OMG, you wouldn't believe what she has been saying to me!

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Replies

  • norahwynn
    norahwynn Posts: 862 Member
    I'm a bit slow because I totally thought you were talking about someone else until you said it was you! I was so gonna tell you to go to H.R.! This is totally abusive and bullying? Is she jealous of you?? :angry:

    Anyway, I totally know what you're saying and I'm VERY critical of myself also. And like others have said, we should not talk to ourselves like this, as we would never accept anyone else saying these things to us.

    Thanks for putting this in words. Sometimes I don't realize how mean I am to myself.
  • jess7386
    jess7386 Posts: 477 Member
    "You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” - Buddha
  • JessicaZen
    JessicaZen Posts: 149 Member
    It's easier said than done but love yourself all you can just like your family friends and kids and partner love you. we all think you are amazing and are doing a tremendous job because we are all going through the same struggle so we feel ya. turn it around give yourself a hug and kiss everytime time you look in the mirror and tel yourself you're the best doll and a little wink with that. you are a strong person and we all love ya babe.
  • srgtbiggles
    srgtbiggles Posts: 170 Member
    Awesome post, I think we all need to think about this!
  • gitnfit2
    gitnfit2 Posts: 203 Member
    It is amazing how many times we are our own worst enemy. I don't think I have ever seen anyone place it out there quite as well as you have here. Thank you for pointing out to us all what damage we can be doing to ourselves. Stay strong and know you are a great person. Thank you
  • jodynolte
    jodynolte Posts: 243 Member
    :flowerforyou: :love: *hugging you* you are none of those things, but I understand how you feel. We are our own worst enemies when it comes to how we see ourselves... Hopefully "she" will stop saying those things soon. You deserve better than that!
  • Fat_Bottomed_Girl
    Fat_Bottomed_Girl Posts: 355 Member
    Lol, I was all fired up, getting ready to kick someone's a** (even though I have NEVER kicked ANYONE'S a** before and don't really know how to). And to be honest, your profile pic intimidates me. So after your full disclosure, I kinda got a little scared and decided to bow out. (phew)
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    Lol, I was all fired up, getting ready to kick someone's a** (even though I have NEVER kicked ANYONE'S a** before and don't really know how to). And to be honest, your profile pic intimidates me. So after your full disclosure, I kinda got a little scared and decided to bow out. (phew)

    *gigglesnorted at that one*

    my bark is waaaaaaay worse than my bite... I'm a puddytat.
  • tomg33
    tomg33 Posts: 305 Member
    I admire your honesty and integrity in making this thread.
    We are talking about negative beliefs. There is an entire field of psychotherapy called Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) that was designed to deal with this universal feeling. Here's a simple method I've used for a while, though now I'm rarely negative:

    1. What is the belief?
    2. Is this belief really true?
    3. Maybe I was wrong. What should I really believe?

    Examples:

    I am so ugly
    Well, I guess I have been called attractive before, been hit on, etc
    I am attractive

    I am a bad friend
    A few friends have called me for a serious favour and I really helped them out
    I am a good friend

    I am not funny
    I've definitely made friends at parties from my silly jokes
    I am a funny person


    The point is that we form these beliefs without thinking, then they dictate our decisions for the rest of our lives if we let them. If we can interrupt that process and say "HANG ON A SECOND!" then we can recognise that it's a ridiculous exaggeration to say these things to ourself, and we can decide to change the way we feel. After some practise, it becomes so commonplace that another person could insult you and you run through the same process like a confident, self-assured person :)
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    this is awesome!
    you need to give yourself several of these
    tumblr_mk0j4kjoVS1rmcgo1o1_400.gif


    I agree! Several of those!
  • JenniTheVeggie
    JenniTheVeggie Posts: 2,474 Member
    :heart:
  • Jess830409
    Jess830409 Posts: 285 Member
    Yeah, I was right with the others - getting ready to go hunt this chick out!!
    Wow. This post is so very true...and it is a great reminder to be kind to ourselves.

    Thank you for posting!!
  • sakuragreenlily
    sakuragreenlily Posts: 334 Member
    Wow. Women sure beat themselves up a lot. In my experience, 99.9% of it is unwarranted. I wish women could see what we men see. We aren't as shallow as commercials make us out to be. The media's definition of "beautiful" is far from what we actually think is beautiful.
    At least you know that such negative thinking is wrong. There are too many who actually embrace it and call it "motivation", which is a lie. Keep rockin out there. I'm sure you're doing FAR better than you think.

    Don't men do this too? I mean... I'm not a man, so I'm really curious. Do you all not notice every weird lump, every crooked tooth, every "off" thing about your own bodies?

    Also, MireyGal, <3... A few lines in I was like "Woah! Who is this b**** and why hasn't she been fired?!" (Because I assumed it had to be someone you worked with and that they couldn't possibly be that nasty and hide it from the important folks). Doh! lol

    You're awesome :drinker:
  • _Countryboy_
    _Countryboy_ Posts: 71
    ♥
  • Miss_Meliss86
    Miss_Meliss86 Posts: 372 Member
    Sometimes this website can be full of negativity, but then, seemingly when we seem to need it the most (at least I do today), something awesome like this pops up :flowerforyou:

    Thank you!
  • luv_lea
    luv_lea Posts: 1,094 Member
    LOVE this!
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    you are so full of win!
  • darkguardian419
    darkguardian419 Posts: 1,302 Member
    You need a hug. A really good one.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    I admire your honesty and integrity in making this thread.
    We are talking about negative beliefs. There is an entire field of psychotherapy called Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) that was designed to deal with this universal feeling. Here's a simple method I've used for a while, though now I'm rarely negative:

    1. What is the belief?
    2. Is this belief really true?
    3. Maybe I was wrong. What should I really believe?

    Examples:

    I am so ugly
    Well, I guess I have been called attractive before, been hit on, etc
    I am attractive

    I am a bad friend
    A few friends have called me for a serious favour and I really helped them out
    I am a good friend

    I am not funny
    I've definitely made friends at parties from my silly jokes
    I am a funny person


    The point is that we form these beliefs without thinking, then they dictate our decisions for the rest of our lives if we let them. If we can interrupt that process and say "HANG ON A SECOND!" then we can recognise that it's a ridiculous exaggeration to say these things to ourself, and we can decide to change the way we feel. After some practise, it becomes so commonplace that another person could insult you and you run through the same process like a confident, self-assured person :)

    My biggest problem is that I like to debate.
    With myself.
    And I win.
    And lose at the same time.

