Feeling intimidated at the gym?
ceciliabeth94
Posts: 22 Member
So I'm a 22 year old woman and I've recently begun to go to the gym regularly. I see a trainer 3x a week and I do weight training + cardio.
My problem, and I know a lot of other girls feel this too, is feeling super intimidated around all these built guys who are also weight training. I know it's stupid, but I just feel out of place being the overweight short chick lifting 5lb hand weights and who needs to be guided by someone else because she doesn't know what she's doing on her own. In my head I think everyone is laughing even though I know that's absurd.
Any tips on how to overcome this embarrassment? Thanks so much
My problem, and I know a lot of other girls feel this too, is feeling super intimidated around all these built guys who are also weight training. I know it's stupid, but I just feel out of place being the overweight short chick lifting 5lb hand weights and who needs to be guided by someone else because she doesn't know what she's doing on her own. In my head I think everyone is laughing even though I know that's absurd.
Any tips on how to overcome this embarrassment? Thanks so much
1
Replies
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Those built guys whom you spoke of are most of the times kind and glad to offer help. Those who laugh at others who are trying to improve themselves are usually **** ****. Be afraid, but overcome it! Because afterall, the heart is the strongest muscle...7
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As someone who watches (and trains) people like you every day, I can assure you that, while people might notice you, almost no one is paying much attention to what you are doing. And no matter what you do, the longer you do it and show your commitment, the more you will be appreciated and respected.10
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A lot of people start out with light weights or body weight.
Don't be intimidated- go, do your thing, and think 'if I keep this up one day I will be lifting heavy things too' (if you want to lift heavy things)
Gyms are full of all kinds of people and each one has their own personal goals and insecurities- you just can't see them.
They will notice you, it would be silly to think they wouldn't, but they really don't care about what you are doing unless you make them drop a 50 lbs weight on their foot.
Take your time and get use to it. It is just like the strangeness with a new job or course at school. You get past it and wonder why you were worried.
Cheers, h.2 -
As someone who watches (and trains) people like you every day, I can assure you that, while people might notice you, almost no one is paying much attention to what you are doing. And no matter what you do, the longer you do it and show your commitment, the more you will be appreciated and respected.
This
Focus on your trainer
And over time you'll just be one of those faces people expect to see around and those of us in the free weights section are obsessive enough not to notice what you're doing ..it's all about us and our mountains
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i remember feeling that intimidated. almost apologetic for being in the space, and self-conscious about even touching a barbell since i personally knew i had no real idea how to do stuff with it.
but it helps so much if you at least pick a scope to focus on. then it changes from 'i don't have a clue' to 'i have something i'm working to learn'. so that phase is still uncomfortable but it's a step forward.
and then once you've learned enough to get started it changes into 'i have a level of strength that i'm working to reach.' now you're starting to blend in with everyone else - even if you're two or three hundred pounds behind them, you're on the same autobahn and you belong.
and then it's just something you do in the gym. you're just another person who's doing their thing in the gym, and you start to appreciate what others are doing and root for it, instead of feeling all frightened by it.
and then one day some kid approaches you, and asks you how you manage to [fill in the blank] . . .
it's all just about time and persistence and getting over those new-kid nerves first. 7 -
A great quote that I heard recently, and one that got me back in there after a few days of letting it sink in is:
"Don't be a victim of your own insecurities. "
Just do it!12 -
A great quote that I heard recently, and one that got me back in there after a few days of letting it sink in is:
"Don't be a victim of your own insecurities. "
Just do it!
Great quote! Although many people may glance around the gym, they are probably focusing on their own workout. The exception is if you are doing doing something really loud or with bad form but that is normally confined to "gym bro's".2 -
I often ask my husband, "did you see that lady at the gym..." doing whatever/wearing whatever. In fact, I was describing a woman (in great detail) that is at the gym EVERY SINGLE time we are there...he had no idea who I was talking about.
His response, "I don't notice people; I'm working out." I'm going to assume that most men aren't paying attention to anyone else. I'm usually just observing other womens' clothing...for ideas.4 -
ceciliabeth94 wrote: »So I'm a 22 year old woman and I've recently begun to go to the gym regularly. I see a trainer 3x a week and I do weight training + cardio.
