active can really help with stress - something you're experiencing regularly.

If you want to improve fitness or learn to cook new foods or add more vegetables to your diet - whatever you're feeling- just pick a new small goal to go along with the current 10 pounds.

Myrnlvr

As silly as this sounds, when I started I had to remind myself that if I wanted that bad-for-me food I could always have it tomorrow. It wasn't going anywhere (as if anyone is going to stop making deep fried California rolls!). Tomorrow began turning into next week, and when the scale kept dropping it was easier to resist. Good luck!

ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken

Think about this. Are you solely trying to achieve a lesser weight or are you striving to make a good change for your health and body in general? The mind set we take on is just as important as what we eat. If we go in wanting and expecting to see a steady and rapid drop in weight and nothing more only disappointment awaits. I think it's better to strive for the lifestyle change which will bring about benefits such as greater strength, endurance, a sense of control over food and generally feeling more energetic and well. The weight will come off. But only if a reasonable and sound diet and exercise plan is implemented over the long term. Missing a day or two or a little backslide now and then is normal and common. We can't use these rough patches as an excuse to fail, but rather as a way to learn something more about our strengths, and weaknesses and also as an exercise in perseverance.

I started at 5' 3" and 189 lbs. I am now at 154 lbs with about 25 lbs left until I reach my goal. I have been chipping away for quite a while at this. The friends on my personal MFP page are the biggest help, support and motivation to me. They have made all the difference in helping me maintain my focus.

Indygirl_81

I agree with a lot of the posts.... start small (ex) add a glass of water before each meal, walk during commercial breaks if you watch tv, there are also some great at home exercises to build strength and muscle (using things at home). Some have more to lose that 40-60 lbs and stress definitely does contribute to bad eating, depression, and lack of exercise. Glad that you and your wife are working it through... hopefully you can be on the same page with your health. Think about it like this, your good health is not just for you but for your wife and your kids also. Add something small and doable each day or week, until it becomes a habit- at least that has worked for me. Good luck!

burnfatty17

Add me

skellymama1

Yep, life has a habit of kicking your *kitten* now and again.
I had been trying to lose the same 30lbs for 5 years. In hindsight I had a lot going on during those 5 years so I just couldn't commit, Focus, follow through etc. The recession, losing a business, owing the banks money, setting up a new business, working 70 hour weeks, pregnancy loss (still birth) bereavement and yes all of those things also took their toll on my marriage. But, but that is in the past, I've let it go. Things are better now so I can focus a little on me. It's only looking back now I realise I wouldn't have been able to take anything else on at that time.
Focus on the here and now, practice the attitude of gratitude, be thankful for the good things today. Things have improved in your workplace, and in your home life. Focus on that. It sounds like you are still carrying some stress and anxiety from the tough few months past. Maybe go and talk to someone even if it's only one session. Just get it all out there, let it go and move on.
You are here, you are healthy, things are way better than you realise.
Enjoy your life, your family and your food!
Just weigh and log and stay in your goals.
Good luck.

Scorpio8402

Start out logging everything you eat to see how many calories you are actually consuming and then cut them back and add in activity. Don't get discouraged if you have bad days, everyone does. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep on going.

millzy64

You can do this. I lost the first 40 lbs without no exercise at all and I have a desk job. I started running eventually not because I needed it to lose the weight, but because it felt great. It's all about the deficit. Track everything every day and just stay with it.

What worked for me was keeping my blood sugar level throughout the day. This meant eating 6 times a day in measured amounts. I kept my snacks small but high in protein so they stayed with me and I always drank a full glass of water with every meal and every snack. I never felt hungry.

I agree it's more about a lifestyle change. It's not really going on a diet at all. Yes, you have to create a calorie deficit in order to lose the weight, but once you do, you have to continue to eat the same way, but you can eat larger portions.

The idea of 10 lb "mini goals" is a great one. They'll come around faster than you think too.

geminiswede

I've lost just over 100 pounds so far. First with just eating less of what I was eating, then with weighing exact portions and incorporating "healthier" alternatives, then adding in exercise (first just walking, then cardio at the gym, then added weightlifting).

