Issues with Life...
Hi everyone,
I know this may not be the most appropriate place to come for advice, but I'm here. Here is my situation.
I'm 22 years old and 2 months away from graduating nursing school. I've already secured employment, for the most part. My mom is disabled-retired, and my father works full time and is an alcoholic.
My dad comes home, gets drunk, and passes out. I have told him that this bothers me, and I have repeatedly asked him to stop, to no avail. He does not contribute other than the one or two bills that he pays. I can't depend on him. Honestly, I feel like I don't even have a dad.
They constantly argue and fight, my mom is consumed by fear of our new president to the point that it's all she talks about. For example: earlier, she was going on and on about the First Lady, I disagreed with her opinion, she told me **** you and stormed off. It's a constant, every day obsession and it's getting old. Fast. I also caught her stealing my flexiril several weeks ago, and when I confronted her she lied repeatedly before confessing.
I am afraid to move out because of my mom's chronic health conditions. I know my dad probably won't take the initiative to help if I'm not around. I feel an obligation to help her, but I'm tired of this environment and feel like I'm being taken advantage of. When I think about leaving, I'm filled with guilt, but I am starting to think that it may be the best move for my mental health.
I know this may not be the most appropriate place to come for advice, but I'm here. Here is my situation.
I'm 22 years old and 2 months away from graduating nursing school. I've already secured employment, for the most part. My mom is disabled-retired, and my father works full time and is an alcoholic.
My dad comes home, gets drunk, and passes out. I have told him that this bothers me, and I have repeatedly asked him to stop, to no avail. He does not contribute other than the one or two bills that he pays. I can't depend on him. Honestly, I feel like I don't even have a dad.
They constantly argue and fight, my mom is consumed by fear of our new president to the point that it's all she talks about. For example: earlier, she was going on and on about the First Lady, I disagreed with her opinion, she told me **** you and stormed off. It's a constant, every day obsession and it's getting old. Fast. I also caught her stealing my flexiril several weeks ago, and when I confronted her she lied repeatedly before confessing.
I am afraid to move out because of my mom's chronic health conditions. I know my dad probably won't take the initiative to help if I'm not around. I feel an obligation to help her, but I'm tired of this environment and feel like I'm being taken advantage of. When I think about leaving, I'm filled with guilt, but I am starting to think that it may be the best move for my mental health.
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Replies
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RegaliTea_69 wrote: »I'm not going to go into detail on here but this was pretty much once me.
Let me just say that nobody will change your dad but him or a massive shock that knocks him into shape.
My advice is that you should get out for your own sake. Maybe you could move out but stay near by so that you're still around for your mum but at the same time you have your own space and time away from all of that.
I'm more than happy for you to inbox me to chat, I wish you well.
Thank you!
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I like your mom! I'll send her a basket of chef-made pastries and flowers if I can.
As for you, leave. Your career is important. You father will step up.
Thanks so much.
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It has not gotten any better since the thread you created back in December? I am sorry, still.0
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Quite sorry to hear this.. there was a lot of helpful posts in that thread.. anything from there that helped you?
I wish you well and lots of luck! Stay strong! 0 -
Quite sorry to hear this.. there was a lot of helpful posts in that thread.. anything from there that helped you?
I wish you well and lots of luck! Stay strong!
Somewhat, yeah! But overall the situation really has not improved. I'm trying to figure out my next move. Thank you!
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They are adults. Live on your own. And go to Alanon.3
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If you are still in school, you probably can't move out until you can establish a bit of money. Until then, you need to disengage. Go to Alanon or find a counselor that can help you with your guilt and think about a plan to get out of your parent's house. I agree with Imjohnson110. Your parents are adults. They have made choices. Now you need to make yours. I wish you nothing but the best.4
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If you are still in school, you probably can't move out until you can establish a bit of money. Until then, you need to disengage. Go to Alanon or find a counselor that can help you with your guilt and think about a plan to get out of your parent's house. I agree with Imjohnson110. Your parents are adults. They have made choices. Now you need to make yours. I wish you nothing but the best.
