husband sabotaging my efforts!
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He "has you chop the nuts?" Just say no. You're obviously going to have to be strong and stand up for yourself and your efforts, so start there. Say no, this was your idea. You chop the damn nuts.
I live with 2 young men with great metabolisms (my sons) and a husband who knows nothing of healthy eating. Nothing. It would be so much easier to ignore temptations without them in my home, but that's not the case. So I'm responsible for making myself strong.3 -
"Sabotage" is the biggest load of hooey that dieters feed themselves. It removes all the blame for when these dieters fail. Which leads to far less success.
All he wanted to do is bake some cookies to take to a pot luck. What did you plan to do at the potluck, get upset at everyone who brought something made with cheese or chocolate? If you can't chop nuts and keep it together, then it's doubtful you'll be able to sustain a long-term loss.
The first step in anything you do is to take ownership over your own actions and stop blaming others when you slip. Move on and get your mindset straight.15 -
Find another ally in a friend, family member, or co-worker. Also, have you brought it to his attention in a way that illustrates what this means to you while NOT simply demanding he support you? What I mean is, you should be able to go to a loving, supportive husband and say, "I'm coming to you with a problem that I hope you can help me solve. I'm trying to be more healthy, to make good choices and to live a healthier life. I need your support. I'm not asking you to give up your cookies and baked goods, but I am asking for your understanding that for me, I can't help you bake cookies. Do I have your support that when you want to bake unhealthy sweets, you can do that, but I'll be exercising while you bake..."1
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This is part of the challenge we experience when switching to a healthy diet. You have to learn to say no-you cannot rely on those around you to follow what your doing. I can tell you that if you say no often enough, people will stop asking or putting things in front of you they know you won't eat. Its up to you to be consistent though, not them. If helping with making them is too much, then you are allowed to say "no, I am sorry, I can't help with that-it's just too tempting" and go do something else while he makes it. Give your husband a break-he probably doesn't realize what he is doing-he has the same patterns you do-and it takes time to reset those. Ultimately, this is up to you-no one else. You can do it, many of us have and we know its difficult-but you are worth it.2
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I thought you meant he was like sneaking sugar in your food or something lol.
Mine brings donuts in the house but its more of a habit of mine than anything so he may just not realize that it is affecting you I'd talk with him that you'd like him to not do it as often and try being more supportive1 -
Others have said it but I will say it again.
This is your journey, you can't blame him for wanting to make cookies for a potluck.
My SO always offers me food because she thinks she's being considerate. We have gotten to a place where I understand that she will offer and she understands I will say no. I can't expect her not to eat things she wants in front of me and it's OK for me to say no.
once in a great while I will say yes because 1 bad meal or snack will not blow everything.
I also sit with 2 full coffee cups of candy on my desk every single day and I eat NONE of it. It's there for other people to come and take as they please but I don't touch it.
This is my journey, I alone have the power to succeed or fail.3 -
This is about him, not you. Try not to take it personally. I empathize with your perspective but it IS a matter of perspective. He is comfortable with the way things were and people don't like change; just like this change is difficult for you. Maintain your boundary and stand your ground. He isn't forcing the food in your mouth; this is up to you. Good luck and stay the course
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Oh my god. These people with the "dump him"s. NEVER get into a relationship, I swear. Y'all don't take anything seriously.
This is as new to him as it is to you. He is not sabotaging you. He is doing things that he would normally do, and you don't yet have the discipline to let it happen without it affecting you. That is not his fault. What you can do is talk to him. Seriously, 99% of marital problems can be solved by getting off the computer and saying what you're spouting to strangers online to your husband - the one that matters and can help change the situation with you.
There's something I had to learn real damned quick when I started losing weight:
No one gives a damn except you.
The rest of the world is going to continue to exist and do as they do forever and none of that is going to change just because you want to lose weight.
I live in a household where they bake pies and cookies 3 times a week, order pizza weekly, and drink nothing but soda. We always have chips and my favorite "bad" snacks. There is always temptation. But you know what? My family is just as allowed a happy life and the things they want out of it as I am, even if what they want is fattening food. I sucked it up, buckled down, and built the discipline I never had before. An oven full of sweets doesn't even phase me anymore. Wanna know how many Christmas cookies I had this season?
