Help! Addictive personality, I do the same thing every day

surreychic

I wake up, grumpy (have a little one) and have three or four coffees (yes, I know) and generally my overeating starts in the morning. I am so grumpy and tired.

I have done this for years now and each night think tomorrow will be different. I then go to work, having already eaten well, work hard then, work has been full on and comfort eat In a Frenzy when I get home too.

surreychic

Whoops I hit reply before finishing. I hope this doesn't deter anyone but I feel like I'm slightly mad. Each evening I think "tomorrow will be different". I wake at five the next morning and look forward to coffee and food. It's become my "comfort".

I used to absolutely love running, the. My knees got painful. Years ago I was motivated by vanity but no longer. I hope I'm a great mum, and I think I am reasonably successful with my career but I am turning to food instead of life for enjoyment. I suppose it's a terrribke habit. My friends says if you don't want to do it don't, but I feel so anxious I seek solace and calm in chocolate, bread, sandwiches! I constantly feel lethargic and feel I am missing that "zest" for life.

I don't know if others have felt the same, and if you managed to regain that passion and motivation for looking after themselves.

I am not trying to diet, but even saying no to overeating feels like deprivation.

So hello, I'm a compulsive and emotional eater. Not happy about it but not quite sure how to give myself that push to face the pain of breaking the habit/ unhealthy way of life whilst entertaining being a mum, wife and maintaining a responsible job. Sigh.

Lounmoun

How much sleep do you get?

surreychic

Ah sleep, not much. Probably about 6-7 hours but often broken sleep.

surreychic

Prior to getting married/ having children (and all the other members of my family) would and still do sleep for ten hours a night! My husband needs very little sleep, and interestingly his mother is the same, thrives on 6 hours

youdoyou2016

Yeah ... I think some version of your day is what most people who have been overweight / who overeat experience. "Tomorrow will be different" or "I'll start Monday" -- and the days and weeks go by with no change.

If you are "addictive," as you say, maybe a wholesale change is the thing to get you into a new routine:

• Throw out the comfort food?
• Plan your meals for the week, maybe cook a batch of something today for your lunches, etc.?
• I wouldn't describe myself as "addictive," but I definitely do well in structures I create for myself, and I like complete change rather than incrementally changing small things over some period of time. If I know what I am going to do food-wise a day or two in advance, then there are no surprises. Eventually a new routine becomes the new normal.
  
  The point is the only answer, really, is setting yourself up to win in this area. If it isn't a complete 180, maybe it's adding in little things and taking away little things at the same time until your "same thing ever day" supports your weight loss. Only you know what will work for you in this regard.
  
  Another idea: hang out a lot in the success stories thread. It can pull you out of your normal, which might be something that also helps in the short and long terms.
  
  Good luck!
  
  Edit: I responded before I saw your addition ...

JustMissTracy

Can you open your diary so we can see what's going on foodwise? My first instinct is to mention that one sign of celiac is lethargy, and you mention all that bread, chocolate and sandwiches....those three things in particular hit me hard, so I avoid them....but that's just one little thing that stood out, so I wouldn't say it's anything to worry about.

It's all a head game, and a numbers game. You have to decide, you have to make the choice, to start taking better care of your body. Once you start, the motivation becomes easier to obtain....start with little things, for example the many coffees. Maybe tomorrow, you decide that you are having one in the morning, and one in the afternoon, and that's it for the day. Try it for a week....then next week, maybe consider cutting out/down chocolate for a few days, or bread even....you should find your energy levels slowly coming back.

There is nothing easy or fast about the whole process. Start small, and be gentle with yourself...you can do this! xo

jgnatca

I would characterize you as being in a rut, not addictive.

I have a couple book recommendations for you.

Habit by Duhigg and

https://www.bullpub.com/catalog/Living-a-Healthy-Life-with-Chronic-Conditions-4th-Edition

Your coffee and your eating are filling a need. Figure out what that need is and find new ways to fulfill it.

