Accepting Who You Can Be

RickyCoogin

Does anyone have problems accepting what they can be? It's a real problem for me and it often derails me when I want to lose weight. I hate that I'm always going to be a big guy no matter how much weight I lose and I hate myself for it.

Do you ever have troubles accepting your own limitations? Your height, your weight, etc.? It's a huge problem for me and something I need to come to grips with. I hate myself for being stuck this way. Does anyone feel like, even if it's not your fault, that you hate yourself for what you have to accept?

pinuplove

A bit but not as much as when I was younger. There will always be things I dislike about my body, but let's face it - mother nature's a *kitten* and she ain't gonna any nicer when I'm 80, should I be so blessed!

You can't let what you will never be keep you from being your best. I don't know anything about you, or why you say you'll always be the 'big guy' but I know you're here, you have the capacity for change, and the same chance we all have every morning to make the right choices (don't look at my diary yesterday expecting to see the right choices, BTW )

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pinuplove

I just read your other thread which obviously puts a new light on this one. I doubt I can say anything that hasn't already been said.

You've already admitted elsewhere to having some deep-seated body image issues. Yes, you will always be 6'3. Period. Full stop. Can't change that. I will always be 5'4 and curvy. I can either embrace it or hate it; neither one will change it but one will make me a helluva lot happier than the other. I'm sorry your struggling. Please find a good therapist to help you on this journey.

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AnvilHead

Nope, not one bit.

I've seen one of my best friends nearly lose his life in a motorcycle accident and now he's crippled for life. I watched one family member die of cancer. I watched another one die of COPD after spending years confined to a mobility scooter. I continue to watch another close family member deal with severe depression, drug addiction and borderline bipolar behavior. He's younger than me, but will most likely die long before I do. I go to the gym and see people trying to work out while hooked up to oxygen bottles, or shuffling from machine to machine on a walker. I still occasionally talk to a former co-worker who lost one of his legs on the job. When I go for a run in my favorite park, I see homeless people curled up behind bushes in cardboard boxes, wearing rags and their only worldly possessions are a stolen shopping cart and some empty cans and bottles.

And I feel very damn lucky and blessed that I'm healthy, reasonably fit and have a roof over my head. So no, what I "have to accept" isn't bad. It's not bad at all. Actually, it's pretty freaking wonderful. I know there are billions of people in the world who'd gladly trade places with me in a heartbeat.

cerise_noir

I used to.

I went to therapy, and am on meds. I started doing things to change the things I could change. I am losing weight which is one of the things I wanted to improve. I started lifting weights and running as I wanted to be stronger and be able to actually run away from zombies. The medication and therapy cleared all the fog and self hatred I had. Yes, I really hated myself. It was all in my head. I still have my moments, but I tend to shut that up. Even though I was thinking negatively of myself, I was still being self-centered as I was thinking about myself ALL day, even though it was hatred. I stopped that because there are better things and topics to occupy my mind. I wasted so much damn time..it was absurd. I also stopped caring about what others think of me as it is none of my business. People love me? Good! People like me? Good. People tolerate me? That's cool. People dislike or hate me? Good for them...that is their problem and not mine.

You just have to get to the grind.

ShaleSelkies

RickyCoogin wrote: »

I don't know how to embrace it. I don't see any pluses to it; in the past, I even considered lying on my dating profile because I don't want to date girls who have to settle for big bald guys.

There is no way I will ever see my size as a good thing.

That's part of why people have been suggesting you see a therapist about this if you can, at this point in time it doesn't seem like you'll feel happy with yourself whether or not you lose weight. A therapist could better help you work through your self hatred and feel better about the body you have so that you can feel better and decide on what you wish to do with it in future from a more positive place in general and I'd definitely recommend that you go see one if you are able - or else join a board for folks working through self hatred or similar to find resources.

Lourdesong

My husband is 5'10 and has body image issues due to being below 6 feet tall.

My dad is 6'5 and has body image issues due to his height making him stand out in a crowd.

Grass is always Greener, as they say. Your height is an immutable fact about you, embrace it. your only other choice is self inflicted misery over that which you cannot change. I would bet that both my husband and my father would love to be your height. You are the only "you" there is. Your story is your story. Tautologies are profound to many.

nutmegoreo

AnvilHead wrote: »

Nope, not one bit.

I've seen one of my best friends nearly lose his life in a motorcycle accident and now he's crippled for life. I watched one family member die of cancer. I watched another one die of COPD after spending years confined to a mobility scooter. I continue to watch another close family member deal with severe depression, drug addiction and borderline bipolar behavior. He's younger than me, but will most likely die long before I do. I go to the gym and see people trying to work out while hooked up to oxygen bottles, or shuffling from machine to machine on a walker. I still occasionally talk to a former co-worker who lost one of his legs on the job. When I go for a run in my favorite park, I see homeless people curled up behind bushes in cardboard boxes, wearing rags and their only worldly possessions are a stolen shopping cart and some empty cans and bottles.

