Gaining great muscle and fighting body dysmorphia - women
serapel
Posts: 502 Member
I have been lifting heavy now for a little over 6 months and I was trying on bras yesterday and my usual go to size, 34, was too tight due to muscle growth in upper lats. I freaked out and had to buy 36 bras instead.
Then it got me looking in the mirror at my upper lats and body dysmorphia began to set in. I saw a manly upper body instead of all the gains I should be proud of.
I am tempted to stop working on my upper lats, but I won't.
I am tempted to do more cardio, but I won't.
I asked my husband if he thought my back was getting too muscular and he said no way.
....and so I will continue to work on my back and try my best to overcome the dreaded female body dysmorphia; the desire to be thin and petite instead of lean and strong.
I've always admired female volleyball and sprinting athletes...they are so sexy and gorgeous... and I have yet to meet a male who doesn't find strong and lean to be sexy.
Then it got me looking in the mirror at my upper lats and body dysmorphia began to set in. I saw a manly upper body instead of all the gains I should be proud of.
I am tempted to stop working on my upper lats, but I won't.
I am tempted to do more cardio, but I won't.
I asked my husband if he thought my back was getting too muscular and he said no way.
....and so I will continue to work on my back and try my best to overcome the dreaded female body dysmorphia; the desire to be thin and petite instead of lean and strong.
I've always admired female volleyball and sprinting athletes...they are so sexy and gorgeous... and I have yet to meet a male who doesn't find strong and lean to be sexy.
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Replies
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Google 'noomi rapace muscles' or 'Becky Lynch' if you want further inspiration that muscular development looks great. Physical changes are always fairly daunting when you view yourself with judgemental eyes, you just need to give yourself time to mentally adapt to these positive changes. Men do not have the monopoly on looking strong and great thankfully.3
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I struggle with this at some points too. Especially when I am in the weight room and look over to see a slim petite girl on the elliptical. My husband can't keep his hands off me at any point in time so that's nice validation, lol.3
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Body Dysmorphia isn't just a problem for women....4
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my inspiration when I feel "manly"...watched my husband salivate during the olympics...
http://theathleticbuild.com/the-top-50-hottest-female-athletes-of-2016/1 -
TavistockToad wrote: »Body Dysmorphia isn't just a problem for women....
I don't think OP was suggesting body dysmorphia is a problem only women face, just that this is a post *about a woman* gaining muscle and struggling with it.. obviously it can go many ways, she titled accordingly for her situation.7 -
I suffer from body dysmorphia as well! I still struggle to see all the gains that I have made that everyone else can see. I still see my flabby stomach and the fat left on my thighs....but I keep working! I bet you look FABULOUS!!!!!2
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I was just thinking about this the other day. I struggle the most when I want to wear certain styles of trousers (cigarette!) but my quads/calves are too muscular for my waist size. They aren't even that big, y'know! I just remember that my legs are my greatest asset to my sport, kickboxing, and I wouldn't change them for the world. Your body serves a purpose and it isn't to be 'skinny'. People just want us to think that so we don't take over the world.
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So, YouTube has this channel called "Female Motivation" that has videos of all these accomplished female lifters. I am going to guess that the aim of these videos is to show women that strength and fitness is beautiful. But, I must admit that, as a male, these videos of all these gorgeous, fit women in form-fitting clothing and various states of workout undress, is rather titillating -- and that is not lost on those who post those videos.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1QnqLngjcsDDvtR0362iPg1 -
This thread is interesting.
With the exception of the time during which I was pregnant, I've never had what is typically considered a feminine shape (curvy hips/thighs/butt.) When thin, I was very straight up and down. I can remember being out with my boyfriend in high school and a store clerk seeing us (me only from behind) and asking "May I help you two young men?" When I was heavy, I had more of an android fat distribution, which I referred to as all the wrong curves in all the wrong places.
I have issues with body dysmorphia now, due to seeing myself as bigger than I am and having stretched skin but also due to disappointment about the remaining android fat pattern. Feeling mannish due to having muscle has never crossed my mind but not feeling too womanly due to my normal build has been part of my life as long as I can remember.3 -
This thread is interesting.