Just tackle one habit at a time, not all of them.

I'd start with the sleep pattern frankly. What is giving you restless sleep? You may have to restrict yourself to just water after dinner. Any night time eating and caffeine might be preventing you from enjoying a long restful sleep. If work stress is keeping you awake, keep a notepad by your bed to get those thoughts out of your head.

When I recently needed to improve my sleep I started a new nighttime routine with a mug of chamomile tea and a melatonin patch. It worked like a charm.

https://store.bariatricpal.com/collections/patchmd/products/sleep-starter-topical-patch-30-day-supply

Lounmoun

surreychic wrote: »

Ah sleep, not much. Probably about 6-7 hours but often broken sleep.

Look up "sleep and weight"
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/expert-answers/sleep-and-weight-gain/faq-20058198
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_and_weight

You seem to be reaching for coffee and food to make up for the poor sleep
When I was sleep deprived I definitely overate to compensate. Things are better when my sleep is better.
You may want to explore your sleep issues to help resolve your eating issues.

pinuplove

The sleep thing may be tough if it's her little one waking her (not sure, but I've been there done that have the t-shirt!)

OP, if the sleep thing is partially due to tending your child can your husband help out in that area? Either he takes certain nights or certain shifts (any waking before 3am for example)? I also find I sleep much better now that I've minimized caffeine.

pinuplove

Have you considered the possibility you might have some clinical depression going on, either postpartum or otherwise depending on the age of your child? The loss of zest for life, the promising yourself tomorrow will be different but never effecting change, lack of energy, all sound very familiar. Everyone said 'oh you'll feel better if you just eat right and exercise!' But I couldn't pull myself out of the funk alone.

surreychic

Hi, thank you for great responses and support.

I can't play the tired card too much as hubby does let me sleep at weekends, during the day I will sleep and catch up a bit but I am always tired. Although wake up more and binge less in the evening, generally.

I've thought there may be an element of depression. I just don't feel excited about anything but it's my mind set. I think how great I would feel if I ate well, was able to not think about food all day long! The thought of it and coffee cheers me up!

I wake up with no motivation.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

surreychic

Hi,

Ok now for the madness. I get up have 3-4 coffees with skimmed milk, and then start snacking on dark chocolate (this can be 100g!!). Will sometimes have protein oats (instant). Mid morning an apple. Another coffee maybe some nuts, something salty as I can feel really tired. Lunch usually 12.00- sandwich- smoked salmon, whole grain bread, butter and piece of fruit. Then if I'm honest 3.30 today I have three whole meal bagels, chicken, blueberries, four slices of fruit toast, a small chocolate brownie.

I felt in a better mood after my carb binge in the afternoon.

I didn't feel manic, only a bit at three pm. Other days I do, I think of work and feel anxious and look forward to my morning coffee. When I finish work I think what I can eat after I have picked up my little one. I do feel manic at those points. It's not hunger as I'm eating a lot!

I think like one previous poster suggested, it probably is filling a gap. Another poster posted everyone has their drug and I honestly feel like food is filling that void. It's what I look Forward to, but also there is that ongoing lethargy, I'm permanently tored

Unknown

This content has been removed.

jnducharme

I am a recovered binge eater so I understand your struggles with food.

These are my main binge (overeating) prevention tips:

- avoid binge inducing foods (sugar, carbs or whatever they are for you)
Personally, sugar and carbs are my downfall. I found (and still do find it) easiest to just not have trigger foods in the house. When they were there I couldn't help thinking about them but if they just weren't there (or I didn't know where they were) I could let go of them. For me avoiding sugar and carbs was really helpful because once you start eating it's soo hard to stop. If you do get something buy a limited amount like one small dark chocolate bar rather than a box of cookies because then you only have to make the decision to say no to yourself ONE time when you are at the grocery store. Binging is a result of choice fatigue because you say "no cookies" to yourself 100 times over 1/2 h and then you are tired so you give in. Limiting the number of times you have to say no to yourself helps to prevent this.
-Especially avoid alcohol. Alcohol is a really really big trigger for me. I rarely drink but even if I just have a glass of wine my temptation to binge or at least vigorously snack is still hard to control. It breaks down any barriers you start to create and makes saying no so much harder.

