I Need To Vent
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You need a doula! Google to see if there are any in your area. She'll be with you through the process and speak for you when you are cranky.
Yes. Someone you are comfortable with who can be your advocate when you just can't do it all alone. Someone who understands your rights and will comfort you and stand up for you. My doula was the best. She's on Long Island. If you're interested, PM me.1 -
An update with some good news
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We had our monthly family meeting tonight (which usually is about everyone's work schedule for the month, budget, who's grocery shopping, etc). I was able to bring up some of my concerns. They had no idea I felt so overwhelmed and said I should speak up more before it gets to the point I'm so upset. Felt kind of good. They also reassured me that being cast away lol and we worked some extra TLC in for me into the monthly schedule.
Thank you everyone for all the support.
Oh good. Thanks for updating. I checked back on this thread today hoping to find out if you were feeling better today. I'm so glad you are.2 -
An update with some good news -
We had our monthly family meeting tonight (which usually is about everyone's work schedule for the month, budget, who's grocery shopping, etc). I was able to bring up some of my concerns. They had no idea I felt so overwhelmed and said I should speak up more before it gets to the point I'm so upset. Felt kind of good. They also reassured me that being cast away lol and we worked some extra TLC in for me into the monthly schedule.
Thank you everyone for all the support.
Oh good. Thanks for updating. I checked back on this thread today hoping to find out if you were feeling better today. I'm so glad you are.
Feeling significantly better today. It seems like I have good days and then really bad days. Using tonight to work on baby registry and nursery stuff which tends to perk my mood up.6 -
Ooh, nice things to do for mood enhancement.
Do you knit or sew? Starting a quilt for the cot, or knitting a couple of little sweaters could be very soothing on a cold winter night.
So glad things are better today.
Cheers, h.1 -
My OB thinks it's a combination of hormones and stomach not having much room. Normally she would prescribe something for the nausea and vomiting, but last time she did, I ended up having an allergic reaction to the medication.
Have you tried ginger (raw ginger, ginger tea, crystallized ginger)? You're much later in your pregnancy than I was when I was really sick, but it helped with my morning sickness. I would definitely stay away from Zofran if you are offered--it can have some really nasty side effects (SJS).1 -
Thank you everyone for all the support.[/quote]
Glad to hear, I have someone close to me that also suffers from BP, stable now too for years with med. You were probably going thru hormones & BP symptoms. You will be ok. Good you have a place to vent, I do believe it helps. Keep the family meetings up! Hugs and good wishes[/quote]
I think it is a combination as well. Thankfully the BP symptoms haven't been too severe and hoping it stays that way.
Family meetings are must for us. We all have different schedules, one of which rotates (very annoying haha) on top of overtime, classes, meetings, doctors appointments etc. Thank god for white boards, we have huge calendar one in the kitchen. Makes life so much more simple.[/quote]
WE too have a big white board in our kitchen, lol. Two months so we can write all appointments, etc then we all know one another schedules. I find it very helpful.1 -
Thank you everyone for all the support.
Glad to hear, I have someone close to me that also suffers from BP, stable now too for years with med. You were probably going thru hormones & BP symptoms. You will be ok. Good you have a place to vent, I do believe it helps. Keep the family meetings up! Hugs and good wishes[/quote]
I think it is a combination as well. Thankfully the BP symptoms haven't been too severe and hoping it stays that way.
Family meetings are must for us. We all have different schedules, one of which rotates (very annoying haha) on top of overtime, classes, meetings, doctors appointments etc. Thank god for white boards, we have huge calendar one in the kitchen. Makes life so much more simple.[/quote]
WE too have a big white board in our kitchen, lol. Two months so we can write all appointments, etc then we all know one another schedules. I find it very helpful.[/quote]
It is helpful, otherwise everyday we'd be asking the same questions lol.
My OB thinks it's a combination of hormones and stomach not having much room. Normally she would prescribe something for the nausea and vomiting, but last time she did, I ended up having an allergic reaction to the medication.
Have you tried ginger (raw ginger, ginger tea, crystallized ginger)? You're much later in your pregnancy than I was when I was really sick, but it helped with my morning sickness. I would definitely stay away from Zofran if you are offered--it can have some really nasty side effects (SJS).
For some reason ginger seems to make me more nauseated. I have been able to keep down Sprite Zero as well as some mint tea. Everything I drink has to be ice cold or o bring it back up.middlehaitch wrote: »Ooh, nice things to do for mood enhancement.
