Gym Instructor won't leave me alone.
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"Getting" somebody fired?Yes I did read it......both times she ended up doing the exercises he showed her not "abundantly clear" to me she made it clear to him....I am not saying this guy is right in his approach but getting someone fired because you haven't made it clear you don't want their help isn't right either. Some people don't get subtle.
I'd hate to think of anybody working anyplace where they'll be immediately fired for one customer complaint. Talked to, maybe. Fired, I highly doubt it. If that happens, it will likely mean there has been more than one complaint from more than one customer, which of course points to a much larger problem. Then it wouldn't be accurate to say the most recent customer who complained "got" him fired. His own behavior did. And on the small chance that he's fired on the spot after one complaint, then again the customer didn't "get" him fired. In that situation, he's got a crappy employer who doesn't know how to manage a business, and he wouldn't really want to work there anyway.5 -
You mentioned that he's new and he pimps his services on FB. It could be that he's just getting into the personal trainer thing and is trying to build his clientele. But it's obvious that he can't take a hint. You are going to have to tell him point blank that you want to be left alone or you'll go to management. Then follow through with management if it continues.
Of course, he may be hitting on you. Then that's a real issue if he's affecting the people in the gym with his personal love interests.
You should not have to feel uncomfortable going to the gym. He needs to leave you alone.0 -
I appreciate all comments from both sides. I am concerned I am over reacting but I didn't feel in a position not to do the exercises he asked me to. As I said I felt like I was being told off at school. When he asked me to do an exercise for him I said 'No, I can't do that I have *insert injury*' (even told him it ruined my dance career). He still pushed me to do it for him. I again, said 'really? I don't want to.' He then said, yea 'you look like you are scared you are going to fall over.'
He then tried to show me a wall stretching exercise which I knew would hurt. I said, no I physically can't do that, he insisted. Maybe I'm a wimp, but I felt pressured.
The second time I was lying on the floor just finished and he offered to help me with something. I said no, and that I didn't really want to try. He still insisted I tried. I did one rep, and said 'sorry, I'm pretty knackered'. And he backed off a bit but he still kept going on. I also wasn't comfortable doing an exercise that mostly involved my crotch!
The other twice I have seen him watching me (through the mirror I'm not looking for him) and my friend said, don't worry there is no WAY he will approach you twice.
You have to pay for personal training services at my gym, the only time the staff are milling about is when they are cleaning. I've never had anyone chat to me before.0 -
I missed the part about him pressuring you to do something even though you told him you didn't want to and that you had an injury. In that case I'd go to management. He's risking your safety and he's risking a lawsuit for the gym if you get hurt by an employee basically forcing you to do an exercise.4
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I'm really curious as to what he was talking about an exercise using your crotch.
Mostly because your crotch doesn't exercise.
The only think I can think of is doing a bridge lift- which isn't a crotch exercise- it's for your hamstring/glutes.
But I'm interested in hearing it.3 -
He was telling me to do a glute bridge with a heavier bar bell. I meant he knelt next to me so his head was far too near my crotch. Yes the crotch doesn't get exercised but it is heavily involved in that one!0
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It's an excellent exercise.
I still think him pressing you is wrong- but in this case regarding your "crotch exercise"- meh. I think you're putting to much emphasis on it.0 -
Yes I've been doing it for years without any help.0
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I appreciate all comments from both sides. I am concerned I am over reacting but I didn't feel in a position not to do the exercises he asked me to. As I said I felt like I was being told off at school. When he asked me to do an exercise for him I said 'No, I can't do that I have *insert injury*' (even told him it ruined my dance career). He still pushed me to do it for him. I again, said 'really? I don't want to.' He then said, yea 'you look like you are scared you are going to fall over.'
He then tried to show me a wall stretching exercise which I knew would hurt. I said, no I physically can't do that, he insisted. Maybe I'm a wimp, but I felt pressured.
The second time I was lying on the floor just finished and he offered to help me with something. I said no, and that I didn't really want to try. He still insisted I tried. I did one rep, and said 'sorry, I'm pretty knackered'. And he backed off a bit but he still kept going on. I also wasn't comfortable doing an exercise that mostly involved my crotch!
The other twice I have seen him watching me (through the mirror I'm not looking for him) and my friend said, don't worry there is no WAY he will approach you twice.
You have to pay for personal training services at my gym, the only time the staff are milling about is when they are cleaning. I've never had anyone chat to me before.
