Scared of being slim??
Brooksonthebay
Posts: 6
I may be the ONLY person on earth to have this fear, but I'm praying that I'm not. I have been overweight so long that I have noticed that the more weight I lose the more nervous and scared I am of being smaller. I'm used to being scoffed at or given looks of disgust. I'm used to shopping in the plus size section or more so at plus sized stores. I'm used to wearing bathing suits that look more like tarps. I am so used to these things that I have completely forgotten what I was like or felt like or how life was 20 years ago when I was 115lbs and in terrific shape. I have no idea WHY I'm so worried about it......but the reality is that I am. By the way, I am trying to lose more than 100 lbs. So the weight loss will be a dramatic change for me. Anyone else having these feelings or HAD them during your weight loss?
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Replies
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It's not that I was scared of it, but my mind permanently sees myself as when I over 200. Maybe you're young and won't have this problem.
The good news is that you won't get there instantly. You will have time adjust, and probably won't be scared, since the change is incremental. It's only scary when you think of suddenly being fit, I would guess. Am I right?0 -
I totally felt this way too. The thought of being any smaller then plus size was off to me and freaked me out. I still feel really out of place shopping in the juniors section. I'm feel like I'm more shy then what I was before losing weight, though my friends don't think I am. I think because I'm more aware of myself and/or my body then I use to be. It's very odd but I totally feel you on this one!0
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Yes, I totally get this. I'm in the middle of losing 70 lbs, and I kept wondering why I sabotaged myself after every major loss. Oh, because I was actually afraid of being a normal weight. I was afraid that I wouldn't have an excuse for some of my behavior if I was in shape and slender. I *think* I'm finally moving past that, because I officially gave myself permission to behave any way I want after I lose the weight. That means I can still wear baggy clothes and be a hermit if I want. My choice. So far, that thought is helping me to keep losing.0
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I think a lot of us do. I've never been thin, so the fear comes from the unknown. I don't know what it feels like to be at a 'normal' weight. I don't know how people will respond to me. I think one of the biggest fears we have is, can I sustain this? Or will I just end up fat again?
I've done a lot of soul searching as I've lost weight. I feel like I've gotten to the root of a lot of things and have set myself up for long term success, but there is still apprehension, if not fear. I would encourage you that when you do feel that fear creeping up on you, that you try to figure out what it really is that you're afraid of so you can nip it in the bud and get past it. Fear is powerful - you have to take power over it before it gets a hold of you!
Good luck!0 -
Hi there, and congratulations on your progress so far!
To be honest with you, I don't exactly have these issues. I am working on fear of success but not specifically related to my body or weight loss. But, I am responding so this will show up on my feed. I've got some really smart and successful friends who have dealt with this anxiety and hopefully they'll follow me in here to drop some awesome for ya. Good luck!0 -
Oh no, I'm so looking forward to being, if not thin, at least what I consider a reasonable weight. The benefits in health terms are immense.0
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YES! You are not alone - it's one of the main reasons why you shouldn't be too worried about taking the weight off slowly. Lose it quickly and it's a big shock to the body, both physically and psychologically; lose it slowly and your body (and psyche) has time to adjust to the changes.
One of the main issues for me that I discovered about why I was scared of getting slim because as soon as I did, I felt better and more attractive - and that was scary because I felt more vulnerable. I then realised this fear stemmed all the way back to a sexual assault I had made on me when I was 14. I saw my fat as 'protection', because nobody would fancy me if I was fat. The fact I was married and had 2 children obviously belied that - but the psyche is a funny thing, and that was what I had ingrained in my head. I went to a counsellor and got that dealt with. I also found out that my fat represented 'power' to me and that when I got smaller I felt 'diminished' by being smaller - so I got that dealt with too.
Once I had dealt with these blocks in my head, then I was able to move on and lose the weight and keep it off.
