I Need To Vent

124

Replies

  • Sara1791
    Sara1791 Posts: 760 Member
    cbelc2 wrote: »
    You need a doula! Google to see if there are any in your area. She'll be with you through the process and speak for you when you are cranky.

    Yes. Someone you are comfortable with who can be your advocate when you just can't do it all alone. Someone who understands your rights and will comfort you and stand up for you. My doula was the best. She's on Long Island. If you're interested, PM me.
  • kgirlhart
    kgirlhart Posts: 4,923 Member
    elphie754 wrote: »
    An update with some good news :smile: -

    We had our monthly family meeting tonight (which usually is about everyone's work schedule for the month, budget, who's grocery shopping, etc). I was able to bring up some of my concerns. They had no idea I felt so overwhelmed and said I should speak up more before it gets to the point I'm so upset. Felt kind of good. They also reassured me that being cast away lol and we worked some extra TLC in for me into the monthly schedule.


    Thank you everyone for all the support.

    Oh good. Thanks for updating. I checked back on this thread today hoping to find out if you were feeling better today. I'm so glad you are.
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,477 Member
    Ooh, nice things to do for mood enhancement.
    Do you knit or sew? Starting a quilt for the cot, or knitting a couple of little sweaters could be very soothing on a cold winter night.

    So glad things are better today.

    Cheers, h.
  • mitch16
    mitch16 Posts: 2,113 Member
    elphie754 wrote: »

    My OB thinks it's a combination of hormones and stomach not having much room. Normally she would prescribe something for the nausea and vomiting, but last time she did, I ended up having an allergic reaction to the medication.

    Have you tried ginger (raw ginger, ginger tea, crystallized ginger)? You're much later in your pregnancy than I was when I was really sick, but it helped with my morning sickness. I would definitely stay away from Zofran if you are offered--it can have some really nasty side effects (SJS).
  • Ming1951
    Ming1951 Posts: 514 Member
    Thank you everyone for all the support.[/quote]

    Glad to hear, I have someone close to me that also suffers from BP, stable now too for years with med. You were probably going thru hormones & BP symptoms. You will be ok. Good you have a place to vent, I do believe it helps. Keep the family meetings up! Hugs and good wishes[/quote]

    I think it is a combination as well. Thankfully the BP symptoms haven't been too severe and hoping it stays that way.

    Family meetings are must for us. We all have different schedules, one of which rotates (very annoying haha) on top of overtime, classes, meetings, doctors appointments etc. Thank god for white boards, we have huge calendar one in the kitchen. Makes life so much more simple.[/quote]

    WE too have a big white board in our kitchen, lol. Two months so we can write all appointments, etc then we all know one another schedules. I find it very helpful.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
    Ming1951 wrote: »
    Thank you everyone for all the support.

    Glad to hear, I have someone close to me that also suffers from BP, stable now too for years with med. You were probably going thru hormones & BP symptoms. You will be ok. Good you have a place to vent, I do believe it helps. Keep the family meetings up! Hugs and good wishes[/quote]

    I think it is a combination as well. Thankfully the BP symptoms haven't been too severe and hoping it stays that way.

    Family meetings are must for us. We all have different schedules, one of which rotates (very annoying haha) on top of overtime, classes, meetings, doctors appointments etc. Thank god for white boards, we have huge calendar one in the kitchen. Makes life so much more simple.[/quote]

    WE too have a big white board in our kitchen, lol. Two months so we can write all appointments, etc then we all know one another schedules. I find it very helpful.[/quote]

    It is helpful, otherwise everyday we'd be asking the same questions lol.
    mitch16 wrote: »
    elphie754 wrote: »

    My OB thinks it's a combination of hormones and stomach not having much room. Normally she would prescribe something for the nausea and vomiting, but last time she did, I ended up having an allergic reaction to the medication.

    Have you tried ginger (raw ginger, ginger tea, crystallized ginger)? You're much later in your pregnancy than I was when I was really sick, but it helped with my morning sickness. I would definitely stay away from Zofran if you are offered--it can have some really nasty side effects (SJS).

    For some reason ginger seems to make me more nauseated. I have been able to keep down Sprite Zero as well as some mint tea. Everything I drink has to be ice cold or o bring it back up.
    Ooh, nice things to do for mood enhancement.
    Do you knit or sew? Starting a quilt for the cot, or knitting a couple of little sweaters could be very soothing on a cold winter night.