You're not being clear. Instead of saying 'really? I don't want to.' and then doing the exercise anyway, just say "No, I'm not going to do that. Leave me alone." Then turn away and continue doing what you were doing before. He doesn't get to insist anything with you. It's your body only you get to decide what it does. But you're giving mixed signals. Be clear.5 -
Op, don't embellish, just tell him 'no' and then continue to do your routine. Under no circumstances do any exercise he asks you to do. Also, I'd approach management about him being overly-pushy and not listening to you when you told him about your physical limitations.1
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In all fairness, I am wondering if you are doing something wrong and may injure yourself. You say he mentioned that he thought you were going to fall over.
Here's the deal, if i see someone in the gym performing exercises wrong repeatedly, I will definitely do the same thing and come up and offer to help. If you continue to do it wrong I will probably also stare slack jawed and cringe. I feel personally responsible as a trainer to stop horrible form and prevent you from a seriously debilitating injury.
Now... Is it possible that you are actually being defensive and blowing this out of the water?
I am not trying to side with him, i'm just wondering because if you injure yourself on their premises they are liable. If you are performing exercises dangerously and he DIDN'T say something, that would be a bad call on his part. Tell him you don't want his advice and that will be the end of it. If not, Obviously go to a manager, but I assume the manager will speak with said employee and they will discuss liability together.
We had to ban this guy who wanted to come into the weight lifting section and perform what I can only call "crossfit" because he was just being dangerous.5 -
I'm going to preface this with letting you know that I feel bad for you and this is a crappy, uncomfortable situation. This is how I would deal with it: I would go into the gym and forget about him, assuming he doesn't come up to you again, then it's all good. Stop trying to see where he is and giving yourself unnecessary anxiety over the situation. If he comes up to you again tell him point blank something to the effect of "I appreciate that you're trying to help me but I'm not looking for a personal trainer and would prefer to work out on my own, please leave me alone". If he insists tell him you'll take it to management. This makes it crystal clear that you don't want him coming up to you and giving you advice. I'm a firm believer in trying to resolve situations on my own first and getting management involved when that doesn't work. But, I'm a pretty straight forward person so I understand that you might not be comfortable or want to do what I would necessarily do in that situation.1
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rainbowbow wrote: »In all fairness, I am wondering if you are doing something wrong and may injure yourself. You say he mentioned that he thought you were going to fall over.
Here's the deal, if i see someone in the gym performing exercises wrong repeatedly, I will definitely do the same thing and come up and offer to help. If you continue to do it wrong I will probably also stare slack jawed and cringe. I feel personally responsible as a trainer to stop horrible form.
Now... Is it possible that you are actually being defensive and blowing this out of the water?
I am not trying to side with him, i'm just wondering because if you injure yourself on their premises they are liable. If you are performing exercises dangerously and he DIDN'T say something, that would be a bad call on his part. Tell him you don't want his advice and that will be the end of it. If not, Obviously go to a manager, but I assume the manager will speak with said employee and they will discuss liability together.
We had to ban this guy who wanted to come into the weight lifting section and perform what I can only call "crossfit" because he was just being dangerous.
I initially had the same thought until he pressured her do additional movements for no apparent reason, like the wall stretch and adding weight for her glute bridge when she said she didn't want to. For me, that extends far beyond being concerned about someone's form.1 -
I was cautious of falling because I was doing an exercise I avoid because of injury. If I was doing something wrong he wouldn't have tried to encourage me to lift a heavier weight. I also work out regularly next to the other PTs (they usually work out before their shift) and they've never said a word. I think I'm quite experienced compared to a lot of women in there.
I think this is going a bit round in circles now. I appreciate everyone's input. I just feel I felt uncomfortable for a reason.3 -
He never mentioned my form just wanting me to 'do more'.1
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Not disagreeing with your comment about her being kind, but making excuses for a harasser shouldn't be considered "kind," I'm sorry. It might not look like he's doing it to anyone else, but he probably is. All these creeps do. By reporting him, you might also be helping another woman at the gym who also feels mortified by this man. Don't be kind or make excuses for this man, because regardless of his reasons, they're inappropriate. If I were a member of your gym and saw that, I'd go right up to him and yell in his face to leave you alone, honestly.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »You are a kind person. I would raise a sheetstorm that some people would almost get fired. My experience with this was in an Equinox where a trainer was getting to sign me up for Equifit and personal training. Second time I was a little buggered with the unsolicited advice. Third time, I went an a tirade, his manager came to me and apologized. He disappeared for a week. He came back and would never be in the same area as I was.