And I feel very damn lucky and blessed that I'm healthy, reasonably fit and have a roof over my head. So no, what I "have to accept" isn't bad. It's not bad at all. Actually, it's pretty freaking wonderful. I know there are billions of people in the world who'd gladly trade places with me in a heartbeat.

It's amazing how your world view changes when you truly see those around you.

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livingleanlivingclean

You need to accept who you are currently, not who you could be or will be.

What the point of worrying about things you can't control? Hating yourself because your tall is a waste of hate. There are plenty of benefits to being tall. Get help.

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld

RickyCoogin wrote: »

No, not really. His family history is irrelevant to this and was only written for melodramatic value. As in "Look how much I've suffered, that's so much more than you have, and yet I have embraced the simple things in life."

I've been homeless. I know people who are, or would be if they weren't living with a girl or a family member. I'm not moved by the notion of people sleeping outside (I've been there) nor the idea that they deserve much more empathy than those with mental problems.

It isn't about deserving more empathy. It is about a mindset. You can sit and wallow in self pity or you can think I'm going to get the most out of life I can.

I know which mindset I find the most appealing.

Please get some help.

AnvilHead

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »

RickyCoogin wrote: »

No, not really. His family history is irrelevant to this and was only written for melodramatic value. As in "Look how much I've suffered, that's so much more than you have, and yet I have embraced the simple things in life."

I've been homeless. I know people who are, or would be if they weren't living with a girl or a family member. I'm not moved by the notion of people sleeping outside (I've been there) nor the idea that they deserve much more empathy than those with mental problems.

It isn't about deserving more empathy. It is about a mindset. You can sit and wallow in self pity or you can think I'm going to get the most out of life I can.

I know which mindset I find the most appealing.

Please get some help.

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livingleanlivingclean

RickyCoogin wrote: »

I haven't heard anyone say any reason why being big or tall was a good thing. Except maybe reaching something high on a shelf.

Everyone acts like it's some great, wonderful thing I should be proud of, but why?

You don't need to be proud of it, but you don't need to see it as a negative. What's the point - you are who you are, and you can't change your height. Just accept it and worry about something you can do something about.

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livingleanlivingclean

RickyCoogin wrote: »

I just wish nobody would notice it, or that if I lost weight, nobody would see it. I don't want some girl who loves how much taller I am than she is.

That's the problem, I can't do anything about this.

You don't want a girl who finds you attractive, for reasons including your height? Or a girl that wishes you weren't tall but just accepts your height because she thinks you're a great guy?

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livingleanlivingclean

RickyCoogin wrote: »

I'm going to ignore your sarcasm and take your comments at face value.

I don't want a girl who wants a big guy. I'd prefer a girl who doesn't notice my size and likes me otherwise. Yes, because "she thinks I'm a great guy."

Where was the sarcasm? If you wish to interpret it that way it's a reflection of your thinking, not mine.

So you're going to reject the possibility of a great relationship with an amazing girl who likes you because you're a great guy, because she is also physically attracted to you partly because of your height?

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Lourdesong

people are great guys at times. not all the time. you're tall all the time.

Wanting a girl to like you because you're a great guy presumes bring a great guy is an immutable fact about you. It's not. It's probably not true most of the time. who is a great person most of the time? That doesn't even make sense. You're probably a tolerable person most of the time at best.

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Lourdesong

it's not a cheap shot, but otherwise would be a pretty high opinion of one self, no?

Lourdesong

I smell humble bragging here, tbh

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Lourdesong

I could be being cynical... I'm not sure.

livingleanlivingclean

RickyCoogin wrote: »

Where did this possibility of a great relationship come from?

I don't want the girl to notice my height and size.

You're the one talking about dating. Surely you're wanting to date to find someone to have a great relationship with?

Perhaps you should investigate the potential to become invisible - harry Potter had a cloak for that. Alternatively, you could invest in a blow up doll or a mannequin. She wouldn't notice or care about your looks, your personality, or be able to voice an opinion, so you wouldn't be put off by her preferences. She wouldn't be able to cook you your favourite meals, help around the house, engage in stimulating conversation, or enjoy concerts and outings though, that'd be a bit of a bummer.

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rachelr1116

I'm 5'11". I've been that height since I was 13. I used to hate being that tall because not only was I taller than all the other girls in school but I was also taller than almost all the guys. Even when I'm at a normal weight I will always be a larger clothing size than my friend that is 5'2". And you know what, I'm completely fine with my height now. I even regularly wear high heels that make me look over 6' tall. People are always telling me that they wish they were my height. You just have to accept that height is one thing you cannot change but you can lose weight and you can develop self confidence. And honestly having self confidence is going to make you more attractive no matter what size you are.

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