No more exercise...

Psychgrrl

I have so many thoughts ... I'll try to get them down.

First, I'm really sorry you're going through this and while you've said you can't help yourself, I think you are. You're seeing a doctor, you're incorporating their feedback into what you're doing--even if you haven't been able to fully activate it yet. You're here. And while we're not a treatment team we can offer support and (((((hugs))))).

It seems like exercise was your purging method and there are a myriad of issues around food/exercise with which you're dealing: bingeing, restriction, purging, paranoia. I really wish things were easier for you, but they are what they are right now.

It's a journey, not a red-eye to a quick destination. Just like your doctor wants you to be kinder to your body with the no exercise prescription, you need to be kinder to your soul. Patience and grace--the same support you would offer anyone else when they are struggling, you should try and extend that to yourself. Asking yourself why you don't do that is an important question to explore. Changing how you treat yourself and see yourself will eventually help you establish healthy patterns.

At 5'6 and 125 you've got plenty of room in that healthy range. What scares you about gaining a few pounds? Especially when you'll still be at a healthy weight. What's the worst that can happen? Really. What is the absolute worst thing about gaining 10 pounds? You don't have to answer, just asking some rhetorical questions.

When I do that and write down the answers, I realize how ridiculous I'm being. I go from worrying about a presentation to living in a cardboard box by the freeway in a few simple steps. And that's just not gonna happen. But our minds work in crazy ways. Everyone's. You're not alone in having these fears. The difference right now might be those coping mechanisms.

Mediation or restorative yoga (be honest--no slipping into a power yoga class) might be really helpful. If you're looking for restorative yoga, you might want to look at classes offered through a local rape crisis center. More and more, classes are being offered to survivors to help them heal from trauma. And you do have trauma, in my opinion.

If you do group stuff, be aware of triggers. Books clubs, volunteer groups, etc. can often have food as a component. Prepare your mind in advance for what you want to do. Role play responses with your doc or friends/family until you're comfortable. You could also do an online book club/tv or movie discussion group. Or my goodness, video games. They literally are a while interactive world. I play "quiz up" it's one to one trivia and you pick the subject. I rule with "How I met your mother" trivia. And there's chat.

In-patient treatment might be the best thing for you as the constant structure and support may help you reframe some of your responses. I can imagine how scary that sounds right now, but in reflecting on that versus staying where you are now, it sounds like it might be the most helpful thing for you.

Not gonna lie, you have a long road ahead, but it's one you're not on alone. Recognizing for yourself that you need some help in dealing with these issues is so very huge--please give yourself the credit that deserves! Don't give up on yourself--picture where you can be in five years, healthy and happy. Because you can be there. Some folks here have that journey ahead of them to lose weight and gain their health. The important thing is to not give up. No one moves forward every single day. But all the backwards, zig-zag and circles all have their place. Even if we can't see it at the time. I truly believe we end up where we need to be from the efforts we put in.

One short anecdote. I was job searching several years ago. I had job offered. Then it was pulled due to lack of funding. Same thing happened with another job. Then a third was pulled because the new president decided not to fill it. Each time I was devastated. I questioned my worth, my professional success. But I ended up where I am now. I have an amazing job in Southern California. The beach is a few miles away, as is Disneyland. I am able to make a difference in the lives of my students. And those other jobs? Turns out, if I had taken any one of them, I would have been smack in the middle of a national tragedy/scandal.

Things really do work out. You just have to have faith, especially in yourself.

miratps

So quick update.

It didn't really work, I couldn't control myself and the best I can do is walk a lot instead. There has been progress but it has been slow, too slow for me and the doctor and it's causing more depression. We have decided I should probably be an inpatient, the sooner the better obviously. I just wanted to thank everyone who responded for their kindness and hopefully I come out the other side "normal"

nutmegoreo

miratps wrote: »

So quick update.

It didn't really work, I couldn't control myself and the best I can do is walk a lot instead. There has been progress but it has been slow, too slow for me and the doctor and it's causing more depression. We have decided I should probably be an inpatient, the sooner the better obviously. I just wanted to thank everyone who responded for their kindness and hopefully I come out the other side "normal"

I wish you all the best. Thank you for the update.

miratps

nutmegoreo wrote: »

miratps wrote: »

So quick update.