You are not being helped. You are being harassed. Stand up for yourself and talk to the management.
Wow! So you assume he only talks to women and not guys?!
Here is bombshell he works in a gym as a gym instructor it's his job to instruct/help the gym members and sell pt he needs to talk to "people" to do that.
If you made it very clear your not interested then I agree with everything above if you haven't then you should make it crystal clear once and then if he does it again then complain.
I mean, I (and you) only have the information OP gave, and she said she told him no, twice. So if you want to defend someone who, gym instructor or not, was out of bounds (seriously, unsolicited advice I understand, but no trainer should ever mention my crotch. Ever.) that's your decision. But I firmly believe that if someone feels uncomfortable, they should speak up. And telling management won't necessarily get the guy fired, it'll cause them to look into it farther. And if this guy has a clean record, he's perfectly safe. But she's a paying member of the gym, she has a right not to be made feel uncomfortable.
Zero percent of anyone who is not my husband gets to comment about my crotch. It would be considered harassment for *anyone* else to comment about it without consent.3 -
Zero percent of anyone who is not my husband gets to comment about my crotch. It would be considered harassment for *anyone* else to comment about it without consent.
He didn't comment on her crotch, OP felt he was too close to it.He was telling me to do a glute bridge with a heavier bar bell. I meant he knelt next to me so his head was far too near my crotch. Yes the crotch doesn't get exercised but it is heavily involved in that one!
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I would tell him your intent " please leave me alone, I prefer to exercise alone and I do not want your advice. If you don't I will have to speak to the management because this constant pestering when I have asked you to stop is unprofessional" Facts and cards on table. Then if he continues you have much stronger case to management.0
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id seriously want to tell him to f**k off,
i think maybe you are being too polite and where as my reaction would be too rude you need to find a middle ground, be assertive and if he trys to make you do something that you know will hurt again really stand your ground.
he dont know you or your requirements so has no right to MAKE you do anything
may next tell him, "im fine as I am thanks" and if he continues "Im sure there are people here who want you help so go and help them, leave me alone" and if he dont get the message a nice loud "no thank you" and walk away.
if you continue to have issues with him tho defo leave a thing in the comments box (which should mean a manager will talk to him) if that dont work id speak to management in person0 -
At the end of the day you day I'm pretty sure you are capable of asking for help or advice if needed or wanted. Just go do your routine and enjoy.0
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OK... I haven't read all of this thread, but most of it.
Is it me or is everyone else afraid to call this HARASSMENT??? Go STRAIGHT to management and tell them in no uncertain terms that if they don't reprimand this guy and make him stay away from you, you will take your business elsewhere, and be prepared to actually do that.
Stop making excuses and get real with this issue.
Just my two cents...4 -
OP you aren't overreacting for wanting to be left alone. He's being overly pushy which is defeating his purpose of trying to get you to sign up for PT lessons. By constantly badgering you, he's alienating you and making you not want to work with him. By asking you to do moves that you told him would aggravate a previous injury he's showing you that he's not worth hiring.
Tell him point blank, "I am not hiring you to be my PT. I'm not paying for anything besides my membership." Once he sees he can't get any money from you, he'll leave you alone; unless, he is trying to sleep with you like others have mentioned (it's possible that he is. Idk).
Also, go to a manager and tell them that they need to have more training on how to solicit potential clients. Let them know that constantly interrupting clients workouts and bothering them will have the opposite affect that they want.0 -
I know this is hard to do because we're strongly socialized against it, but don't apologize for saying no and don't thank him for unsolicited advice. It weakens your "no" and gives a false impression that you wanted or gained anything from his intrusion. It's hard to be blunt sometimes, I totally get it, but I think you'd get farther with this dipstick by being more forceful in your no. Instead of saying "thanks so much" and "I'm sorry but I don't want your advice," just say "I am not interested in training with you." If he gets offended, that's on him. Butting in without invitation is extremely rude, and you have every right to tell him to back off without apologizing for hurting his feelings. You are under no obligation to do exercises you don't want or physically can't do, and it's not worth potentially injuring yourself to avoid confrontation or protect someone else's fragile ego. If he's new, he needs to learn how to sell his services without being intrusive, and it helps neither of you to give in to pressure and intrusion.