Maybe explore inside what your fat means to you. Although there are a lot of negatives to being heavy, if your brain is hanging onto it as a positive thing, then it may be preventing you from succeeding.0 -
Change can be hard for anyone. When you reach your goal, I believe you will be happy. All I can say is don't let your size, whether smaller or bigger, determine who you are. No matter what size you are, it cannot make you someone you are not unless you choose to change who you are as a person. I feel like your fear has to do with you feeling like you don't deserve happiness, goodness, love, etc. But YOU DO! You deserve it soo much! You are beautiful right now. :flowerforyou:0
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Change is a terrifying thing, even if it's a change we want. I took a long long long time to get over the change from being the chubby girl I was to the healthy girl I am now, and I did get nervous. I think the big thing for me was being noticed. When I was a bit larger I could cover up and apart from a few 'ugh, fatty' looks no one would bat an eyelid, but as I started slimming I felt really uncomfortable because I was becoming more visible, I guess. Friends would comment (not always pleasantly) and I started to notice strangers talking to me more often (like in bars and things).
I know it's a different situation because my fears were other people, but I guess we get used to ourselves being a certain way, and I lost a lot of my protection from the world as I slimmed down because I lost what I was used to being. It was only recently I realised how much more there was to me than being the chubby friend, or the chubby sister, the chubby junior, the chubby waitress... I think you just have to give everything time. 100lbs is a huge change, and it's a journey that's more than just eating right. This is all about getting to know ourselves and our motivations and our goals and it's not an easy journey by any stretch. But you know we'll be here for you every step of the way
On a less serious note, even though I'm literally half the size I was I still think I take up the same amount of space. Surprisingly awkward
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It scares me too. My personality has changed so much. It affects all of my relationships. Things that used to cause me to act one way, now elicit different reactions. There has had to be a lot of adjusting.
I know my life will be very different at my goal weight. My own attitudes, and those of others are changing as I go. I don't know where any of it will end up. What I do know, is that I like the emerging version of me, more than the fat depressed version. So I keep going.0 -
I totally understand...see heavy people have a different mindset than thin people, and its just because of societal trends not some mental disorder. Most of us have a withdrawn, introverted personality because of our experiences and its totally normal. I still cringe when men look at me or approach me, leftovers from thoughts of self-disgust. One day at a time you will get over this. I read this amazing book by Cynthia Occelli Resurrecting Venus and I recommend it for all women, especially shy, quiet types like me. (I'm really quite goofy and nutty when around loved ones and family). She does this 21 day fast against negative and critical self-talk (look it up, fantastic!) and I'm on day 7. Never have felt better in my entire life. Lots of love and light to ya!0
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You are not alone as evident by this post, I hope that you find some comfort in that.
I agree with the feeling that I will always see myself at 386 pounds and I don’t think that I will ever believe that others seeing me differently. I will never look good in a bikini (kids and 200 pounds of weight loss destroyed that). I will never have that shoulders back, chest out strut confidence that I see in those who believe in themselves.
I will be able to play a pickup game of baseball with the neighbor kids, live long enough to see my little man (3 years old) graduate high school, I will not fear diabetes, I will not creak and crack like a 300 year old cow, I will make strides towards better health. And that is where I pull my motivation to keep going, keep losing.
The world will not change because you lose weight; you just take up less space in that world. Being thinner does not change who you are or how you see yourself; only you can do that.0 -
Wow - after reading this I feel as though you verbalized something I have been feeling and carrying around with me for years, without ever being able to articulate, why I have yet to succeed at losing weight and keeping it off.
Thank you for the enlightenment!0 -
Courageous post! I go through the same thing. I sabotaged my progress countless times and honestly I think it has to do with fear of sucsess. The weight was an excuse to not do so many things in the past. Not leave the house, not dare to dream,not strive for goals, not be worthy of nice things or clothes. Changing our bodies is a direct manifestation of our higher selves. So when we change our bodies, our minds and lives change with them and that can be super scary! And why we need to really process why we put on weight I the first place, and treat our selves with a lot of love and kindness as we metamorphisise. Xoxox0
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I have had a hard time with adjusting to my new slimmer body. I was a size 20 for many years and I just got use to being overweight. I was raped when I was a teenager, and I think I used my weight as a way of avoiding intimacy and close relationships with people after that happened. Now that I have lost 94 pounds, I get a lot more attention which is sometimes uncomfortable, although flattering. I think it will take some time to adjust to my new body image.0
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YES! You are not alone - it's one of the main reasons why you shouldn't be too worried about taking the weight off slowly. Lose it quickly and it's a big shock to the body, both physically and psychologically; lose it slowly and your body (and psyche) has time to adjust to the changes.
