Being the "fat one"

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2

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  • tomg33
    tomg33 Posts: 305 Member
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    Here's the thing. All men are not shallow cheating *kitten* just like not all women are gold-digging flakey *****es. There are guys compatible with you out there, you just have to find eachother.

    The reason why you want to keep positive is because when you are happy and enjoy living life, people will enjoy being around you. Then you make friends, who have other friends, and before you know it you have "met" hundreds and thousands of people. The chances of you meeting someone are very high this way. It is a numbers game.


    The harder thing is actually changing your beliefs to positive ones. I can't possibly describe this here but there are many great books and stuff like out there. You might want to check out "cognitive reframing" because it is basically what happy people do really well and sad people don't even know about, and let their unconscious do automatically for them (in a negative way).
  • londonboyben
    londonboyben Posts: 314 Member
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    You must hang around some uncommonly gorgeous women if you're the ugly one.

    you've had some great replies so i wont add anything other than to agree with this

    your a very pretty girl and should not feel how you do, because it clearly is'nt true :)
  • lisamarie1780
    lisamarie1780 Posts: 432 Member
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    How do you handle being the least attractive woman you're around? I've felt like this all my life. I am tired of hearing men talk about beautiful women as a category I don't belong in. I am tired of (particularly straight) women going out of their way to make sure that I know that I have a pretty face.

    I can't stand the fact that now that I'm in my early 20s, I feel like my looks are just going to keep going bad. Even if I lose all of my extra weight, all of my saggy skin and my (probably once I've lost 60 lbs) empty breasts would keep me from ever being one of those beautiful girls I had always hoped I'd grow into.

    I have a wonderful boyfriend and he loves me and always thinks I'm gorgeous, but it's a fact that in society women are judged by their looks first and their character second. Ugly men don't seem to be constantly reminded that they're ugly. So why the hell do fat or homely women have to constantly be reminded of how unworthy of attention we are?

    Society is fickle and changeable.... one minute we love curves, the next we love the half starved pre pubescent boyish look.... I would not take any notice of what is currently 'in trend' or 'fashionable'

    You are not ugly and I doubt people see you as the 'ugly one'.... that's probably how you see yourself... which is a different thing entirely

    Also.... I can state without a doubt that the sexiest thing about anyone.... is confidence.... (not arrogance... not look at how hot I am, aren't I just fabulous)... but quiet, self assured, real confidence that comes from within.... if you have to find it from anywhere or anyone else, it's not real or worth having

    Work on yourself.... not just the outside but the inside too.... learn to love what's amazing, real and unique about you.... because I bet there is a lot to love.... Your boyfriend sees it, maybe you should start seeing it too... and if you can't then look harder x
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
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    Ugly men don't seem to be constantly reminded that they're ugly.

    No?

    I would contend two things 1) that there are men out there who are and whether there actually are is pretty much irrelevant

    and 2) you are probably taking some comments and over-blowing them or reading too much into them. For example you say "I am tired of (particularly straight) women going out of their way to make sure that I know that I have a pretty face. " But you seem to use them making sure you know you are pretty as being a way to remind you that you are fat and ugly somehow.

    Honestly, I think you may have heard disparaging comments over the years - but I also think you are creating and spinning things that have zero intent to make you feel bad.
  • BrotherBill913
    BrotherBill913 Posts: 661 Member
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    Here's the thing. All men are not shallow cheating *kitten* just like not all women are gold-digging flakey *****es. There are guys compatible with you out there, you just have to find eachother.

    The reason why you want to keep positive is because when you are happy and enjoy living life, people will enjoy being around you. Then you make friends, who have other friends, and before you know it you have "met" hundreds and thousands of people. The chances of you meeting someone are very high this way. It is a numbers game.


    The harder thing is actually changing your beliefs to positive ones. I can't possibly describe this here but there are many great books and stuff like out there. You might want to check out "cognitive reframing" because it is basically what happy people do really well and sad people don't even know about, and let their unconscious do automatically for them (in a negative way).


    Ummmm this^^^^^^^^ and secondly we all are what we believe ourselves to be...... You are not ugly by any stretch.........
  • gigglybeth
    gigglybeth Posts: 365 Member
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    You must hang around some uncommonly gorgeous women if you're the ugly one.

    No kidding. Your adorable.