(I'd say the same if it was a female trainer, for the record)4 -
Lol I obviously didn't mean those responses. I more meant the ones that go something like, "I"m sorry but I'm not interested in your services" or "I'm not paying for a PT so please leave me alone."
Yeah, I figured. I was just having some fun with the fact that you said, "everyone" is being polite.0 -
Lol I obviously didn't mean those responses. I more meant the ones that go something like, "I"m sorry but I'm not interested in your services" or "I'm not paying for a PT so please leave me alone."
I think it's because people are trying to give the OP something that she would say. From her posts it seems like it's hard for her to be assertive, so OP is not going to tell him to "back the f**k off!" I know what I would personally say. I would personally make him cry or make him afraid to ever speak to me again b/c he intruded on my me time, interrupted my session, didn't even give advice that was worth interrupting my workout for, and he told me to do exercises that I already told you caused me pain due to a previous injury.2 -
Just tell him, "Look, I appreciate the advice, but I am happy with what I am doing and I don't like to be bothered while here. Thanks." If he approaches you again, then give him the, "Not to be rude, but as I said I don't like to be bothered. If this is an issue I can take it up with your manager." After that. Just get a manager.
Rather see it dealt with directly than indirectly. And he may truly be trying to be helpful and just sucks at it, so give him a second warning and be firm.0 -
VioletRojo wrote: »Zero percent of anyone who is not my husband gets to comment about my crotch. It would be considered harassment for *anyone* else to comment about it without consent.
He didn't comment on her crotch, OP felt he was too close to it.He was telling me to do a glute bridge with a heavier bar bell. I meant he knelt next to me so his head was far too near my crotch. Yes the crotch doesn't get exercised but it is heavily involved in that one!
Yeah. That's a little different. Weird, but I must have misread or interpreted from other comments.0 -
fitoverfortymom wrote: »
Not disagreeing with your comment about her being kind, but making excuses for a harasser shouldn't be considered "kind," I'm sorry. It might not look like he's doing it to anyone else, but he probably is. All these creeps do. By reporting him, you might also be helping another woman at the gym who also feels mortified by this man. Don't be kind or make excuses for this man, because regardless of his reasons, they're inappropriate. If I were a member of your gym and saw that, I'd go right up to him and yell in his face to leave you alone, honestly.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »You are a kind person. I would raise a sheetstorm that some people would almost get fired. My experience with this was in an Equinox where a trainer was getting to sign me up for Equifit and personal training. Second time I was a little buggered with the unsolicited advice. Third time, I went an a tirade, his manager came to me and apologized. He disappeared for a week. He came back and would never be in the same area as I was.
You are not being helped. You are being harassed. Stand up for yourself and talk to the management.
Wow! So you assume he only talks to women and not guys?!
Here is bombshell he works in a gym as a gym instructor it's his job to instruct/help the gym members and sell pt he needs to talk to "people" to do that.
If you made it very clear your not interested then I agree with everything above if you haven't then you should make it crystal clear once and then if he does it again then complain.
I mean, I (and you) only have the information OP gave, and she said she told him no, twice. So if you want to defend someone who, gym instructor or not, was out of bounds (seriously, unsolicited advice I understand, but no trainer should ever mention my crotch. Ever.) that's your decision. But I firmly believe that if someone feels uncomfortable, they should speak up. And telling management won't necessarily get the guy fired, it'll cause them to look into it farther. And if this guy has a clean record, he's perfectly safe. But she's a paying member of the gym, she has a right not to be made feel uncomfortable.
Zero percent of anyone who is not my husband gets to comment about my crotch. It would be considered harassment for *anyone* else to comment about it without consent.
For me it depends on the workout. From the PT helping me with lifting right now, it would be weird b/c we don't do exercises that involve that area. But my PT for pole will frequently give me heads up when learning new moves about watching out for my crotch. Just on Wednesday her exact words were, "don't move your leg like this b/c if you do you'll lose your balance and you'll slam your crotch into the pole." I appreciate warnings like that, lol. But pole is a lot more loose in things like this b/c eventually everyone's crotch or butt or boobs or foot are going to be in everyone's face due to spotting for moves; especially, if you're short and spotting someone tall. It's just the nature of the beast that is pole.0 -
I've only been to the gym once since I posted and he wasn't there. If he makes me feel uncomfortable in any way I will speak to management tomorrow. I don't want to get anyone fired, but I don't want a man making me feel inferior and intimidated in a gym I've been at for nearly two years.
Thanks all.
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