Venting - anyone else a lone wolf?

sarahgreensandthings

I've come to realize over the last few years that I cannot exercise with a partner. The social connection completely keeps me from getting into my zone and doing good work because I'm too busy thinking about whether or not they want to talk or if I'm keeping them from doing something else they want to do, or what have you. Part of it is also that friends who would want to exercise with me would be able to do more than I could and I would feel embarrassed for myself.
Another part of my exercise mentality is that I hate talking about it. When I share progress, for whatever reason, I hit a plateau I guess because I get the instant gratification of people approving. I lost a lot of weight without ever mentioning it, but when people started noticing, I hit a wall.
It's also hard for me to listen to people trying to get into the world of fitness and healthy eating verbally exhaust themselves by constantly talking about. In least in my experience, there's in an inverse relationship with succeeding and talking about succeeding, especially with a lifestyle change. I realize that this does work for some people, so I'm not saying it's always bad. It just messes with my progress, so I don't like hearing it and feel like I'm coming off harshly.
It's gotten to the point that I resent people even mentioning going to the gym or "working out." I want to be happy that people I know are taking more time for their health, but I can't help but feel like they go out of their way to wiggle in those terms when they don't have to.
I feel this way about a lot of things, but it seems to be especially bad with fitness.
Reading and writing about it is my preferred way of communication and the most effective for me.
This isn't super common or popular, so I didn't know if anyone else has felt similarly.

sarraheclark

I totally agree.

MonkeyMel21

I never work out with anyone. I worked out once with an old roommate and spent half the time showing her how to rotate your arms in opposite directions during a warm up.

sarahgreensandthings

MonkeyMel21 wrote: »

I never work out with anyone. I worked out once with an old roommate and spent half the time showing her how to rotate your arms in opposite directions during a warm up.

Haha! That's kinda funny! I'm sure it was annoying at the time, but maybe you made an impact on her! But, yeah, I wouldn't have kept working out with her either

__TMac__

Alone. Always. I hate having to hurry up or wait on someone else. And if I'm talking, I'm not focused.

Rocknut53

Yes, that's me as well. I don't have the inverse relationships you speak of, but my efforts and success are highly personal to me. I don't expect praise or criticism. I don't want to hear about your spinning class or pure barre or tabata and how the instructor about "killed" you on any given day. Or how going to the gym is such a social experience that you've developed many new "friendships." The mountains in my back yard are my gym and I rarely share my time outdoors with anyone.

subcounter

There is nothing wrong with that. A good headset is usually good in terms of "Not here for chat" message. I get in to my zone, and do heavy workouts, and leave when I am done.
As for friends, social media etc, well, it could always turn in to petty competitions. I think its a good idea to stay above it, and simply workout for yourself, again, there is nothing wrong with that. Some people need assurance, and a support group, others simply have a self drive. Both are okay.

gdsmit1

I don't like exercising with anyone else. I understand the draw of it for others, but I'm the same mindset as you. I'm a slow runner, so I always feel that I'm keeping them from running the speed they want to go. I also like to get it done.

rainbow198

I'm the same way! When I first started my fitness journey I tried to have others join me. I quickly realized that other people slowed me down or I wasn't as focused on my workout as I could be. It was frustrating.

Also I noticed most people would be super motivated at first, but as time went on they would cancel or make excuses.

I quickly learned that I needed to do this on my own. I really, really, really wanted this (weight loss and to get fit) and I was super determined to make it happen.

I definitely prefer to workout alone and in my own home (or outside) and it has worked very well for me. It's my me time.

Edited to add - I also love being in control and planning my own workouts and what I'm working on for the day.

sarahgreensandthings

Rocknut53 wrote: »

Yes, that's me as well. I don't have the inverse relationships you speak of, but my efforts and success are highly personal to me. I don't expect praise or criticism. I don't want to hear about your spinning class or pure barre or tabata and how the instructor about "killed" you on any given day. Or how going to the gym is such a social experience that you've developed many new "friendships." The mountains in my back yard are my gym and I rarely share my time outdoors with anyone.

Exactly! It's almost sacred. If I do have an exceptionally good day, I might snap a picture for posterity and share it in a fitness discussion if it's appropriate, but, yeah, never feel the need to share your alone time. And people can keep their thoughts to themselves for me, even if they mean well. It's always nice to hear that you look good, but I can do without much of it. One time, while I was stretching, my roommate put her hand on my leg because my knees weren't completely straight! Let my progress be my progress! And she also never stops talking about the leg press.
She and I don't share that aspect of our lives anymore

__TMac__

subcounter wrote: »

There is nothing wrong with that. A good headset is usually good in terms of "Not here for chat" message. I get in to my zone, and do heavy workouts, and leave when I am done.