Thank you very much.
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lmjohnson110 wrote: »They are adults. Live on your own. And go to Alanon.
best advice yet1 -
Motorsheen wrote: »lmjohnson110 wrote: »They are adults. Live on your own. And go to Alanon.
best advice yet
Yep! Simple and helpful!
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Move out. Get on with your life.
You are not responsible for propping your parents up. There are places they can turn to for help if they choose.2 -
Thank you everyone for the advice so far. I'm going to save as much money as possible, get on my feet, and then get out ASAP.0
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I would definitely try to move out and check on your mom often. She might just see how good you are and come with, your courage might give her strength.
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It has not gotten any better since the thread you created back in December? I am sorry, still.
Ahh. That makes sense. I had a moment of de ja vu reading the original post, and I couldn't figure out if it was something I read before or just another post of a problem shared by others.2 -
Thank you everyone for the advice so far. I'm going to save as much money as possible, get on my feet, and then get out ASAP.
I think that's a good idea.
It wasn't at all on the same scale, but I felt a lot of guilt after deciding to move provinces a few years ago. Before the move I went to a therapist for my anxiety and she told me that for the most part guilt is a useless feeling. It's great when it comes to not letting you do bad things but apart from that, it's just a confusing ball of emotions that serve no purpose.
As much as you care, you are not responsible for your parents. You need to decide what is best for you and you alone. They're adults and as terrible as the choices they've made are, they're their choices. Don't let their faults run you into the ground.
Also, I hope you're proud of yourself for reaching your goals despite difficult circumstances.
Thank you. I am very proud of myself for reaching my goals.
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You can't stay in a bad situation forever just because you feel bad for your mom, she chose your father, you didn't get a choice. Years ago when I was 17 I left home, my dad and step mom were both addicted to drugs and fighting constantly and I'd stayed for my baby sister, she was only 2 at the time. I didn't want her to see the same stuff I had seen, which was a lot. My Mom and Dad had been meth addicts/alcoholics through out my childhood. They fought all the time, and I don't mean yelling I mean knock down drag out fights that I would be forced to break up or sneak out of the house to call the police. So when it got really bad between he and my Step Mother I realized I couldn't be there anymore. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating, I was anxious and scared all the time. I HAD to get out. I always felt guilty for leaving my little sister but I did go and pick her up, I would keep her with me a couple days of the week so she would get a break. That was 11 years ago and looking back I am so glad I left when I did. It saved me.4
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You can't stay in a bad situation forever just because you feel bad for your mom, she chose your father, you didn't get a choice. Years ago when I was 17 I left home, my dad and step mom were both addicted to drugs and fighting constantly and I'd stayed for my baby sister, she was only 2 at the time. I didn't want her to see the same stuff I had seen, which was a lot. My Mom and Dad had been meth addicts/alcoholics through out my childhood. They fought all the time, and I don't mean yelling I mean knock down drag out fights that I would be forced to break up or sneak out of the house to call the police. So when it got really bad between he and my Step Mother I realized I couldn't be there anymore. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating, I was anxious and scared all the time. I HAD to get out. I always felt guilty for leaving my little sister but I did go and pick her up, I would keep her with me a couple days of the week so she would get a break. That was 11 years ago and looking back I am so glad I left when I did. It saved me.
Thank you
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Well y'all. I tried to stop her from taking something from the dog so he wouldn't bite her and...she hit me. Lovely.0
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sunsweet77 wrote: »I would definitely try to move out and check on your mom often. She might just see how good you are and come with, your courage might give her strength.
Thank you for your input.
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I like your mom! I'll send her a basket of chef-made pastries and flowers if I can.
As for you, leave. Your career is important. You father will step up.
