Psychologically handling the new me

alphabetsoup2013

It takes time for your brain to catch up with the changes you've made. It took me two years to lose the weight (130 lbs.) and I've been maintaining that weight loss for the past two years. I can honestly say that I'm finally "at peace" with my weight/appearance after a lifetime of wanting to be in this place. I feel happy, healthy, and confident.

If I met you on the street, I would never guess that you'd once been 117 pounds heavier. I hope that helps to reassure you that you do, in fact, look like someone who is at a healthy weight.

mamadon

I think you will get more used to the new you over time. You and I are very similar. I'm 54, and have been maintaining a 118 pound loss for almost three years. I had been obese for around 20 years. For probably the first year after maintaining, I would still catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and think who is that? Or I would try on clothes at the store that were too big for me. Although I have gotten used to the changes, I still sometimes think people see me as fat when they meet me for the first time. It's different for us all of course, but just give yourself time. And Congratulations!

jagodfrey08

I know how you feel. I was just telling my husband the same thing today. I have lost almost 45 lbs, and it is really hard for me not to see the 203 lb me in the mirror. Just take it a day at a time. Body dysmorphia is hard to overcome, and sometimes talking to a professional can help. You have made a significant change in your life, and sometimes it's hard for our psyche to catch up. You look amazing!!

FitOldMomma

Oh boy...I know what you mean!

My loss has been pretty gradual, taking me nearly 3 yrs. But it's the last 40 pounds that really have everyone noticing my changed body.

I'm finally starting to FEEL thinner too. But in my mind's eye..I still see myself as nearly 300 pounds. When clothes shopping it's still weird to see these tiny looking clothes, knowing that YES, they ARE going to fit my new smaller body. When folding clean laundry I sometimes chuckle when I see how small my clothes now look in comparison to what they used to,lol!

But something you said is interesting...that "the mirror lied to you" even when you WERE your heaviest- so perhaps you really do have a dysmorphic view of yourself?

I too never thought I looked morbidly obese when I saw my mirror reflection...but oh man, when I saw myself in photographs I was mortified! WHO IS THAT my mind asked? Now when I see pictures I'm seeing myself as OTHERS are seeing me too.

Just give it some more time...really look at your new smaller self. I've heard it can take several years until our brains catch up with our new body's look.

As for maintenance...don't fear it! I was so worried about it approaching and that somehow it was the 'end' of something and that from then on it was all about fighting regaining. I gave this a lot of thought and realized I am a different person now. I am a thinner person who will just continue on with what I've learned to do these last three years; monitor what I'm eating, make certain I'm getting daily activity, and ENJOY being fitter and healthier!

Congratulations on your incredible weight loss. And, you look FABULOUS! Believe it!

JeromeBarry1

You, I, and many others have lost a lot of weight. Those who went before me say that it takes time for the brain to catch up to the body, but it will. I wait.

lulalacroix

You really do look incredible! Well done.

JoeCWV

I lost 70 pounds. I never saw myself as fat so when I looked in the mirror I always saw myself at the weight I am. I don't know if that makes sense or not. I guess my body image was different than yours, and probably a bigger problem because I had no desire to lose weight for the longest time.

The issue I have is with clothes. I lost several sizes. For example T-shirts went from a 2XL which was tight to now wearing a large that is loose. Still after almost 3 years in maintenance I'll go to put on a shirt or a pair of pants and swear to myself they are way too small.

You look amazing and should be proud of your accomplishment. Rest assured you are not crazy. You see yourself every day so you don't really see the change until you do a side by side comparison. Others notice and I am sure you feel much better.

Feeling better and living a longer healthier life is what this is all about. So long as you trust the scale and maintain a healthy weight the self image issue is no biggie. As for how long it takes to change your self image? I don't know, I'll let you know when I stop thinking my pants look too small.

Docbanana2002

I lost 117 pounds too and felt that way too. I still felt the same on the inside and it was hard to connect with the woman in the mirror. Some of my insecurities and automatic thoughts that popped into my head were still there like old habits.