With the exception of the time during which I was pregnant, I've never had what is typically considered a feminine shape (curvy hips/thighs/butt.) When thin, I was very straight up and down. I can remember being out with my boyfriend in high school and a store clerk seeing us (me only from behind) and asking "May I help you two young men?" When I was heavy, I had more of an android fat distribution, which I referred to as all the wrong curves in all the wrong places.
I have issues with body dysmorphia now, due to seeing myself as bigger than I am and having stretched skin but also due to disappointment about the remaining android fat pattern. Feeling mannish due to having muscle has never crossed my mind but not feeling too womanly due to my normal build has been part of my life as long as I can remember.
If those are your thighs & tushy in your profile pic, you look very feminine to me. I don't know if outside opinions help with self-perception, but I thought I'd share in case it does.4 -
I have specific aesthetic goals. A larger upper body does not fit well with those goals. Don't get me wrong, I find muscle and females with muscle wonderful and I admire them, but I do not want it for myself. When I flex I look pretty muscular (IMO), but in reality I am not and I love it like that.
I think we are all entitled to strive for what physique we desire without being made to feel bad. You don't want big lats? Don't feel guilty for not wanting that and perhaps either don't use progressive overload or cut down on training them. Some women prefer to look more slender and lean rather than ripped or muscular, nothing wrong with that at all.
I hear all the time "women won't get bulky" .. but what if they are trying to gain? See, I am bulking, I am eating at surplus, so yes, in my case there is the potential to grow so I have to be mindful of that. My programming is very specific and does not include a ton of upper body volume.. and so far my results have been exactly what I am hoping to achieve.
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This thread is interesting.
With the exception of the time during which I was pregnant, I've never had what is typically considered a feminine shape (curvy hips/thighs/butt.) When thin, I was very straight up and down. I can remember being out with my boyfriend in high school and a store clerk seeing us (me only from behind) and asking "May I help you two young men?" When I was heavy, I had more of an android fat distribution, which I referred to as all the wrong curves in all the wrong places.
I have issues with body dysmorphia now, due to seeing myself as bigger than I am and having stretched skin but also due to disappointment about the remaining android fat pattern. Feeling mannish due to having muscle has never crossed my mind but not feeling too womanly due to my normal build has been part of my life as long as I can remember.
I've never been big, but when thin have been referred to as having a "boyish" figure. Which is *kitten*, my tiny boobs nursed 4 kids, slim hips were no impediment to having them, either. That is a womanly body by my definition, because it is very functional as a female body.
Still, I did feel despair when some of my daughters had more waist definition as toddlers than I do as an adult, or ever did.
Muscular development actually tilts me more toward stereotypically female shape, bigger legs and butt. My arms and back get great definition but not much mass.
What was dreadfully disappointing to me was finding out that lats cause bra strap squish. I never had fat there, and thought the squish only came from fat, but when I built the muscle, boom, bra strap squish.
And I feel your pain on the dysmorpia - my kids are constantly telling me I have this, and I think it is true. Always, thinner looks better to me, I cannot trust the mirror.2 -
I am glad to see you have reconsidered and will continue to work your back. I have a couple female friends whole are quite muscular. Although they love the way the muscles look and make them feel, they struggle a lot with years and years of being told women shouldn't have them. It's really unfortunate that that is the struggle they and so many other women face.1
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I've never been big, but when thin have been referred to as having a "boyish" figure. Which is *kitten*, my tiny boobs nursed 4 kids, slim hips were no impediment to having them, either. That is a womanly body by my definition, because it is very functional as a female body.
Still, I did feel despair when some of my daughters had more waist definition as toddlers than I do as an adult, or ever did.
Muscular development actually tilts me more toward stereotypically female shape, bigger legs and butt. My arms and back get great definition but not much mass.
What was dreadfully disappointing to me was finding out that lats cause bra strap squish. I never had fat there, and thought the squish only came from fat, but when I built the muscle, boom, bra strap squish.
And I feel your pain on the dysmorpia - my kids are constantly telling me I have this, and I think it is true. Always, thinner looks better to me, I cannot trust the mirror.
Good points and I can identify with several. Especially your first paragraph and your remarks on muscle development tilting you toward a stereotypical female shape. My thighs/butt are probably following that as well.If those are your thighs & tushy in your profile pic, you look very feminine to me. I don't know if outside opinions help with self-perception, but I thought I'd share in case it does.