One of the main issues for me that I discovered about why I was scared of getting slim because as soon as I did, I felt better and more attractive - and that was scary because I felt more vulnerable. I then realised this fear stemmed all the way back to a sexual assault I had made on me when I was 14. I saw my fat as 'protection', because nobody would fancy me if I was fat. The fact I was married and had 2 children obviously belied that - but the psyche is a funny thing, and that was what I had ingrained in my head. I went to a counsellor and got that dealt with. I also found out that my fat represented 'power' to me and that when I got smaller I felt 'diminished' by being smaller - so I got that dealt with too.
Once I had dealt with these blocks in my head, then I was able to move on and lose the weight and keep it off.
Maybe explore inside what your fat means to you. Although there are a lot of negatives to being heavy, if your brain is hanging onto it as a positive thing, then it may be preventing you from succeeding.
I can totally relate to this. I've had an adult lifetime of hiding behind sweatpants and fat to "protect" myself from attention or attraction. I'm so excited about the changes I'm seeing, but it's scary as well. Not to mention that I can't even remember what I looked like before I got pregnant for the first time 11 years ago.0 -
I've felt that.
For a lot of the reasons that others have stated.
I know that I have sabotaged my own efforts in an effort to not be disappointed by my imminent and unavoidable failure. Kinda stupid, right? But it made perfect sense to me at the time and I have put on 20lbs since then.
For me, the whole weight loss journey has been mental. I love exercise and healthy food, and I also love my fat body. Oh, believe me, I hate it too, but I cant bear to be smaller so I lose thirty and then gain 20 and then lose 10 and then gain 20...
Once I deal with my issues, I know I will be able to lose it and have it stay lost.
Thanks for sharing. You are definitely not alone :flowerforyou:0 -
We all need to do the mental work along the way. But don't worry it is worth the effort.0
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I feel it for other reasons. It's uncomfortable to be finding yourself becoming the target of attention (people being attracted to you) when it hasn't been familiar for so long.
I can never hate on celebrities who go crazy from the constant exposure.0 -
When I look at myself in the mirror I still see that 248lb person. It is such a mental journey; it's like I struggle with "not deserving to be skinny" and blah blah blah.... isn't it amazing the stories we create in our minds? We think they are truth but they are not!! Quite honestly I am one that believes we build a wal of "fat" around us to keep other things out, so TEAR DOWN THE WALL!! With each layer it's new and very scary, but we work through each one and come out better on the other side!!0
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You are TOTALLY not alone. My goal weight right now is only getting down to 200 lbs and I don't even know if I'll want to go further than that. I think for me it's less of a fear of being thin than just the thought that it's unnecessary for me. I'm losing weight for more mobility, and when I got down to 230 a year or two ago I could pretty much do all of the things I wanted to do with no hassle. 200 feels right, though. I think I'll be comfortable there.
What everyone else is saying about going slow is a good thing to listen to.0 -
Thank you guys so much for the encouragement and advice! I know that there is alot of "healing" both physically and mentally through this process. It truly is a releif to know that my feelings are not so abnormal after all.0
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I kind of understand what you're saying. I've NEVER been thin, so I try to imagine myself reaching my goal - and it's like "What would that even look like?"
But, we'll totally get there!0 -
I know this too. I always got a lot of attention in my life. Wanted and unwanted as well. But when I was chubby somehow I felt more protected. I felt I could handle it, because it was less than before. I was confident, and received a lot of compliments, but now I know that my confidence was somehow different.
As I started losing weight I received a lot more attention again. At the beginning it was scary. It is funny that sport has helped me a lot. Like giving me strength not just physically, but mentally as well. I feel more in control of my life than ever. And I enjoy it so much.