I remember one time when I was looking clothes and saw some cute pants, and thought I would try a 10. I knew it would be too small but I wanted to just see if I could squeeze in them. I was so ashamed to try those pants on I waited till other shoppers moved away and no one was looking to get the pants and even covered the size label as I was walking to the dressing room. I got in there and guess what... they were WAY too big!!! I needed to go out and get an 8. It dawned on me how silly it was that I felt like random shoppers would notice this big fat girl was trying on 10s and giggle!! I knew I must look to them like the size 8 that I was rather than this 22w woman in my mind and so they wouldn't notice or care.

There was another time when I was walking down the street eating and suddenly felt insecure and ashamed that people driving by would see me eat. I was picturing them seeing a fat girl stuffing her face and making herself fatter and judge me. But then it dawned on me that I was by then a size 6, a size that in no way would catch the eye of random drivers as an alarmingly huge person... and I was dressed in the clothes I had worn to do weightlifting at the YMCA while eating a protein bar and a piece of fruit and going for a walk on a pretty day....perfectly healthy and non shameful behavior that should not elicit scorn in other drivers....I suddenly realized how foolish my reaction was but it was so ingrained in me to see myself in this way that it just came out automatically.

I've been maintaining for 18 months and I've reached a point where my current body feels and looks to me like my normal body. I don't look fat to myself anymore .Those old thoughts have calmed down and I've adjusted. I recognize myself in the mirror now and have lost the compulsion to stop and gawk at myself when I pass a mirror. The woman staring back is just boring ole me and not this strange fascinating creature.

The fact that you recognize that you have this issue and are open to understanding it enough to make this post suggests to me that you are probably going to be just fine. Just give it some time to adjust. The folks who worry me are the ones who insist that the distorted thinking and body dysmorpia are logical and fight those who tell them differently . They are at risk of not self correcting as time goes by because they are not self aware enough to realize there is an issue to correct. And they may just starve themselves to unhealthy degrees in efforts to rid themselves of "fat" that is only in their minds. You sound pretty self aware though.... so just keep challenging those thoughts and give it a little time for your mind to catch up with your body.

Docbanana2002

Oh and for the record the woman in the after photo does NOT look fat. You just look like an average sized person, not especially big or small.

cparsons_60

I've lost only 50 pounds, but I've kept it off for over a year now. I experienced a lot of what other posters are describing, but probably to a lesser degree because my weight loss wasn't as large. What helped me was focusing on how much I could do now, not on how I looked. Even realizing that I'm more comfortable standing than sitting, that I can bend to pick something off the floor or tie a shoe and straighten up without a thought, helped me to internalize the change. Toward the end of my weight loss I took up a sport, rowing, which I've come to love. I get such a kick out of thinking of myself as athletic (who, me??) and strong. Focusing on what my body could do after my weight loss, rather than on how it looked, gave me real joy. I hope this might help you. Congratulations!

JulieSHelms

I want to thank everybody for their responses. I've read each one carefully and it just overwhelms me. It encourages me that my thinking is fairly typical, though needs to be dealt with or acknowledged, but isn't a disaster.

Several of you mentioned something I didn't even think to say--trying on clothes and feeling like an imposter--do these shoppers around me realize a plus-sized woman is trying on their clothes?? I've dropped about 7 sizes (26 Womens to 12 Misses) and it just feels...surreal.

Thank you for the encouragement and all the kind words. I will use your thoughts as my mirror, instead of the one that isn't being truthful with me.