Aw, you are sweet, thank you
My husband assures me of the same. I just have to get it through to my brain.
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I have specific aesthetic goals. A larger upper body does not fit well with those goals. Don't get me wrong, I find muscle and females with muscle wonderful and I admire them, but I do not want it for myself. When I flex I look pretty muscular (IMO), but in reality I am not and I love it like that.
I think we are all entitled to strive for what physique we desire without being made to feel bad. You don't want big lats? Don't feel guilty for not wanting that and perhaps either don't use progressive overload or cut down on training them. Some women prefer to look more slender and lean rather than ripped or muscular, nothing wrong with that at all.
I hear all the time "women won't get bulky" .. but what if they are trying to gain? See, I am bulking, I am eating at surplus, so yes, in my case there is the potential to grow so I have to be mindful of that. My programming is very specific and does not include a ton of upper body volume.. and so far my results have been exactly what I am hoping to achieve.
You have made some great and valid points. I could ease up on the progressive overload if I am happy with the results I have achieved and I am very much so.
But the barbell hip thrust will always be my biyach. I will conquer that biyach!!!!
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I have been lifting heavy now for a little over 6 months and I was trying on bras yesterday and my usual go to size, 34, was too tight due to muscle growth in upper lats. I freaked out and had to buy 36 bras instead.
Then it got me looking in the mirror at my upper lats and body dysmorphia began to set in. I saw a manly upper body instead of all the gains I should be proud of.
I am tempted to stop working on my upper lats, but I won't.
I am tempted to do more cardio, but I won't.
I asked my husband if he thought my back was getting too muscular and he said no way.
....and so I will continue to work on my back and try my best to overcome the dreaded female body dysmorphia; the desire to be thin and petite instead of lean and strong.
I've always admired female volleyball and sprinting athletes...they are so sexy and gorgeous... and I have yet to meet a male who doesn't find strong and lean to be sexy.
Is that the same thing when opposite?
Because I feel thin and fit all the time.
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thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »I have been lifting heavy now for a little over 6 months and I was trying on bras yesterday and my usual go to size, 34, was too tight due to muscle growth in upper lats. I freaked out and had to buy 36 bras instead.
Then it got me looking in the mirror at my upper lats and body dysmorphia began to set in. I saw a manly upper body instead of all the gains I should be proud of.
I am tempted to stop working on my upper lats, but I won't.
I am tempted to do more cardio, but I won't.
I asked my husband if he thought my back was getting too muscular and he said no way.
....and so I will continue to work on my back and try my best to overcome the dreaded female body dysmorphia; the desire to be thin and petite instead of lean and strong.
I've always admired female volleyball and sprinting athletes...they are so sexy and gorgeous... and I have yet to meet a male who doesn't find strong and lean to be sexy.
Is that the same thing when opposite?
Because I feel thin and fit all the time.
I've been calling that body eumorphia for a few years now but it just refuses to catch on.6 -
Ha! I love my Lat work because it keeps me in a 30-32 band size instead of the, really hard to find, 28 I was a couple of years ago.
I also find having a bit more size on my upper body makes it look as though I have a waist. Otherwise I am a bit of a gorgeous (threw in the gorgeous so no one would think I had issues with the shape) stick insect.
As a petite older woman I find it hysterical when I am referred to as 'sonny' from behind when out in a hoodie and jeans.
Cheers, h.
Ps I find I have less bra bulge and side overflow with a good upper body routine.6 -
thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »I have been lifting heavy now for a little over 6 months and I was trying on bras yesterday and my usual go to size, 34, was too tight due to muscle growth in upper lats. I freaked out and had to buy 36 bras instead.
Then it got me looking in the mirror at my upper lats and body dysmorphia began to set in. I saw a manly upper body instead of all the gains I should be proud of.
I am tempted to stop working on my upper lats, but I won't.
I am tempted to do more cardio, but I won't.
I asked my husband if he thought my back was getting too muscular and he said no way.
....and so I will continue to work on my back and try my best to overcome the dreaded female body dysmorphia; the desire to be thin and petite instead of lean and strong.
I've always admired female volleyball and sprinting athletes...they are so sexy and gorgeous... and I have yet to meet a male who doesn't find strong and lean to be sexy.
Is that the same thing when opposite?
Because I feel thin and fit all the time.