    So glad things are better today.

    Cheers, h.

    I can sew a little bit, but no where near the level of being able to create a quilt.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
    Well I brought up the idea of a doula to him and he did not like the idea, so that nixes that. Thank you allegory the support and suggestions though.
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,477 Member
    Give him time to get his head around the idea of a doula. You had a bit of lead time to take on the idea before broaching it. He is still trying to take this on and doesn't probably understand that it will give him more time to care for you and the baby during delivery, not less. He may even think it is diminishing his role.

    I know with my SO I have to give some lead time before going in depth with an idea- just so he can stew over it without my thoughts interfering.

    It may be useful for you all to talk about it with your physician on your next visit.
    Or, ask your friends if they can recommend one and ask if he is willing to interview with no commitment.

    Just as an aside- my son and DIL were going to use one but DIL went into labour and delivered so fast, just got to the hospital, they didn't even have time to call her.

    Hope all is well, h.
  • mskimee
    mskimee Posts: 228 Member
    Do you have a hobby you can find comfort in? I have a go to "de-stress" hobby (sewing) that I often find myself going away for an hour or so, telling everyone (as nicely as possible) to PLEASE not disturb me, as I'm in my happy place and just relax. From your post it seems you need a break and just time to be yourself and remember how awesome you are. Enjoy the pregnancy, you'll look back in a few years and laugh with your family about "Oh god, remember how HORMONAL I was??" (trust me, I know it doesn't feel like it now). Above all, remember you are growing a human. That takes a serious toll on you. It rocks, it sucks, its amazing and it's terrifying. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise and let your doc know its your baby and your body and it's you who need to be comfortable.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
    Sued0nim wrote: »
    elphie754 wrote: »
    Well I brought up the idea of a doula to him and he did not like the idea, so that nixes that. Thank you allegory the support and suggestions though.

    I assume he is the dominant partner in your relationship, if so his job is to gain understanding of what you need, particularly in the ground shaking life altering thing of a bringing a new life into your family. He should be researching the concept and seeing if it will fit you as a family and you specifically as the pregnant one. He should not dismiss the idea out of hand without understanding and exploring it because it doesn't fit with his world view.

    And that's what you may wish to bring to the table in your negotiations of your family dynamics.

    You are the only one here who is pregnant, you are the one who needs the care

    Correct he is and in that respect there really are no "negotiations". We have an OB appointment today and will bring it up one more time, but if still shot down, will leave it at that.
  • SuperNerd42
    SuperNerd42 Posts: 47 Member
    mitch16 wrote: »

    Have you tried ginger (raw ginger, ginger tea, crystallized ginger)? You're much later in your pregnancy than I was when I was really sick, but it helped with my morning sickness. I would definitely stay away from Zofran if you are offered--it can have some really nasty side effects (SJS).

    Zofran is how I survived hyperemesis gravidarum with both my pregnancies. There is a higher risk in the First Tri, but outside of that is considered safe.

    There are other medications too, like Phenergan or unison + B6.



  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
    Give him time to get his head around the idea of a doula. You had a bit of lead time to take on the idea before broaching it. He is still trying to take this on and doesn't probably understand that it will give him more time to care for you and the baby during delivery, not less. He may even think it is diminishing his role.

    I know with my SO I have to give some lead time before going in depth with an idea- just so he can stew over it without my thoughts interfering.

    It may be useful for you all to talk about it with your physician on your next visit.
    Or, ask your friends if they can recommend one and ask if he is willing to interview with no commitment.

    Just as an aside- my son and DIL were going to use one but DIL went into labour and delivered so fast, just got to the hospital, they didn't even have time to call her.

    Hope all is well, h.

    Like I said, will bring it up today at the OB, but then going to let it go. Maybe if OB supports the idea, he will think differently.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
    mskimee wrote: »
    Do you have a hobby you can find comfort in? I have a go to "de-stress" hobby (sewing) that I often find myself going away for an hour or so, telling everyone (as nicely as possible) to PLEASE not disturb me, as I'm in my happy place and just relax. From your post it seems you need a break and just time to be yourself and remember how awesome you are. Enjoy the pregnancy, you'll look back in a few years and laugh with your family about "Oh god, remember how HORMONAL I was??" (trust me, I know it doesn't feel like it now). Above all, remember you are growing a human. That takes a serious toll on you. It rocks, it sucks, its amazing and it's terrifying. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise and let your doc know its your baby and your body and it's you who need to be comfortable.