Laurie6578

You lo.ok fabulous! Wow!

kerstenk141

Thank you for posting this. Sometimes I think I am alone in how I feel about my weight loss and how my brain is viewing the outcome. You look wonderful.

mmelnikov3

I had a quite contrary experience. As a child , then young girl and as an Adult I was skinny. One day I've quit smoking and all Hell got lose. I've gained 55lb and weighted over 180lb - 186 to be exact. In the last few years all I could see in the mirror was this skinny well fit girl, I only couldn't understand why I'm baying XL shirts and why I couldn't fit in my size 6 skinny leggings. A week ago as I was sitting on the couch against the entertainment section I looked at the mirror behind the Champaign glasses and I thought to myself ;" Who is this fat woman?" The shock I have experienced led me to my next door neighbor Carol, she is really in the best possible shape. I've asked her what's her "secret"... she said "oh, just genes I guess"... A few days later I invited her and her husband for Dinner, we had good time together and I asked her again, she opened up and told me her "secret" - MFP! The next day I've started the program. In just 5 days I've lost 4lb and I feel so happy about it. I have another 65lb to go...but now I realize that I actually was seeing the skinny girl in the mirror and was failing all diets in the world for that one reason, perhaps. On the way to success to getting back my own self, I wish you from the bottom of my heart healthy and beautiful yourself for a very long time!

lightenup2016

I'm sorry that I can't say much to the psychological aspect, but I will say that your before and after definitely show a different you, and you look awesome!

ETA: I will add that, like another poster above, I've had a little bit of the opposite feeling. I've been fairly thin my whole life, but had let things go in the past 10 years or so. I got up to about 30 pounds above my lowest adult weight, but somehow had told myself that I wasn't really that heavy. Now that I've lost about 18 pounds, I look back at those "heavy" pictures and can't believe I didn't realize how bad I looked.

spiriteagle99

You truly do look terrific.

Photos have been helpful for me. When I had gained weight, I didn't really notice, until I was on vacation with my husband and saw the very few photos that he took of me. (I don't usually let myself get photographed.) I erased every one, because I couldn't stand the way I looked. Eventually I was able to do something about it and lost 50 pounds. I am now at a healthy weight and have maintained it for the past 6 years with a few minor ups and downs. Even so, when I look at myself in a mirror, I see all the parts that aren't perfect, the soft waist, the loose skin, the legs that hold most of my extra weight, and I still feel fat. But last year came another vacation, with more pictures, and I was surprised to see that, no, I'm not huge. My legs actually look thin. My body looks normal. It was a revelation. It has taken about two years to actually believe that the person in the photos is me. Recently at a doctor's office, the nurse who was helping me called me 'tiny' and the doctor called me skinny. I laughed, because I sure don't see myself that way. My husband, however, agreed with them.

Mirrors are not my friends - they lie and tell me what I want to hear. Photographs, OTOH, are a lot more honest.

crooked_left_hook

Every thought you have is simply a sequence of electrical impulses in your brain. These neural pathways form over time when they are repeated regularly (like life long negative thoughts about your body), and become habitual. New thought patterns (like recognizing the new you) requires you to create new neural pathways. This is extremely difficult because your brain will always want to default to what it already knows because that is easier and more efficient, but it's definitely not impossible. Just like training a new muscle, or learning a new skill, or breaking a bad habit, you have to practice at retraining those neural pathways. If you stick a photo of the new, skinnier you on the mirror you dress in front of, and tell yourself 'yes, that is the new me' every morning and every night, I guarantee that you will actually start FEEL like that new, skinnier about a month.

STEVE142142

Congrats on your success. As far as your feelings, we've all gone through and at some point your new reality is going to hit you and you're going to realize you're not the person that you think you were.

I started January 1st 2016 at 288 pounds by mid September 2016 I was down to 208. I've had numerous people I don't know compliments me on the way I look during conversations in grocery stores where they've called me skinny or when looking for clothes they said what are you doing here you need an athletic cut.

When I looked in the mirror I always saw the fat man looking back at me even though the mirror showed something totally different. I remember one time walking into the bathroom and of the big box stores and I looked at my reflection in the mirror and I said what the hell is wrong with that mirror and then it hit me that's the new me.

You'll eventually get to the point when you can look in the mirror and go I am skinny and they are right

nurseangelamomof5boys

You look great congrats on your success

jadevalentine

I loved this thread. I completely have felt both ways like...wow, I don't know why I can't fit in a 10, I'm not fat to oh, how can I fit in a 10 now when I'm still so fat. Our brains really do a number on us in both scenarios. You look amazing in both photos actually. I can tell that your true beauty is on the inside.