Furious! Off topic...just need to vent somewhere

13

Replies

  • SolotoCEO
    SolotoCEO Posts: 293 Member
    Sounds like you are lucky to have seen the real side of him. Run...do not walk away!
  • kschwab0203
    kschwab0203 Posts: 610 Member
    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    everher wrote: »
    It also sounds like your fiancé's behavior (just speaking from this incident and how you've said he's hard on your son) may be alienating your son. At eight, he isn't too young to realize he's being treated differently than the other children in the home. It may also be why your son idolizes his biological father so much.
    This.

    OP: I really can't see your fiance's behavior changing anytime soon, since in order to change it he'd first have to admit it.

    Based on what you've told us, I honestly feel you should re-think your future with this man. :(

    I have...I told him that everything is on hold indefinitely.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    kschwab0203 wrote: »
    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    everher wrote: »
    It also sounds like your fiancé's behavior (just speaking from this incident and how you've said he's hard on your son) may be alienating your son. At eight, he isn't too young to realize he's being treated differently than the other children in the home. It may also be why your son idolizes his biological father so much.
    This.

    OP: I really can't see your fiance's behavior changing anytime soon, since in order to change it he'd first have to admit it.

    Based on what you've told us, I honestly feel you should re-think your future with this man. :(

    I have...I told him that everything is on hold indefinitely.

    Would he be at all open to counselling?
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,294 Member
    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    kschwab0203 wrote: »
    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    everher wrote: »
    It also sounds like your fiancé's behavior (just speaking from this incident and how you've said he's hard on your son) may be alienating your son. At eight, he isn't too young to realize he's being treated differently than the other children in the home. It may also be why your son idolizes his biological father so much.
    This.

    OP: I really can't see your fiance's behavior changing anytime soon, since in order to change it he'd first have to admit it.

    Based on what you've told us, I honestly feel you should re-think your future with this man. :(

    I have...I told him that everything is on hold indefinitely.

    Would he be at all open to counselling?

    I went to counseling with my about the relationship with my son, and she got pissed and wouldn't go back as the counsellor didn't agree with her.
  • finny11122
    finny11122 Posts: 8,436 Member
    erickirb wrote: »
    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    kschwab0203 wrote: »
    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    everher wrote: »
    It also sounds like your fiancé's behavior (just speaking from this incident and how you've said he's hard on your son) may be alienating your son. At eight, he isn't too young to realize he's being treated differently than the other children in the home. It may also be why your son idolizes his biological father so much.
    This.

    OP: I really can't see your fiance's behavior changing anytime soon, since in order to change it he'd first have to admit it.

    Based on what you've told us, I honestly feel you should re-think your future with this man. :(

    I have...I told him that everything is on hold indefinitely.

    Would he be at all open to counselling?

    I went to counseling with my about the relationship with my son, and she got pissed and wouldn't go back as the counsellor didn't agree with her.

    You got outta dodge . People put themselves through way too much unnecessary abuse for no reason . You see a bunch of relationship red flags - you run fast and never look back .
  • finny11122
    finny11122 Posts: 8,436 Member
    jagodfrey08 wrote: »
    I kinda disagree a little with everyone who says this guy's behavior won't change. I absolutely believe it will change after you say "I do." It will change for the worse. Once you get married, his mindset will probably change into the "gotcha now" outlook, and the bad will only escalate to physical abuse....against your son, you, and maybe even your daughters.

    Think for a minute about your son. Obviously, you don't want him raised to think it's okay to treat people this way. What about your daughters? Should they learn it's okay to be treated like this? You and your children deserve better than this.

    My advice is this. Forget counseling. Run. Run as far away from this person as you can, and don't look back.

    True dat
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    kschwab0203 wrote: »
    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    kschwab0203 wrote: »
    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    everher wrote: »
    It also sounds like your fiancé's behavior (just speaking from this incident and how you've said he's hard on your son) may be alienating your son. At eight, he isn't too young to realize he's being treated differently than the other children in the home. It may also be why your son idolizes his biological father so much.
    This.