    Thank you. I sort of do. As a joke a few years a go, my one SO bought me a sign that says "go away, I'm reading". She didn't seriously expect me to use it, but I do. She knows if it is on my bedroom door, to stay away. He will still come in though.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
    mitch16 wrote: »

    Have you tried ginger (raw ginger, ginger tea, crystallized ginger)? You're much later in your pregnancy than I was when I was really sick, but it helped with my morning sickness. I would definitely stay away from Zofran if you are offered--it can have some really nasty side effects (SJS).

    Zofran is how I survived hyperemesis gravidarum with both my pregnancies. There is a higher risk in the First Tri, but outside of that is considered safe.

    There are other medications too, like Phenergan or unison + B6.



    I had a really bad reaction to zofran. I took the first dose and within 20 minutes my eyes and lips were so swollen, and I couldn't breathe, I got jabbed with my epipen (I couldn't even see enough to do it myself).

    So we tried reglan. I was fine on it for almost a week. Went to work, took a dose, and started to feel really dizzy. Thank god I work in EMS. I walked out to operations and told them I didn't feel so good. Took one look at me and they had the paramedic supervisor start treating me immediately while they got a unit together: apparently I was already turning blue.

    After those two scares, I refuse to try anything else for nausea/vomiting.
  • BoxerBrawler
    BoxerBrawler Posts: 2,032 Member
    Hey girl, sorry for your struggles and hope the venting helped you to get it out of your system a bit. My thoughts and suggestions are a little bit different I guess. I would say... don't look for distractions to get it all off of your mind. Doing that is like putting a band aid on a severed limb. Sure, it might work for a little while but you know the real issues will come back bigger and stronger than before at some point. You don't want that to happen after you give birth... your baby doesn't deserve it. I say face your troubles, face the root of the problem, stop making excuses for your behavior and feelings. Lay it all out there sister! Get it out and get it gone. It's ok to feel bad, just don't live there and sometimes we have to remember to get OUT of our own heads. Hope you don't take these words as mean, they are not meant to be. You can drink all of the tea in the world but the bottom line is the only way to healing is through it... I think you already know this.
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
    elphie754 wrote: »
    Sued0nim wrote: »
    elphie754 wrote: »
    Well I brought up the idea of a doula to him and he did not like the idea, so that nixes that. Thank you allegory the support and suggestions though.

    I assume he is the dominant partner in your relationship, if so his job is to gain understanding of what you need, particularly in the ground shaking life altering thing of a bringing a new life into your family. He should be researching the concept and seeing if it will fit you as a family and you specifically as the pregnant one. He should not dismiss the idea out of hand without understanding and exploring it because it doesn't fit with his world view.

    And that's what you may wish to bring to the table in your negotiations of your family dynamics.

    You are the only one here who is pregnant, you are the one who needs the care

    Correct he is and in that respect there really are no "negotiations". We have an OB appointment today and will bring it up one more time, but if still shot down, will leave it at that.

    Does your power exchange allow space for you to ask what his plan is to manage the situation without a doula (that is, how your needs will be met without one)? If you can find out what his plan is to meet your needs, it may help you feel better.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
    elphie754 wrote: »
    Sued0nim wrote: »
    elphie754 wrote: »
    Well I brought up the idea of a doula to him and he did not like the idea, so that nixes that. Thank you allegory the support and suggestions though.

    I assume he is the dominant partner in your relationship, if so his job is to gain understanding of what you need, particularly in the ground shaking life altering thing of a bringing a new life into your family. He should be researching the concept and seeing if it will fit you as a family and you specifically as the pregnant one. He should not dismiss the idea out of hand without understanding and exploring it because it doesn't fit with his world view.

    And that's what you may wish to bring to the table in your negotiations of your family dynamics.

    You are the only one here who is pregnant, you are the one who needs the care

    Correct he is and in that respect there really are no "negotiations". We have an OB appointment today and will bring it up one more time, but if still shot down, will leave it at that.

    Does your power exchange allow space for you to ask what his plan is to manage the situation without a doula (that is, how your needs will be met without one)? If you can find out what his plan is to meet your needs, it may help you feel better.

    Yes, that would be something I can ask, if I phrase it the right way.

  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
    I have no advice, but I can throw out cute animal gifs.
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