Do you knit or sew? Starting a quilt for the cot, or knitting a couple of little sweaters could be very soothing on a cold winter night.
So glad things are better today.
Cheers, h.
I can sew a little bit, but no where near the level of being able to create a quilt.1 -
Well I brought up the idea of a doula to him and he did not like the idea, so that nixes that. Thank you allegory the support and suggestions though.1
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Well I brought up the idea of a doula to him and he did not like the idea, so that nixes that. Thank you allegory the support and suggestions though.
I assume he is the dominant partner in your relationship, if so his job is to gain understanding of what you need, particularly in the ground shaking life altering thing of a bringing a new life into your family. He should be researching the concept and seeing if it will fit you as a family and you specifically as the pregnant one. He should not dismiss the idea out of hand without understanding and exploring it because it doesn't fit with his world view.
And that's what you may wish to bring to the table in your negotiations of your family dynamics.
You are the only one here who is pregnant, you are the one who needs the care6 -
Give him time to get his head around the idea of a doula. You had a bit of lead time to take on the idea before broaching it. He is still trying to take this on and doesn't probably understand that it will give him more time to care for you and the baby during delivery, not less. He may even think it is diminishing his role.
I know with my SO I have to give some lead time before going in depth with an idea- just so he can stew over it without my thoughts interfering.
It may be useful for you all to talk about it with your physician on your next visit.
Or, ask your friends if they can recommend one and ask if he is willing to interview with no commitment.
Just as an aside- my son and DIL were going to use one but DIL went into labour and delivered so fast, just got to the hospital, they didn't even have time to call her.
Hope all is well, h.0 -
Do you have a hobby you can find comfort in? I have a go to "de-stress" hobby (sewing) that I often find myself going away for an hour or so, telling everyone (as nicely as possible) to PLEASE not disturb me, as I'm in my happy place and just relax. From your post it seems you need a break and just time to be yourself and remember how awesome you are. Enjoy the pregnancy, you'll look back in a few years and laugh with your family about "Oh god, remember how HORMONAL I was??" (trust me, I know it doesn't feel like it now). Above all, remember you are growing a human. That takes a serious toll on you. It rocks, it sucks, its amazing and it's terrifying. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise and let your doc know its your baby and your body and it's you who need to be comfortable.1
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Well I brought up the idea of a doula to him and he did not like the idea, so that nixes that. Thank you allegory the support and suggestions though.
I assume he is the dominant partner in your relationship, if so his job is to gain understanding of what you need, particularly in the ground shaking life altering thing of a bringing a new life into your family. He should be researching the concept and seeing if it will fit you as a family and you specifically as the pregnant one. He should not dismiss the idea out of hand without understanding and exploring it because it doesn't fit with his world view.
And that's what you may wish to bring to the table in your negotiations of your family dynamics.
You are the only one here who is pregnant, you are the one who needs the care
Correct he is and in that respect there really are no "negotiations". We have an OB appointment today and will bring it up one more time, but if still shot down, will leave it at that.0 -
Have you tried ginger (raw ginger, ginger tea, crystallized ginger)? You're much later in your pregnancy than I was when I was really sick, but it helped with my morning sickness. I would definitely stay away from Zofran if you are offered--it can have some really nasty side effects (SJS).
Zofran is how I survived hyperemesis gravidarum with both my pregnancies. There is a higher risk in the First Tri, but outside of that is considered safe.
There are other medications too, like Phenergan or unison + B6.
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middlehaitch wrote: »Give him time to get his head around the idea of a doula. You had a bit of lead time to take on the idea before broaching it. He is still trying to take this on and doesn't probably understand that it will give him more time to care for you and the baby during delivery, not less. He may even think it is diminishing his role.
I know with my SO I have to give some lead time before going in depth with an idea- just so he can stew over it without my thoughts interfering.
It may be useful for you all to talk about it with your physician on your next visit.
Or, ask your friends if they can recommend one and ask if he is willing to interview with no commitment.
Just as an aside- my son and DIL were going to use one but DIL went into labour and delivered so fast, just got to the hospital, they didn't even have time to call her.
Hope all is well, h.