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I may be the ONLY person on earth to have this fear, but I'm praying that I'm not. I have been overweight so long that I have noticed that the more weight I lose the more nervous and scared I am of being smaller. I'm used to being scoffed at or given looks of disgust. I'm used to shopping in the plus size section or more so at plus sized stores. I'm used to wearing bathing suits that look more like tarps. I am so used to these things that I have completely forgotten what I was like or felt like or how life was 20 years ago when I was 115lbs and in terrific shape. I have no idea WHY I'm so worried about it......but the reality is that I am. By the way, I am trying to lose more than 100 lbs. So the weight loss will be a dramatic change for me. Anyone else having these feelings or HAD them during your weight loss?
That is soooo weird you posted this!, I was debating whether or not I wanted to post a very similar post. I was like let me just search and see if n e one has already, and here your post was
My issues with fear is for me is I started my major weight gain at 16 years old (I'm 28 now) and one of the main reasons was I was struggling with some very difficult things that happened to me in my life. So I guess my weight was sort of a protection layer for me. I've been in getting therapy for quite a few years now and am doing pretty well in my life, my unhealthy weight is one of the last things I need to tackle, and as of about 3 weeks ago I finally got the motivation to begin this getting healthier journey. I've so far lost 7lbs and I see a very slight difference in my body and it's definitely scary. I've had this weight on me so long that I do fear losing it but at the same time know I'll be so much healthier, especially where I'm at genetic risks for many factors that obesity increases they likelihood of. So for me it's kind of like the weight that is going to kill me, at 1 time provided me with a feeling of safety..........if that makes any sense to anyone. I also have this weird fear I won't be the same person when I'm thinner which is prob ridiculous but I really like the kind, caring person I am (despite my life struggles) and I don't want that to ever change.0 -
I know how you feel, but right now my desire to be slimmer is definitely trumping any fear I may have. Keep it up
I wish you a lot of success!0 -
When I originally lost 100 pounds, I had an affair. I've regained about half of that but am trending downwards again. I'm concerned old bahavior will resurface.0
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I think my fear is not so much of getting slim but of staying there. My sister said "you're doing so well, are you going to keep going", which imediately made me think:
a) She thinks I still look fat
b) I don't think i can get thinner at my age, its too difficult
c) I'm not sure I can keep the weight off - I don't want to put it back but I'm scared of my lack of willpower.
I was fat when I came to this job so no-one had seen me slimmer, but a colleague called me "the incredible shrinking woman" this week, so now I'm thinking "Oh no, I'll put it all back and they'll all talk about me". Stupid I know - I really doubt my weight loss (or gain) is their main concern in life!!:ohwell:
I think for me it comes down the the fear of losing excuses - before I could say "most women my age put on a bit of weight, so I can't do anything about it". But now I've done something about it. So I can't excuse myself if I put it back.0 -
Haven't thought about this issue for a Long time, so thanks for posting this as it gives me a chance to re-visit it.
my fear of being thin again is connected to my ex husband. Back in the day I was a nice looking woman with a pretty good shape. He was extremely jealously, always wanting me to wear outdated clothes and wear my hair in less attractive styles. He got angry when old male school friends spoke to me, etc., etc. When I started to gain weight, although he ridiculed me, I felt he secretly was happy that I was getting fat. He was physically and emotionally Very abusive, so I think for me the weight was like body armour, a way to keep Men from looking at me so he wouldn't be so jealousy and angry all the time. We have not been together for over 20 years and I a m ready to get this weight off but also, as others have said, I do fear gaining the weight back as I've done so many times. Losing the weight AND keeping it off will be a symbol of sorts that I am truy finally free of himnd I hope this will keep me motivated!0 -
I'm truly amazed to see how many of us have used weight gain as a protective barrier of sorts. For the longest time I wondered why me being overweight never bothered me "enough" to really get proactive and nip it in the bud once and for all. But after this past year and an amazing therapist, the weight has been my comfort. I "know" that I will be healthier, I "know" that I will be a better me, I 'know" all of the benefits from losing the weight....but for some reason, my emotions don't seem to "get" it lol. Thank you guys for sharing your stories and fears as well 0
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