As far as a literal day to day, I just try to focus on my calorie goal for the day. I tend to eat the same thing on the weekdays, at least for breakfast and lunch, and then my snacks might change from week to week, and I alter my dinner based on how many calories I have left. Really I just aim to be at or a little below my calorie goal each day. If I make it? Great! That was a success that day. If I go a little over, I try to make sure I at least stay under my maintenance calories to not have as much of a setback. Okay, so the day didn't go as well, but tomorrow is a new day. And repeat. That's the biggest thing I've had to learn. A bad day is just a bad day. It doesn't need to snowball and become a bad week, a bad month, etc.

For slightly longer term, I absolutely agree with what people have said about smaller goals. Maybe set 5 or 10 pound goals to start, or find numbers that are significant for you along the way. For me, these intervals included moving to a new weight category (obese class 2, obese class 1, overweight, etc) or percentages of the total weight I had to lose. Or even non-weight related goals like doing at least a certain amount of minutes of exercise per week. Or staying under your calorie goal for a certain percentage of the week. Whatever works for you!

HGaze

Wow, you have been through a lot and are still standing. That is amazing.
You need to give yourself a break in regards to the weight gain. It happened, yes, and it will take a while to rectify it - but you have already started.
You are obviously a strong person who has dealt with some major life changes. You have the determination and resolve to make the lifestyle changes you need. Sure there will be some bumps in your quest for a healthy you, but that is when you shrug it off and remember how awesome you are.
Don't worry about the days or the pounds - just know that you are making the right decisions and it WILL pay off.

You've got this.

Clemsonlkg

I lost 86 pounds a few years ago with exercise and MFP (very sensible.) Then I quit drinking and accidentally ate too much ice cream a couple of hundred times and gained it all back. I totally used food as a comfort during stressful times, and I felt horrible about it. Guilt, shame, hopelessness - I've had it all!

BUT, I made the decision to change my behaviors. I have a comfy calorie goal, and I am walking (slowly at first - it is hard to do anything with 80 extra pounds on a 5 foot 0 inch frame.) I have decided to only weigh once a month in order to keep the focus on the behaviors instead of the scale. If my behaviors change, then the scale will follow.

I also agree with the poster above about telling myself that I can have the fries or ice cream tomorrow if I want it. They are still making those foods ("we'll make more") and they will be available if I choose to eat them. But not today. Today I will do what I can to practice healthy behaviors.

The good news is that I already feel better (52 days in). My energy and stamina have greatly improved in this short amount of time. I am empowered by the fact that I am able to make good choices today, and that has completely killed my hopelessness.

Good luck to you, TODAY!

everher

I need to lose about the same amount of weight.

My advice? Do not focus on losing all the weight. I try not to even keep track of how many pounds I have left until goal. I find it stressful and overwhelming.

Instead, every week I make a goal of losing 1lb. Even though I have MFP set up to 1.5 lbs a week loss I give myself some leeway and in my mind I'm only trying to lose 1 lb a week. When I weigh in then and meet my weekly goal I feel terrific about myself.

The weight will come off in time. You have to believe that and it won't be so overwhelming. No, it won't happen overnight, but if you keep to your goals it will happen.

crzycatlady1

I lost 50lbs just by eating at the correct calorie deficit for my weight loss goals. I didn't make drastic changes to what kinds of food I was eating. I didn't start exercising. I didn't try changing my whole life- I only focused on hitting my calorie targets. One simple number, that wasn't overwhelming or unattainable. That's what made this whole thing doable day after day, week after week, month after month and now year after year in maintenance

Enter your current stats into MFP. Set your weight loss goal for 1-2lbs a week (with your goal you can start with 2lbs and then adjust to 1lb as you go along). Then, follow the calorie recommendation that MFP gives you, log your food intake, measure out as much of your food as possible, using a food scale set to grams, and then every 5-10lbs lost re-enter your stats because your calorie number will adjust as you lose weight.

Don't worry about trying to change your whole world, just learn how to follow that one simple number, and you'll be well on your way

French_Peasant

Practice the Art of Frugality with your diet. This will pay extraordinarily handsome dividends to both your waistline and wallet. Part of this Art, naturally, is cooking from scratch and eating things in modest proportions.