    Have you ever gone to http://www.mybodygallery.com/ ? It really helped me. I started to think, "They all can't be slimmer then me at the same weight. If they look like this, then I must look like this, too." True everyone carries their weight differently, but it was really eye opening for me and helped a lot with my self-perception.
  • Afura
    Afura Posts: 2,054 Member
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    Aww you're so pretty too! The saggy skin thing, doesn't always happen to everyone, and often the body reabsorbs the extra skin and staying hydrated helps. And we all have our ugly duckling days, even those really pretty skinny girls. The ones you kinda want to beat with a plastic bat some days.
    It may be worth expanding the social crowd to get out from around those shallow kids. :D I know I have one friend who feels he is beautiful, and skinny (a rail), and must stay that way, or his life is for nothing. I do a lot of eye rolling, but he's fun otherwise!
  • jfenner141
    jfenner141 Posts: 146 Member
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    As a woman in her early 20's, you may be surprised at how well your skin will tighten up as you lose weight, especially if you lose it slow and steady. Wish that was true once you're in your 60's!! The people making those comments are appalling - they are the truly ugly people.

    Keep on losing weight and exercising! Listen to those who love you - they are RIGHT!!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    Oh, men are judged for their appearance all the time ... for being too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny, too muscular, not muscular enough, for being bald, for having tats or piercings, for the way they dress, etc. It's just that men spend a hell of a lot less time TALKING about these things than women do.

    If you want to get academic about it (I took a human sexuality class in college), the reason women are judged differently than men is because a woman's primary "value," for lack of a better term, used to be her ability to bear children, and, since the dawn of time, this has been externally manifested in how she looks ... it is presumed that a young, attractive, healthy-looking woman will be better able to produce strong, healthy children than an older, less attractive, or sickly-looking woman. A man's primary value used to be (and pretty much still is) his ability to protect and provide for his family. This is why women tend to be attracted to bigger, stronger men and, these days, men with good jobs.

    Point being, we're all judged for something. If it's something you have control over, like your weight, then fix it. If it isn't, then you just have to stop caring whether or not you get someone else's stamp of approval. You have a boyfriend who thinks you're gorgeous. The rest of it shouldn't matter so much.
  • Lalasharni
    Lalasharni Posts: 353 Member
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    You know, I looked at your profile pic - and you ARE beautiful, so take that as gospel.
    You are young FGS - any weight loss if you do it slowly and properly will NOT result in saggy skin and empty boobs! I'm 65 going on 66 and I have both saggy skin and droopy boobies, but I still think I'm beautiful - see my pic - and so does my toy-boy husband (12 years younger).
    Just take your weight loss slowly and seriously, exercise and do some lifting to define your muscles, which are young, strong and flexible.
    As far as the comments - excuse me, but I say F**K them. I cant abide down-putters - they obviously envy your looks.
    Start looking in the mirror each day and loving what you see - your boyfriend is obviously a lucky man and he loves you. Why would you even care if anyone else doesn't - apart from your family and CLOSE, REAL friends?
    If they start again, smile sweetly and tell them, you are pretty because you're young. That should shut em up.
    good luck on your journey baby - you'll get there AND be fabulous.
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
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    How do you handle being the least attractive woman you're around? I've felt like this all my life. I am tired of hearing men talk about beautiful women as a category I don't belong in. I am tired of (particularly straight) women going out of their way to make sure that I know that I have a pretty face.

    I can't stand the fact that now that I'm in my early 20s, I feel like my looks are just going to keep going bad. Even if I lose all of my extra weight, all of my saggy skin and my (probably once I've lost 60 lbs) empty breasts would keep me from ever being one of those beautiful girls I had always hoped I'd grow into.

    I have a wonderful boyfriend and he loves me and always thinks I'm gorgeous, but it's a fact that in society women are judged by their looks first and their character second. Ugly men don't seem to be constantly reminded that they're ugly. So why the hell do fat or homely women have to constantly be reminded of how unworthy of attention we are?

    So, are you being told how pretty you are, or how ugly you are? I don't get it. You're not making sense.
  • willdob3
    willdob3 Posts: 640 Member
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    This is a serious self-esteem issue.

    You are not defined by your weight. I learned that a long time ago. I no longer judge myself by my size. I don't compare my looks to how others look & I don't judge others based on their appearance either. That is a horrible, insecure way to think about anyone.
  • Melissa22G
    Melissa22G Posts: 847 Member
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    Everyone gets judged.

    Important thing is, you're not ugly and you have someone that thinks you're gorgeous.

    Who cares what anyone else thinks?

    and :flowerforyou:
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    So, are you being told how pretty you are, or how ugly you are? I don't get it. You're not making sense.

