OMG, you wouldn't believe what she has been saying to me!

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Replies

  • kindasortachewy
    kindasortachewy Posts: 1,084 Member
    Thank you, i needed this
  • kateauch
    kateauch Posts: 195 Member
    This is amazing. Thank you for the perspective.

    :heart: :heart: :heart:
  • neintical
    neintical Posts: 20
    You got me there! Lol, I like it because wether we'd liked to admit it or not, these thoughts do happen and it does make a difference in how we battle obstacles. I am going to share this!
  • ColeAXE
    ColeAXE Posts: 73 Member
    Kindness & Love <3<3<3
  • SlimJanette
    SlimJanette Posts: 597 Member
    This is great and so true.
  • ImNotThatBob
    ImNotThatBob Posts: 371 Member
    Sandy,

    I read your posts last night before bed and when I awoke this was in my head.
    REFLECTIONS
    17732533-mirror-image-of-a-woman.jpg
    Please forgive us for the compliments, the things we say are true
    You see yourself through our eyes when you hear what we say about you

    It's hard for you to believe it, coming from such a tortured space,
    The Ex, your Mother-in-law, even YOU now, trying to keep you "in your place"

    The walls they built around you, weren't erected out of love
    The chains they used to bind you, didn't come from up above

    They say things to control you, get you to "tow the line"
    "A good woman doesn't do that! You've REALLY blown it this time!"

    "How can anyone love you, with all the mistakes you've made?"
    You see the mess you've created and wish for an early grave

    Over all the crit-i-cisms, the put-downs and the strife
    One voice cries out the loudest and cuts you like a knife

    That little voice inside you screams loud above the fray
    "Look at the disaster you've made here! Surely you gotta pay!"
    sad-angry-woman-mirror-29006955.jpg
    Your life it was so perfect when viewed from beyond the wall
    We couldn't see THE HELL you kept so hidden from us all

    Then one day things exploded. You couldn't take it anymore
    You lay there alone and broken, sick of everyone keeping score

    Of every thought and action, every word and every deed
    You looked for once at your heart. What did it really need?

    Was it so wrong to ask yourself to be cherished and shown you care
    To live life without condemnation in your icy judgmental stare

    "If only" is for losers who live only in the past
    Seeing the worst in their reflection, why their relationships don't last

    Keeping everyone at a distance is what you tried to do
    Because how could anyone love you if they knew the real you?

    ...

    So... Sick of all the bull****, the lies and all the pain
    a glimpse you caught through our eyes sparked hope you'd love (yourself) again
    16901157-an-attractive-woman-looking-at-her-reflection-in-the-mirror.jpg

    This is my reply (with nary a compliment among all those words).

    It is my intention that it help and not hurt. Think of it as a poetic hug from the universe, and my subconscious trying to say, "I understand".

    >Rob
  • chichibaby85
    chichibaby85 Posts: 14 Member
    Wow, I was seriously enraged for you until I got to the punch line..then I got all girly emotional because I realized I do this stupid crap too! Grr..we've GOT to do better! Love the post!
  • akp4Him
    akp4Him Posts: 227
    Wow! I was ready to bash the lady that was talking to you...You are right. We ARE our worst enemy! Thanks for reminding me!
    I need to give that woman a different view!
  • lessofme65
    lessofme65 Posts: 107 Member
    It amazes me how I can try to support and understand everyone else then not be able to do it for myself. I'm sure this is a behavior that I can learn to change through practice and plan to start with baby steps. At least I know I'm not alone in this situation.

    WE CAN CHANGE THIS!!!!
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    I am thrilled at the response to this thread. I am glad that others can relate and see that it needs to stop. I am so touched by imnotthatbob's poem, and cherish his friendship greatly.

    Thank you to everyone.

    *Lotsa hugs*
  • Lutah7
    Lutah7 Posts: 45
    Wow. Women sure beat themselves up a lot. In my experience, 99.9% of it is unwarranted. I wish women could see what we men see. We aren't as shallow as commercials make us out to be. The media's definition of "beautiful" is far from what we actually think is beautiful.
    At least you know that such negative thinking is wrong. There are too many who actually embrace it and call it "motivation", which is a lie. Keep rockin out there. I'm sure you're doing FAR better than you think.

    So as a man, what DO you see. Do you really see us as thinking feeling beings? I mean, those of us who do not fit into Americas Top Model. And it is an honest and sincere question, I mean absolutely NO judgement or flaming.
  • onwarddownward
    onwarddownward Posts: 1,683 Member
    I read the original post and was going to suggest getting an attorney for hostile workplace! Wow. This is me, too.
  • jen_zz
    jen_zz Posts: 1,011 Member
    Thanks for sharing! Needed the reminder. Be kind to yourself :flowerforyou:
  • sarahthin
    sarahthin Posts: 221 Member
    You are so close to your weight goal, but unless you learn to like yourself you won't be able to keep it. Instead of finding fault with yourself, find one thing each day that you like about yourself.
  • MissTomGettingThin
    MissTomGettingThin Posts: 776 Member
    THis is me.
    Or at least it was.
    I am getting better!!