It didn't really work, I couldn't control myself and the best I can do is walk a lot instead. There has been progress but it has been slow, too slow for me and the doctor and it's causing more depression. We have decided I should probably be an inpatient, the sooner the better obviously. I just wanted to thank everyone who responded for their kindness and hopefully I come out the other side "normal"

I wish you all the best. Thank you for the update.

Thank you, let's hope it's all worth it in the end - all I know is I can't live like this anymore

Slowfaster

Psychgrrl wrote: »

I have so many thoughts ... I'll try to get them down.

First, I'm really sorry you're going through this and while you've said you can't help yourself, I think you are. You're seeing a doctor, you're incorporating their feedback into what you're doing--even if you haven't been able to fully activate it yet. You're here. And while we're not a treatment team we can offer support and (((((hugs))))).

It seems like exercise was your purging method and there are a myriad of issues around food/exercise with which you're dealing: bingeing, restriction, purging, paranoia. I really wish things were easier for you, but they are what they are right now.

It's a journey, not a red-eye to a quick destination. Just like your doctor wants you to be kinder to your body with the no exercise prescription, you need to be kinder to your soul. Patience and grace--the same support you would offer anyone else when they are struggling, you should try and extend that to yourself. Asking yourself why you don't do that is an important question to explore. Changing how you treat yourself and see yourself will eventually help you establish healthy patterns.

At 5'6 and 125 you've got plenty of room in that healthy range. What scares you about gaining a few pounds? Especially when you'll still be at a healthy weight. What's the worst that can happen? Really. What is the absolute worst thing about gaining 10 pounds? You don't have to answer, just asking some rhetorical questions.

When I do that and write down the answers, I realize how ridiculous I'm being. I go from worrying about a presentation to living in a cardboard box by the freeway in a few simple steps. And that's just not gonna happen. But our minds work in crazy ways. Everyone's. You're not alone in having these fears. The difference right now might be those coping mechanisms.

Mediation or restorative yoga (be honest--no slipping into a power yoga class) might be really helpful. If you're looking for restorative yoga, you might want to look at classes offered through a local rape crisis center. More and more, classes are being offered to survivors to help them heal from trauma. And you do have trauma, in my opinion.

If you do group stuff, be aware of triggers. Books clubs, volunteer groups, etc. can often have food as a component. Prepare your mind in advance for what you want to do. Role play responses with your doc or friends/family until you're comfortable. You could also do an online book club/tv or movie discussion group. Or my goodness, video games. They literally are a while interactive world. I play "quiz up" it's one to one trivia and you pick the subject. I rule with "How I met your mother" trivia. And there's chat.

In-patient treatment might be the best thing for you as the constant structure and support may help you reframe some of your responses. I can imagine how scary that sounds right now, but in reflecting on that versus staying where you are now, it sounds like it might be the most helpful thing for you.

Not gonna lie, you have a long road ahead, but it's one you're not on alone. Recognizing for yourself that you need some help in dealing with these issues is so very huge--please give yourself the credit that deserves! Don't give up on yourself--picture where you can be in five years, healthy and happy. Because you can be there. Some folks here have that journey ahead of them to lose weight and gain their health. The important thing is to not give up. No one moves forward every single day. But all the backwards, zig-zag and circles all have their place. Even if we can't see it at the time. I truly believe we end up where we need to be from the efforts we put in.

One short anecdote. I was job searching several years ago. I had job offered. Then it was pulled due to lack of funding. Same thing happened with another job. Then a third was pulled because the new president decided not to fill it. Each time I was devastated. I questioned my worth, my professional success. But I ended up where I am now. I have an amazing job in Southern California. The beach is a few miles away, as is Disneyland. I am able to make a difference in the lives of my students. And those other jobs? Turns out, if I had taken any one of them, I would have been smack in the middle of a national tragedy/scandal.

Things really do work out. You just have to have faith, especially in yourself.

Bumping this up because I think this post is so helpful, for all of us.