The opposite is what's colloquially termed as "bigorexia". It's when bodybuilders, no matter how muscular and cut they get, still see themselves as small and soft in the mirror. They can never be big enough or ripped enough.1 -
I get you. My back is very muscular. I love it in workout clothing. I'm self conscious about it in say, a strapless Summer dress. But, I was not happy when I was overweight and had more fat. I'm actually smaller now but look muscular.3
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Awe @Sumiblue, fair enough my back is no where near yours (drool), but my party dresses this year are backless and I have had a couple of occasions where women, nicely built complete strangers, have come up to me and said 'I love your back, do you lift.?'
Put a little pink glow on my cheeks and made for some interesting conversations.
Show off your accomplishments with pride.
Cheers, h.
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I think we are all entitled to strive for what physique we desire without being made to feel bad.
yup. it doesn't have to be all that fixed either; you can like one look and go for it and then decide you're interested in something else. that's one of the fun things about lifting for me. i've never coloured my hair or had it permed in my life, but i have some of that 'right now i'm into' attitude towards the whole muscle-group thing. it's fun to think that i can pick the things i like most and put in the effort to get at least some of the way towards looking like that.
and personally, i just do it for the me-fun of it. i'm just too old to care what kind of look is in fashion right now. i think serious six-packs look like the crab i had to dissect in high school, and i don't give a damn if somebody else thinks we 'should' have x or y body part in a or b form. i never felt like i 'had' to be blonde just because i saw someone with gorgeous blonde hair, so it's the same kind of thing. i just happily pursue my own little things and if i'm the only person in the world who thinks my baby traps are adorable, that's fine by me.2 -
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I cannot trust the mirror.
This!
My youngest daughter and I commiserate a lot over this subject. She is 26, beautiful and just slightly overweight with a lot of muscle (strong as an ox) underneath a few lbs of fat. She HATES her body, but she's very open to talking to me about it. I've suggested to her on numerous occasions to avoid listening to what her eyes/brain are telling her about herself in front of that damn mirror and trust what others say about how she looks.
Me? I've lost all I wanted to with the exception of a couple of lbs, have a decent amount of well defined muscle, slimmed out face and get a lot of compliments. I still intensely dislike what I see in the mirror. Go figure. My waist looks fat and ill defined, shoulders look skinny lol.
I'm trying to follow my own advice to her lol....it only works part time lol.0 -
middlehaitch wrote: »Awe @Sumiblue, fair enough my back is no where near yours (drool), but my party dresses this year are backless and I have had a couple of occasions where women, nicely built complete strangers, have come up to me and said 'I love your back, do you lift.?'
Put a little pink glow on my cheeks and made for some interesting conversations.
Show off your accomplishments with pride.
Cheers, h.
You look amazing in backless party dresses! Maybe I should get one...
Speaking for myself, I sometimes have issues with change. Getting a new, extreme haircut, getting a tattoo, etc. Even though I go into these things willingly, the sudden change to my appearance can be jarring.
I don't check out my back very often and one day I did. I'd been lifting 4x a week for at least a year at that point. Lifting 3x a week for another year, previously. I could not believe how muscular my back looked. For the most part, I love it and am proud of what I've achieved. People remark on how fit I am. I'm strong, smaller than I've been in decades and can run around the yard doing handstands with my 5 yr old.
But, I've had to let go of some of my girliest sundresses this Summer. They just look ridiculous on me, now. I look for sportier garments and rock those
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So I had a friend take a picture of my back yesterday...OMG...I'm such an idiot. My back looks amazing in the photo!!!! WTF is wrong with me!!!8
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Your avatar photo? Absolutely looks great. That "muscular, manly, bulky" look you don't want is a long ways off.3
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Just when I thought I was getting "too big," I had 3 random ladies come up to me at the gym (separately) and tell me that my shoulders looked "amazing."
You're likely your own worst critic. Lift on.1 -
So I had a friend take a picture of my back yesterday...OMG...I'm such an idiot. My back looks amazing in the photo!!!! WTF is wrong with me!!!
Ooh I love backs that looks like yours, congrats. h (I aspire)
Ahh @Sumiblue I am envious. I am trying to do handstands and cartwheels again, after a 50 year break, so I can do them with my 6yo grandson. I find them so much more intimidating now.
Cheers, h.2
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