You don't say what you are currently eating, other than it is "crap"...are you or your wife already cooking from scratch, since it sounds like she has ample down time and would appreciate making a valuable financial contribution to the household, or are you eating low-quality, high calorie fast food?

The more I cook from scratch, the cheaper it is, and the food is high quality and low calorie. Here are some ideas:

-I got a 10 lb bag of chicken legs for $6 at Kroger a couple of weeks ago--I've been roasting them and using the meat for cheap chicken dishes (chicken and noodles, chicken and dumplings: the noodles and dumplings can be made from scratch) and the bones and scraps for chicken stock.
-You can at the same time roast a big batch of chopped potatoes, onions, butternut squash, and carrots with a little olive oil and a lot of garlic. The perfect complement to chicken, freakin' delicious, super cheap, and a powerhouse of reasonable-calorie nutrition.
-Bake your own whole-grain bread, or make muffins, banana bread or zucchini bread. Bread made form scratch is super cheap, and you can fill quick breads with all kinds of healthy things.
-If you're still hungry, saute a mess of frozen greens with a little bacon and garlic. Use this to bulk out your dinners instead of too many potatoes or bread. Or roast a pile of cauliflower.
-Stock up on oranges, apples and bananas for lunch--whatever is cheap and in season.
-Learn all about soups of all kinds! Julia Child has an amazing Potato-Leek recipe--it is the first recipe in her Art of French Cooking. If you have ham, save the hambone for bean soup. Turn all your roasted bones and meat scraps into stock.
-Eat oatmeal (made with milk and fruit and just a tsp or two of brown sugar) and eggs for breakfast.
-Roll out your own pie crust using lard and make a classic French quiche lorraine or a spinach and leek quiche or something else packed with veggies and using a light hand on the cheese.
-Make flank steak a regular part of your diet--it is lean and delicious.
-Learn to make a roux and cook the world-class cuisine of New Orleans, which is basically poor folks' cooking, black and white.
-Buy the very best extra virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar that you can afford. The BEST, especially for the vinegar, it should be the dark and viscous kind that you may have to order or find at a fancy specialty store. I have found it in pomegranate, black currant, etc. flavors at those shops where you can taste-test everything. Combine it in equal amounts and add a bit of dijon mustard and shake to emulsify. This will be your secret weapon to drizzle lightly on pork, roasted chicken, roasted veggies, and salads. I keep a squeeze bottle on my desk at work and one on the counter at home. It even turn a nasty (to me!) pile of raw spinach and kale into a very satisfactory little salad!

Cooking can be a huge time suck, from one perspective, but if you turn it into a hobby (or even a game--the challenge of taking very inexpensive ingredients and magically transforming them into serious cuisine) it can become a great source of please and a chance for your family to spend time and bond together.

JoeCWV

I lost 70 pounds. I must say I found it rather easy. I just start logging every day. Log everything you eat. Set your goal to lose .5 pounds a week. That is a very modest and doable deficit.

If you can eat a bit less then you will lose a bit quicker (I did). By setting the weight loss bar so slow you will achieve a couple things. One, if you eat all your calories you will still lose. If you go a bit over maybe maintenance. Once you get in the habit of logging and coming in under goal then you can work on nutrition and exercise.

Just like a good financial adviser will say "pay yourself first." The same applies to your body. Take care of your body first and the rest falls into place. When I started my weight loss I did not really have a goal. I realized it took my entire lifetime to achieve my career high weight of 265 lbs., so as long as I was heading the other way time was irrelevant. I optimistically was hopping to lose 10 pounds a year with no real goal weight in mind. I ended up losing 70 pounds in 9 months and have maintained at 190-195 for the last two years. I just now realized I really lost closer to 75 pounds.

AliceDark

Keep in mind that those days will pass anyway. They can pass with you actively practicing healthy habits and getting closer to your goal, or they can pass with you moving further away from your goal; you can choose how you spend the time, but time is going to keep moving forward. There literally isn't any way to take it other than one day at a time.