- Do something to boost your self esteem first thing in the morning BEFORE eating any food or later in the day if you can't fit it in early
This for me is one of the things that helped the most with not binging/overeating. These types of relationships with food are about comfort and trying to feel better so if you do something first thing that makes you feel good about yourself it will make food a far far less tempting solution. For me this is exercise. If I exercise first thing in the morning my likely hood of binging reduced by about 80%.

-Look into over eaters anonymous or the eating disorder association in your town
I only found out about these organizations when I was almost recovered but close friends of mine say they were SUPER important for their recovery and I wish I had discovered it sooner because I think it could have saved me several years of misery. There is support out there. They often offer peer tutoring (meeting with someone who has recovered) or group support. You are not alone.

-Pay attention to how you are feeling and WHY you are eating.

- Drink lots and lots of water 3lt per day minimum. This will help your body realize it is thirsty and not hungry

-Start talking about it with close friends/family or someone who has gone through an eating disorder
I think talking about it was one of the main things that helped my recovery because it helped to take away the shame that leads to more binges and self hatred. It also made me realize that so many people struggle with similar things its nothing to be ashamed of.

Avoid the scale
The scale should be included with trigger foods even if you are feeling good and see positive change in your body stepping on the scale and not seeing the number you want can sink the spirits and lead to loss of hope or binge.


Keep setting goals for recovery even if you feel like you are always breaking them
I felt like I was always trying different random approaches to managing/preventing binging and because non of them work 100% this isn't a bad thing. The important thing is to keep giving yourself hope and striving for a positive goal. Sometimes I found it actually helped to change my goal every few days because otherwise I'd lose focus.

I totally understand about food being the comfort solution, some people are addicted to cigarettes or whatever but food was my drug. The hardest part is that it's always there and that you can't quit cold turkey. For me, a binge meant almost a full body high, shaking hands can't think clearly and when I was done I felt like "what the *kitten* did I just do to myself?!" but could hardly remember how it happened. Battling through is all you can do and even though you feel weak and helpless right now you are strong because you deal with that *kitten* every day and still keep going. In a horrible way it will make you a more empathetic, stronger person when you come out the other side, I know it has done that for me. You will get better. Pick yourself up each day, set some goals and keep trying to work towards them. Even if it feels like you are failing keep trying because it's the best you can do and eventually it will work. I know how hard it is to get out of a rut and exercise really has been key for me to getting out of them. I'm a high achiever and perfectionist so my problem is I never do things half assed.. and unfortunately this applies to unhealthy relationship with food as well but on the bright side when I commit myself to exercise and healthy eating I can have the same kind of drive and commitment and you can to. I believe that through exercising and healthy eating you can retrain yourself to deal with stress in a different way such as pushing through one more weight lift or one more push up.

I know how extremely disheartening problems with food are and how much it impacts one's quality of life, so if you or anyone you know is dealing with this or any other type of disordered eating I would love to offer my support and share what I have learned about coping strategies and recovery. For a long time I was too ashamed to talk about it because as a high achiever, perfectionist and previously very healthy and fit person it was a huge blow to my self-esteem and identity. I thought it meant I was weak but now I realize it was my way of dealing with other stresses in my life and that many strong, people who I really admire have dealt with similar things. In the end it made me a stronger and more compassionate person and I hope that I can use my experience to help people overcome their challenges and lead happy, healthier lives. As overwhelming and horrible as eating disorders are, recover IS possible, and if you want it, you can and will achieve it. Every day that I eat healthy food, feel good, workout and get stronger I push myself to prove to myself and anyone that needs hope that recovery and a better life is possible. Talking to people who had recovered is what got me through and I want to pass it on. You deserve to live a happier life, free from being terrified of food.