Oh, and she hit me last night. I threw my arm out in front of her to stop the dog from biting her because she was about to take a roll of TP from him. She slapped me and then blamed his growling on me.
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It has not gotten any better since the thread you created back in December? I am sorry, still.
Ahh. That makes sense. I had a moment of de ja vu reading the original post, and I couldn't figure out if it was something I read before or just another post of a problem shared by others.
Yeah, I posted a thread a few months back. I took the advice and the situation hasn't improved much, if at all.
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I have a daughter who is a Nurse Practitioner. She grew up, she launched, I admire her. That's what life is. Go live your life. Launch.Hi everyone,
I know this may not be the most appropriate place to come for advice, but I'm here. Here is my situation.
I'm 22 years old and 2 months away from graduating nursing school. I've already secured employment, for the most part. My mom is disabled-retired, and my father works full time and is an alcoholic.
My dad comes home, gets drunk, and passes out. I have told him that this bothers me, and I have repeatedly asked him to stop, to no avail. He does not contribute other than the one or two bills that he pays. I can't depend on him. Honestly, I feel like I don't even have a dad.
They constantly argue and fight, my mom is consumed by fear of our new president to the point that it's all she talks about. For example: earlier, she was going on and on about the First Lady, I disagreed with her opinion, she told me **** you and stormed off. It's a constant, every day obsession and it's getting old. Fast. I also caught her stealing my flexiril several weeks ago, and when I confronted her she lied repeatedly before confessing.
I am afraid to move out because of my mom's chronic health conditions. I know my dad probably won't take the initiative to help if I'm not around. I feel an obligation to help her, but I'm tired of this environment and feel like I'm being taken advantage of. When I think about leaving, I'm filled with guilt, but I am starting to think that it may be the best move for my mental health.1 -
...I feel an obligation to help her, but I'm tired of this environment and feel like I'm being taken advantage of. When I think about leaving, I'm filled with guilt, but I am starting to think that it may be the best move for my mental health.
You're their enabler. That's how they WANT you to feel.
Seek out a therapist who specializes in this sort of thing. It's time you made your own life a priority.
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I like your mom! I'll send her a basket of chef-made pastries and flowers if I can.
As for you, leave. Your career is important. You father will step up.
Oh, and she hit me last night. I threw my arm out in front of her to stop the dog from biting her because she was about to take a roll of TP from him. She slapped me and then blamed his growling on me.
Sounds quite like a very unhappy home to live in. Living in this type of environment is not healthy for any one living in the home.. And if the dog bites, have you considered removing it from the home?
It appears there is quite a bit of codependency in your family. Best advice is to seek advice of a professional or perhaps a counselor if you have access to one. Codependency is very hard to break on your own.. try to find someone in your local area to help you. 1 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I like your mom! I'll send her a basket of chef-made pastries and flowers if I can.
As for you, leave. Your career is important. You father will step up.
Oh, and she hit me last night. I threw my arm out in front of her to stop the dog from biting her because she was about to take a roll of TP from him. She slapped me and then blamed his growling on me.
Sounds quite like a very unhappy home to live in. Living in this type of environment is not healthy for any one living in the home.. And if the dog bites, have you considered removing it from the home?
It appears there is quite a bit of codependency in your family. Best advice is to seek advice of a professional or perhaps a counselor if you have access to one. Codependency is very hard to break on your own.. try to find someone in your local area to help you.
I am extremely unhappy. Thank you for your response.
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...I feel an obligation to help her, but I'm tired of this environment and feel like I'm being taken advantage of. When I think about leaving, I'm filled with guilt, but I am starting to think that it may be the best move for my mental health.
You're their enabler. That's how they WANT you to feel.
Seek out a therapist who specializes in this sort of thing. It's time you made your own life a priority.
I agree wholeheartedly. It's just hard taking that first step. I'm going to seek out counseling.
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Graduate start your job and get out. They are toxic.
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Let them destroy each other not you. GET OUT.2
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