My problem, and I know a lot of other girls feel this too, is feeling super intimidated around all these built guys who are also weight training. I know it's stupid, but I just feel out of place being the overweight short chick lifting 5lb hand weights and who needs to be guided by someone else because she doesn't know what she's doing on her own. In my head I think everyone is laughing even though I know that's absurd.
Any tips on how to overcome this embarrassment? Thanks so much
Yes. Realize that people are too wrapped up in their own *kitten* to notice yours. Sure, they may glance your way, but they'd glance at anyone who walked into the room. Also, why do you care? Screw them. This is your life and if they dont think you "belong" there tough titty. This is YOUR life and your body. Do you sit there and judge their workouts? Probably not. Same goes in reverse. It's not a big deal.2 -
As someone who watches (and trains) people like you every day, I can assure you that, while people might notice you, almost no one is paying much attention to what you are doing. And no matter what you do, the longer you do it and show your commitment, the more you will be appreciated and respected.
I pay attention to what people in the gym are doing if they meet certain requirements:
1) "You've impressed the *kitten* out of me!" This is the most common. If I have seen you there every day that I'm there and you are giving it your all, or it's my first time seeing you and you're sets are looking BOMB, I WILL notice and I WILL tell you about it. I like to give compliments. Don't be embarrassed and embrace your awesomeness!
2) "You're screaming during each rep and it is disrupting my inner calm!" This is the second most common. If you are lifting heavy and you're REALLY pushing yourself, I get it, some grunting is warranted. However, if you are SCREAMING with EVERY REP, you have a problem(especially if you're screaming obscenities). I will speak to you calmly about it between reps. You have been noticed and I don't like you.
3) "You're right next to me and trying quietly to get my attention." This is not common but it has happened a few times. I've been complimented or asked how much I'm lifting, what my routine is, what my goals are, what I'm training for, and how they can learn to train like me. I am always happy to answer these questions. They don't bother me and can lead to some nice gym friendships.
However, more often than not, I am completely oblivious to what others are doing in their workouts.
Bottom line:
Don't be insecure.
Don't be confident.
Just be you, and do *kitten* anyway!3 -
deputy_randolph wrote: »I often ask my husband, "did you see that lady at the gym..." doing whatever/wearing whatever. In fact, I was describing a woman (in great detail) that is at the gym EVERY SINGLE time we are there...he had no idea who I was talking about.
His response, "I don't notice people; I'm working out." I'm going to assume that most men aren't paying attention to anyone else. I'm usually just observing other womens' clothing...for ideas.
THIS. I notice people all the time, usually women in the gym because I'm jealous of their butts or something. But every time I mention someone i've seen my fiance has never ever noticed them in there.
OP - I used to feel a bit intimidated and uncomfortable but soon worked out it wasn't the other people I was uncomfortable with, it was myself, I was judging me for not being as good as some of the other people in there. Now I know what I'm doing and have a good routine I have no problem being the only female in the weight room (and I'm overweight and I don't lift super heavy, I'm still working up). People begin to recognise you and I've even had the one women I always idolised in the gym (she's so strong but not super lean, which I really like personally) compliment me on how well I'm doing which was amazing!2 -
I find people never judge if someone is putting in the effort. Just focus and face it mate. I felt well off first time I busted a stretchy top lol - are people gonna wondering why I am wearing it, I'm not a bodybuilder etc.
Everyone at the gym is there for the same reason. Good luck mate and have a great Christmas
Thanks so much, you have a Merry Christmas too 1 -
Thanks so much to everyone who has responded! I'll try replying later tonight but I will definitely take your words into account. Especially at the gym tonight. 1
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I'm very self conscious, was brought up by parents who constantly scrutinised our behaviour, appearance, everything, by what those around us would think (to the point that they wouldn't take me to the hospital when I attempted suicide at age 12, in case it "got out" and made the family look bad. I nearly died.) Sorry, don't mean to make it heavy - I'm okay now!!! But you can understand why it's ingrained in me to worry about what others think of me - it's literally shaped my life.
It was extremely intimidating to walk into a gym, knowing nothing, and not being strong. But I figured out two things very fast:
1. Most people are genuinely too absorbed in their own workout to pay attention to others around them.
2. If this was going to work, if I was going to learn and get strong, I was going to have to get over myself, and not worry what others were thinking of me.