Please feel free to add me for support, I am more than happy to pass on anything I think might be helpful or just listen if you need to talk.

leanjogreen18

I don't know why but I have an overwhelming need to say - stop doing the same thing everyday:)

On a serious note this is a habit you've formed, maybe shake it up and go for a walk first thing in the am, don't bring chocolate in the house for awhile.

Change your mindset = changes in behavior.

I know it sounds too simple but give it a try, it's helped me perhaps it will help you too?

kenyonhaff

My thoughts:

* Check out the depression angle - as others have said. Depression can be a wide range of symptoms, including poor sleep, lack of motivation, and so on. It's often not about "sadness". It's often a numbness. It's very typically a lost of interest in things you liked before, too.
* You may need a sleep study. You may have a sleep disorder such as sleep apnea or even narcolepsy. This can mimic or have co-morbidity with depression.
* Caffeine can be a blessing or a curse. If you are intaking a lot of coffee it can lead to a nasty disruption in sleep cycle. I would not recommend cutting cold turkey, however.

luveydov

I agree with PPs. Ask your doctor about depression. I did and was prescribed a low dose of prozac. I saw immediate results with some of my eating behaviors. I seemed to stop some binge type eating, where I had to finish every cookie in the pack, and some emotional or boredom eating. It also helped with depression a bit, but it turned out I have Fibromyalgia, so a different fish to fry.

kommodevaran

A poor (low in nutrition and/or palatability) diet will intensify cravings; whatever you do that eases discomfort will form habits; habits affect mindset; mindset affect cravings. Plan your meals better, plan meals you look forward to, plan, cook and eat better meals. Get rid of all junk food temporarily, and instead buy enough real, good food for 3-7 days and stay away from shops until next scheduled shopping trip. You won't necessarily feel the effect of a better diet immediately. But you should feel okay enough to be able to keep doing it until you do, and then you will want to do it. Let your habits be your friends, not your enemies.

Timberla82

leanjogreen18 wrote: »

I don't know why but I have an overwhelming need to say - stop doing the same thing everyday:)

On a serious note this is a habit you've formed, maybe shake it up and go for a walk first thing in the am, don't bring chocolate in the house for awhile.

Change your mindset = changes in behavior.

I know it sounds too simple but give it a try, it's helped me perhaps it will help you too?

This! ^ You have to replace the morning habit: go for a walk before anything else - even just 15 mins and see if that shakes anything up. I'm a huge fan of routine/habits and I'm really good at getting into unhelpful habits! When I get into an unhelpful one, I can't stop it just by deciding to stop - I have to do something else to take its place. (If you think you might be depressed, definitely go and get it checked out but walking first thing in the morning might even help with that.) Good luck!

surreychic

Fantastic advice here thank you!

Much of the above resonates and I have tried to pm you jndmcharme, but for some reason my fitness pal isn't letting me.

I love the idea of replacing morning routine for something else. I think willpower alone isn't enough! Starting the day on a positive note rather than coffee and food when not hungry.

I also feel I potentially have some depression too. The apathy for everything else in life. Maybe that is just mindset too though.

Lots of food for thought, and honestly this thread has been so encouraging. Thank you.

That ridiculous doing the same thing every day, and so destructive.

everher

Perhaps, it's time to see a medical professional and talk to them about how you're feeling? Very well could be depression.

Outside of that, I would try changing my routine. Getting to bed earlier for more sleep, not eating when first waking, etc.

Some people like to do something they enjoy first thing in the morning to get out of the habit of just eating to eat. Personally, I work out in the mornings before work. I never feel like doing it, but it makes me feel more positive, energized, and awake.