    Therapy is helping LOL

    We do beat ourselves up too much.
    We are all beautiful people.
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    Awe :( hug i get like that too but when you feel like this its very important to make sure you corect it right away say bad thought like you dont do anything right follow it up with not true i am great at (insert gift here) this kind of thinking has really really helped me
  • Kymmu
    Kymmu Posts: 1,650 Member
    You really hit a nerve with a lot of us.
    I was so outraged at this person you work with I thought she must me mental...
    We are so harsh to ourselves. It's strange as I know I always try to see good in others, and always tend to.
    A nice reminder!
  • kittee83
    kittee83 Posts: 38 Member
    Love this! So true. x
  • Bernadette60614
    Bernadette60614 Posts: 707 Member
    Damn...is my mother working with you?!

    My therapist had great advice: Imagine your relationships are like a bus. You are the driver. You can let some people on, you can make other people move to the back of the bus. Imagine this woman in the back of your bus..you're driving, she's just a passenger far from ear shot.

    BTW, great thread...!
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    Totally fell for it...I was like, "Why have you not *****slapped this woman?"

    I do the same thing, but I'm working on it!
  • Mslmesq
    Mslmesq Posts: 1,000 Member
    You are NOT alone in doing this sweetie. Hugs!

    http://live.soundstrue.com/selfacceptance/. This free video series called The Self Acceptance Project is awesome. I hope you find some inspiration here. Best wishes.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    What I think is the most eye opening part of this thread is that you, Mirey, look absofricknlutely incredible. No one would see your pics and think you feel bad about anything. I think, to some degree, we all have those little demons in our head.

    It's like winning the lottery. People think it'll bring great happiness, but that happiness is short lived and they go back to feeling just how the felt before.

    And this is a good reminder to anyone who thinks, "It'll all be better once I lose weight." I don't mean to discourage anyone, but it doesn't go away completely. We just have to remind ourselves from time to time to tell those demons to go to hell. :devil:
  • keg619
    keg619 Posts: 356 Member
    Thank you for this!
  • Mslmesq
    Mslmesq Posts: 1,000 Member
    I will add one more thing, especially since CBT may not be best for you. All of us have an inner critic. All of us. Men, women, no difference. Some of us have really strong ones that hurt us more than help us. These strong, pronounced inner critics usually come from childhood trauma (physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, neglect). Most of us experienced some childhood trauma of varying degrees. Many of us have never dealt with or processed it.

    Here is a different way to look at and keep your inner critic in mind. Your inner critic actually is trying to help you and 'thinks' it is. Many of the messages it is telling you relate to some negative messages you heard already (many times in childhood). It is repeating these messages to you so you for varying reasons, but all because it thinks it is a way to keep you safe. One of the easiest ways to help this voice is to stop telling it to shut up, because you really cannot. It is part of us. Rather, 'kill' the thoughts with kindness. Talk back to it like it was a child. Like, 'wow. I'm so sorry you are feeling that way today sweetie. That must be really hard on you. That's a difficult thing to be experiencing'. Literally just respond with pure concern, compassion, and kindness to the thought. Don't judge it or tell it to shut up. Try this for a week and see if the thoughts have softened. :-)

    Again, best wishes.
  • JennNH12
    JennNH12 Posts: 56
    It made me sick to think that someone could talk to another human that way. Visions of throat punching ran through my head. Then I "got it". Makes me feel like beating up on myself less for sure. What a great post :) Love it! ♥
  • runningjen74
    runningjen74 Posts: 312 Member
    Super post! Getting cross/thinking of what a bully it was that you were working with.

    Thankfully, I don't bully myself quite as much :)
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    Ugh, I just caught myself calling myself a dumbass, for something that really wasn't a big deal. I would be super pissed if somebody else called me that! Why do I think it's ok to do it to myself?
  • missalisamel
    missalisamel Posts: 13 Member
    I was getting so horrified reading that.
    Thinking what kind of person would talk to someone like that.

    Than at the end I was sitting here thinking how I do that to myself every single day.

    Thank you for the very well pulled off reminder than I need to be kinder to myself.
  • Fitscorcher
    Fitscorcher Posts: 47
    This is BRILLIANT!! I didn't see that coming but I think we are all guilty of it. :-D
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    Thank you to everyone who responded. It's nice (and saddening too) to know I'm not alone. :heart:

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