Issues with Life...
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sunsweet77 wrote: »I would definitely try to move out and check on your mom often. She might just see how good you are and come with, your courage might give her strength.
Thank you for your input.
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I like your mom! I'll send her a basket of chef-made pastries and flowers if I can.
As for you, leave. Your career is important. You father will step up.
Oh, and she hit me last night. I threw my arm out in front of her to stop the dog from biting her because she was about to take a roll of TP from him. She slapped me and then blamed his growling on me.
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It has not gotten any better since the thread you created back in December? I am sorry, still.
Ahh. That makes sense. I had a moment of de ja vu reading the original post, and I couldn't figure out if it was something I read before or just another post of a problem shared by others.
Yeah, I posted a thread a few months back. I took the advice and the situation hasn't improved much, if at all.
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I have a daughter who is a Nurse Practitioner. She grew up, she launched, I admire her. That's what life is. Go live your life. Launch.Hi everyone,
I know this may not be the most appropriate place to come for advice, but I'm here. Here is my situation.
I'm 22 years old and 2 months away from graduating nursing school. I've already secured employment, for the most part. My mom is disabled-retired, and my father works full time and is an alcoholic.
My dad comes home, gets drunk, and passes out. I have told him that this bothers me, and I have repeatedly asked him to stop, to no avail. He does not contribute other than the one or two bills that he pays. I can't depend on him. Honestly, I feel like I don't even have a dad.
They constantly argue and fight, my mom is consumed by fear of our new president to the point that it's all she talks about. For example: earlier, she was going on and on about the First Lady, I disagreed with her opinion, she told me **** you and stormed off. It's a constant, every day obsession and it's getting old. Fast. I also caught her stealing my flexiril several weeks ago, and when I confronted her she lied repeatedly before confessing.
I am afraid to move out because of my mom's chronic health conditions. I know my dad probably won't take the initiative to help if I'm not around. I feel an obligation to help her, but I'm tired of this environment and feel like I'm being taken advantage of. When I think about leaving, I'm filled with guilt, but I am starting to think that it may be the best move for my mental health.1 -
...I feel an obligation to help her, but I'm tired of this environment and feel like I'm being taken advantage of. When I think about leaving, I'm filled with guilt, but I am starting to think that it may be the best move for my mental health.
You're their enabler. That's how they WANT you to feel.
Seek out a therapist who specializes in this sort of thing. It's time you made your own life a priority.
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I like your mom! I'll send her a basket of chef-made pastries and flowers if I can.
As for you, leave. Your career is important. You father will step up.
Oh, and she hit me last night. I threw my arm out in front of her to stop the dog from biting her because she was about to take a roll of TP from him. She slapped me and then blamed his growling on me.
Sounds quite like a very unhappy home to live in. Living in this type of environment is not healthy for any one living in the home.. And if the dog bites, have you considered removing it from the home?
It appears there is quite a bit of codependency in your family. Best advice is to seek advice of a professional or perhaps a counselor if you have access to one. Codependency is very hard to break on your own.. try to find someone in your local area to help you.
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I like your mom! I'll send her a basket of chef-made pastries and flowers if I can.
As for you, leave. Your career is important. You father will step up.
Oh, and she hit me last night. I threw my arm out in front of her to stop the dog from biting her because she was about to take a roll of TP from him. She slapped me and then blamed his growling on me.
Sounds quite like a very unhappy home to live in. Living in this type of environment is not healthy for any one living in the home.. And if the dog bites, have you considered removing it from the home?
It appears there is quite a bit of codependency in your family. Best advice is to seek advice of a professional or perhaps a counselor if you have access to one. Codependency is very hard to break on your own.. try to find someone in your local area to help you.
I am extremely unhappy. Thank you for your response.
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...I feel an obligation to help her, but I'm tired of this environment and feel like I'm being taken advantage of. When I think about leaving, I'm filled with guilt, but I am starting to think that it may be the best move for my mental health.
You're their enabler. That's how they WANT you to feel.
Seek out a therapist who specializes in this sort of thing. It's time you made your own life a priority.
I agree wholeheartedly. It's just hard taking that first step. I'm going to seek out counseling.
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Graduate start your job and get out. They are toxic.
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Let them destroy each other not you. GET OUT.2
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I'm not in a financial position to leave at this very moment. In a few months I will be but idk if I can last that long. I may have to stay with a friend for awhile.0
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I've you've already secured employment, count your pennies and decide if you can afford to move out now to a cheap apartment near your future employment. If you can, do so. Frankly, it's better to leave with the clothes on your back than to pack a bag of sad mementos.2
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I'm not in a financial position to leave at this very moment. In a few months I will be but idk if I can last that long. I may have to stay with a friend for awhile.
Don't you pay some of their bills with your money? Take that money and go stay with friends asap. It more scary and dangerous to stay in the home than it is to find you a safe place to stay.1 -
I'm not in a financial position to leave at this very moment. In a few months I will be but idk if I can last that long. I may have to stay with a friend for awhile.
Don't you pay some of their bills with your money? take that money and go stay with friends asap. It more scary and dangerous to stay in the home than it is to find you a safe place to stay.
My income isn't high enough to pay bills consistently, but I do contribute. I can't work a lot due to school, so I have student loans. I have $1600 to my name right now. That's maybe enough for 4 months rent in a cheaper apartment. I also have to eat, pay my car insurance, and put gas in my car. My dad owes me $1300, which would really really help me right now.
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I'm not in a financial position to leave at this very moment. In a few months I will be but idk if I can last that long. I may have to stay with a friend for awhile.
Don't you pay some of their bills with your money? take that money and go stay with friends asap. It more scary and dangerous to stay in the home than it is to find you a safe place to stay.
My income isn't high enough to pay bills consistently, but I do contribute. I can't work a lot due to school, so I have student loans. I have $1600 to my name right now. That's maybe enough for 4 months rent in a cheaper apartment. I also have to eat, pay my car insurance, and put gas in my car. My dad owes me $1300, which would really really help me right now.
You said 'stay with a friend' for a little while in a earlier post.. DO THIS! offer to pay them some money for rent of a room or their couch. Be looking for an apartment.. Forget the money your dad owes you its not worth any more conflict..
Start working on this today.. don't wait, put up the MFP and call your friend. seriously start working on it.
Good luck with all this.2 -
That's cheap!1
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Definitely see a therapist. Codependency can creep into every relationship you have for the rest of your life.3
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As a nurse myself, a parent of three grown children, and an animal lover, I have to say . . . get out. Now. Take the dog, he didn't sign up for this crap either. Your parents did. If you can't take the dog with you, leave him with a no-kill animal shelter. It sounds like he'd be better off.2
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As a Pacific Islander, having overbearing, selfish parents can come with the territory for a good majority.
A few of our younger community members on our community website complained of issues very much like what you're highlighting, only that for them, it's abuse from parents, grandparents and uncles/aunts, as many live together in a generational family home. We (my sister and I) advised them to go to a military recruiting office closest to them, or save their money, fly to the UK and join the British Army. 5 of them have since completed their training (2 USNavy, 1 US Army, 2 US Airforce). Of the 5, the 23 year old female used her nursing degree and opted into attempting to qualify for the Officer Candidate School. She just announced her new rank to the community, is engaged and she and her military beau are being posted to Louisiana ( they must already be married, only have not revealed it to the family -posted together).
#CallMeAProudAunt.
ETA: She was 23 at the time of her complaint. US born, Nursing degree (Islands/Aussie) then a conversion Nursing Diploma certification of sorts here in the USA.
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