Like I said, will bring it up today at the OB, but then going to let it go. Maybe if OB supports the idea, he will think differently.1 -
Do you have a hobby you can find comfort in? I have a go to "de-stress" hobby (sewing) that I often find myself going away for an hour or so, telling everyone (as nicely as possible) to PLEASE not disturb me, as I'm in my happy place and just relax. From your post it seems you need a break and just time to be yourself and remember how awesome you are. Enjoy the pregnancy, you'll look back in a few years and laugh with your family about "Oh god, remember how HORMONAL I was??" (trust me, I know it doesn't feel like it now). Above all, remember you are growing a human. That takes a serious toll on you. It rocks, it sucks, its amazing and it's terrifying. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise and let your doc know its your baby and your body and it's you who need to be comfortable.
Thank you. I sort of do. As a joke a few years a go, my one SO bought me a sign that says "go away, I'm reading". She didn't seriously expect me to use it, but I do. She knows if it is on my bedroom door, to stay away. He will still come in though.0 -
SuperNerd42 wrote: »
Have you tried ginger (raw ginger, ginger tea, crystallized ginger)? You're much later in your pregnancy than I was when I was really sick, but it helped with my morning sickness. I would definitely stay away from Zofran if you are offered--it can have some really nasty side effects (SJS).
Zofran is how I survived hyperemesis gravidarum with both my pregnancies. There is a higher risk in the First Tri, but outside of that is considered safe.
There are other medications too, like Phenergan or unison + B6.
I had a really bad reaction to zofran. I took the first dose and within 20 minutes my eyes and lips were so swollen, and I couldn't breathe, I got jabbed with my epipen (I couldn't even see enough to do it myself).
So we tried reglan. I was fine on it for almost a week. Went to work, took a dose, and started to feel really dizzy. Thank god I work in EMS. I walked out to operations and told them I didn't feel so good. Took one look at me and they had the paramedic supervisor start treating me immediately while they got a unit together: apparently I was already turning blue.
After those two scares, I refuse to try anything else for nausea/vomiting.0 -
Hey girl, sorry for your struggles and hope the venting helped you to get it out of your system a bit. My thoughts and suggestions are a little bit different I guess. I would say... don't look for distractions to get it all off of your mind. Doing that is like putting a band aid on a severed limb. Sure, it might work for a little while but you know the real issues will come back bigger and stronger than before at some point. You don't want that to happen after you give birth... your baby doesn't deserve it. I say face your troubles, face the root of the problem, stop making excuses for your behavior and feelings. Lay it all out there sister! Get it out and get it gone. It's ok to feel bad, just don't live there and sometimes we have to remember to get OUT of our own heads. Hope you don't take these words as mean, they are not meant to be. You can drink all of the tea in the world but the bottom line is the only way to healing is through it... I think you already know this.0
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Well I brought up the idea of a doula to him and he did not like the idea, so that nixes that. Thank you allegory the support and suggestions though.
I assume he is the dominant partner in your relationship, if so his job is to gain understanding of what you need, particularly in the ground shaking life altering thing of a bringing a new life into your family. He should be researching the concept and seeing if it will fit you as a family and you specifically as the pregnant one. He should not dismiss the idea out of hand without understanding and exploring it because it doesn't fit with his world view.
And that's what you may wish to bring to the table in your negotiations of your family dynamics.
You are the only one here who is pregnant, you are the one who needs the care
Correct he is and in that respect there really are no "negotiations". We have an OB appointment today and will bring it up one more time, but if still shot down, will leave it at that.
Does your power exchange allow space for you to ask what his plan is to manage the situation without a doula (that is, how your needs will be met without one)? If you can find out what his plan is to meet your needs, it may help you feel better.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »Well I brought up the idea of a doula to him and he did not like the idea, so that nixes that. Thank you allegory the support and suggestions though.
I assume he is the dominant partner in your relationship, if so his job is to gain understanding of what you need, particularly in the ground shaking life altering thing of a bringing a new life into your family. He should be researching the concept and seeing if it will fit you as a family and you specifically as the pregnant one. He should not dismiss the idea out of hand without understanding and exploring it because it doesn't fit with his world view.
And that's what you may wish to bring to the table in your negotiations of your family dynamics.
You are the only one here who is pregnant, you are the one who needs the care
Correct he is and in that respect there really are no "negotiations". We have an OB appointment today and will bring it up one more time, but if still shot down, will leave it at that.
Does your power exchange allow space for you to ask what his plan is to manage the situation without a doula (that is, how your needs will be met without one)? If you can find out what his plan is to meet your needs, it may help you feel better.
Yes, that would be something I can ask, if I phrase it the right way.