One.
Let your husband live, and oh, by the way. Stop that restrictive *kitten*. You aren't "resetting" anything. Your body is a well oiled machine and can take care of its damn self. You just give it fuel. Calories in, calories out. That will be all.
This journey isn't you making the decision to dictate how the rest of the world acts. This isn't your husband changing. This is you changing. YOU. Consider this your first test.8 -
You dont want him to change completely with your new lifestyle and stress that to him. But do some research on healthy meals that conform to your plan and tasty enough that he will be impressed.He will come around and get excited with you on delicious meals and sweets that are healthy And satisfying. Let him know his help will be appreciated and rewarding.0
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I think one person said 'dump him' and pretty sure he was being facetious.
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AmandaHugginkiss wrote: »"Sabotage" is the biggest load of hooey that dieters feed themselves. It removes all the blame for when these dieters fail. Which leads to far less success.
All he wanted to do is bake some cookies to take to a pot luck. What did you plan to do at the potluck, get upset at everyone who brought something made with cheese or chocolate? If you can't chop nuts and keep it together, then it's doubtful you'll be able to sustain a long-term loss.
The first step in anything you do is to take ownership over your own actions and stop blaming others when you slip. Move on and get your mindset straight.
I'm so over the "boo-hoo, poor me the world is out to get me because they're continuing to eat foods they like and I'm not" nonsense that comes with new people on this site. I used to be the same way and looking back it makes me freaking sick.8 -
I had a friend who did the hormone diet. If it's the same diet it is extremely limiting--pills, shakes, calories below 1000 for a few weeks at a time.
First of all, that's a horrible way to diet (if indeed you are on the same hormone diet plan). But to expect your husband not to bring in the house or eat anything that you can't is insane. You do you. Let him do him.
And I think it was very nice of him to make cookies for a potluck. My husband wouldn't know one pan from another.
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I don't think it is a big deal to be honest. Next time let him know in advance that you do not want him making the cookies. Also 10 lbs is nothing. It is so hard to eat and be healthy. Be thankful that he does that at least.
If he deliberately tries to sabotage you then that is a another story....time to give him a smack down verbally lol1 -
Asking you to chop his nuts? Refusing to reset his hormones through a cookie detox? What an *kitten*! Dump him immediately for someone who appreciates the benefits of kale5
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These threads rarely go the way the OP thinks they are going to go, do they?9
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AnAbsoluteDiva wrote: »I ignore all the stupid stuff my husband does. It's why we're still married.
Totally this!1 -
AnAbsoluteDiva wrote: »Commander_Keen wrote: »So he has no right to bake food, or have food that he likes, in the house just because his wife is on a diet? Sounds like a pretty crappy way to have a marriage.
And you would be the person, who would drink a keg, in front of the friend who trying to quite drinking.. Great friendship you would have.
The person trying to quit drinking has no business at a kegger. Just sayin'.
^^^This!
@AnAbsoluteDiva ... you're on a roll!0 -
NO ONE can make you do what you do not want to do. My Friend lost 100 pounds, with an Idiot bringing Pizza, M&M, Cheesecake etc etc home every day. WHY ? He wanted her Fat because if she lost weight other Guys would be interested. She Ignored the MORON, looks Gorgeous and is married to a more supportive Hunk.2
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The people comparing being on scientifically invalid, overly restrictive fad diet with being in AA need to check their heads. There is no comparison.1
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AnAbsoluteDiva wrote: »I ignore all the stupid stuff my husband does. It's why we're still married.
@AnAbsoluteDiva You win the internet.3 -
showerbeer182 wrote: »Remain strong!!! The first time I did it, I did not have family support, but I managed. I bought stuff and ate my stuff. My husband acknowledged today that I am on a "diet" when we were discussing lunch. He wanted Arby's, so when I got home from picking it up, I immediately grabbed a knife, cut my sandwich in half, put other half in fridge. I ate one French fry. It is a process.
