Gym Instructor won't leave me alone.

z85zz

Hi All,

I'm having a few issues with a new gym instructor constantly watching/bothering me. I've been at my gym for over 18 months, and I've barely said anything other than Hello to any of the staff/instructors.
On the first week of January, I was just finishing up a work out when a new trainer at the gym came up to me, and asked me if he could give me some advice. He then told me to make certain changes to my routine, I explained after every single one that I couldn't do that because of injuries, and medical limitations. He still pushed me to do an exercise that really hurt.
I left so embarrassed and humiliated, I don't talk to anyone at the gym, I'm fairly fit and know what I'm doing, so I just want to be left alone.
The next twice I was in the gym and he was there, I felt like I had to stop my exercises because I could see him watching me through the mirror. I got so uncomfortable I did half of them in the corner, because I knew he couldn't see me from that angle.

Two days ago, I was working out and he was at the desk. I was slowly going through my routine, anxious he was going to come over. I saw him head to the other side of the gym out of sight, so I hurried up with my last exercises, and was relived it was over. Next thing I know he is looming over me and telling me to do an exercise a different way. I tried to say no, but he insisted. He handed me a barbell, and next thing I know he is giving me advice about the angle of my crotch.

What do I do? I've never seen him come up to anyone else, and there was a lady next to me really struggling with an exercise and he didn't help her. I feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, if I wanted a personal trainer, I would hire a woman!

I need to go to the gym in the next hour, and I know he always works the morning shift.

ajwcyclist2016

I'd just tell the management. The first time fair enough but once you've said you're fine that's should be it

Alatariel75

I'd like to say you should just tell him that you're not interested in help and would like him to leave you to it, but I'm all talk in my head and would chicken out from doing that, so I second having a word to the management. You've told him you weren't keen, and he's being a pushy jerk.

z85zz

Yea, I may do, I know they have a complaints box where you can post anonymously. I nearly posted on their facebook page, but he's been advertising his services for £1! Guess times are tough!

ladyreva78

You've made it clear that you do not want his help. On top of that he doesn't seem to be the best qualified if he ignores your repeated mention of medical limitations. The part about him constantly watching you is just creepy.

As mentioned above, take it to the management.

In the mean time, just tell him a firm: "No. Not interested." and turn away. If he puts a barbell in your hand, set it down and walk away. If he insists and tries to get you to do another painful exercise, tell him you'll send him the bill for the medical expenses since he's a dumb *kitten* idiot (well maybe leave out the part about the DAI )

z85zz

Hahaha!

I'm rubbish, I just crumble, I feel like I'm back at school being told off! I don't know if he is just trying to be helpful, my female friends said he should respect my space being one of a few women in a male dominated environment.

FatMoojor

Just go and do your thing. If he comes up to you again. Politely say, "thank you for your advice, I'm not currently interested in a personal trainer".
Do not doing any routine that can cause you harm or injury because of some prick. If he persists, then you have to speak to the management straight away. A note in the box isn't going to get dealt with in a reasonable time.

In this session, today, he needs to know that you don't want his help now or in the future.

ninthnarnian

Helpful, is suggesting things to you once. Staring and continuing to come up to you again and again sounds like stalking.

Now, is something you are doing scaring people? Does it look like you are always about to break your neck? I guess I could see his concern then lol, but I somehow doubt that is the case.

z85zz

Haha! Definitely not, knowing my luck I probably would break something

KingstonJack3

tell him to get lost. If he won't listen then raise your voice and say No means NO until he gets it.

snowflake954

This is hard. You're being polite (trying the things he insists on), and he isn't being polite (leaving you alone). You have to face him. Say "I prefer to workout alone, if I have a question or need help, you'll be the first one I ask". Be very firm. Some people don't take "no" for an answer easily. If he comes back, say "Listen, I hate to complain to management". If he keeps on buy a set of earphones and just ignore him. Oh, and if it gets to that point--talk to management.

callsitlikeiseeit

go to management.

Machka9

Try ... "Thank you very much for your suggestions ... now leave me alone."

You pay for your gym membership, and therefore if he is paid by the gym, you are his boss.

z85zz

Thanks everyone, he wasn't in today so I managed to work out without being watched, I was totally distracted with worrying he might come in, so I kept forgetting how many reps I'd done. I'm going to make a complaint next time a manager is in.

ladyreva78

z85zz wrote: »

Thanks everyone, he wasn't in today so I managed to work out without being watched, I was totally distracted with worrying he might come in, so I kept forgetting how many reps I'd done. I'm going to make a complaint next time a manager is in.

Make sure you do. Or we just might have to keep on bugging you about it.

It might help to write down the exact points of complaint before hand. I get nervous when I do things like complain and I'm liable to forget details. It tends to help me organize the ideas and makes me seem less like a headless chicken. *eyeroll*

zyxst

Some people are thick-headed/pushy that they don't "get" polite answers. I know it's hard, but next time he comes up to you just tell him to eff off or scream NO. Report him to management anyway, even if he doesn't bother you again.

Reaverie

Ask him uncomfortable questions. Ask him casually if you should do more exercises geared towards women since your sex change surgery and if it's ok that you use the women's restroom since you look like a woman now.

Seriously, just smile and say you aren't a people person and walk away no matter how insistent he becomes. You don't yell at a dog, you don't argue with a child, and you don't cater to others unwanted advances. You give a tight lipped "I'm barely tolerating you " smile and walk away with out a word. He learns that you have about as much interest in him as you would a gnat. It's cute when they flirt once, but after a while it's just plain embarrassing for them.