I also would try only eating at scheduled meal times to get out snacking when you're not hungry.

pinuplove

surreychic wrote: »

Fantastic advice here thank you!

Much of the above resonates and I have tried to pm you jndmcharme, but for some reason my fitness pal isn't letting me.

I love the idea of replacing morning routine for something else. I think willpower alone isn't enough! Starting the day on a positive note rather than coffee and food when not hungry.

I also feel I potentially have some depression too. The apathy for everything else in life. Maybe that is just mindset too though.

Lots of food for thought, and honestly this thread has been so encouraging. Thank you.

That ridiculous doing the same thing every day, and so destructive.

My depression manifested largely as apathy. I'd encourage you to speak to you doctor.

kenyonhaff

surreychic wrote: »

Fantastic advice here thank you!

Much of the above resonates and I have tried to pm you jndmcharme, but for some reason my fitness pal isn't letting me.

I love the idea of replacing morning routine for something else. I think willpower alone isn't enough! Starting the day on a positive note rather than coffee and food when not hungry.

I also feel I potentially have some depression too. The apathy for everything else in life. Maybe that is just mindset too though.

Lots of food for thought, and honestly this thread has been so encouraging. Thank you.

That ridiculous doing the same thing every day, and so destructive.

I'm not a big fan of depending on "willpower". I was a psych major in college and someone with food issues almost all my life and I think it's largely a dumb idea. I prefer the idea of "having a plan and doing my best to follow through." That's what can be helpful with an eating and exercise plan. It has to be thought out a bit, and written down, and reflected on. For you, it may be helpful when the triggers to eat and drink "unauthorized coffee" hit, think, "oh, this is when I go for a walk instead." And maybe brew a nice cup of herbal tea after you come back to help curb the coffee habit.

Machka9

surreychic wrote: »

Hi,

Ok now for the madness. I get up have 3-4 coffees with skimmed milk, and then start snacking on dark chocolate (this can be 100g!!). Will sometimes have protein oats (instant). Mid morning an apple. Another coffee maybe some nuts, something salty as I can feel really tired. Lunch usually 12.00- sandwich- smoked salmon, whole grain bread, butter and piece of fruit. Then if I'm honest 3.30 today I have three whole meal bagels, chicken, blueberries, four slices of fruit toast, a small chocolate brownie.

But not a single solitary vegetable.

surreychic

kenyonhaff wrote: »

surreychic wrote: »

Fantastic advice here thank you!

Much of the above resonates and I have tried to pm you jndmcharme, but for some reason my fitness pal isn't letting me.

I love the idea of replacing morning routine for something else. I think willpower alone isn't enough! Starting the day on a positive note rather than coffee and food when not hungry.

I also feel I potentially have some depression too. The apathy for everything else in life. Maybe that is just mindset too though.

Lots of food for thought, and honestly this thread has been so encouraging. Thank you.

That ridiculous doing the same thing every day, and so destructive.

I'm not a big fan of depending on "willpower". I was a psych major in college and someone with food issues almost all my life and I think it's largely a dumb idea. I prefer the idea of "having a plan and doing my best to follow through." That's what can be helpful with an eating and exercise plan. It has to be thought out a bit, and written down, and reflected on. For you, it may be helpful when the triggers to eat and drink "unauthorized coffee" hit, think, "oh, this is when I go for a walk instead." And maybe brew a nice cup of herbal tea after you come back to help curb the coffee habit.

Thank you, it's really helpful to not rely on willpower. As quite obviously I don't have much. It's all very well when I'm full of energy no life work stress and motivates, then I can happily pass on the bread, maybe overeat but I don't binge and do moderation well. However, when real life sets in, I can overeat and it's very hard to stop in that moment. Lovely view "having a plan and doing best to follow it".

