So lost and alone

johnnylakis

CafeRacer808 wrote: »

Perhaps instead of marriage counseling, you should speak to a therapist on your own first. A qualified therapist will help you process everything you're going through and help you find the strength to do what's best for you.

or maybe a divorce lawyer because of cruel and inhumane treatment

MarieCoreaa1

Just because he did not sleep with the women he has been talking to, its still emotional betrayal and infidelity. You are not over reacting. The confrontation probably made him not go through with sleeping with them. You are not alone. He is not worth keeping around, you are worth more than he thinks. Keep going, you can do this.

KristenCS9

Obviously, I don't know your whole situation, but just from what you've said in this thread, it sounds like your husband has been emotionally abusive to you. I speak from experience. It's a painful thing to deal with. I agree with everyone above that you should find a good therapist and do it ASAP. Take care of yourself. You deserve it no matter what he tells you. And congrats on losing 50 pounds. That is an impressive accomplishment! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

denverblueeyes

Ask yourself would you rather be with someone who doesn't respect you and who doesn't care if he is hurting your feelings? Being alone is scary but it is scarier to live with a person who doesn't treat you the way you deserve. Marriage is about connecting with someone on multiple levels. You have accomplished a difficult task of losing 50 pounds! WOW, you go girl! Why would you want to be with someone who mocks your efforts to grow your self-esteem? You recognized your discomfort with your weight and decided to do something about it. You are making yourself into a healthy and strong person. Don't forget that! If your uncomfortable with how he treats you, do something about it, whether it be counseling or divorce or something else, just remember to be true to yourself and don't let anyone shame you for who you are inside or out!

pinuplove

'Gaslighting' comes to mind here. Somehow it's all your fault - YOU aren't good enough, if only YOU would change he wouldn't have to seek other women, etc. That's utter crap, of course. Typical abusive behavior trying to shift blame. https://lonerwolf.com/gaslighting/

Holly23bgs

Emotional cheating is still cheating. However, it is up to you and only you if you want to forgive him. Don't do it just because you're scared to be alone. Forgive him if he deserves forgiveness and if you believe it is the right thing. He doesn't sound supportive, but I know relationships are multi-faceted so he may have redeeming qualities that you haven't described. Go with your heart, but remember a marriage will only work if both parties want it to and in the end if he is not willing to support you, it may not be the best situation.
Good luck.

MomReborn

I agree with the supportive statements here. I can't, and don't feel it's appropriate to tell you how you should handle this, but I can tell you I feel he broke his vows first. He left you emotionally when you were at your unhealthiest. He refuses to support your goals now. He has taken it a step farther by going on Tinder. That is simply deplorable. He is going to have to make changes and work with you in order for this to be a true partnership.

However, I'd be leery of any partner that flat-out hates the people I consider my parents (If they were not abusive or serial killers, or something). They did, after all, give life to, or at least raise you to be the person he's supposed to love and cherish. I believe that speaks volumes regarding what he really feels and where his motives truly lie. I hope we're just missing something here, and that you all can work it out. Stay strong.

vaughn3490

You're not over reacting. What he should be doing is encouraging you to lose the weight and helping you too. The name calling is not encouraging. Don't give up and focus on your health and continue to lose weight for YOU. And you didn't break any vows by gaining weight, he did! Your husband is supposed to be there for the good and the bad. I pray that you continue to lose the weight. Take care of yourself. Jesus loves you!

Jules_farmgirl

You are worth the support and caring words you are receiving here. Not what your husband is telling you. I am divorced for many reasons, but in my marriage? Never once did my ex tell me I was anything but beautiful and he loved me when I had baby weight + more weight, and when I chose to lose my weight, he supported me for the health benefit and to be healthy again, not because he needed me to be skinny.

You will make it through this. No matter which path you go down, know you have to do what is right for yourself.

Bsams71625

If your friend came to you with this story, what advice would you give her? Sometimes you need to look at things from the outside to see what you can't. Do the best you can to find a good support system from family, friends, co-workers. Build your self-esteem and leave him. It's better to be alone and unhappy than to be with someone who makes you unhappy. You will find 'you' and discover you need to make yourself happy before anyone else can. Best wishes to you in your journey.