PoundChaser2

The gym I work in unfortunatly force the trainers to get so many training packages per month and as you can imagine can be stressful for the trainer to get members to sign up for training when people can't afford it. I'm guessing that he sees you a lot and he keeps trying to make his quota and the lady next to you might have put her foot down prior and thats why he did not talk to her. See the Front Desk Staff and get the the Gen Manager email address and explain the issues to him/her.

z85zz

Hahaha! Great responses. I felt like I was over reacting a bit, but as my friend pointed out, I'm very sick of men thinking it's ok to be in my personal space and make me feel uncomfortable.

singingflutelady

z85zz wrote: »

Hahaha! Great responses. I felt like I was over reacting a bit, but as my friend pointed out, I'm very sick of men thinking it's ok to be in my personal space and make me feel uncomfortable.

I understand how frustrating and annoying this is! For the longest time there was a powerlifter at my gym who thought he was my squat trainer and constantly told me I had to squat *kitten* to grass (I go to just below parallel and can't do *kitten* to grass without butt wink). Since the rack is in the powerlifting area I avoided it every time I saw him (thankfully I only saw him 20% of the time).

z85zz

singingflutelady wrote: »

z85zz wrote: »

Hahaha! Great responses. I felt like I was over reacting a bit, but as my friend pointed out, I'm very sick of men thinking it's ok to be in my personal space and make me feel uncomfortable.

I understand how frustrating and annoying this is! For the longest time there was a powerlifter at my gym who thought he was my squat trainer and constantly told me I had to squat *kitten* to grass (I go to just below parallel and can't do *kitten* to grass without butt wink). Since the rack is in the powerlifting area I avoided it every time I saw him (thankfully I only saw him 20% of the time).

My kitten (I love that) is nowhere near the grass, due to injury, but I still feel the burn, that was one of the things he was trying to make me do. He said 'you look like you are going to fall over' and I wanted to cry.

singingflutelady

z85zz wrote: »

singingflutelady wrote: »

z85zz wrote: »

Hahaha! Great responses. I felt like I was over reacting a bit, but as my friend pointed out, I'm very sick of men thinking it's ok to be in my personal space and make me feel uncomfortable.

I understand how frustrating and annoying this is! For the longest time there was a powerlifter at my gym who thought he was my squat trainer and constantly told me I had to squat *kitten* to grass (I go to just below parallel and can't do *kitten* to grass without butt wink). Since the rack is in the powerlifting area I avoided it every time I saw him (thankfully I only saw him 20% of the time).

My kitten (I love that) is nowhere near the grass, due to injury, but I still feel the burn, that was one of the things he was trying to make me do. He said 'you look like you are going to fall over' and I wanted to cry.

My form deteriorates when I am being stared at as I get very nervous so I also made some dumb mistakes I never ever normally do. It was very awkward as I lift heavy and it's hard to avoid squats! Luckily I started going at a different time and stopped seeing him (I'm now taking a break from the gym because of illness) but every time I went I did a quick trip around the gym to see if he was there!

TR0berts

What would work for me might not work for you. Based on your other posts, I'm certain of this. That said, I'd tell him rather loudly - so that the other gym goers could hear - something along the lines of, 'considering you've proven several times that you don't know what you're talking about, F off.'

cheryldumais

Some of the things you have said makes me wonder if this guy is dangerous. The things he has said to you are demeaning and his obvious zeroing in on someone who is meek and unlikely to push him away makes me wonder. Sometimes as hard as it is a strong offence is better than a strong defence. If you can't do that you need to talk to managment just to protect not only yourself but all the women who are training there. He may be harmless but he may not be as well. It sounds to me like he's coming on to you at the very least. Quota or not that's not ok. You deserve to feel safe at your gym.

z85zz

I'm not sure how much of it is just him being a little too pushy, trying to flog his personal training service.
He's been writing things on the facebook group offering help 'come and ask me' etc. I didn't ask for anything. He was quite calm when he talked to me, but it felt like a teacher telling me off.

I'm torn between wanting to be left alone, and wondering if I am over-reacting. I look a lot younger than I am, but I'm quite tall, and can give a hell of a death stare haha!

rileysowner

ajwcyclist2016 wrote: »

I'd just tell the management. The first time fair enough but once you've said you're fine that's should be it

I would speak to the management as well assuming you told him his advice was not welcome nor wanted.

Cylphin60

Go get management. Period. You should not have to tell him more than once, or drop hints or hope he just goes away. No one has the right to force themselves into your space or your routine like that.

You also stated he's new. You aren't. Management likely knows you and appreciates your business, and you'll likely be saving them from future headaches if this is this idiots MO. He's just a guy, and not a very smart one at that, from the sounds of it. Go straight to management.

ajwcyclist2016

It would annoy me. If he is any good people he trains would recommend him through word of mouth

iofred

Problem is not just him watching you, but the effect it has on your daily routine. It already starts before you go to the gym, worrying if he will be there, distraction at the gym, even if he is not there you worry he might come in, and it might start taking over your life. If you are not able to ignore him you either take steps and get it sorted, or lose your focus on why you are going

fishgutzy

He needs to be fired. He is a stalker not a trainer.

wizzybeth

z85zz wrote: »

Thanks everyone, he wasn't in today so I managed to work out without being watched, I was totally distracted with worrying he might come in, so I kept forgetting how many reps I'd done. I'm going to make a complaint next time a manager is in.

Absolutely make a complaint -you pay for your gym membership and you should not be made to feel uncomfortable by ANYONE let alone the staff.