I'm not going to say it's that easy. I do have to fight it every time I go. I'm almost always the only woman in the weights area, and that's a little intimidating. But I put in my earphones, get my head down, and work. I found early on the exercises that I'm stronger at (lower body moves, especially kettlebells), and when my confidence is flagging, I knock out a few sets and that helps.
OP, don't let fear stand in the way of doing something amazing for yourself. I won't either. Just think, a year from now, you might be the one unintentionally intimidating the newbie, when they walk in and see you lifting heavy!3 -
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you must, my friend, learn "the subtle art of not giving a f***"
just go do what you need to do- don't apologize for anything- unless you drop a DB on someone's foot.
Just go do what you have to do.
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The serious people at the gym--including those with the intimidating physiques--are too focused on themselves and their workout to pay any real attention to anyone else. If they do, I'm guessing they are not judging you in the way that you think. They are probably happy to see you there, valuing something that they value and improving yourself. Don't let your insecurities hold you back!2
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You have a trainer, so you know what you are doing. You have the willpower, because you keep showing up despite feeling uncomfortable with yourself. You just need the confidence. Everyone starts somewhere... those super buff dudes at the gym didn't leave the womb like that Focus on yourself, crank up your music and get into beast mode. If all else fails, fake it till you make it! 2
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I've been working out for quite some time and I'll say this about that feeling: it goes away, sometimes. Sometimes it comes back though. There's a lot to be said for somebody that can just shut out everything going on around them and only focus on themselves, but I'm not one of those people.
I still get anxious when I'm in the gym and see somebody looking my way. I'm that way in the grocery store too, though. So it's definitely just me. What would somebody be saying about me in the grocery store? "I can't believe he picked out regular sized Frosted Flakes when the family size is only $.20 more!!"
Point being: worry about yourself, but keep in mind that you're not the only one with that feeling.4 -
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You're just another fish in the bowl.1
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You never know. I was doing squats last night next to a middle aged lady, and she was struggling. I was giving her encouragement and she said "It's easy for you! You're young and have energy and have time to do this!" I politely corrected her "Actually, I'm 30, have 3 kids under 3, my fitbit says I've been up 6 times last night and I gave up around 4am, I've wiped little people's butts more times than I care to say and I'm pretty sure this is avocado on my shoe but I can't be certain. But have a nice workout."
Everyone has their own mountains to climb. Maybe one of those ripped guys at the gym worked their butts off, lost a bunch of weight and are now on the other side of the hill.4 -
stephmph16 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Think of it this way, kiddo.
Ripped guys wish they had a girlfriend like you most probably.... who knows what is going on in their heads. They sit on dating sites a la tinder and send shirt-less pics to women 24/7 and the response rate is only like 4/125 which is negligible and as they battle with their own insecurities.... here you are battling your own.
You never know. I was doing squats last night next to a middle aged lady, and she was struggling. I was giving her encouragement and she said "It's easy for you! You're young and have energy and have time to do this!" I politely corrected her "Actually, I'm 30, have 3 kids under 3, my fitbit says I've been up 6 times last night and I gave up around 4am, I've wiped little people's butts more times than I care to say and I'm pretty sure this is avocado on my shoe but I can't be certain. But have a nice workout."
Everyone has their own mountains to climb. Maybe one of those ripped guys at the gym worked their butts off, lost a bunch of weight and are now on the other side of the hill.
this is an excellent point- you have no idea what anyone's life is like- I always make up stories about people- to explain why they are doing what they are doing- instead of just assuming the "worst" Maybe they have a blood disorder that makes them really tired- and this is all they can do? maybe they just had knee surgery? maybe they have never worked out EVER in their life?
You literally- just never know.
The guys who are ripped at my gym generally are younger single bucks- but guess what- they work really hard for what they have.2 -
Those guys started somewhere, they weren't born that way. Four years ago, I certainly didn't look like a "gym goer"...but since then I've lost quite a bit of weight and now I look pretty fit and am pretty fit...everyone starts somewhere.