For the most part, weight loss doesn't happen because of huge, dramatic changes. It happens because of small actions that we repeat over time. That's good news, because those small actions don't tend to disrupt your daily life, and you sound like the last thing you need is more stress.

There used to be a very active poster here who had lost something like 120 pounds (could've been more, I'm not sure). He used to tell people that he didn't lose 120 pounds, he lost 1 pound, 120 times. 40-60 pounds sounds like a huge undertaking, but 1 pound is easy to lose. Start there, then do it again.

chocolate_owl

My friend lost 50 lbs by doing all the small things you hear about: drinking more water instead of beverages with calories, eating at home more, eating smaller portions, walking more. He didn't go to the gym at all. Pick a habit you want to develop (i.e. cooking meals at home and taking leftovers to work) or break (i.e. not eating food your coworkers leave for everyone in the break room) and figure out how to manage that one thing. Then add another. Do it incrementally so it doesn't add more stress to your life, and choose things that are relatively easy to implement. Deciding to devote 2 hours to the gym every day might not be a good choice right now with longish hours and a baby, but taking a walk with your family after dinner gets you exercise and quality time.

deseyer

Something I've started doing when I go to gym classes and feel like not doing it... I imagine my future slimmer self thanking me in that moment for my efforts today.

ahoy_m8

Wow. You have been through the motherload. I had to take a deep breath just reading it! So glad things are starting to turn the corner for you all. You know, to get through what you have, you already have what it takes for weight loss. Pardon the inappropriate pun, but weight loss is a piece of cake compared to what you have come through. What did you do, or what did you tell yourself, to put one foot in front of the other when things were at the worst? I'm pretty sure whatever that was, it will work for calorie counting. And calorie counting works for weight loss.

jennifer_417 wrote: »

If you can pardon me for referencing a religious figure, I've heard Joyce Meyer say something like: You don't have to dwell on every though that drops into your head.

A similar quote that I really love from another religious figure is Martin Luther: You cannot stop birds from flying overhead, but you can stop them from making a nest in your hair.

Best of luck to you. You have what it takes and more.

ETA: You will feel remarkably better after just 10 pounds. Focus on the first 10. You will have wind in your sails after that.

goddessecouture

Honestly, being on here and faithfully logging food and exercise is an enormous help. Each day is a new day here, and the end of each day is a tremendous motivator as you close out your diary and it tells you where you will be if "every day were like today." I don't even focus on the scale or the belly or anything like that. I focus on today only. Success is not a goal, it's a result. If you do the small things toward success, you will get there. Don't focus on the end, focus on the journey.

NewGemini130

Take walk breaks at work, even mini ones. Park farther away. On weekends plan family time that is active and simple so you get the quality time together and fresh air (state park, jungle gym, neighborhood walks). Aim to play with your kids and wife a little every day. Diet wise logging is best, and good nutrition so you don't end up sick from being run down (grab an apple!)

Hang in there! Know you can change things if need be down the road w/job etc. life is short. For me -not getting overwhelmed (I'm in the middle of a 70-pound journey) -I really set mini goals- 5# or less. Some of the minis are quick and others take forever, lol.

Papa_Swearingen

Wow I'm so overwhelmed with positivity on here! All of you rock. Faith in humanity is restored. Thank you all so very much. If anything, just typing and reading responses has helped me focus on today and get through. The advice is great and the repeating theme is to make small goals, so I have set a 10 pound goal for myself to try to get some inertia! I will post again when I get there. Love you all. Friend me to stay in touch

mdavis440

When I started, my goal was to lose 100 lbs. talk about overwhelming. I just decided to concentrate on one day, one meal that day at a time. I chose to workout for 20 min a day. And I decided to meal plan the night before. I suffer from depression also. Well, 22 lbs down, only 78 more to go and im working out 30-60 min a day. I still take one day at a time. I celebrate every success and research my failures. Don't get overwhelmed. All it takes is that first step to decide that today I'm going to drink more water, today I'm going to eat breakfast and today I'm going to workout no matter what. You can do this.

isabellapanzica9387

Log what you eat, focus on one week of weight loss at a time and try to reduce your stress. From the sound of your situation it looks like the worst is over and it will get better soon. I wish you the best of luck