JCcatalyst

Wow impressed with the caring great responses here! It's your life dear but what heard you say that was huge is you lost 50lbs!!! Wow that takes determination drive willpower motivation and a whole lotta work!! To me that's a lady worth her weight in gold! Pun intended! You are worth so much more believe in you!!!

happydaze71

Ask him to show you his chats on tinder - if it's all innocent and above board, he won't have a problem with it.
This man does not respect you. Please please please respect yourself enough to walk away.
Pack your bags and go to your parents house and stay there.
You are worthy of so much more. Don't for a minute think that you aren't.

MelodyMomof2

It really breaks my heart to read this. You don't deserve to be treated that way. Don't think because you aren't an ideal weight that you deserve to be treated that way. You need to start focusing on you. You won't be alone forever! You are a special person, and if your husband can't see that he doesn't deserve you.

MissMaggieMuffin

KristenCS9 wrote: »

Obviously, I don't know your whole situation, but just from what you've said in this thread, it sounds like your husband has been emotionally abusive to you. I speak from experience. It's a painful thing to deal with. I agree with everyone above that you should find a good therapist and do it ASAP. Take care of yourself. You deserve it no matter what he tells you. And congrats on losing 50 pounds. That is an impressive accomplishment! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

^This^.
So many red flags in the OP's post!
A person that is committed to a marriage does not have a tinder account.
A person that is committed to a marriage does not belittle their partner's self-care.
A partner that is committed to a marriage supports their partner, makes every effort to get along with their in-laws (doesn't have to love them!).
And so on.

Take care of yourself - you deserve love, care, compassion, and support!

debbiedavis1965

Please do not let his negative words influence you in your weight loss. He sounds as if he has a great deal of issues that even you losing weight can't and won't solve. If you want to go old school please message me I'll give you my number and talk with you any time you want. You are so important. Last time I checked being skinny was not in the marriage vows.

Veggie_mama

Choose yourself. Love yourself. Everyone here has your back! You are a strong woman although you may not believe that at the moment. Love and peace to you, friend. ☮️

Lynzdee18

He's not worth it. Period.

faithsimmons526

MissMaggieMuffin wrote: »

KristenCS9 wrote: »

Obviously, I don't know your whole situation, but just from what you've said in this thread, it sounds like your husband has been emotionally abusive to you. I speak from experience. It's a painful thing to deal with. I agree with everyone above that you should find a good therapist and do it ASAP. Take care of yourself. You deserve it no matter what he tells you. And congrats on losing 50 pounds. That is an impressive accomplishment! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

^This^.
So many red flags in the OP's post!
A person that is committed to a marriage does not have a tinder account.
A person that is committed to a marriage does not belittle their partner's self-care.
A partner that is committed to a marriage supports their partner, makes every effort to get along with their in-laws (doesn't have to love them!).
And so on.

Take care of yourself - you deserve love, care, compassion, and support!

This^^ ... and all the other wonderful comments as well. There's nothing more I can add other than to say that you could lose a couple hundred pounds of ugly fat by leaving his a**. He doesn't deserve you.

fiddletime

I was told a long time ago that in a marriage two people are stronger together than apart. While my husband and I could live without each other, each of us brings something to the table that allows the other person to grow and be better. To be stronger.

You've done a fantastic job losing 50# and working on your health. It seems from your post that you've managed to do this despite your husband, rather than because of him and his help.

A supportive spouse would help you achieve your goals, not mock you. He would support your relationship with your parents, not dislike it. And on and on. Are you a better person with your husband, or without?

Onyx_Eve

You should go to a counselor by yourself to build up your self esteem. You deserve better. When people admit to something they only tell you half the truth. Good luck! Some people lose lots of weight getting out of a bad relationship and surrounding themselves with people who support them. I know it's complicated if you have kids, if you don't have kids, you should leave. No one should humiliate you like that. Marriage is through thick and thin.