Also, I'm pretty knowledgeable and know what I'm doing...I have a coach/trainer...having a PT has nothing to do with whether or not you know what you're doing. Likely, some of those same guys could benefit from having one as well...1 -
ceciliabeth94 wrote: »So I'm a 22 year old woman and I've recently begun to go to the gym regularly. I see a trainer 3x a week and I do weight training + cardio.
My problem, and I know a lot of other girls feel this too, is feeling super intimidated around all these built guys who are also weight training. I know it's stupid, but I just feel out of place being the overweight short chick lifting 5lb hand weights and who needs to be guided by someone else because she doesn't know what she's doing on her own. In my head I think everyone is laughing even though I know that's absurd.
Any tips on how to overcome this embarrassment? Thanks so much
Just keep going, do what you do. Eventually you will find you are quite comfortable and at some point all those insecurities/embarrassment disappeared and you didnt even notice.
In my experience people in the gym are usually so focused on their own work out they only really notice people who are distracting. Otherwise everyone is "in their own head" for the most part.
Also, I find headphones/music a fantastic thing for shutting out everything else to focus on what I am doing.0 -
"but I just feel out of place being the overweight short chick lifting 5lb hand weights"
Why do you think the gym has those five pound hand weights? To merely collect dust or have someone use them?
Five pound hand weights, fine to use.
Body weight exercise, also fine.
Benching an empty bar? Gotta start somewhere.
Goblet squat with a five pound weight, a step above body weight, go for it.
If you have to judge yourself, base that judgment on your improvement rather than your comparison to others.
I lift like I "race". The only person I have to beat (do better than) is my previous self.3 -
I agree with the person who suggested you might be projecting your own insecurities and negative self talk on others. And with those who say it would be helpful to learn not to give a rip about what others think.
Everyone around you at the gym was the newbie at some point and knows what that feels like to be in your place. Just because they appear to know what they are doing now in that section of the gym doesn't mean they actually do! Nor are they experts at every aspect of fitness. Nor have they always been experts at what they know now.... they all had to learn it and have a story just like you.
As for myself, I go to the gym regularly and am mostly oblivious to others. Occasionally I people watch but it isn't judging, mostly just admiring what someone is wearing or how fit they look. Sometimes watching others on equipment I don't use or eavesdropping on a training session if it is happening right next to me because I'm hoping to pick up some free knowledge. The only time I notice people in a negative way is if they are doing something in an obviously incorrect way (in which case I worry about them and wish they'd get some proper training before they hurt themselves or someone/something else) or if they are violating rules or social norms of the gym in ways that inconvenience/annoy.
You might start to hear some newbie hate around January, but that is less about people starting a fitness journey than it is about crowds at the gym. The annoyance is magnified toward those I described above who don't take some time to learn the ropes and rules and therefore create inconvenience or safety hazards to others. Or who appear to be looking for the quick fix (like those showing up here a mfp wanting to lose 50 pounds in 2 weeks with their magical detox shake and thinking that's a realistic life plan...these quick fixers are usually also the same ones who are throwing dumbbells around because they started too heavy for their fitness and walking the wrong way in the running lane of the track because they didn't bother to read the instructions). But someone starting a workout plan with the help of a trainer, someone clearly serious about learning the ropes and getting good advice? Nah, no critique about that. I respect that. Not just newbies use trainers, by the way. High level athletes also have trainers and coaches...and everyone in between, for a variety of reasons.
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Tip #1: Realize we all started there. The super yoked dude and the toned AF girl? They started off not knowing what they were doing at some point also
Tip #2: You'll realize after you get super into fitness that the majority of the people at the gym (especially in the free weight section) are so focused on their work out that they aren't looking around judgingly because they don't care to or have time to. They just want to make every minute in the gym count and that means minding your own business
Tip #3: Even the ripped people get intimidated sometimes. I've been lifting for a year-and-a-half and I still walk into other gyms and feel intimidated by a different crowd or by not knowing where anything is. You're already one step ahead because you have a trainer to show you the ropes.2 -
Don't sweat it. The majority of people aren't thinking about you. Those who are are mostly thinking it's great that you are there. No matter what kind of shape you are in, someone is looking at you and wishing they had made it to where you are now. Some people are thinking about telling you that you are putting out a great effort, but they don't cuz they know it'd be weird.
Just do your thing, and get the job done.2 -
Wow this is getting so many replies. Thank everyone
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