    Case in point...
    I am so ugly
    Well, I guess I have been called attractive before, been hit on, etc
    - but when that happened, your hair looked nicer. so you may have looked good THEN, but you look like crap now.

    I am a bad friend
    A few friends have called me for a serious favour and I really helped them out
    - but there was that time when your friend needed you, and you were so wrapped up in yourself that you missed it, and they hurt, and you didn't stop it. you really DO suck as a friend.

    I am not funny
    I've definitely made friends at parties from my silly jokes
    - but way more shake their head at me and smile and nod. I try to say it's "advanced sarcasm" but yah, not so much.

    I'm really stubborn.

    BUT... with that meager attempt at humor, I hear and embrace what you are saying, and think that it's worth debating harder... and letting the positive side win out more often than not.

    Thank you for this.
    Thank you very much!
  • Lindaspencer
    Lindaspencer Posts: 226 Member
    WOW - this was an awesome post - i am so hard on myself - thank you for pointing it out in that manner - :) i will hopefully remember that next time when i am rippin into myself :)
  • foreverroses123
    foreverroses123 Posts: 69 Member
    Thank you so much for this post! :)
  • ZumbaFreak2329
    ZumbaFreak2329 Posts: 60
    I gotta admit this got me pissed off thinking it was someone else saying it to you loll but man! I can so relate to this, **** if someone told me everything I tell myself that person would probably be K/O! Lol but you're right! I wouldn't take from anyone else yet I take so much from myself! Good reflexion!!
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    :heart:
  • tzig00
    tzig00 Posts: 875 Member
    :heart: Thank you for sharing. So true.
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    So true!

    Like everyone else, I was so angry for you, until I realized you were talking about your mental tape. Wow, I do that, too. I know a lot of people do.
  • deb_137
    deb_137 Posts: 38 Member
    I just wrote about this in my blog. We would do anything needed for a loved one or pet....shop and cook a special diet, make sure they stay active, provide positive motivation or affection, etc...but we will not do the same for ourselves. Sad, sad, sad...

    That being said, acknowledging the issue is the first step to changing it. Reading the replies on here, you have a great support system of MFP buddies. Listen to them and believe what they say!
  • da_bears10089
    da_bears10089 Posts: 1,791 Member
    When i first started reading this, i was like... Damn! your co-worker is a total *kitten* waffle! then i was like....

    emma-watson-confused.gif
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    I read so many threads of people who are hurt and upset by someone's glance as they are jogging by, or someone's snicker, or someone yelling something stupid out the window.

    And I admit... those things all hurt like hell - whether they "should" or not.

    But the fact is... how can I be mad at someone else for saying something to me, when I am a million times worse?
    How I can I justify being mad at my ex for insulting me, when he is simply validating what I say to myself.

    It doesn't make sense.

    And until I change how I fundamentally feel about myself, anyone who ever wants to be with me -- romantic, friend, family, or otherwise -- they will end up being short-changed and saddled with the task of feeling like they need to convince me otherwise.

    I challenge myself, and every single person who relates, to slow down on the self hate.

    Make sure you are logging exercise on your mind too... because you may find yourself at the point where you've met your physical goals, but your mind is so buggered up that you fail to see, accept, or celebrate it.
  • 81Katz
    81Katz Posts: 7,074 Member
    Boy can I relate... :ohwell:
  • bethFromDayton
    bethFromDayton Posts: 112 Member
    But what do I do when the enemy is me?

    You talk back to yourself the way you'd talk to your BFF if she talked that way about herself--loving, supportive, caring, respectfully.

    Self: <mean> You are so fat--your fat rolls over the top of your jeans.
    Self: <supportive> Hey! <smile> Those jeans didn't even fit a month ago--look how far you've come!

    Self: <mean> Look at that a**--<nasty thing here>
    Self: <supportive>: Hey don't talk to yourself like that. (this has to be said the way you'd say it to your BFF!) You look great. You're way too hard on yourself. (Again, NOT MEAN) No shortage of men noticing it, are there?

    You can also just teach yourself to STOP when you are talking meanly to yourself.

    Self: <mean> Anything mean
    Self: <learning to be kinder to herself> No, that's not the way I talk to myself. I am kind to myself. I am in incredible woman and I have lots of good qualities (and list some).

    (This is also a useful technique when you're obsessing over a lost love)
    Self: "No. I am not going to think about lost love. I am going to daydream about winning the lottery." (Substitute a happy involved daydream for obsessive thought that isn't good for you)

    The other thing you can do is listen to your BFF in your head. What would *she* say if she heard you say something that negative about yourself? Channel her--she is kinder to you than you are to yourself--and if you listen to her (even if you're just imagining what she'd say), you'll be hearing a kinder gentler voice.

    You can learn to stop distorted, negative thinking. I'm not saying it's easy, but it can be done. If it's really interfering with your life (generic "your"), it's worth finding a cognitive behavior therapist to work through some of it.

    Note: I am not a psychologist. I don't play one on TV.

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