    She's talking about people telling her she has a pretty face in such a way as to state or imply that the rest if her looks like crap.
  • TheBitSlinger
    TheBitSlinger Posts: 621 Member
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    I have a wonderful boyfriend and he loves me and always thinks I'm gorgeous, but it's a fact that in society women are judged by their looks first and their character second. Ugly men don't seem to be constantly reminded that they're ugly. So why the hell do fat or homely women have to constantly be reminded of how unworthy of attention we are?

    As a not-great-looking guy, trust me, there is a shortage of people who are willing to judge me.

    If it were me, I'd marry the boyfriend. I promise you, the minute you achieve what society says is "good looking", the society police will change the rules to something else.
  • gigglybeth
    gigglybeth Posts: 365 Member
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    I promise you, the minute you achieve what society says is "good looking", the society police will change the rules to something else.

    That is excellent advice.

    I really believe the people who are most attractive in this world are ones who feel comfortable with themselves. No matter what their age or station in life and no matter if they fit societies beauty standards, they just have a charm that radiates off of them that makes you want to be around them.
  • maillemaker
    maillemaker Posts: 1,253 Member
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    From your picture I can tell you that you are not that overweight and you are NOT beyond "fixing". I do not think you are overweight enough that losing the extra weight is going to leave you with saggy skin problems.

    There are a lot of women around here who have lost a lot more weight and come out looking fantastic.

    Don't be afraid of getting fit because you think your skin won't keep up. I think you are fine.
  • tomg33
    tomg33 Posts: 305 Member
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    If you want to get academic about it (I took a human sexuality class in college), the reason women are judged differently than men is because a woman's primary "value," for lack of a better term, used to be her ability to bear children, and, since the dawn of time, this has been externally manifested in how she looks ... it is presumed that a young, attractive, healthy-looking woman will be better able to produce strong, healthy children than an older, less attractive, or sickly-looking woman. A man's primary value used to be (and pretty much still is) his ability to protect and provide for his family. This is why women tend to be attracted to bigger, stronger men and, these days, men with good jobs.

    Point being, we're all judged for something. If it's something you have control over, like your weight, then fix it.     If it isn't, then you just have to stop caring whether or not you get someone else's stamp of approval. You have a boyfriend who thinks you're gorgeous. The rest of it shouldn't matter so much.

    Oh I wish I could explain this to everyone... Why do I exercise? To feel good and be healthy, and to pursue what I love... Which all leads back to sexuality. I tremble to imagine any nobler cause than wishing to improve ones sexual market value.
  • showjennie
    showjennie Posts: 8
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    Honestly, if you are hanging around people who think it is ok to say negative things to you about how you look, it is time to reevaluate why you are hanging out with these people.

    What it means to have confidence is not convincing yourself that you are attractive - it is accepting yourself however you are, without judging yourself as attractive or otherwise.

    You are not the extra weight you carry or the shape of whatever body part you don't like. Even if some people may choose to see that. They can go fly a kite. The only person whose judgment of you matters, is you. And if you are judging yourself too harshly, you are the only one that is going to suffer for it.
  • Cheechos
    Cheechos Posts: 293
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    I honestly think I'm one of the cutest people I know. I'm very happy with how I look, but it wasn't always that way. I used to hate my body with a passion, and whenever someone would say "Don't pay attention to what other people think and just love yourself" I would get angry because it seemed impossible. I'd think to myself, "Yeah, it's easy for YOU to say that" and then I'd go back to pinching my gut and ducking out of the way of my friends' cameras at get togethers. Honestly, though? You have to do it. You have to if you want to survive the snarks, the behind-the-hand giggles, the rude stares, all of it. It probably seems difficult and like it doesn't make a crap of a difference, but when you really dig deep and start loving yourself from the roots then you can look any snide commenter in the face and say "You don't know what the hell you're talking about, so step off and watch me be fabulous." Don't buy magazines that criticize body types, change the channel when a stupid Special K commercial comes on, and surround yourself with good people who love you the way you are. Read body positivity material and create a support network for yourself. And, every day, tell yourself that you're lovely. Look your reflection right in the eye when you go to the bathroom and say the words. It'll seem stupid and weird at first, but eventually it'll sink in. It'd be great if our society wasn't so cruel and demeaning towards people who don't fit into the conventional standards of beauty, but it'll be a while before we can change that, so it's better to start from within first and then work outwardly. Good luck. ♥

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