    OP: I really can't see your fiance's behavior changing anytime soon, since in order to change it he'd first have to admit it.

    Based on what you've told us, I honestly feel you should re-think your future with this man. :(

    I have...I told him that everything is on hold indefinitely.

    Would he be at all open to counselling?

    Honestly, I'm not sure I am open to counseling. I have been through enough BS with my first marriage that I feel like if we are in this place right now before marriage and before the going can get really tough then I'm not quite sure it worth my time.

    Entirely your call to make. :)

    The part that disturbs me about your fiance's behavior is that he seems to resent that your son loves his biological dad. Regardless of *why* your son loves his dad (a lot of it could well be because your ex showers him with presents) he's still his dad. For a stepdad-to-be to show signs of being butthurt over that doesn't bode well for the future of this blended family.

  • djwar9858
    djwar9858 Posts: 43 Member
    He is more juvenile than your son. Bolt for the door- or kick him out. After being married to a man that treated his own children like that, I left. Best decision I ever made.
  • prattiger65
    prattiger65 Posts: 1,657 Member
    I have typed and erased three different responses. Make it four, I just erased this one too. OP, you need to look at yourself. That's all I will say.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,053 Member
    edited January 2017
    finny11122 wrote: »
    Classic passive aggressive liar that also has self loathing problems .
    Only a total passive aggressive loser would hide something and pretend not to know where it it . Thats non physical abuse.
    It's like for example a women takes the TV remote out shopping in her hand bag while at the same time the husband is tearing the house apart looking for it. Only the weakest most pathetic minds think that way .
    Kick that clown to the curb because it will not get better with passive aggressive people. They are a total pain in the *kitten* to live with.
    You deserve better and so do your kids. Life is too short to put up with self loathing losers that project their jealousy , envy, lack of self esteem onto you and your kids.

    Well said. I agree that what he did was abusive. And that (over the long run) he will not get better.
  • peanutbuttertuesday
    peanutbuttertuesday Posts: 192 Member
    kschwab0203 wrote: »
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    So you have been together 3.5 years. How long have you been engaged? This behavior is new or has been ongoing for the whole time he has known your son?
    Get him to counseling and work through whatever his issue is before getting married or break up with him today.



    We just got engaged on Christmas. He has always been harder on my son than with my girls. When I've brought it to his attention, his response is that he is just trying to teach him right from wrong and how to be a man, nit let him get away with murder like his father does.

    In other words, he is punishing him for loving his father because he hates him. He is jealous and controlling and is pitting you against your son. Don't let him convince you his actions are justified or well-intended.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    OP, the tablet thing would be a total deal breaker for me, even if my kids wasn't involved. I hate losing stuff and if someone put me through that on purpose... nope, nope, nope.

    But yeah, either way the issue between him and your son isn't going to get better with marriage. And at 8 he really doesn't need 'tough parenting' from someone who isn't even his father.

    Also I'd remove that picture of him in your avatar at least.. lol.
  • Miz_T
    Miz_T Posts: 150 Member
    If you get married, things WILL get worse. Find another man that treats you AND your son with dignity and respect.
  • fordster99
    fordster99 Posts: 181 Member
    lstrat115 wrote: »
    kschwab0203 wrote: »
    I just told him the following:

    My children come first and I would put everything on the line for them. I will not allow you to determine how I raise my children. I really don't care much about what you think of my son anymore. After that disgusting display yesterday, I'm not even sure you are capable of having an opinion worth listening to. We need to put everything on hold (trying to buy a house/ marriage plans).

    Good! Stick to this. You need to see major change before even considering a future together

    It sounds to me that the guy you are considering marrying is very immature. Being jealous of the biological dad, hiding your son's tablet, saying things like he is "kitten" and like his dad. Who does that? My husband's stepdad came into his life when he was 8 years old and his stepdad was similiar to your fiance and he despises his stepdad and his mother for not putting him before a man. You need to make sure that you do the best for all of your kids and being with a man who chooses to berate your son rather than lift him up and encourage him doesn't sound like a role model I would want in my son's life.

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