Thank you for sharing.

surreychic

Machka9 wrote: »

surreychic wrote: »

Hi,

Ok now for the madness. I get up have 3-4 coffees with skimmed milk, and then start snacking on dark chocolate (this can be 100g!!). Will sometimes have protein oats (instant). Mid morning an apple. Another coffee maybe some nuts, something salty as I can feel really tired. Lunch usually 12.00- sandwich- smoked salmon, whole grain bread, butter and piece of fruit. Then if I'm honest 3.30 today I have three whole meal bagels, chicken, blueberries, four slices of fruit toast, a small chocolate brownie.

But not a single solitary vegetable.

Ah I do eat veggies and fruit. It honestly I can overlay on them too! However am in agreement, eating a whole cabbage isn't quite as bad as a loaf of bread!

surreychic

pinuplove wrote: »

surreychic wrote: »

Fantastic advice here thank you!

Much of the above resonates and I have tried to pm you jndmcharme, but for some reason my fitness pal isn't letting me.

I love the idea of replacing morning routine for something else. I think willpower alone isn't enough! Starting the day on a positive note rather than coffee and food when not hungry.

I also feel I potentially have some depression too. The apathy for everything else in life. Maybe that is just mindset too though.

Lots of food for thought, and honestly this thread has been so encouraging. Thank you.

That ridiculous doing the same thing every day, and so destructive.

My depression manifested largely as apathy. I'd encourage you to speak to you doctor.

pinuplove wrote: »

surreychic wrote: »

Fantastic advice here thank you!

Much of the above resonates and I have tried to pm you jndmcharme, but for some reason my fitness pal isn't letting me.

I love the idea of replacing morning routine for something else. I think willpower alone isn't enough! Starting the day on a positive note rather than coffee and food when not hungry.

I also feel I potentially have some depression too. The apathy for everything else in life. Maybe that is just mindset too though.

Lots of food for thought, and honestly this thread has been so encouraging. Thank you.

That ridiculous doing the same thing every day, and so destructive.

My depression manifested largely as apathy. I'd encourage you to speak to you doctor.

Thank for your sharing and honestly: I think depression pmt is part of it and now tackling this. Hope you are better (?) x

surreychic

everher wrote: »

Perhaps, it's time to see a medical professional and talk to them about how you're feeling? Very well could be depression.

Outside of that, I would try changing my routine. Getting to bed earlier for more sleep, not eating when first waking, etc.

Some people like to do something they enjoy first thing in the morning to get out of the habit of just eating to eat. Personally, I work out in the mornings before work. I never feel like doing it, but it makes me feel more positive, energized, and awake.

I also would try only eating at scheduled meal times to get out snacking when you're not hungry.

Yes good idea. I'm realising I'm using food to pick myself up a lot. Actually at my slimmest I just used to snack on dark chocolate during the day and have supper in the evening, I have recently been away and we had scheduled meals but I have gained 5 lbs (the food was healthish hummus/ pizza/ porridge/ salad!) So I'm slightly worried my weight will hugely climb too!

kommodevaran

surreychic wrote: »

Machka9 wrote: »

surreychic wrote: »

Hi,

Ok now for the madness. I get up have 3-4 coffees with skimmed milk, and then start snacking on dark chocolate (this can be 100g!!). Will sometimes have protein oats (instant). Mid morning an apple. Another coffee maybe some nuts, something salty as I can feel really tired. Lunch usually 12.00- sandwich- smoked salmon, whole grain bread, butter and piece of fruit. Then if I'm honest 3.30 today I have three whole meal bagels, chicken, blueberries, four slices of fruit toast, a small chocolate brownie.

But not a single solitary vegetable.

Ah I do eat veggies and fruit. It honestly I can overlay on them too! However am in agreement, eating a whole cabbage isn't quite as bad as a loaf of bread!

I think it's worse. The calories may be lower in the cabbage, but the eating disorder deeper in order to eat a whole cabbage than a loaf of bread (depends on the sizes of the cabbage and the bread, obviously, but bread is easier to overeat and would give more pleasure, at least initially).