Do you say it like...AREbees....or do you do AIRbees...I've heard it both ways....
ARE-bees0 -
Seriously, 99% of marital problems can be solved by getting off the computer and saying what you're spouting to strangers online to your husband - the one that matters and can help change the situation with you.
@siraphine In for a REAL close second place win.
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NO ONE can make you do what you do not want to do. My Friend lost 100 pounds, with an Idiot bringing Pizza, M&M, Cheesecake etc etc home every day. WHY ? He wanted her Fat because if she lost weight other Guys would be interested. She Ignored the MORON, looks Gorgeous and is married to a more supportive Hunk.
EXACTLY what I said above... they keep feeding us to make sure we remain unattractive... seen it...1 -
Have a chat with him and explain that what you're doing really means a lot to you and you'd appreciate his support, maybe part of that would be limiting the amount of unhealthy food in the house. At the same time though, he's probably not doing anything deliberately and if he's not following any kind of specific diet plan himself then it's going to be give and take from you both 0
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Some of the projection in this thread is astounding. He made her favourite cookies... for a POT LUCK. Not for her! To give away to people. Who knows, maybe they're her favourite because they're amazing. Maybe all the friends and neighbours think so too. Maybe they *shock* requested them?
Seriously, equating him baking cookies for a potluck to him wanting to keep her fat so she doesn't leave him is ludicrous. Even the posts about a spouse bombarding someone with donuts and sweets and ignoring requests not to are out of proportion to this. He made cookies. To give away. Not even for his wife. Sheesh.3 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »Some of the projection in this thread is astounding. He made her favourite cookies... for a POT LUCK. Not for her! To give away to people. Who knows, maybe they're her favourite because they're amazing. Maybe all the friends and neighbours think so too. Maybe they *shock* requested them?
Seriously, equating him baking cookies for a potluck to him wanting to keep her fat so she doesn't leave him is ludicrous. Even the posts about a spouse bombarding someone with donuts and sweets and ignoring requests not to are out of proportion to this. He made cookies. To give away. Not even for his wife. Sheesh.
I completely agree.
I am a complete nut about homemade chocolate cake with homemade chocolate icing. My husband and I use the same recipe that I love. I cannot describe how much I love this cake. Anyway, when his workplace has a potluck, the people ask him to bring that cake and he does. Sometimes I help him, sometimes I don't. He'll ask if I want him to bring me home a piece and sometimes I say yes and sometimes I say no.
I've learned self control by practicing self control. It's like a muscle. You need to work it to build it. Yes, I try to limit tempting foods in the house but I have never attempted to limit what my husband can have or make. Not even in my earliest days of dieting have I done that, and I was a huge eat-all-the-cookies/cake/treats-in-large-quantities eater.2 -
Alatariel175 jemhh WHOA ! The comment I posted was regarding, someone I knew well. Her Husband WAS
PURPOSELY TRYING TO KEEP HER FAT. When they met in High School, she was overweight and he did not care. After her
first Pregnancy, she was ENORMOUS. Her Health was affected, her Doctor and her Friends were very worried about her. After she collapsed at work, found out she had Diabetes, SHE changed. He did everything in his power to keep her FAT, so she left. THE END !1 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »Seriously, equating him baking cookies for a potluck to him wanting to keep her fat so she doesn't leave him is ludicrous.
You missed the point...(there are a dozen comments here, so easy to do)... it was a comment, as to what can happen sometimes in response to another poster - not specific to OP ...
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It's okay to say "No" in a marriage.
Changing your eating habits is a one way street. To have support on that journey is a gift, it is not a given. Yeah, it sucks, but that's reality.
I wanted a gym membership, but my husband told me I didn't have time to workout because I have to take care of our 4 kids, while he goes to the gym 4-5 times a week. Know what I did? I found the time to work out when/if I feel like it. Because this lifestyle change is for ME, MYSELF, and I. No one else.
Just remember what you do some of the time doesn't override what you do the majority of the time.2
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