I wish everyone would get the message. People are always talking to me through my headset. And I'm rowing! So I have to stop to take out my headset and say, "What?!?" Incredibly annoying. And these are complete strangers. Gah. I've started taking off my glasses too, so I can't even tell when someone is trying to talk to me.

sarahgreensandthings

subcounter wrote: »

There is nothing wrong with that. A good headset is usually good in terms of "Not here for chat" message. I get in to my zone, and do heavy workouts, and leave when I am done.
As for friends, social media etc, well, it could always turn in to petty competitions. I think its a good idea to stay above it, and simply workout for yourself, again, there is nothing wrong with that. Some people need assurance, and a support group, others simply have a self drive. Both are okay.

Yeah! I don't have an issue if the other way works for others; I just don't want to be around it. And by virtue of my preferences, I don't find many others who share my positions. I'm apart of some fitness Facebook groups, and gratefully things are pretty uplifting! It is easy for them to get competitive, though.

sarahgreensandthings

gdsmit1 wrote: »

I don't like exercising with anyone else. I understand the draw of it for others, but I'm the same mindset as you. I'm a slow runner, so I always feel that I'm keeping them from running the speed they want to go. I also like to get it done.

That's so funny you say that because, even though running is my primary form of exercise, I am SLOW. Anything above 5.5 mph feels like a sprint!! I'll just hang back here by myself, haha

sarahgreensandthings

rainbow198 wrote: »

I'm the same way! When I first started my fitness journey I tried to have others join me. I quickly realized that other people slowed me down or I wasn't as focused on my workout and I would get frustrated.

Also I noticed most people would be super motivated at first, but as time went on they would cancel or make excuses.

I quickly learned that I needed to this on my own. I really, really, really wanted this (weight loss and to get fit) and was super determined to make it happen.

I definitely prefer to workout alone and in my own home (or outside) and it has worked very well for me.

That's awesome!! I'm so glad you prioritized yourself. I tried to join friends at first, but had the same problems, let them go, and succeeded on my own

estherdragonbat

I'm uncoordinated. I think psychologically, working out with someone takes me back to gym class, where being with someone to exercise meant being on a team and my lousy performance meant dragging people down with me. And even if it wasn't competitive, I'd see me in the mirror next to everyone else and feel that I looked like a clumsy clown.

It's not exactly that I'm worried about that happening all over again now, especially not when we're just working out together, not competing. But over time, because I've never been comfortable exercising with other people. I've discovered that I like taking long walks with my headphones on and showtunes or country music coming out of my MP3. I like the skier in my basement. I just do better getting fit alone.

burnsdesi

I prefer working out alone so I can focus. My workout time is my meditation. This is why I prefer doing things like running or lifting one on one with a trainer so I can just focus on myself and my goals. I don't like to socialize during workouts because it's distracting.

not_a_runner

I usually lift alone because there don't seem to be any other women interested in lifting as heavy/hard as me (if at all). The guys at my gym lift much heavier than me, (I couldn't easily share much equipment with them either, because I'm short and have to adjust everything) so I don't really fit in with them either. I don't really mind though, I'm fine doing my own thing, and the guys are usually glad to help if I happen to need a spot for something.

T1DCarnivoreRunner

Usually that is true for me as well. I won't run with others ever because I don't think my pacing can match anybody else. I'm not very good in social situations anyway, and I don't know that I want others to see me workout because I'm embarrassed about how weak / out of shape I am.

Having said that, I do join some others for exercising through Meetup groups. Never running, but usually hiking / backpacking. Most recently, climbing at an indoor gym. I had never climbed before and that was a good opportunity to go with experienced people and learn some things that require a certain level of technical skill. That was true to a little bit lesser extent with backpacking. I took a backpacking course that included class time as well as some actual backpacking as a group. I learned enough to be able to comfortably and safely venture out on my own now or with people I'm very close to and comfortable with (brothers). On occasion, I'll hike with a Meetup group. Otherwise, I will hike, run / trail run, or go to the gym alone and prefer that most of the time. Most of what I do doesn't take a lot of technical skill, it is just a matter of putting in the effort to build strength, speed, and/or endurance. Ironically, though, I'm talking to someone locally who is considering joining the same 24/7 access gym I just joined just so that we can do lifts that need a spotter.

So I guess I workout with others only occasionally for the social aspect, and am more interested in learning and safety benefits.

lindarpolk

That's great that you are thinking and understanding why you do what you do. It's so important in knowing how to go about reaching your goals. Good for you!

bagge72

I'm with you, I workout alone too, and grab spotters as I need them. I've made some friends at the gym by doing it this way, but I can't work with them, I wouldn't be focused, and it would extend my workouts way longer than I have time for.

besaro

Solo here as well. I don't feel bad about it all.