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Well I brought it up again, but it was *kitten* down again. OB wasn't even sure if a doula would help. She knows how much I trust him, and understands our family dynamic (although the other girl is unable to be at all the appointments). She is going to talk with the head over at the hospital and make it very well known that both him and her are to get "daddy" bands, so they can come and go from the floor as they want. She also suggested possibly a small amount of sedative during delivery as well as pain medication, but I nixed that idea. The last thing I want is to feel like I'm spaced out.0
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Well I brought it up again, but it was *kitten* down again. OB wasn't even sure if a doula would help. She knows how much I trust him, and understands our family dynamic (although the other girl is unable to be at all the appointments). She is going to talk with the head over at the hospital and make it very well known that both him and her are to get "daddy" bands, so they can come and go from the floor as they want. She also suggested possibly a small amount of sedative during delivery as well as pain medication, but I nixed that idea. The last thing I want is to feel like I'm spaced out.
You will be fine
I didn't have a doula nor as much support as you do
Like losing weight it's one step at a time
And soon you will be a mom, and you'll be great at it
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Well I brought it up again, but it was *kitten* down again. OB wasn't even sure if a doula would help. She knows how much I trust him, and understands our family dynamic (although the other girl is unable to be at all the appointments). She is going to talk with the head over at the hospital and make it very well known that both him and her are to get "daddy" bands, so they can come and go from the floor as they want. She also suggested possibly a small amount of sedative during delivery as well as pain medication, but I nixed that idea. The last thing I want is to feel like I'm spaced out.
I think you will be a great mom, and it seems you now have support of your OB and your SO's. It will all be fine.0 -
Thanks for the update.
With both partners having the 'daddy' band I am thinking there will be enough support.
I wasn't sure how the birth was going to work between the 3 of you- I should have asked.
Are you (plural) going to be taking any birthing classes? They may help everyone get an idea of what will be happening during the various stages- and how to respond.
Go without medication if you can, but maybe get a guideline in place at the hospital just in case. Better to be prepared for the unknown, than to be inappropriately medicated.
Such a wonderful thing is happening,
Sorry I have slipped into nana mode
Cheers, h.1 -
middlehaitch wrote: »Thanks for the update.
With both partners having the 'daddy' band I am thinking there will be enough support.
I wasn't sure how the birth was going to work between the 3 of you- I should have asked.
Are you (plural) going to be taking any birthing classes? They may help everyone get an idea of what will be happening during the various stages- and how to respond.
Go without medication if you can, but maybe get a guideline in place at the hospital just in case. Better to be prepared for the unknown, than to be inappropriately medicated.
Such a wonderful thing is happening,
Sorry I have slipped into nana mode
Cheers, h.
Mostly just he will be there. While we have a very loving household, our primary relationships are with him, so we are kind of like "sister wives" even though I truly hate that term.
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I feel so guilty and yet can't stop laughing at the same time. This AM I woke up with all intentions of going to work, but got really really right after I woke up. We only have the one bathroom, so was trying to be nice and let her finish showering and brushing teeth before I barged in an showered. Instead, she ended up opening the door and I threw up all over her
. I feel horrible. 2 -
I'm glad you talked to your SO's but here's a few things.
If you are diagnosed BP it's essential you get back on your meds ASAP after the baby is born. Talk to your OB about it. Even if they mean you can't BF (actually in your mental state I would recommend you don't BF at all as it's an added stressor and means your SO's can't really help you out in the first few weeks). Giving birth results in a huge crash in hormones for all women and in your case you need to work out ways to manage it ahead of time. PPD is no joke.
Big hugs to you.
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I feel so guilty and yet can't stop laughing at the same time. This AM I woke up with all intentions of going to work, but got really really right after I woke up. We only have the one bathroom, so was trying to be nice and let her finish showering and brushing teeth before I barged in an showered. Instead, she ended up opening the door and I threw up all over her . I feel horrible.
I'm sorry... I really shouldn't... but this has so much comedic potential... I just can't stop laughing at the scene playing out in my head.
*hugs* because you shouldn't feel horrible for having your body rebel against you.0 -
I feel so guilty and yet can't stop laughing at the same time. This AM I woke up with all intentions of going to work, but got really really right after I woke up. We only have the one bathroom, so was trying to be nice and let her finish showering and brushing teeth before I barged in an showered. Instead, she ended up opening the door and I threw up all over her . I feel horrible.
You're just preparing her for the baby's Exorcist vomiting. Good job.2
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