I am sick of ''you look fine'' comments (before/after pics)

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  • frankiesgirlie
    frankiesgirlie Posts: 669 Member
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    They said that because you looked cute all ready, now you look even cuter. It really doesn't matter what others think. I hear all the time, "you look fine". "Why do you have to be so hard on yourself"? Because I am totally uncomfortable in my own skin when I have a muffin Top, and I'll never stop trying to get rid of it.
    Keep doing what you're doing. It's good for your health And your looks.
    There's also nothing wrong with hamburgers and pizza as long as it's once in a while.
  • nomorepuke
    nomorepuke Posts: 320 Member
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    storyjorie wrote: »
    Isn't the alternative to "you look fine" something like, "you need work"? I could never say anything like that to someone, even if they begged me to. If someone asked me if I had weight loss advice, maybe I would recommend certain foods/exercises, but to comment on someone's body being less than whatever your version of "fine" is seems cruel and weird. And I do think you look great in both photos. Great job on your loss!

    Exactly!
  • MommaT54971
    MommaT54971 Posts: 3 Member
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    I can see how that can be annoying and down right frustrating. It is very hard for me to get the opinion of my husband, because he is bias. He promised to love me forever good times and In bad,etc. In HIS eyes I am fine or beautiful because that is what HE sees. I beg him all the time, " just tell me the truth!" Like "My gut sticks out in that shirt". or if i ask, "are these pants too tight cause you can see my cottage cheese (thighs)".I've broken down so many times at him for this. I don't want someone to see me on the street and be judging me. I don't wanna be viewed that way.

    Cause being honest, we ALL look at people and have some sort of initial judgment. And even if it is only for a split second, and then we counter that thought with "who am I to judge" or have sympathy for them or even relate, or just ignore it and move on.

    Who wouldn't wanna look good? Or feel pretty, right? We are our biggest critic.I myself live with such self hate. I can't even look at myself in the mirror with out being completely disgusted, and think to myself, "who would even want to look at this?" or if i was put next to someone smaller than me, and a stranger had to pick who they found more attractive, i know it wouldnt be me".

    For some it may be something less severe where they just wish they were a little skinnier or ate better or exercise. Then there's others, like myself. I suffer with bipolar, depression, PTSD, and anxiety. With bipolar your emotions are 10X stronger than that of someone with out. With depression, it's not just feeling sad or crying or wishing the day would end cause you can't take it anymore. It's much worse than that. It's a complete sense of hopelessness, severe lack of self worth (some to the point of "why am I even here?"), you no longer can smile sometimes not even a fake one, you don't wanna go out or be around people, and in many cases don't take care of yourself (hygiene,eat,sleep,etc).

    I must also add that these people that are telling you you are fine, for the most part all believe you DO look fine. And yes, you could be more skinnier or toned (like in the past), but on the opposite side of the spectrum, you could be bigger or have alot more fat or out of shape. Are all these people that are telling you this smaller than a size 6 or 8 ? Because then, no they don't have a good understanding of how you feel about yourself and for them to tell you you look fine is contradictory or may e even hypocritical since they too are trying to get in shape.

    I also have to admit I am one of those people, but I don't think you look fine, I think you look amazing. I would give anything to be a size 12/14! And it is extremely frustrating for people who are even larger yet, even "obese" like myself, to have to hear how fat someone thinks they or how they need to lose weight or they think their body is disgusting cause they have have a pooch gut or their thighs touch. So Id feel completely crushed if someone said that, because I'd think to myself, if they think they look bad or disgusting, what the hell do (they think ) I look like then? If I hear someone complaining cause they are 150 pounds, I'm like really?!??? Try being 2 X that.

    I'll give an example of a situation that actually happened to me:
    I was at work and one of the girls had been complaining about her getting fat cause she put on some weight after having a baby and from medication she was on, and yes probably not eating healthy or working out. She said she went from a size6/7 to a 10/11. I forgot what weight she said she was, but I'd say probably 145 ish. I responded with something like "really?!? You're gonna complain about that? I'm over 300lbs.! And she looked at me and said,"shut up, no you're not. that's impossible. Cause 300 lbs is huge! Like really obese. She blew up her cheeks as big as she could, made her arms out wide in a circle around her body and walked kinda like the State Puff Marshmallow guy. I was like, "WOW! Really?!? THANKS !I feel even worse about myself now.

    Sorry this is so lengthy.

    Just remember.... there is always someone out there that is bigger than than you and it could be worse. Stay beautiful! And congratulations on your accomplishment! You've earned it!!!
  • AFGP11
    AFGP11 Posts: 142 Member
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    I agree with you that no one should be making comments about your body one way or another. If you say "I'm on a workout schedule" they should just say "Cool, good for you!". All the comments about whether you 'need' to be at the gym are inappropriate no matter how well-meant they are.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    "Fine" is a pretty general term. The people who said it probably meant it. It's okay to look "fine" but still want to improve. You can want to change without being so hard on yourself.
  • CafeRacer808
    CafeRacer808 Posts: 2,396 Member
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    AFGP11 wrote: »
    I agree with you that no one should be making comments about your body one way or another. If you say "I'm on a workout schedule" they should just say "Cool, good for you!". All the comments about whether you 'need' to be at the gym are inappropriate no matter how well-meant they are.

    People will say what they want to say and you can't expect everyone to share the same definition of "inappropriate" as you. If you find specific topics to be inappropriate, it's best to share that opinion with your friends so they know what your boundaries are. If OP doesn't want people commenting on her weight loss progress, then she should stop talking about it.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    storyjorie wrote: »
    Isn't the alternative to "you look fine" something like, "you need work"? I could never say anything like that to someone, even if they begged me to. If someone asked me if I had weight loss advice, maybe I would recommend certain foods/exercises, but to comment on someone's body being less than whatever your version of "fine" is seems cruel and weird. And I do think you look great in both photos. Great job on your loss!

    Yup this. Also... I don't take "fine" as a compliment. More of a phrase to get out of committing to an actual compliment. I once told my ex that one day I'd beat him with a baseball bat with "fine" written on one side, and "nice" on the other. If my husband tells me I look "fine" now when we're going out, I change.
  • ARGriffy
    ARGriffy Posts: 1,002 Member
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    number one, well done, you look amazing.


    Number 2, most of the population is a bit fat now. They think this IS fine. It's not. The will continue to get bigger and have health complications. The idea that they are "fine" being an overweight (by medical definition) means that you, trying to improve yourself, is derogatory to them.

    Number 3, no one sees you the way you see you. If i saw my own body on someone else, i would be envious. But on myself, i want to improve it. But why you ask, "you are fine"

    It's allll in the eye of the beholder. Make your body what YOU want it to be, for YOU. Not so someone else can look and see how far you've come. Humans are d*cks, we don't like to appreciate other people's achievements if we haven't done the same ourselves so don't expect people to appreciate the effort YOU put in. YOU did it for YOU!!!

    No one else gets why i want MY body to be MY version of perfect, because it's MINE. learn to love yourself hunny because validation from others rarely comes in the form you want it!! xxxxx

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